Where Have All The Leaders Gone?

During this time of economic, political, international, and cultural transition, when strong, unwavering leadership is needed more than ever, I fear that many leaders have taken leave – or are at least staying so far below the radar screen (and out of the line of fire) that their effectiveness may be compromised. Within families, parents want to be their children’s friends rather than their spiritual and emotional leaders. Within relationships people are so concerned with “avoiding conflict” that critical issues are often overlooked or ignored. Where have they gone…and how can we bring them back…are two crucial questions that must be asked during these times where competent and influential leadership could make all the difference in the world.

While managers can be (and often are) appointed, promoted or anointed, leadership is expressed through an individual’s actions and revealed through his or her character. A manager often identifies and assigns blame while a leader realizes who may be at fault then assumes responsibility for what he or she SHOULD HAVE DONE BETTER in order to prevent an issue. A director deflects criticism and generates excuses while a leader addresses it and takes steps to avoid its recurrence.  In a family, addressing a situation might result in as much “punishment” for the leader as it does for the one being led in terms of lost time or “restricted activities” (when the “crime” demands supervised time as a punishment) while a manager may mandate isolation or “lock down” punishment. In relationships, honesty is, by far, the best policy…but people would prefer to engage in small talk having little significant life-changing possibilities than to talk about potential issues before they become a problem or talk about difficult situations rather than burying themselves in front of a phone or a computer screen – some preferring to “data-communicate” than discuss openly and honestly…preferring to “fire their shots across another’s bow” without giving the opportunity to debate or clarify (I recently saw four people at a restaurant all using their phones rather than taking advantage of the time they could be spending developing or enjoying personal relationships). Far too many individuals seem to be looking for excuses as to why something happened (or did not happen) rather than accepting the present as reality that must be lived, handled, and moved on from while seeking a reasonable and acceptable resolution. It seems that, if you listen carefully enough, everyone ELSE did things wrong…nothing is anyone’s own fault and “what will be will be” seems to be perfectly acceptable (RATHER THAN seeking “what might be better”). Other more specific examples of “lost leadership” would include:

• The news reports on individuals without jobs being unwilling to accept available employment as their needs are being met through government assistance or the delay / forgiveness of loans, debts, or other financial obligations. Though all do not feel this way, many would prefer to “get something for nothing” than to work hard for not much more than unemployment and other federal assistance might provide. Far too many are seeking someone or something to rescue them from financial ruin (preferring to let someone else lead) rather than taking charge of their own situation and finding a long-term solution.
• The government tries to “bring up” those having less by “taking from” those that have more – but in so doing the motivation, desire and ability of those able to make a difference is reduced. Equity does not equal equality and until we recognize that all should provide what they can rather than receiving all that is needed we may never return to an independent and self-supporting world.
• Educated, compliance-oriented professionals who have not yet experienced “practical” reality nor demonstrated an ability to lead are stepping in for individuals having proven knowledge and practical experience as they exit the workforce. While life-long learning is a good and desirable thing, learning from books does not provide the experience that learning from one’s past failures can…in order to “lead by example” one must have experienced an example and planned results rather than living in the theoretical and striving for the best-case scenario.
• In an “I am OK, but I am not so sure about you” society, paranoid (or insecure) individuals view any comment or suggestion that is different from what they might wish or want to happen as being criticism rather than being supportive. They tend to “protect turf” by building walls and silos to keep others out rather than openly sharing and encouraging for the good of the cause or the growth of another…rather than seeking to build upon the strengths of a whole they seek to mandate or impose their individual will to advance a personal agenda.

Individuals must be given the tools (education/knowledge/mentoring) with which to work and the environment (honest, open, accepting and forgiving) in which to operate if they are expected become leaders.  A manager can lead but often gains a following through fear and intimidation, creating a sense of “having to” follow for fear of the consequences. A leader influences by example, gaining the support of others wanting to follow him or her into battle. Leaders prefer to pull others along – managers tend to push others along in front of them (buffering themselves from the realities of life by “hanging out” away from life’s realities. A great leader understands his or her “audience,” be it a corporate group, a family or a significant other, and tempers his or her words, actions, and responses against what the listening party seeks (will accept or understands).  A manager frequently “could care less” what others think or feel as long as his or her individual needs are met.

Look at yourself and your style. Are you a part of the solution or are you a major part of the problem? Do you inspire others to positive action or do your actions encourage them to conspire against you? Do you lead by example or by manage through edict? Do you anticipate “what might happen” and prepare for it or react to “what has happened” by blaming others and getting them to accept (or submit to) the consequences?  In a world being run more and more by feelings rather than facts – by thoughts rather than life experience – by consensus rather than individual courage – perhaps it is time that we all raised our leadership quotient a bit (and expected the same from our leaders!).

Our world needs confident, competent leaders willing to take risks and celebrate (or grow from) their consequences. In business, fair and ethical leaders are a pre-requisite to sustainable growth. In our personal relationships we need to seek honesty and integrity as we work together with those close to us. In our families we need to lead by example. A society that expects others to “do as I say rather than as I do” is one that may “get by” but will rarely thrive.

Where have the leaders gone?  Look in the mirror – we all lead someone or something, be it a business, a family or simply our own existence.  Do not let your mirror be clouded with the promise of something for nothing…with an unbelievable image of something or someone that is not you.  Step out of the shadows and let your intentional actions reflect positively upon someone else as you fulfill your own destiny as you become a leader to those around you rather than an anchor holding them back.

INCLUDE OTHERS ON YOUR ISLAND TO GROW AND THRIVE

We need others in our lives to challenge, validate and support our direction, decisions, and aspirations. While most of us are able to move forward through much of life on our own, we can find encouragement to keep moving when we might prefer to rest if others are walking beside us along the way. I recently spoke with an individual that had “issues” with everyone else in their world – they were either bull-headed, set in their ways, did not know anything about the “real world” or just would not listen – the individual’s solution being “if only they would listen to me instead of wanting ONLY what they wanted, things would be a lot better.”  THAT is island logic at its best (or worst) and the kind of thinking that might make an individual’s personal “island” more a volcanic wasteland devoid of companionship than a lush, tropical escape that could be shared.

Before we can expect others to accept us – to care enough about us to invest their time in making us better – we must first accept ourselves as we are AND accept others as they are (rather than as we think they could – or should - be). The first step in this acceptance is to discover our own potential – fully accepting and assimilating the beauty of that reality into every aspect of our lives. Before we could ever realistically hope to have another see value or worth in us, we must first see it in ourselves – see ourselves as being worthwhile (even if tarnished) and having value (even if, in our own minds, far less than we might like). We must identify our individual strengths and weaknesses, realizing the role that each plays in our development AND to our detriment, then apply the positives while addressing and correcting the negatives – leveraging the strengths that make a positive difference in our lives and the lives of others while addressing the weaknesses that can bring ourselves or others down.  

When one looks for weaknesses, assigns fault, or emphasizes failure they tend to focus more on what “was not done” than on celebrating success. They often attempt to change behavior by identifying deficiencies that need altering (thereby becoming important as the identifier of another’s problems) rather than by encouraging the “cloning” of healthy behaviors they choose to exhibit themselves (leading by example). People acknowledging only their strengths often enter relationships to “fix” those around them – never fully exposing themselves to the scrutiny that true friendship brings. Those that limit themselves by accepting shortcomings as ceilings preventing their growth rather than floors from which they might leap forward often seek friendships that mask their deficiencies by making themselves feel “much better” than their friends. Individuals that plant themselves on “solid ground” and diminish others so that they can feel better end up being the best mediocre individual within a melting pot of mediocrity. Those that lift others up while rising to the top – bringing them along rather than stomping them down – raising all to the most that they could be rather than making them accept a lesser position in life – tend to thrive rather than to simply survive. 

Some people set low expectations to avoid ever being disappointed should they fail. What kind of a meaningful relationship could develop from the premise that what “is” will never change – that wherever a relationship began is as far as it will ever go? A relationship serves no valuable purpose if the melding of beliefs, values, ideals and accomplishments advances one individual more that it enhances the other – or the leader of a team more than the group to which he or she may lead. If one can benefit from the input of another, how much could be accomplished when several come together to openly share thoughts and ideas without fear of reprisal as they seek to advance the interests of the whole…if the interests of the group were to be advanced by the efforts of the whole rather than by the selected options of a single individual? 

Dreams are the destinations found at the end of the roads we choose to follow. If we set no expectations – fearing the pain of failure more than we anticipate the rewards of success – we survive but will rarely thrive. Those using failure as a springboard towards implementing a solution are more likely to succeed.  In order to assimilate dreams into daily relationships we must ALWAYS believe that the “light at the end of a tunnel” is a door opening to opportunity not yet realized rather than a train heading towards us on a collision course. 

Relationships are the foundation upon which life’s accomplishments are constructed. A relationship becomes successful when “we” becomes a given rather than “me” being the rule. When one thinks he (or she) is an island, life will not be fully experienced or appreciated until the reality that to live we must share life has been realized – and that we are only as strong as is the group of close friends and confidantes we have around us. We lose much that life has to offer when we focus only upon where we want to be rather than thinking about where we might want to go, considering how to get there, and identifying with whom we might wish to travel. Living on an island can be a peaceful place BUT living there alone can limit not only our contributions and ability to make a difference but also to our own ability to grow and thrive in life.

FINISHING THE RACE

People far too often focus on how their day starts, how a task is being accomplished or what must be done first RATHER THAN on how their day might end, what progress was actually made towards a project’s completion or what must be done to consider an assignment complete (before moving on to the next). We focus on the path before us – or even the road upon which we are currently travelling – rather than upon the end that must be reached and what course of action might get us there – on how quickly we start and what kind of “pace” we should maintain to complete each “race” we run rather than conserving our energy to focus our efforts on a strong finish. Regardless of how well each individual assignment is performed, one cannot do the minimum and expect to receive maximum rewards, growth, or success.

Looking back (instead of ahead), remaining content with the present (rather than using it as a springboard to the future) and doing what has always worked (as opposed to seeking what might work better) are all signs of stagnation. An acorn cannot become an oak tree without the proper conditions and nourishment establishing a path for future growth. Could a caterpillar ever become a butterfly were it not to finish the race? An individual cannot become “one” with another without caring more for the other than for him or herself. If one wishes to achieve “the possible” rather than finding contentment and satisfaction in doing those things that are “probable,” the race they run must be built upon a path that transforms “what is” into “what could be” as they seek new avenues that will reveal opportunities not yet fully imagined. Our sights must be firmly focused upon that which has yet to be considered or accomplished if we are to run the race as it has never before run…to climb mountains that have not yet been conquered – rather than focusing upon those things that have been tried, tested and found to be safe (predictable and functional). In order to focus on the ends without being delayed at the beginning or caught in the middle – to accomplish and achieve (rather than simply performing and complying) – we must strive to:

•  Add to existing abilities and upgrade outdated skills, refusing to accept “what is” as “what will always be.”  What was once necessary to maintain a life-long job or to enjoy a long-lasting relationship is no longer sufficient in today’s ever-changing world. Employees who are unsuccessful in their journey to know (new things, processes and/or techniques) typically fail to grow…those who refuse to retrain typically will not remain (relevant, credible or trusted). Unless an individual brings more into a relationship than he or she could ever expect in return – is willing to give to another more than is taken (unconditionally and without expectations) and seeks to gain more by sharing than by receiving, he or she may never realize the treasures awaiting them just beyond their present reality.
• Quit believing that you know all the answers. People who know the right answers in life often find themselves thrust into management roles. Those that ask the right questions are much more valuable than those who can give all the right answers – often becoming well respected leaders rather than successful managers. In order to finish each race strongly we must ALWAYS be open to new ideas, techniques, and ways of doing things. We can truly contribute to success and profitability – or experience all that life could offer – ONLY after identifying the limitations of current systems, policies, practices or procedures (by asking questions as to how they might be improved) then intentionally acting to implement change. Nothing will change, however, until we decide to act – to move forward by implementing the answers received of the questions we ask (rather than doing things as we have always done them because we think we know all the answers ourselves).
• Avoid the misguided concept of being irreplaceable. If an individual feels that nobody could EVER do what he or she does, that person has probably limited what he or she can accomplish. When we discredit others for doing things differently (in a lesser way than we would have done them ourselves) – we can become so enamored with our own ability to accomplish defined objectives that we fail to identify possible alternative outcomes (and/or withhold the ability another might have to try something different). If nobody else can do (or even wishes to try) your job…fill your shoes…participate within your community service…you may never advance beyond the rung of the ladder upon which you have firmly positioned yourself.
• ALWAYS give credit to others. People recognizing and acknowledging the ideas and actions of others tend to share a never-ending ride to the top – enjoying a seemingly unlimited potential “upside” while minimizing (but not eliminating) their individual risk.  Those that take credit for the ideas of others (and assign blame for failure or shift focus to deflect accountability) may not have supportive friends, relationships or peers to prop them up in the future. 
• Clarify the difference between efficiency with effectiveness. Efficient individuals make sure that every investment of time and/or energy has a direct and measurable impact. They rarely waste time or energy doing unnecessary things that “could be done or might be nice” but are not related to the accomplishment of their objectives. Effective individuals are focused – accomplishing things that need doing in order to move forward. Effective individuals accomplish all things well as long as they advance their cause or move them towards the accomplishment of defined objectives. An effectively efficient individual may tell others what to do then get out of the way – coordinating actions and monitoring ideas so that all involved can work in a complimentary fashion towards the accomplishment of goals and objectives.

While we may be able to start a race on our own, we need the help, support, and the efforts of those around us to finish. Life is not a sprint that is run alone – it is a marathon that requires a team of runners relying upon the other for strength and encouragement. To accomplish much, we must give much. To receive support from those around us, we must encourage their individual growth. To rise to the top – to finish the race – we must not only build the foundation upon which we stand (so that we are firmly rooted and grounded in our convictions) and the path upon which we will travel (keeping our eyes wide open to avoid unwarranted or unwanted turbulence) – but we must also accept the support of those around us as we grow – as we keep our eyes on the goals we establish – upon the target we wish to reach when all is said and all is done.