WE MUST LET GO BEFORE WE CAN MOVE ON…

Why is it that when “all has been said and all has been done,” when there is nothing left to say that will make a difference, many continue to seek what more they might say and what else they can do to achieve the accomplishment they feel should happen?  People often seem unwilling to close the door – to move on once a decision has been made or a situation has been tentatively resolved – continuously second guessing themselves to the point that “all that was said” becomes meaningless noise and “all that was been done” loses its significance as nothing “right” has been accomplished and the proper words were not spoken (or at least not heard).  What may have been a great solution to a tough problem becomes a rest stop rather than a destination to those seeking “perfection” rather than resolution.  Rather than dousing the flames they smolder – ready to reignite as they devour our time like an untended fire spreading out upon the dry leaves in a forest.  Rather than calling something finished so their talents can be channeled towards the resolution of other issues, some cannot “let go” (because of their sense of perfection or their need to have all the details right before being convince to move on) so very little “new” is ever accomplished (though much “tried and true” can be validated, confirmed and completed).   Two vital and critical steps to letting go and moving on would be that when you feel “all has been said,” quit speaking and start acting – when you sense that “all has been done,” turn away from the closed doors so you can begin opening new ones.

It is never wrong to change your mind or shift direction IF the conditions or factors that led to your decision change.  It IS wrong to avoid making a decision or setting a course of action because you fear you may have to change your mind at some point in  time – that we become paralyzed by our analysis of a situation, unable (or unwilling) to accept the validity of our thought processes once an issue has been identified and a resolution formulated.  Unless we accept resolution (even if for a short period of time until situations, circumstances or conditions change) we establish insurmountable artificial roadblocks that prevent us from moving in any direction or accomplishing anything.  We become pawns to the process rather than stewards of the solution.  We become bound by a need for absolute certainty, losing sight of “the possible” that provides with the freedom to consider new opportunities and challenges rather than doing ONLY what has always been done before (to achieve the same outcomes that have always been achieved).  When we focus on finality rather than simply seeking temporary and acceptable closure we stifle our ability to innovate, motivate and shift directions as needed to identify new frontiers and sail upon uncharted waters.  When living under the cloak of “fearing failure” we limit our ability to take calculated risks that may open new doors moving forward (which remain out of our reach if we expend all our energy trying to nail shut the doors behind us).  We must shift our focus from where we have been (and are comfortable) to where we wish to be (regardless of the risk or anxiety change may cause) if we wish to let go of the past so we can move towards a new (and potentially bright) future – allowing ourselves the luxury of turning around to face forward rather than walking backwards towards an unseen cliff.

Everyone wants “change” but few take the time to define what “change” truly looks like.  Is the light at the end of the tunnel one of Hope or is it one of unavoidable Disaster?   Listening to promises of change is never a bad thing in and of itself.  Such promises, however, should always identify what is being left behind along with what the alternative might be.  Seeking change just to alter the present is hollow unless we are willing to accept the differences that are expected when we decide to change (OR embrace the consequences that will necessarily follow should we choose NOT to change).

Whenever we decide to change we must identify where we want to be – intentionally thinking about what must be changed (and what should be left the same) – before seeking the promise an unrealized future may hold (or worse, accepting only the reality of an already fulfilled past).  We must embrace the opportunities that an uncertain future offers, moving deliberately forward in an effort to grow from them rather than worrying about things you cannot control or obsessing over change that is going to happen regardless of what you may (or may not) do.  Individuals either embrace the opportunity of a new tomorrow by consciously (and intentionally) leaving behind what is not working as they seek what might work OR they are swept up in someone else’s vision without thinking about its ramifications.  Do not fear change – fear only those things AND individuals that refuse to change as you seek to expand your present-day reality into a fresh new tomorrow.  Closing one door usually opens another – but it does not eliminate the opportunity to reopen the door should conditions or circumstances change.

In order to thrive we must learn to innovate rather than finding comfort in what has always been (because today will never become tomorrow).  We must learn to think of alternatives (rather than simply “doing what is expected") if we wish to taste success.  We must apply our knowledge to new situations (rather than memorizing answers to questions that have already been asked and answered).  When all is said and all is done, our emphasis must be on recognizing accomplishment rather than rewarding effort – or we will continue to answer questions with proven solutions rather than accomplishing great and not-yet realized things.  In order to initiate change we must recognize that one must move forward if he or she ever hopes to hear what has yet to be said or experience what has not yet been initiated – and that holding on to what we do (know or are comfortable with) MAY keep us from realizing our full potential or accomplishing what was once thought impossible.

CHANGE IS OFTEN FINAL BUT RARELY FATAL

Whenever a significant change in life occurs – whether it is something personal, professional or as seemingly insignificant as a store closing or a company being sold, the lyrics of a ‘60’s era song performed by The Byrds (Turn, Turn, Turn) comes to mind.  Though rearranged slightly, the words were taken almost verbatim from Ecclesiastes Chapter 3 – traditionally ascribed to King Solomon, the recipient of great wisdom as evidenced by his insights into human nature, change and moving forward through adversity.  The song, often used to promote peace while denouncing war during the Vietnam era, tells us there is…

·         A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, a time to reap that which is planted

·         A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up

·         A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance

·         A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away, and, above all,

·         To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heavens

Though probably not intended to stir feelings of remorse or deep thoughts during a closeout sale, these words came crashing down upon me recently as heard about the closing of stores that were around to help me grow.  Sears, Family Christian Stores, MC Sports – all West Michigan landmarks that provided clothes, tools, toys and food for thought – are closing.  Our landscape is changing – what was once significant has lost its value and things not imagined have rushed to replace them.  We face the choice of holding on to the past by immersing ourselves in the memories of what was OR of reaching towards the future by discovering the opportunities that have yet to be revealed.

While life does go on – everything having its season, time and purpose with new ideas and concepts replacing the old (which will eventually be replaced by other new ideas and concepts) – a sadness cloaks us whenever a landmark business or store must shutter its doors forever.  The nearly empty racks – their substance stripped from them by customers eager to find a bargain – stand as barren as the carcass of a living creature pounced upon by scavengers seeking sustenance.  The organization – once a provider of jobs for many – is but a final resting place for the few left behind to turn out the lights before locking the doors upon their last exit. 

Whenever an enterprise shuts down or a relationship ends, a cloak of darkness covers what were once fresh starts and new beginnings.  Even when the bright promise of a dream is replaced by another, it was seemingly discarded after losing its significance.  Life mirrors the finality that changing seasons bring to time – every end ushering in a new beginning, often from an incomplete perspective that shows us only the beginning of a new journey rather than the whole trip that is ahead.  It is hard to fathom a Phoenix rising from the ashes to fly once more if we dwell upon the decline and ultimate decimation of an organization (or of a person or relationship) that helped to form our beliefs, values and lives rather than on what could become of a new organization, opportunity or relationship IF ONLY we looked ahead rather than back.

Though it is hard to let go of our past familiarity when forced to enter an unknown and unexpected chapter in our life – whether it might be a change in personal relationships or the business interactions in which we participate – it is unhealthy to dwell upon the loss each season’s passing brings.   When faced with the reality of change, some choose to hold on to what will no longer be while others prefer reaching out to identify dreams that will provide opportunities to succeed anew.  We can stay silent in our suffering as we mourn the past or speak out in anticipation of events not yet realized – focusing our energies on what might become rather than clinging to what has been but will be no more.  If we hope to turn towards a better tomorrow we must cast away those things holding us back as we gather up new opportunities upon which we can establish a new foundation.  Our perspective determines how we embrace opportunities in life – how we “Turn, Turn, Turn” when given the chance to begin anew.  Our willingness to accept what has been as history and look ahead to what could be possible as our emerging future will transform our dreams and aspirations into reality as long as we truly believe that each end is but the beginning to a new sense of purpose.

 

The closing of a business can feel much like the end of a relationship.  No matter how much we may seek comfort in “what was” we cannot hide from the fact that each new season brings change.  How we react and respond to change determines whether an unanticipated event or action will result in crippling anxiety or exhilarating opportunity.  Our world is filled with choices that bring us new beginnings – that allow us to either “keep or to cast away” as we “plant or reap.”  It is up to us to make the most of our opportunities – to continue turning from each end towards each new beginning – if we are to thrive in the life we have ahead of us (rather than seeking refuge as we hide in our past success).

 

In regards to Sears, MC Sports and Family Christian Stores (and others that have closed or are yet to face change), remember the impact they had upon your life yet move beyond the past to express your hope the next time you witness the misfortune of others by reaching out to cushion their fall.  Make the most of your life as you close each chapter you have experienced to begin anew – as you turn the pages within the growing book of your life!  See in each void the light of hope – in each fall the chance to rise – as you turn from one season to another by embracing the finality of change and welcoming the opportunity to achieve a fresh start that each new beginning brings.

REALIZE LIFE’S FULLNESS AS KEEPER OF YOUR SEA

The Beach is quiet now.  The sun-worshippers have gone – abandoning her as the warmth of summer waned and she entered the lonely days of cold desolation…

Builders – once freely constructing their dreams upon her shifting sands – have returned to the daily routine of their work and their classrooms…

Friends and lovers have gone their separate ways to pursue individual realities after making empty promises to meet again next year…

The gulls – so active during the seemingly short season – have moved on in search of a more bountiful harvest.

Leaving only the Keeper of the Harbor – the Guardian of the Shore – to look after his Sea as he tends his lighthouse…

The Keeper stands facing the wind – cold and alone – seeing the sea and the beach in a different light than those who feel only her warmth and experience but the happy sounds of crowds while failing to recognize the beauty portrayed in isolation…

He sees past her surface into the depths of her soul – feeling and experiencing her power as she pounds relentlessly upon the empty shores of the now deserted beach…

He braces for an incoming autumn storm – feeling the biting cold of the sea’s loneliness lashing out to escape the confines of her reality upon the winds of change…

He becomes entwined in nature’s struggle to make sense of the shortening days and protracted nights – seeking meaning and life within the expanse of the sea’s depths and turbulence…

He sees the danger spread across her face as she awakens from the comforting calm provided by night’s shroud of darkness, beginning a new day of restless searching that keeps ships in safe harbors…

The Keeper treads gently upon the shores as if in a sacred temple abandoned long ago by a distracted and disinterested world…

He feels the strength of the Sea as he walks beside her – sensing her cry out for one who might understand, her tears driven towards his unprotected face upon the wings of the wind…

He struggles to face the rising storm – pounded relentlessly by the Sea as he tastes her salty loneliness and leans towards her into the wind…

He falls to his knees – absorbing her pain while sharing her suffering as he immerses himself within her sorrow – joining the Sea in her confusion as he protects his head from the torrential rains…

Then slowly rises to share the moment when she spills from her confinement – lifted up by the relentless winds of a storm – experiencing freedom from the constraints normally imposed upon her by the shore before returning to her reality as the winds recede…

The Beach is quiet once more – the storm having passed leaving the Keeper at rest with his Sea…

New life appears upon the shore as the tides fall – life that could never survive the crowds of summer but thrives during the lonely and undisturbed days of seasonal isolation…

The Keeper returns to his lighthouse – seeking the solitude it provides him as he directs others through lurking danger hidden by his Sea…

He celebrates the possibility of new beginnings brought about through the passing of seasons rather than dwelling upon the finality of stormy ends – upon what could yet be realized rather than what has already proven itself to be…

Standing alone – The Keeper of the Harbor and Guardian of the Shore – finds peace and comfort in the beauty a desolate shore provides while awaiting the return of those finding pleasure upon the summer sands.  He finds hope in each season life provides rather than living life (and finding comfort in) but one preferred season.

Those who see only their current reality rather than the potential of a different tomorrow – who focus on the disruption of the moment rather than the possibilities that each disruption might bring – are among those unfortunate enough to have left the beach at the end of summer.  Those who abandon life’s potential to accomplish that which is known to be achievable – that walk away from discovering “what could be” by accepting the comfort that “what is” might provide – become blind to the beauty that each new day might bring and tend to accept only what they are able to accomplish (see, touch, feel or explain) as all that is possible rather than seeking things that might at first seem impossible then celebrating each one as an opportunity to accomplish great things.  Remain true to yourself (and those around you) as you pass through life, stopping to see all sides of a story and experience each season of the beach before relentlessly moving forward to intentionally accomplish great things.  Thrive as you experience life’s storms by striving to become who and what you wish to be rather than accepting what others expect of you as being “good enough.” 

WHEN OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS...

When opportunity knocks, some refuse to open the door, excusing themselves from any responsibility for the challenges that life might place before them. They prefer living within the status quo – taking the familiar “easy path” to any the destination that might appear beyond the horizon – implicitly declaring that change and opportunity may be great for others but should be avoided at all costs when personally confronted.  Rarely will you find an individual wishing to initiate change – to face opportunity head on so they might reap the potential rewards their risk might provide – travelling only upon the straight and narrow road.  Conversely, one seeking the comfort of “what is” rather than the opportunities that “what could be” might present will avoid the twists and turns that an unimproved path presents as they will spend so much of their time blaming each bump on the inadequacy of another and perceiving every detour as a dead end rather than unrealized possibility – that little forward progress will be accomplished.  People refusing to put forth more than minimal effort while expecting exceptional results are unrealistic in their beliefs.

 

Far too many individuals seek to rise to the top upon the backs of others, expecting to receive the same rewards simply because they share the same space and breathe the same air, rather than opening the door when opportunity knocks.  Those seeking to leverage their individual abilities, attitudes and desires eagerly open the door to new opportunities.  They immerse themselves in the identification of “root causes” that may have initiated the disruptive events in their lives, seeking to become an indispensable part of innovative solutions rather than an ongoing contributor to seemingly unresolvable issues and unreasonable expectations. They move forward upon paths defined by the conditions – considering not only the situation as it is but also what it might project to become – before beginning their journey, ALWAYS willing to adjust their travels should any motivating or influencing factors change. Individuals answering the knock of opportunity typically identify paths not yet imagined as they take roads not yet improved while seeking destinations not previously explored or defined. Those willing to take risks in life visualize where they might go once they step through the door of opportunity. They do not hide behind the safety of a closed existence, they absolutely refuse to accept the loss of “what might be possible.”

Sharing our workload and the results of our efforts has become an expectation as we seek to magnify and enhance our individual contributions by blending them with the unique gifts others have been given to accomplish collectively more than could have been completed on our own.  Might our emphasis on sharing and “teamwork”, however, be inadvertently discouraging individuals from “answering the knock of opportunity” by dissuading them from expressing their personal thoughts, feelings and expectations – encouraging them to find comfort and security in “group think,” fearing failure rather than embracing the learning that it can bring? Within a world that rewards results rather than encouraging discovery, do we allow people to bring their dreams to fruition or do we contain their imaginations within well-defined parameters and highly structured “acceptable” processes?  Do we actually keep the door closed by convincing people it is alright to find comfort in the way things are (and that they will never change) rather than encouraging them to take intentional risks that MIGHT produce exceptional rewards?  Perhaps the opportunity that knocks in life should be welcomed as a dream that has yet to become reality rather than a reality that has established itself as a dream.

Dreams are thoughts not yet realized – aspirations not yet brought to fruition. Dreams are the basis of our goals and the foundation of our good intentions. We can LIVE life without dreams BUT cannot EMBRACE life’s full potential (or become all we hope to be or realize all we might wish to accomplish) without first visualizing what we want to become or what we desire to do BEFORE we begin to travel through life.  Those that perform to the standards and expectations of others may be great contributors (as they add value to society) but until they identify their individual aspirations and work towards accomplishing them, people rarely discover new horizons or identify unknown paths that would allow them to travel beyond the door of opportunity once it has been opened – to cross the threshold from “what is” to “what has yet been imagined.”  To accomplish our dreams we must be willing to open the door that holds us captive within the safety and security of our “present” so we can embrace the unknown opportunities of a “future” yet to be fully identified, realized or finalized. When opportunity knocks, you can ignore it, consciously turn it away or embrace it as you move towards its unrealized potential. You can answer its call or hide within the safety and security of what you know to be real – leaving the opportunity for someone else to invest the time and energy you are unable (or unwilling) to expend – but must then accept the results they accomplish rather than the possibilities you could have attained.

Should you seek to make a difference in the world – to expand your horizons beyond “here and now” towards dreams not yet realized (or, in some cases, not yet imagined), open YOUR door when you hear someone knocking.  When opportunity knocks, some accomplish much because they sacrifice all, holding back nothing as they seek “the prize” rather than worrying about “the cost.”  They picture life as a series of surmountable hills rather than a single insurmountable mountain.  They see obstacles in life being temporary detours rather than permanent closures, finding “the good” in every situation they encounter rather than dwelling upon “the bad” in what might come their way.  People answering the knock of opportunity see where they wish to be and envision what they wish to become the intentionally acting to make those things reality rather than holding back or maintaining the status quo. While accomplishing much for themselves, they allow others to taste success by paving the way for them to follow once they the door has been opened (understanding and knowing that leaving the door closed would prohibit new discoveries and eliminate new accomplishments – sentencing the world to stagnation and decline rather than hope and prosperity). 

EFFECTIVELY MANAGING CHANGE

Change cannot be happen unless (and until) we identify what needs to be altered, why it needs to be modified, what resistance we might face when setting and embarking upon a new and different course and what we expect to accomplish – what positive outcomes and results might we realize.  We must establish goals that not only define where we wish to travel but address the route we might choose and any detours that could disrupt our journey.  We should include stakeholders whose participation could “make or break” our safe passage as well as those who might be impacted (either negatively OR positively) by a change in course. 

While gathering input from others is a good thing, effective change most typically comes through GUIDED discussions that are focused on an initial anticipated outcome (even if the outcome and objective might change during the facilitated discussion) rather than wide-open agendas having no leadership or coordination.  Good leaders often set goals then gather input from stakeholders as to how they might best accomplish the established objective.  Great leaders often identify what needs to be changed, talk to stakeholders about why the change must happen, then work with others to move towards a resolution that is better than what is currently in place BUT that may end up being but a resting point rather than a final destination. 

In order to initiate (and successfully implement) change, end up in a different place or experience unexpected results, one must:

•          Set a realistic and attainable goal
•          Involve stakeholders who may be impacted by change
•          Initiate action then either lead, follow or get out of the way
•          Monitor progress and generate (and communicate) reports to maintain momentum
•          Feel free to change course if conditions change BUT communicate both the new direction   AND why the focus must shift – defining the new destination – prior to acting
•          Be willing to persevere (potentially against all odds) if the reward is worth the risk
•          Praise loudly and publicly when actions or activities deserve recognition
•          Criticize quietly and privately when needed BUT NEVER without offering alternative solutions or actions to the path that did not produce anticipated outcomes chosen by the individual or group
•          Place the value of change above being recognized as its initiator or the one responsible for its accomplishment
•      Internalize the belief that much can be accomplished if one does not care whom receives the credit for its being done

When considering making a change, be bold.  Look at what could be accomplished then set your sights just beyond that horizon.  Anyone can “get by” in life – only those willing to risk more than they have already accomplished will gain more than they might ever have imagined possible.  Set goals that will test your limits yet still be within the realm of possibility if you seek to advance rather than being content maintaining.

Choose goals that, if achieved, actually mean something to you and those around you. Goals based on important, closely-held values will be the most meaningful AND you will be more likely to achieve them.  Our willingness to change is much higher when we WANT to do something differently than it is if we ARE TOLD to act differently.  When seeking change, give yourself the best chance of realizing your goal by directing your efforts towards its accomplishment (while recognizing and rewarding each measurable step towards its accomplishment).  Recognize there is not “right or wrong way” to achieve results.  If you must focus on one step at a time while focusing all your efforts towards the accomplishment of each individual task, establish your expectations accordingly.  If you “multi-task” and feel the need to juggle multiple priorities, establish systems that will allow you to diversify your efforts yet maintain a reasonable timetable for the completion of a variety of activities.

Change WILL happen regardless of what we may say or do. The keys to managing and accomplishing successful change cycles would include:

•          Identifying what must be improved (deficiencies) and objectives (outcomes)
•          Planning alternatives
•          Reacting to disruptions
•          Anticipating objections
•          Responding to detractors (and distractions)
•          Monitoring activities
•          Reporting progress, and
•          Maintaining momentum
•          Concluding efforts and initiating “closure”
•          Repeat – as often as necessary!

If goals are significant and meaningful, they do not need to be numerous nor earth-shattering.  We all must learn to walk before we can run.  So too, we must be able to handle “the little stuff” before we can be expected to change the world!

HOW DO PEOPLE CHANGE?

We often seek to understand people by observing what they do then try to determine what causes them to act in a particular way RATHER THAN trying to establish why they continue to act the way they do.  People invariably act in ways that provide them comfort, security, an escape, protection, or some other perceived benefit.  If we truly want to share a mutually beneficial relationship with and better understand people, we should focus on why they CONTINUE to act in a certain manner – determining what the personal benefit is for them to act that way – rather than trying to determine what happened to make them act that way in the first place.  Shifting one’s paradigm a bit from the cause of behavior to the reason it is maintained will help us understand why people do the things they do – and how to better influence behavior when it needs to be changed.

Since so many of our interactions with people are driven by emotions (rather than hard, documentable facts or results), we should acknowledge several factors that must be addressed prior to helping someone change their behavior:

YOU CANNOT CHANGE PEOPLE – THEY MUST CHANGE THEMSELVES.  No matter how hard you try, or how influential you may be, you cannot alter the way another thinks, acts or behaves JUST BECAUSE you think your way is better.  Until someone recognizes that there is a reason to change – that their present reality is not necessarily the way they want the future to be – they will not alter their behavior.  It is better to seek ways to maximize the positive that someone can offer than to try to alter the negative until they can be convinced there is a reason to change. 

THE REWARD FOR CHANGE MUST BE GREATER THAN THAT PROVIDED BY STAYING THE SAME.  People do the things they do because they like (or accept) the results of their actions.  If you want someone to change their behavior, you must provide a greater benefit for their changing than they would have received without alteration.  Many people break the speed limit because they feel their risk of “being caught” are relatively small compared to the time they gain by going fast.  Once ticketed, most slow down (at least temporarily) because the pain of compliance is greater than the gain their behavior created. 

COMFORT IS THE BIGGEST INHIBITOR OF CHANGE.   INTRODUCE AN UNDESIRABLE DISRUPTION INTO A COMFORTABLE LIFESTYLE IF IMMEDIATE TRANSFORMATION IS WANTED.  Why do New Year’s Resolutions rarely come to fruition?  Typically people seek to exorcise the “biggest elephant in the room” when setting New Year’s Resolutions.  They identify the one thing that has eluded them all year – if not their whole life – and decide to eliminate it from their innate behavior patterns overnight.   After a day or two of intentional change, most individuals fall back into their daily routine – to their comfortable patterns – often abandoning the desire to change because it is not critical to their lifestyle.  I was hesitant to change jobs once NOT because I received continual challenge and opportunity from my work but rather because I was comfortable doing what needed to be completed, liked my peers, and had gained respect and credibility from my workforce.  I was not actively seeking to change employers UNTIL I realized the organization I worked for might cease to exist in a year or two.  A disruption of my comfortable lifestyle initiated a life-changing transition – but not until I recognized that the risk of leaving was less disruptive (and much more controlled) than the alternative of staying.

All people can change should they choose to – and all will change if they are properly motivated.  As you work with people (or even try better to understand yourself), focus on what value current acts or actions provide AND on how that value can be increased should a different path be followed rather than on trying to change your actions or acts to “something different” without knowing where you might wish to land or what you intend to accomplish.

When one begins a journey having no destination in mind, he or she will never be lost along the way (because they do not know where they wished to land).  One may never experience personal failure when doing ONLY what has been specified, directed or dictated by another BUT they will never taste individual success.  One may be at peace when finding comfort and safety within their present reality BUT may be disappointed should they ever question “what could have been” rather than accepting “what is” as all that could ever be.  People CAN and DO change but all we can hope to be is the INITIATOR of change in others – they must seek alternatives and follow-through with actions in order to accomplish transition.  We can, however, be the originator and implementer of change within ourselves if we hold onto what we have just long enough to become committed to what we seek until we can realize what might be possible (rather than accepting what is).

TRANSFORMING DREAMS TO REALITY

We must never try to be someone we are not.  Many individuals start the New Year with fresh “resolutions” to do something (or be something) different.  Unless there is more gain from the change, however, than pain from NOT changing, such corrections rarely prove effective.  People change very little once they have established their basic values, patterns and thought processes.  It is often easier (and more effective) to leverage an individual’s strengths than it is to try to change their shortcomings.  As a “well known philosopher” (Dr. Suess) once so aptly proclaimed, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

The Holidays are a great time for people to sit back and dream – about what they have (or do not have), who they are (or who they might wish to be), and what they want to do differently so that they can achieve an altered result.  One must first imagine something as being a possibility before it can become a probability – yet "Dreams take time, patience, sustained effort, and a willingness to fail if they are ever to be anything more than dreams." (Bryan Linkoski).  Unless (and until) we dream of something different, nothing will change.  If, however, we wish to have change without recognizing where we are or what we are currently doing and consciously initiating a course of action that will move us from our present towards our “wished for” future, we will never feel the “thrill of victory” as we will be helplessly mired within the “agony of defeat.”

While “failure” is not a desired (nor welcome) outcome of change, dreamers often recognize that there is a very real possibility they may not achieve immediate success.  Robert F. Kennedy said, "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."   Individuals whom have truly made a difference in this world understand that failure is not the worst thing that might happen to them – failing to try is a far more impactful (and personally devastating) choice.  While much intentional thought and deliberate action is required to succeed, individuals making a difference in life recognize that nothing of significance is ever accomplished without having to overcome criticism, conflict and doubt as they move from the established road to a path less traveled.  Further, if thoughts are to become reality, the word “impossible” must never be considered.  While facts, information and well-considered alternatives are the building blocks of change, when our dreams become real to us – taking on a life of their own as we strive to fulfill the possibilities that they present – the facts do not really matter.  What we BELIEVE we tend to ACHIEVE – it is those things we only wish and hope for (without acting upon) that often fail to materialize.

Life is a series of starts and stops – of closed chapters and of new beginnings.  Most have heard that insanity is doing things the way they have always been done while expecting the results to change.  If we are to realize change it is important that we not only recognize the need for altered behavior as we plan for a different outcome but that we also intentionally ACT to make it happen.  Knowing the facts and understanding how to make change happen does not ensure transformation.  Even if we know what must be done AND recognize our role – realizing the path that must be taken should we choose to leave where we are in pursuit of what we wish to be – we will be run over and left behind if we just sit and consider what the next steps might be.

During times of change – of altered perspectives and intentional actions that create potential conflict and send us into uncharted waters – many seek to follow individuals more willing to take risks.  They hope for the rewards earned by those willing to risk much by hitching their wagons to another’s star.  They seek equality rather than equity in the world – often pulling down those who are successful, taking from them the fruits of their labor in an effort to narrow the gap between “those who have and those who have not.”  Think about how much could be accomplished (and achieved) if “those without” would be willing to accept the tools necessary to narrow the gap and learn how to use them to elevate themselves (rather than hoping to receive what they feel they deserve).

Mark Twain once said, "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." We are not “owed” success – we must identify what WE consider to be success before seeking ways that might move us from possibility to probability then INTENTIONALLY ACT to make our hopes and dreams become reality if we are to start fresh and experience change.  What might be possible if everyone worked towards an elevated goal rather than accepting their current reality as an end?  Imagine the heights we could achieve if all attempted to reach the top of their mountain rather than being content to rest in the shadows and valleys.  Think of the dreams that might be brought to fruition if all viewed their present position in life a starting point rather than a destination – a beginning rather than an end.  Make 2016 a year of transformation by thinking big and acting audaciously – embracing (without fearing) failure and accepting (without hesitation) each opportunity or challenge that enters your life.

INFLUENCING AND MOTIVATING OTHERS TO SUCCEED

Whether managing people, relationships, situations, teams, products, processes, your temper or yourself, someone has written a book guaranteed to make you an expert.  Since there are far fewer managers than people being managed in this world, however, I’ve often wondered why so little attention has been given to influencing “from the bottom up” rather than to managing from “the top down.”   In that we are all human, whether or not we manage, I would like to propose seven “keys” to making yourself more influential as you interact with others.

1)                  Recognize it is your responsibility to SELL an idea, NOT someone else’s responsibility to BUY the concept.  Good salespeople identify and relate to the needs of the buyer, not their own needs.  While making a sale will obviously benefit the seller, a buyer must recognize why he or she will benefit from his or her buying decision before a sale will ever be consummated.  Remain positive and upbeat, focusing on what YOU can do to “make things right” rather upon what others could do to make things fail.  Until you truly “sell” change, you will be but an implementer rather than an initiator. 

2)                  Consider how change will impact “the whole” rather than how it might advance your personal objectives.  Since most people are hesitant to abandon the status quo, if you want something to be different than it is, you must convince others that the promises of change are better than the comforts of staying the same.  In order to initiate change, every individual must take full responsibility for being understood.  If you wish to influence another’s actions you must clearly demonstrate how resultant change will positively impact that individual, the organization, their environment, and their future

3)                  Present a realistic cost-benefit analysis of your idea as you define and communicate value.  Whether it be a major corporate decision or a family vacation, be prepared to have a realistic discussion on the cost of change as well as the results of change.  Acknowledge that implementing your idea will probably mean that someone else’s idea was not used.  Recognize that whenever anything has changed in history, the benefits of change have outweighed the costs.  It is your job to clearly communicate this if you expect to be heard.

4)                  Treat those you are communicating to with the same respect and courtesy you would like yourself (OR that you would utilize with a customer).  Recognizing that the person to whom you are communicating IS your customer when presenting an idea or concept will help you be a better salesperson.  Within your personal relationships, “dictating” might be a quick remedy…but selling (rather than telling), discussing (rather than imposing)…will be much more effective over the long run.

5)                  When a conclusion is reached, whether or not you fully agree with it, adopt the final decision as your own.  Many ineffective influencers will “own” decisions with which they agree and “credit others” with the ones they may not have wholeheartedly supported.  Remember that you will not always “win” when influencing upwards, but you will gain tremendous credibility if, after all the discussions and debates, you own any solution that is not illegal, unethical or immoral.  We can always live to fight another day as long as we don’t impale ourselves upon the sword of principle today.

6)                  NEVER advance an idea without having a sincere belief it will make a difference…regardless of who might receive the credit.  If we lose sight of the result of our ideas, focusing instead on getting credit for the concept, we often discredit others to make ourselves come out on top.  When we consciously make others feel that they are right or responsible, rather than continually elevating ourselves into a role of infallibility, our ideas have a better chance of implementation.  Assuring our desired results are realized will provide for better long-term rewards than will being recognized for short-term contributions.

7)                  Rather than focusing on what has (or has not) happened, dream about what has yet to occur.  Far too many individuals are haunted by what went wrong… losing sight of what went right…as their ideas come to fruition.  When we are mired in a world of failure we cannot possibly reach out towards success.  When we focus on “what did not happen” it is difficult to consider what could still be done differently to alter results before they become “final.”  When we accept “what is” we cannot realize “what could be.”

We all invest tremendously in the acquisition of knowledge.  Until we learn to sell our ideas, however, rather than expecting others to simply buy them from us, our knowledge will never be leveraged into positive change.  We must look forward rather than backwards…convincing others to travel along the winding road with us…if we ever expect to influence change.  We must acknowledge that we are capable of achieving more than we might think possible (as long as we are willing to invest our time, talent and abilities into realizing the transition) if we expect to initiate change. 

 

It is not enough to recognize change is needed for us to become all that we might wish to be.  We must understand the ramifications of complacency (as well as the rewards of transformation) and the gains of doing something (which must be greater than the pains of doing nothing) if we are to grow and succeed (or influence and motivate others to thrive).  We will never be able to encourage others to grow unless (and until) we recognize our own potential.

THOUGHTS TO START FRESH THIS YEAR

With January’s arrival, we face a “return to reality” and an opportunity to start anew.  The Holiday season has ended and we must get back into the swing of things quickly – our feet hitting the ground running lest we be left behind by an ever changing world.  As we transition from what was once a slower time (though we have seen more work and less play making many people a bit more frantic coming out of the Holiday season) to a more active New Year (full of hope, promise and the realization of dreams), we should think more about what really matters AND how we can ensure it becomes reality than spending our time focusing on frivolous resolutions or insignificant change. 

We must never try to be someone we are not – or do something ONLY because others are doing it.  Many individuals return to work with fresh “resolutions” to do something (or be something) different BUT do not adequately prepare themselves to address and accomplish the transition.  Unless there is more gain from the change than pain from NOT changing, such mid-stream corrections rarely prove effective.  People change very little once they have established their basic values, patterns and thought processes UNLESS they are equipped with the tools needed to initiate change AND internally motivated to maintain it once accomplished.  It is often easier (and more effective) to leverage an individual’s strengths than it is to try to change their shortcomings.  As Dr. Seuss aptly proclaimed, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

The Holidays are a great time for people to sit back and dream – about what they have (or do not have), who they are (or who they might wish to be), and what they want to do differently (so that they can achieve an altered results).  Stephen Leacock stated, "It may be that those who do most, dream most."  One must first imagine something as being a possibility before it can become a probability – must see the need AND the potential for transformation before it becomes a “need” rather than a “desire” but must also remember that “Dreams take time, patience, sustained effort, and a willingness to fail if they are ever to be anything more than dreams." (Bryan Linkoski). 

While “failure” is not necessarily a desired outcome of change, it is often the initiator of transformation.  We rarely change unless our current circumstances dictate that we move on.  We are more willing to run from life’s storms than we are its sunshine – to seek comfort from misfortune rather than to risk leaving a comfortable place.  Dreamers often recognize that just because they DESIRE change does not mean they will achieve it without tasting failure before they feast on success while those living within the “here and now” may not be willing to risk what they have for the possibility of gaining something greater.  Robert F. Kennedy said, "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."   Individuals whom have truly made a difference in this world understand that "Failure is not the worst thing – the worst thing is not to have tried."  While much intentional thought and deliberate action is required to succeed, those who are most successful recognize that "Failure is the path of least persistence."  Further, if thoughts and dreams are to become our reality, the word “impossible” must not be a part of our vocabulary (replaced, perhaps with “improbable” or “difficult” but couched in the grey of possibility rather than the black and white of perceived finality).  While facts, information and well-considered alternatives are often the building blocks of change, Dexter Yager described the essence of change by saying, "If the dream is big enough, the facts don't count (nor really matter)."

Life is a series of starts and stops – of closed chapters and of new beginnings.  Insanity is doing things the way they have always been done but expecting the results to change.  If we are to see change as we move from one year to the next, it is important that we not only recognize the need for altered behavior but that we intentionally ACT to make it happen.  Knowing the facts and understanding how to make change happen does not necessarily ensure that our resolutions will be accomplished or our transformation made complete.  Will Rogers appropriately stated, "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."  As our seasons change – accompanied by our actions and our attitudes – we should embrace the thoughts expressed by William Osler ("We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from it").  If we seek only what is handed to us we will never realize a life that is unique, self-directed and independent from those more than willing to direct our actions and determine our course.  Sadly, many seem to seek equality rather than equity in the world.  They pull down those who are successful, taking from them the fruits of their labor in an effort to narrow the gap between “those who have and those who have not” rather than providing “those without” the tools necessary to narrow the gap through their own productivity.  While good, hard-working individuals seeking employment often find they do not have the requisite skills to perform available jobs (and seek the training needed to bridge that gap), far too many jobs remain unfilled because the sting of not working is more than sufficiently salved by an ever-expanding system of safety nets, entitlement programs and “social reforms.”

As the “old year” comes to an end and a new beginning presents itself, perhaps we could gain from both the wisdom and reality of Mark Twain when he said "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."  We are not “owed” success – we must first seek it then act to make it reality.  Make 2015 a year of successful transformation by thinking big and acting audaciously without fearing failure – then incorporating the lessons learned from each temporary setback into intentional actions that result in long-term success.

THINK BIG THIS COMING YEAR IF YOU WISH TO SUCCEED...

Change, like life, happens with or without any help from us.  Growth, however, comes only through our intentional actions.  People love and hate change at the same time.  While wishing for things to remain the same in our lives (comfort, security, job, environment, friends, relationships), we really want them to get better (rarely wanting discomfort, negative change or inconvenience in our lives). Wanting it “both ways,” we often refuse to invest the necessary “sweat equity” to make change happen.  When handed to us, we are more than happy to take it.  We are less likely to actively identify areas needing change then intentionally acting to put them behind us while moving forward in a different direction – leaving behind what is comfortable (and holding us back) while hoisting our sails to capture the winds of a new tomorrow (venturing into unknown territory holding not yet realized opportunity).  Though we may not always know where the winds will lead us, simply catching hold of their endless power will help us to move from our current reality to a future possibility without becoming caught in the calm between what was and what could be.

Some random thoughts to help maintain focus along the journey from what we know to what we might only imagine – from what is to what could be – would include:

 

·         The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible. (Arthur C. Clarke)

When we restrict our actions, reactions and responses to the ways and methods we have always used, nothing will change.  Only when we dare to act in ways we have never before acted – to think in ways we have never before thought – will those things that were once beyond our reach become possible.  In order to maximize the likelihood we will succeed, however, we must acknowledge the resistance we will face, respond to the concerns our detractors will present, and present a plausible, acceptable alternative (which is more desirable, beneficial or providing of more opportunity) than the status quo.  To move from where you are to where you wish to be, and perhaps even beyond to where you have not yet imagined, tear down the walls that limit you to what you have always known or you will end up doing what you have always done and being what you have always been.

·         Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.  (Samuel Johnson)

Allowing an individual to learn from failure is possibly one of the best learning techniques we can use.  When a person must turn back due to unexpected rapids after charting a course and setting sail, two things happen.  First, the individual will (hopefully) learn form his or her mistake by recognizing the signs of turmoil and acting to avoid them before venturing into the unknown again (recognizing the need to continue as being the critical component of learning).  Secondly, though, and perhaps more important, we must identify the reason success was delayed and correct the error, mistake or poor judgment in a way that allows us to overcome the obstacles that kept us from progressing towards the accomplishment of our goal.  Learning by experience is much more beneficial than listening to someone else say which way to go or what road to take.  We should plan, anticipate and think of reasonable alternative approaches prior to starting any task BUT avoid “analysis paralysis” (refusing to move forward if there is ANY chance that something might go wrong allowing our fear of failure to diminish our chances of success).  When we never leave the blocks we cannot compete and it becomes impossible to finish the race.

·         The only person who never makes mistakes is the person who never does anything.  (Denis Waitley) 

Life is not a carefree path we take while moving towards an idyllic destination.  Life is fraught with pitfalls, traps, snares and impossibly steep embankments.  It would be nearly impossible to go through life without making a mistake so quit trying to be perfect!  Some of the world’s greatest inventions have been the unexpected outcomes from failed experiments.  Our greatest presidents frequently tasted defeat before they were elected.  Many business owners have failed in an endeavor before experiencing success.  Once a path has been taken that leads to a dead end – a process selected that results in set-back – learn from it so your next steps can be successful.

• Knowing is not enough; we must apply.  Willing is not enough; we must do.
  (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)

Value is established not by what we know but rather by how we can apply it.  Wisdom is the result of applied knowledge.  Knowing that a car needs an engine, a transmission, an electrical system and a variety of other mechanical parts does not make you a mechanic.  You must apply what you know to be of any use to anyone.  I could THINK about fixing a car all day long but nothing would happen until I pick up a wrench (then without proper education, training and knowledge my efforts might cause more harm than good).  Any action creates an opposite and equal reaction, both in physics and in life.  Intentional action is a prerequisite to change.  Plausible and acceptable actions – often outside the normal realm of reasonable and expected responses – are the precursor of success.

·         Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible.  (Cadet Maxim)

As you dive headlong into life, remember that you will get from life only what you put into it.  I have seen individuals slide through life expecting (and receiving) very little.  Some say they set low goals so they will not fail – that when the “bar is low,” nothing will keep them from crossing it.  I choose a different path – and so should you.  Take calculated risks in order to increase your chances of success.   Choose to care more about others than you care about yourself.  You might be surprised how rich and free you life will be in return. Choose to dream enough so that you can experience new horizons when bringing dreams to fruition.  You cannot fulfill another’s dream (no matter how hard you might try), only your own.  As for expectations – you will never rise higher than you expect yourself to rise, nor fall lower than you allow yourself to fall. 

·         Focus more upon “what has yet to be done” than “what has been completed” when seeking change.  Acknowledging and recognizing your weaknesses helps identify the causes of problems – developing and leveraging your strengths produces long-term solutions.  (Dave Smith)

Do not focus upon what cannot be done – continually stretch to achieve those things that have not yet been attempted, reach outcomes that have not been previously accomplished, or choose paths that nobody has yet dared to travel.  Do not seek an escape from reality – embrace the potential around you.  Do not dwell upon what has been done – seek what has yet to be realized.  Always expect more than may seem possible – refusing to accept anything previously accomplished as anything more than a resting point as you seek yet to be discovered destinations – and you will surely taste success during the coming year!