CREATING (OR ALLOWING) BEHAVIORAL CHANGE

There are three ways we can try to change another’s behavior.  We can order someone to change, enforcing the altered behavior with penalties or threats (coercion).  We can provide a reward or some other external recognition that is of value to them should they change (motivation).  We can provide a path that will make them a better person or allow them to be something different than they are (inspiration).  Whether in a business or personal relationship – or any role in which we find ourselves interacting with another in order to accomplish a single objective – positive and meaningful change results from an intentional action (even if one intentionally decides not to act) rather than an accidental happenstance.

Supervisors often coerce individuals to change.  They issue orders, give directions and tell people what to do (and often how to do it).  Theirs can often be a world having few opportunities for independent action so they provide even fewer chances for people they supervise to act independently.  While supervision IS (thankfully) changing, many individuals leading work that can be accomplished without much training or preparation spend much of their time assigning work, reviewing processes and measuring results, leaving little time to invest on motivating or influencing altered behavior.  Rather than asking or laying the groundwork for

change, they direct and monitor activities so they can achieve.  We negate individuality when coercing change as responses become defined and expected rather than encouraged and supported.  In personal relationships, individuals who coerce others often tear them down to build themselves up – focus on “what went wrong” rather than celebrating “what went well.”  Coercive individuals tend to get what they want but may get ONLY what they want – and often find that their gains are short term and of limited value.  They find that telling may produce quick results but rarely does it produce the best result imaginable.

Managers often motivate individuals to change.  They identify alternatives, provide choices and give people reasons that make them want to alter their behavior.  Motivation to change can be as minimal as providing a tangible reward to induce action.  When combined with punishment for not changing, motivation can be a powerful means of producing results.  The problem with motivation, however, is that an external force must initiate the change.  In a working relationship, a manager often identifies what is best for the organization, the employee and him or her self then initiates action by spelling out what will happen if change does not occur (coercion) but also what will happen should favorable change occur (motivating the alteration).  As long as a manager is present to identify a suspect behavior and provide reason to change, good things will happen. Rarely, however, will an employee used to constant motivation see the need to change unless they continue to receive external impetus.  In a relationship, individuals who motivate often do so by first “breaking down” another (coercion) but then provide a reason that change would be beneficial (often benefiting the motivator as much if not more than the motivated).  Much can be accomplished when individuals are motivated to change – the problem with motivation, however, is that an object at rest (or an individual whom is content to do what he or she is doing) tends to remain at rest (or doing what has proven to be comfortable).  Until one is convinced that they must change their behavior if they are to receive different results, they will not experience growth.

Leaders inspire others to change.  Rather than telling people what must be done they show individuals a better way.  Rather than dwelling upon an individual’s negative behavior they reward positive efforts.  Leaders paint a picture of “what if” or “what could be” rather than one of “what is” or “what will always be.”  A leader makes people want to change in order to achieve something they wish to have, accomplish or become.  Inspirational change goes beyond telling (coercion) and past selling (motivation) – it leads another towards self-actualization.  Inspiration causes people to see why changes should take place, creating an internal desire to abandon who they are to become what awaits them.  Inspirational change is often caused by one’s desire to “be like” another or to achieve what someone else has accomplished – to make oneself (or another) proud of their actions.  In a personal relationship, inspirational leadership makes another want to join in (rather than follow) and to share the "road less traveled" (rather than taking the quickest, fastest route to nowhere).  Rarely will inspirational leaders tell another what must be done or how to do it – they allow their actions to speak louder than their words.  When we look to be that which has not yet been identified we initiate lasting change – which becomes the platform for continued growth.

Whether you choose to coerce, motivate or inspire change, recognize that an individual must see a reason to change before they will abandon their ways to pursue a new horizon.  We cannot CREATE change within an individual – we are only able to initiate it.  We cannot FORCE change within an individual – we are only able to guide it.  We cannot make another do that which they choose not to – we can only provide positive reasons to act AND identify negative consequences should they choose not to act.

SELF-EVIDENT TRUTHS

A fellow Board Member on a local non-profit organization recently sent me a list of axioms he uses to help guide his life. The dictionary tells us that an axiom is “A self-evident or universally recognized truth; an established rule, principle, or law; a self-evident principle or one that is accepted as true without proof as the basis for argument.” While Don provided me with nearly 100 bits of truth, several caught my attention:

“INDIVIDUALS UNABLE TO SPEAK POSITIVELY ABOUT WHAT THEY DO ALWAYS RESORT TO SPEAKING NEGATIVELY ABOUT WHAT ANOTHER DOES.”  Far too many individuals find it easier to bring someone down to their level than to bring themselves to a higher plain. We cast stones without thinking that our own glass house could be easily shattered. We console ourselves by justifying that “everyone else does it” so it should be OK (even when we know what we are considering is wrong). Though elevating yourself is often far more difficult than pulling others down, we gain far more by lifting ourselves up – bringing others with us – than we could ever achieve by immersing ourselves within a pool of mediocrity.

“IF YOU CANNOT BE KIND, AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO BE VAGUE.”  I think of a saying from the classic Disney tale, Bambi, when I read this one. As Thumper’s father told him, “If you don’t have something nice to say about someone, it is better to say nothing at all.” It seems that our society revels in the “details of the fall.” We do not seek answers to unfortunate situations so that we can avoid them ourselves – rather we seek all the sordid details so that we can validate our own standing as being better than that of those around us. We do not seek details so that we can help – rather we seek them so that we can embellish them as we talk to others. Perhaps we SHOULD try to help more as we hurt less – seek to provide a cushion upon which others might land rather than an open abyss into which they will fall.

“EVERYONE BRINGS JOY TO MY OFFICE, SOME WHEN THEY ENTER, OTHERS WHEN THEY LEAVE.”  OK, so this one is tongue in cheek – but so appropriate! How often has someone interrupted you during the middle of a thought – as you were just about to solidify an epiphany that would surely change the world forever? Sure, we need others to live life to its fullest, but we all have times when it seems that others might “do more good” talking to someone else than they do disrupting our thoughts! Enjoy the variety that people give the world around you – if everyone thought and acted as you do it would be a terribly boring (or an extremely predictable) world!

“HEALTH NUTS ARE GOING TO FEEL STUPID SOMEDAY WHEN THEY LIE AROUND IN HOSPITALS DYING OF NOTHING.”  We all have a time and a season – a beginning and an end. It is good to maintain a healthy lifestyle, a positive attitude, and to avoid many of the known dangers present in life BUT avoiding all risk and minimizing every hazard we face serves only to delay the inevitable. All must live a balanced life to enjoy the gifts we have while securing as healthy a future as is possible BUT sacrificing joy in the present for the possibility of a prolonged future IS NOT a healthy (nor reasonable) solution. Maintaining our sense of reality (and of humor) during these times of Affordable Care and other Healthcare solutions might serve us all well.

Several axioms I have used as guiding principles include these “self-evident truths” penned by Ayn Rand – all mirroring the thoughts sent to me by Don (but from a slightly different perspective):

“A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve – not by the desire to beat others.”

“The hardest thing to explain is the glaringly evident that everybody has decided not to see.”

“Achieving life is not the equivalent of avoiding death.”

What about you – do you have any baseline “truths” upon which your lift has been built? Share them as a comment to this BLOG – perhaps a new thread can begin from the “best of the best” axioms gathered here. As a starter, one of my favorites (that I have not yet listed) is one of removing limitations we place in our own path: “The question is not who is going to let me – it is who is going to stop me?” Do not become your own worst enemy by becoming a roadblock – by believing a dream to be impossible, abandoning it before the journey towards its realization can even begin. Remember that all things are possible – some take a little longer to accomplish as they require more creativity, thought or planning – improbable does not equate to impossible!

ADDRESSING INNAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR

Some people possess positive characteristics so distinguishing them from others that they seem to “walk on water.” Others seem to produce positive results in whatever they say or do. Their very presence tends to lift those around them to achieve greatness. We see them as “super stars” shining brightly above all others. These rare individuals do not need much guidance – rather they need clear objectives and general direction from a person willing to get out of their way as they move forward. Unfortunately, these individuals seem to be the exception in life rather than the norm.

We often interact with people seeking success at the expense of others or wanting to win by making others fail. They do not look to see who was stepped on during their ascension to the top or what rules might have been broken along the way. If we are honest with ourselves, rather than looking at how someone does things we tend to focus more upon their results – often elevating individuals to super star status based on the future they may bring without considering the carnage they may leave behind due to their lack of compassion. While many successful individuals rise to the top due to their own abilities, what should we do when we find that a person behaved inappropriately during their ascension? Do we ignore the “ways” in order to enjoy the “means” or should we act intentionally to address the unintended consequences of inappropriate behavior? Too many individuals assume all the credit while assigning only the blame – take the rewards associated with accomplishment while giving all responsibility for action to others. The choice we make speaks volumes to our character and the values we express to others as we live our daily lives.

When addressing a behavior that seems to be inappropriate, look inwardly before striking out. Did YOU do

something to establish (or allow) expectations contrary to generally acceptable practices? Might you have driven the individual into areas outside of his or her core competency (or comfort zone)? When encouraging change, consider the reasons the individual has been successful before condemning him or her for their shortcomings – what they have experiences as “rewards” for the behavior you are now deeming inappropriate. Before addressing an individual’s “bad behavior,” establish how much of the blame YOU should assume and deal with it. Once resolved, identify and address the actions that are causing the problem NOT the individual performing the actions. Attacking an individual behaving inappropriately rarely results in lasting change because, as much as we might try, people do not change much. Instead, address and modify the person’s behavior. Actions are more easily modified than people (who are highly sensitive to criticism) immersed in the drama of life.

Discussing inappropriate behavior is confrontational and never easy regardless of the relationship you may have with an individual. Before speaking, think about observable warning signs or clues YOU may have missed during the time leading up to the indiscretion. Mentally detail the individual’s strengths AND weaknesses (nobody is either all good or all bad – we are a combination of characteristics that make us unique). What is it about the individual that puts him or her above all others? Does the person possess the ability to grow or has the individual gone as far as they are going to go with the talents they possess? Are you willing to suffer a short-term disappointment in order to cultivate a long-term success? A realistic evaluation as to whether the individual is ABLE to grow (rather than simply being willing to try) must be an integral part of confrontation. We cannot force a person to change – he or she must see the benefits of altered behavior as being more significant than the rewards doing nothing differently.

Behavior can be modified ONLY when “the issue” can be addressed and steps can be taken (with consequences attached) to prevent it from recurring – and we should look both “within and without” when making this discovery. We often focus so much on correcting the behavior of others that we lose sight of our own shortcomings. Until we truly acknowledge that we must AND understand why we should change our own behaviors, we will not do things much differently than we are now doing them and should not expect our results to be much different than they have always been. Failing to recognize the need for continuous change and improvement – accepting the status quo as being the only acceptable solution – is perhaps the most inappropriate behavior of all!

LIVING LIFE

Some people go through life without making waves. They follow the crowd and minimize the attention that making independent decisions or entering uncharted waters might bring. They take highly travelled routes to well known destinations, thereby avoiding unknown, unproven or untested territories. The compliant live a safe existence taking few risks while receiving occasional rewards. Seen by many as successful, these individuals act in a predictable manner to achieve accomplishments already reached and perfected by others. They are keepers of the status quo – willing to do whatever is required to maintain an existence offering much comfort with little risk. They establish a satisfactory and acceptable level of success while virtually eliminating the potential of failure. They rarely lose big within their sheltered existence – yet one might question how much can be gained if very little is risked. The world needs people willing and content to “do what is right and acceptable” as they fill defined roles and accomplish assigned tasks – but more than compliance is needed if we are to experience all that life might offer or fulfill the potential we all could realize.

I would prefer to associate with people willing to take risks – however calculated or intentional they may be – in order to accomplish new things and define new horizons. People who look at a sunrise as the beginning of an unknown adventure rather than the end of night’s darkness are visionary leaders. People who see what could be rather than live within what is – or what has been – have unlimited potential. I seek those willing to say “no” to what is acceptable and understood as they travel paths not yet paved while seeking destinations not yet finalized. I prefer to associate with individuals who recognize the crowd as a reality but refuse to be a part of it (UNLESS they choose to lead it to a new horizon). They see the sky as a possibility rather than as a limit. Theirs is a world of “what if” rather than “what is.” To these achievers, each new destination is but a resting place – a brief respite within a lifelong journey rather than a landing zone used to establish a permanent settlement. New beginnings are common to those seeking closure to what has been while seeking what might yet be. They are foreign to those finding comfort in what is – seeking shelter from the unknown within the well defined.

Life is a choice between two paths – one leading towards the sky, the other leading towards the valley. We can take the road most travelled and find comfort within the valley – find a proven lifestyle providing rich and predictable rewards – OR we can seek the rarified atmosphere of the mountaintops – find a new horizon in whichever direction we wish to look. We all choose which path we wish to travel – neither path being totally “right” or completely “wrong.” We live with our choices – hold fast to the possibilities (or the probabilities) that our actions dictate. Whether you are a seeker or a planter – a dreamer or a doer – if you invest all of yourself into your intentional actions you will receive back all that your choice allows – limited only by your own acceptance of (or refusal to accept) reality.

OVERCOMING FIRST IMPRESSIONS AND MISCONCEPTIONS

When working with people, our “first impressions” often inaccurately influence the way we react to others UNLESS we take time to identify their origins. I have found that:

Unfounded perceptions can negatively influence thoughts and actions. I once worked with the owner of a small machine shop that was struggling financially. A 76-year old machinist became a “source of conflict” within the shop. The owner wished all his employees were as loyal and undemanding – seeing him as a great role model for others. Employees “did not want to end up working until they died because they could not afford to retire,” viewing him as great motivation to seek other employment. Perceptions, however, not reality as the worker in question told me he really did not have to work NOR was he particularly loyal – but that “if I ever met his wife I’d know why he was still working!” Often our perceptions can taint our thinking…always learn all the facts before making a judgment.

We miss much in life when we assume what another is thinking or doing – or limit what we feel they can contribute. One of the most critical components in the development of a Compensation Program is to ask employees what they actually do (rather than assuming we know what their job entails). An hourly employee once told me that the purpose of his job was to “bring to fruition the dreams of the owner so that we can share in his rewards.” While this answer did nothing to define job responsibilities, it DID speak volumes to the owner about how employees viewed their work. He began to pose questions to employees and include them in decisions he would not have discussed when thinking that they “did only what they were told” rather than believing they could “contribute positively to his dream.” Once he began to view employees more as partners than as workers his company began to grow and prosper exponentially – with increased efficiency and a reduced turnover rate.

People (and our thoughts about them) can contribute positively to us OR weigh us down. If we take the time to verify our perceptions before we pass judgment we can often avoid making assumptions that could lead us down the wrong path. If we ask for help and opinions from others before acting they can often make our journey easier. If we listen to what others say, we often find we are not so alone in the world – which support and affirmation can come from unexpected sources. People will always say (and do) the strangest things. Make sure you pay enough attention to what they are saying or doing (and sometimes what they are NOT saying or doing) that they can truly make a difference in your life!