PLAN FOR (but never EXPECT or ACCEPT) THE WORST WHILE HOPING FOR THE BEST

Some people identify the many things that could go wrong in their life then spend most of their waking hours trying to avoid those possibilities. They find themselves worrying so much about what COULD go wrong that they have no time to consider what MIGHT go right. Focusing on (and investing in) negative outcomes tends to spiral into a self-fulfilling prophecy – when we are so convinced that something is going to fail it becomes our driving force and we make decisions and take steps intended to keep something from happening rather than making something different happen. We become laser focused on avoiding what we think to be inevitable but plan no alternative course of action that could lead us towards an alternative outcome. Avoidance becomes an escape – which takes on a life of its own – but simply side-stepping an issue does not ensure success. If we believe something is likely to become reality, it probably will UNLESS we intentionally change the likelihood by taking definitive alternative action. Successful people (and those that are generally happy) tend to hope for (and expect) the best possible outcome (rather than worrying about possible disasters). While successful people prepare for and remaining cognizant of what COULD happen, they tend to formulate several courses of actions that could be taken IF (not when) the worst begins to happen.

Examples of this kind of thinking are plentiful in society today. Individuals looking to take on new responsibilities or move to a new job often think about what will happen if the move does not work out – whether their old job might still be available or if they might be able to do something else in the new organization if it does not work out. Insecure individuals may seek employment contracts to protect them rather than allowing their accomplishments make them irreplaceable or blame others for their inability to “get invited to the decision-making table.” People go into relationships thinking about how they will move on or who will be there if their partnership “goes south” rather than seeing it as something more permanent that might take time, effort, and personal sacrifice to solidify. Fortunately (or unfortunately) when people expect something to happen it often does. You overeat around the Holidays and know you will gain weight and (surprisingly???) it happens. You make a New Year’s Resolution knowing that you will probably abandon it by February (allowing yourself to get too busy to see it through after about 3 weeks of half-hearted effort). You begin a new project by thinking about why it could never work because it is so different from what is being done now. If one truly defaults to “all that could go wrong” or avoid the potential of great rewards because of the probability of devastating failure the paths you take will typically lead to dead ends, detours and cliffs that will inevitably keep you from moving forward.

Planning for the best DOES NOT (necessarily) mean that one should expect miracles or Devine intervention to produce those results. Wishing and hoping for a BB gun as a child may or may not bring those thoughts to fruition. Hoping for a way to be your company’s President may be a realistic dream for some but may not fall within the “reality” framework for many others. Unless (and until), however, we begin to think like achievers – like a “success just waiting to happen” – will we never become anything more than complainers or finger pointers assigning blame as validation and justification for why what we thought was going to happen did.

Successful individuals RECOGNIZE the things that could go wrong but do not dwell upon them as they focus their efforts and energies on what they EXPECT to happen (a positive result) rather than on how to avoid what might be in the way. They CONSIDER the potential pitfalls of the steps they may have to take in order to plan alternative courses of action BUT focus is on what MUST be done if they are to reach their destination rather than what MIGHT HAPPEN to derail them on their journey to the prize. While hopes and expectations are necessary if one is to succeed, we also must have REALISTIC hopes and expectations that align with our skills, abilities, experience, potential and desires. One could hope to fly an airplane but will not realistically accomplish that without the proper training, practice, and experience. One could hope to lead others upon a path to success but will probably not be able to do so unless they are properly equipped with the skills and training needed to lead (rather than to order, direct or manage) others. One might hope for a strong relationship but must be prepared to willingly give more than they might expect to receive after establishing a solid foundation of friendship upon which a shared life might be built rather than thinking about what could go wrong before investing the time in what might go right or how they might be able “to get out of a relationship” before they give it a chance to grow. 

One cannot succeed when their planning for the worst is driven by an anticipation of or an expectation that the worst is inevitable - that there is no way to avoid what might happen so why plan for an alternative. Success comes to those that expect the best as they plan what they will do to continue moving forward should an obstacle (inevitably and without discouragement) appears.

 

PARALLEL THINKING PATTERNS CREATE EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships can either allow for the efficient pooling of ideas when developing practical solutions to complex challenges OR they consistently defer to the thinking of one causing frustration and a sense of insignificance to the other (not so equal) partner. They can track two independent thought patterns closely until they seemingly become one as they seek a common objective. They can also create overly complex solutions to seemingly simple opportunities if not checked. Many often rush headlong into the dissolution of friendships, relationships, or close advisory groups whenever they experience resistance or conflict in an effort to eliminate one (or more) layers of potentially conflicting input, anticipating that those around them will immediately embrace the opportunity to “make a difference” and work together towards the accomplishment of their single, uncontested (and often self-serving) objective. If only such was the case, life might be a lot easier BUT also a lot less rewarding. 

When people function as individuals, it is relatively easy to identify and measure both the effort expended and the results achieved. It is human nature, however, that people prefer to accept credit without blame, exhibit authority without wanting accountability, and make decisions without assuming responsibility for potential negative consequences. Unless those involved with others recognize these basic characteristics and acknowledge the natural self-preserving motivation that may exist whenever two are gathered, they may not be pleased with the decision-making process that is put in place nor the results that may come from it. In order to leverage the power of a relationship – to encourage communication, expand thinking and incorporate the ideas of others into our decisions – consider the following:

·    An effective relationship is built upon an understand how each other fits into the process, leveraging each participant’s unique abilities into a single solution so as to make the “sum of all parts” greater than would have been their potentially conflicting individual efforts.

·    Relationships should establish an overall direction that defines situational authority and any boundaries that may exist before they can operate efficiently. Boundaries should be drawn and “content” or direction to be considered should be identified but the path which will be taken and the context with which a decision is made should not be pre-defined. Do not try to control every aspect of a relationship as an effective one should provide workable solutions that result in the endorsement and “buy-in” of all interested parties – which will help to ensure success in its efforts.

·    Most effective relationships have a leader (NOT an autocratic dictator). A formal (or informal) leader will serve to keep the relationship “on task” and focused - to push through individual preferences as mutually beneficial and acceptable solutions are developed for implementation. A spokesperson will typically arise from within a relationship so one should not discourage another from IMPARTIALLY summarizing progress BUT nobody should forfeit all rights or expectations to contribute. Relationships often need to rally behind a champion to accomplish their lofty and long-range goals

·    An effective relationship should be built upon the diversity of thought and actions that planners, thinkers, doers, and dreamers might bring to the table. If two are so much alike that they never challenge one another they may be content and un-obstructive in their actions but may never think “what if” or “why not” as they do what has always been done and experience what has already been experienced

·    To achieve the best chance of success, those within a relationship should identify obstacles, discuss options, and agree on a solution (which might change if the conditions in which it was made change) prior to its being implemented. If the solution taken is ALWAYS the idea of the same person, what could be “win/win” risk taking becomes but an action by one that creates an equal and opposite reaction by another creating animosity regardless of the wisdom or appropriateness of the decision

Relationships introduce multiples into life – stretching the limitations of an individual through the power of diverse thinking. This power creates innovative solutions by applying different ideas and perspectives to tried and true processes. Relationships are like electrical circuits. Those that “think in series” (one action accomplished before moving on to the next):

·    Accumulate a number of ideas before working through them one at a time 

·    Are like a single electrical wire extending over a long distance carrying a defined amount of power through a limited channel. Should the singular focus of such a relationship be interrupted, or the single strand be severed, all activity stops

·    Take a longer time to distribute the power of a relationship as it is funneled through a single “thought-line”  

Relationships that “think in parallel” (many actions taking place at the same time focused to produce a mutually beneficial result) establish alternate routes, paths or patterns in the problem-solving process allowing remarkable things to happen that may not have happened through the independent actions of all involved. When relationships “think in parallel” they:

·    Anticipate obstacles before they occur to function more effectively

·    Channel a “defined amount of power” through multiple lines, carrying it to its pre-determined destination quicker – spreading the action steps out to more than one individual and working together towards a common goal

·    Allow activity to shift to another avenue (rather than being taken off-line) should a disruption occur…efforts being switched from one path to another as needed or necessary 

Relationships can be practical, emotionally affirming and truly rewarding when properly put together, an abundance of active listening is incorporated by all parties and those within the relationship are allowed to function without disruptive outside interference or destructive internal fear. Several heads are better than one ONLY if each individual’s thoughts can be melded into singular action designed to accomplish significant results rather than acknowledging and recognizing the importance of either’s singular contribution. Create “parallel” relationships rather than putting them “in series” if you want to maximize results, minimize effort, and truly leverage the collective spirit of individuals. While one may be able to survive within the world, two (or more) working effectively together within a relationship will thrive.

 

THINK BIG…NOT SMALL…

Change, like life, can happen with or without any help, with or without any planning and with or without any consideration for where we are or where we may wish to be. Growth, however, comes only through our intentional actions targeted towards the accomplishment (or avoidance) of a specific objective. People love and hate change at the same time. While wanting the “best things in life” to remain the same (comfort, security, job, environment, friends, financial stability, and relationships), many would prefer that life could improve or get better (wanting to avoid discomfort, negative change, emotional turmoil, or personal inconvenience along the way). Unfortunately, rarely is one able to live “the good life” without addressing, eliminating, or adjusting some of the bad that serves only to hold one back if not exorcised. 

Wanting it “both ways,” we often refuse to invest the necessary “sweat equity” to make change happen. When change is handed to us, we are more than happy to take it. We are less likely to actively identify areas needing modification or correction then intentionally acting to put them behind us while moving forward in a different direction – leaving behind what is comfortable (and sometimes holds us back) while hoisting our sails to capture the winds of a new tomorrow (venturing into unknown territory to discover not yet realized opportunity). Though we may not always know where the winds will lead us, simply catching hold of their endless power will help us to move from our current reality to a future possibility without becoming caught in the calm between what was and what could be. 

Some random thoughts to help maintain focus along the journey from what we know to what we might only imagine – from what is to what could be – would include: 

·         The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible. (Arthur C. Clarke)

When we restrict our actions, reactions and responses to the ways and methods we have always used, nothing will change. Only when we dare to act in ways we have never before acted – to think in ways we have never before thought – will those things that were once beyond our reach become possible. To move from where you are to where you wish to be, and even beyond to where you have not yet imagined, tear down the walls that limit you to what you have always known, or you will end up doing what you have always done and being what you have always been.

·       Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome. (Samuel Johnson) 

When a person must turn back due to unexpected rapids after charting a course and setting sail, two things happen. First, the individual will learn form his or her mistake by recognizing the signs of turmoil and acting to avoid them before venturing into the unknown again (recognizing the need to continue being the critical component of learning). Secondly, we must identify the reason success was delayed and correct the error, mistake or poor judgment in a way that allows us to overcome the obstacles that kept us from progressing towards the accomplishment of our goal. Learning by experience is much more beneficial than listening to someone else say which way to go or what road to take. When we fail to leave behind the starting blocks it becomes impossible to finish the race. 

·      The only person who never makes mistakes is the person who never does anything. (Denis Waitley) 

Life is not a carefree path we take while moving towards an idyllic destination. Life is fraught with pitfalls, traps, snares, and impossibly steep embankments. It would be impossible to go through life without making a mistake so quit trying to be perfect. Some of the world’s greatest inventions have been the unexpected outcomes from failed experiments. Our greatest presidents frequently tasted defeat before they were elected. Many business owners have failed in an endeavor before experiencing success. Once a path has been taken that leads to a dead end – a process selected resulting in set-back – learn from it so your next steps can be successful. 

·       Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible. (Cadet Maxim) 

As you dive headlong into life, remember that you will get from life only what you put into it. Some say they set low goals so they will not fail – that when the “bar is low,” nothing will keep them from crossing it. Others (appropriately) choose a different path – taking calculated risks in order to increase their chances of success. Choose to care more about others than you care about yourself. You might be surprised how rich and free your life will be in return. Choose to dream enough so that you can experience new horizons when bringing dreams to fruition. You cannot fulfill another’s dream (no matter how hard you might try), only your own. As for expectations – you will never rise higher than you expect yourself to rise, nor fall lower than you allow yourself to fall. 

·       Focus more upon “what has yet to be done” than “what has been completed” when driving change. Acknowledging and recognizing your weaknesses helps identify the causes of problems – developing and leveraging your strengths produces long-term solutions. (Dave Smith) 

Do not focus upon what has already been done – continually stretch to achieve those things that have not yet been attempted, reach outcomes that have not been previously accomplished, or choose paths that nobody has yet dared to travel. Do not run from your current reality – embrace the potential around you as you move towards new possibilities. Do not dwell upon what has been done – seek what has yet to be realized. Always expect more than may seem possible – refusing to accept something previously accomplished as anything more than a resting point as you seek your yet to be discovered destination – and you will surely taste success as you bring to fruition the big things while minimizing the impact of the small annoyances in life.

LIFE RUNS FREE LIKE THE WIND SO WE MUST MAINTAIN CONTROL OF THE SAILS

Life is more than playing games – it is about dreaming what could be IF ONLY that which is our current reality could become more than anything we might ever be able to imagine. It is about reaching beyond our wildest expectations to hold establish ourselves within a realm not yet created. It is about setting goals beyond what is achievable so that we force ourselves outside of the box in which we are comfortable as we move towards things yet to be considered. We all stumble and fall while travelling through life – the difference between success and failure being whether we stay down or we get back up…whether we run away from our realities or we forge ahead towards possibilities and potential that exist only within our hearts and minds. Life is a journey that can be taken alone but is much more rewarding if shared with another as different perspectives can widen our universe far beyond what we might believe to be the limitations of this world.

Life is best lived to its fullest – but how might one achieve that pinnacle without aspiration, inspiration, or support? Starting with the thoughts of others who have taken a road less travelled can help to point us towards life’s treasures, but their words are like the wind – they can be felt and followed but do nothing unless we contain them and channel their power. Words such as these can help us to achieve our full potential if we intentionally capture their meaning within our hearts and minds by maintaining control of our sails as we allow them to fill our dreams:

• Dreams take time, patience, sustained effort, and a willingness to fail if they are ever to become anything more than dreams – Brian Linkoski
•  It may be that those who DO the most, DREAM the most – Stephen Leacock
• We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from it – William Osler
• The greater danger for most is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it - Michelangelo
• We know what we are, but know not what we may be - William Shakespeare
• When the winds of change blow, some people build walls while others build windmills - Chinese proverb

There is no limit to what we can accomplish when we seek results and conclusions rather than recognition and credit. We can find ongoing satisfaction when we claim success during the journey – acknowledging each step taken as we run the race rather than waiting until our quest has ended to claim victory. We accomplish many things not yet imagined and bring to fruition countless things not previously realized as we recognize the reality of our dreams and seek to fulfill them as we travel upon the winds of change.

Celebrate each accomplishment along the way rather than finding comfort where you have been OR looking past your journey to find fulfillment only in reaching your destination. While there is no “one size fits all” motivational solution, we cannot allow our eyes to wander from the prize if we seek to move from being “good” to being “great.” Though it may not “take a village” to raise our self-awareness, it DOES take commitment, determination, and intentional action to move beyond the storms that often darken our lives to the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. 

If one travels alone, he or she may discover new possibilities or paths but often lack the accountability that another can bring when “the going gets tough.” Linger only long enough to enjoy what you have accomplished but do not tarry too long. Run like the wind towards what you wish…you seek…you need to make yourself complete rather than fighting it by setting your anchor within life’s turbulence in an attempt to ride out the storm. A new and different horizon awaits only those who seek it. Reach out to discover your new reality by maintaining control of your sails while capturing the power of the winds that will lead you to your dreams.

LANDMARKS OF LEGENDARY LEADERS

Anyone able to develop a “one size fits all” leadership style “guaranteed to produce positive results” that could be easily transferred from one individual to another would make a fortune. Each of us brings established values, unique characteristics, and different motivational abilities with us when we assume a leadership role, however, so a single magical elixir would be difficult to develop as a “cure all” fix to instantly create new leaders. An excellent leader leverages listening skills, empathy, assertiveness, persistence, creativity, patience, and an awareness of “why” others are thinking differently (rather than simply “what” they might be thinking) to maximize results by identifying and accentuating individual strengths (both personally AND within those they lead). Exceptional and lasting results come when a leader can meld the diverse (and sometimes contradictory) contributions of others into a single solution that benefits his/her group, department, organization, or all involved parties. Effective leaders succeed by encouraging (and creating) group participation without sacrificing any member of the group’s identity, contribution, or creativity. Individuals recognized as being legendary leaders (vs. those who are legends in their own minds) – those that truly create change and influence behavior – typically exhibit (or acknowledge) the following characteristics:

• There is no limit as to how much can be done IF one does not care who receives the credit and is willing to share the rewards for what has been accomplished.
• Individuals who intentionally seek input and contribution from all parties within a relationship (encouraging communication, suggestions, and discussion) find strength in numbers while those that do not often find themselves struggling alone.
• Exceptional leaders engage others while seeking the best solution having the most support then find satisfaction in seeing results not previously accomplished while pulling others along with them as they identify new possibilities.
• Strong leaders make decisions based on the information they have at their disposal (recognizing that if the information changes, so might their decision). They take intentional action guiding employees, informing top management (not necessarily seeking permission) and engaging partners within their relationships in decisions that affect them (before the decision is made). They are unafraid to change their mind IF their situation or the environment around them changes (openly explaining WHAT changed and WHY the course of action was altered).
• Effective leaders never ask, “Why am I not part of the decision-making process?” Leaders step forward to make themselves an invaluable part of any situation in which they find themselves by learning as much as possible about it and leveraging this knowledge to make significant, profitable, reasonable, and equitable decisions that benefit “all” rather than simply themselves.
• Decisions are made based on facts, opinions, input accepted and current environmental conditions. An effective leader will act in concert with those around him/her while a competent manager will direct the efforts of those around him/her. Both may reach the same destination in a similar amount of time, but the former will arrive upon the supportive shoulders of those being led while the latter will often have to walk behind those “being led,” pushing them along in a direction they may not wish to travel.
• People (both in the workplace AND within society) contribute more if they WANT to rather than HAVING to do something. Great leaders put more effort into selling their ideas than they do into telling their expectations – into securing “buy-in” and sharing ownership than they do in making excuses or assigning blame.
• Those we WANT to work with and for tend to question themselves first if something goes wrong before assigning blame or responsibility to others. In a relationship, the first question a great partner asks should be, “What role did I play in creating this situation and how must I change to help resolve it?” rather than, “What did you do and why did you do it?” Business leaders must address a negative result or behavior by first considering if the employee responsible was adequately trained, appropriately prepared, and provided ample opportunity to learn before being expected to perform a new or unfamiliar role. A Legendary Leader will accept responsibility for the failure if the employee was not prepared and equipped then take action that will help prepare him/her for the future. If the employee was trained, prepared, and provided the opportunity to gain experience but still made a significant error, a strong leader will address the results immediately and constructively to ensure they do not become the norm rather than the exception. A Legendary Leader will NEVER ignore, avoid, or fail to either accept responsibility OR address a performance issue (constructively).

Great leaders bring to fruition their dreams as well as the hopes and imaginings of those around them as they actively engage in self-examination and effective listening, intentionally encourage participation by openly accepting suggestions or different perspectives and are targeted (immediate and specific rather than delayed and cumulative) with their criticism while willingly accepting responsibility (warranted or not) for delayed gratification and being overly-generous with praise for a job well done. Poor leaders can bring those around them to their knees as they deflect, defer, and focus on who did something (rather than what might be done to fix it), share responsibility for failure while selfishly accepting the rewards (and accolades) of a job done well. Paraphrasing a statement made by the late John F. Kennedy, an exceptional leader does not ask what his/her team (partner or organization) can do for him/her but what he/she can do for (and with) them.

SEVEN KEYS TO EFFECTIVELY INFLUENCING CHANGE

Books, blogs, or white papers are readily available for individuals seeking to manage people, relationships, situations, teams, products, or processes – even ways to control your temper, yourself, or another’s actions. Many are notable examples of how someone else has achieved success, become “rich and famous” or has become the person that everyone would like to be BUT far too often the self-help stories are biographies of someone’s success and what they were able to accomplish without really saying what should be done or who along the way made a difference. Since there are fewer managers than people being managed in this world – less leaders than those being led – why is so little attention given to INFLUENCING “from the bottom up” rather than to managing from “the top down?” Why do so many individuals seek to control a relationship rather than to share in it? Whether or not we manage (or aspire to manage), seven critical “keys” to becoming more influential in your interactions with others would include: 

1. Recognize that it is your responsibility to SELL an idea, NOT someone else’s responsibility to BUY the concept. Good salespeople identify and relate to the needs of the buyer, not their own needs. While making a sale will obviously benefit the seller, a buyer must recognize why he or she will benefit from his or her decision to purchase before a sale will ever be consummated. Remain positive and upbeat, focusing on what YOU can do to “make things right” rather than upon what others could do to make things fail. Until you truly “sell” change, you will be but an implementer rather than an initiator. When you are in a position to contribute rather than to dictate (as many of us often find ourselves), focus on the results of your interaction rather than seeking praise, recognition, and credit for the idea.
2. Consider how change will impact “the whole” rather than how it will meet your personal objectives. Since most people are hesitant to abandon the status quo, if you want something to be different than it is you must convince others that the promises and potential of change are better than the comforts of staying the same. If you wish to influence another’s actions you must clearly demonstrate how change will positively impact that individual, the organization, their environment, and their future. RATHER THAN imagining how much better your life might be or what personal gains change might provide, consider first how you might be able to influence the world around you so that all may benefit.
3. Present a realistic cost-benefit analysis of your idea. Whether it be a major corporate decision, the way meetings are conducted, the prioritization of work or a family vacation, be prepared to have a realistic discussion on the cost of change as well as the results of change. Recognize that “cost” can be financial investment, “ego” adjustment, letting go of something that has become second nature or emotional upheaval so there is no one path that will lead to the acceptance of change. Acknowledge that implementing your idea will often means someone else’s idea was not used BUT discuss how the two (three or four) concepts might be blended to create one solution that is potentially more effective than any single idea. Whenever anything has changed in history, the benefits of change have outweighed the costs. It is your job to clearly communicate this if you expect to be heard (and wish your words to influence behavior that initiates action).
4. Treat managers (or anyone else) to whom you are communicating with the same respect and courtesy you would treat a customer (OR would like to receive yourself). Recognizing that your manager IS your customer when presenting an idea or concept will help you to be a better salesperson. Within your personal relationships, “dictating” might be a quick remedy…but selling (rather than telling) and discussing (rather than imposing) will be much more effective over the long run. The trouble with always telling others what to do and how to do it is that eventually nobody may be left that chooses to listen.
5. When a conclusion is reached, whether or not you fully agree with it, adopt the final decision as your own. Ineffective influencers will “own” decisions with which they agree and “credit others” with the ones they may not have wholeheartedly supported. Remember that you will not always “win” when influencing upwards, but you will gain tremendous credibility if, after all the discussions and debates, you own any solution that is not illegal, unethical, or immoral. We can always live to fight another day as long as we do not impale ourselves upon the sword of principle today. Fully embracing an initial direction DOES NOT commit us to the same straight and narrow path forever. Seeking continuous improvement will allow for the modification of an idea, concept, or direction as we move towards a final result AND provides change and (potentially) new beginnings within our relationships.
6. NEVER advance an idea without having a sincere belief it will make a difference (NOR fail to advance an idea based on who may ultimately receive the credit).  If we lose sight of the result of our ideas, focusing instead on getting credit for the concept, we often discredit others to make ourselves come out on top. When we consciously make others feel that they are right or responsible, rather than continually elevating ourselves into a role of infallibility, our ideas have a better chance of being implemented. Ensuring that the best results are realized (rather than trying to get others to realize that ONLY your ideas are significant) will provide for more meaningful long-term rewards.
7. Rather than focusing on what has (or has not) happened, focus on what has yet to occur. Far too many individuals are haunted by what went wrong rather than what went right. When we focus on what failed, we often lose sight of what may have led to a positive – the things that would never have occurred had we not taken our initial tentative steps (that may have failed) in an effort to bring ideas to fruition. When we focus on what did not happen (often beating ourselves up for what we did wrong rather than what we might have done right EVEN IF it did not work) it is difficult to consider what could be done differently to alter the process as we work to influence final results. When accepting “what is” as being finality, how can we ever realize “what could be” in our work, our attitudes, or our relationships? 
   

Until we learn to sell our ideas (thoughts and feelings) rather than expecting others to simply buy them from us (without discussion, debate, or input), our knowledge, abilities or best intentions will never influence others to initiate action that will result in positive (or long lasting) change.

10 Hidden Truths That Can Help Us Thrive in Life

Everyone gets “stuck” occasionally…stopped dead in their tracks, unable to (or uninterested in) moving forward, wanting to do so much that just getting started seems like an impossible task or when not able to figure out where to begin simply stay where they are. It is not always a particular problem that knocks the train off its rails, it is sometimes an all-encompassing frustration – a massive mental block or perceived mountain that seemed to grow from a mole hill – that prevents us from accomplishing anything at all. Our attention gets scattered, our energy lessens, and we end up putting minimal effort into the accomplishment of our most important and critical activities. In order to “move beyond” the stagnant pool in which we find ourselves we must often identify what we are thinking that makes us feel so different, underachieving, or frustrated. When we are overwhelmed or confused, we often find ourselves ignoring several simple but hard truths about ourselves that must be accepted before we can move forward. Identifying what we want to change in order to alter or modify the results we will be able to accomplish then ACTING to make the changes happen are great points from which to step as you seek self-motivation and significant rewards.

When you decide that SOMETHING must change and focus first on YOURSELF before seeking to change others you do not have to think very hard for actionable answers. We all have a list of things that we should accept, must accomplish, or need to realize and more often than not the unwillingness to face one of these truths is what is keeping us stuck. Identifying and accepting the validity of these realities will almost always release the tension that holds us back so we can move forward with an anticipation of success. A typical list of “hidden truths” that might be identified would include:

1. No person is an island. While people can be independent, rely upon their own experiences and abilities, seek self-actualization and internal validation rather than depending upon encouragement or support from others and be happy doing what they have always done while accomplishing what they have always received, individuals grow through community. When we recognize that others can challenge us and hone our abilities rather than seeing the input of others as a roadblock or barricade to progress, we will be able to enhance “what is” in unexpected ways as we openly seek “what could be” or “what is best.” 
2. People are self-absorbed and tend to think “me first” when interacting with others. We all spend much of our mental energy thinking about ourselves which, in and of itself, is not necessarily a bad thing. Self-reflection is how we become stronger, which in turn makes us better equipped to help others. What IS wrong is if our thoughts become entirely centered around ourselves rather than seeking to accomplish good for the whole. 
3. Most people will not understand us and that is really okay. If we can get comfortable within our own boundaries and possibilities — comfortable enough to present the truest version of who and what we are to the world — the acceptance found in living a genuine life will be far more valuable than needing others to accept us. When we are “comfortable in our own skin” those that support and validate us will become the ones who matter most while those choosing not to will experience a loss from our absence rather than enhancing their gain.
4. Knowing all the answers might be the recognition that many seek. Knowing the questions to ask that might help to clarify (or identify new) answers is probably much more significant when developing a sense of accomplishment. Knowing it all does not lend itself to happiness…applying what you know to new situations and learning from the success or failure of the questions that rise to the top does.
5. We only get stronger by doing hard things. When life is easy, we become complacent. Growth comes from doing things that require serious effort – that often end in failure before ultimately providing new and unanticipated results.
6.  Living requires us to make difficult choices. Anything we do is a choice about how our abilities are invested in order to realize the best possible return. Will we catch up on emails or meet friends for a drink? Will we spend an extra hour at the office or go catch a movie? When we think about the choices, we must make in both our personal and our professional lives we understand how huge it is to identify, consider, plan, anticipate and act as we take one day at a time within this life we lead.
7. Free things are often worthless. When you give away all your time or work for free – your thoughts, feelings, emotions and passion without care or expectation – others may not always value what you give. While not necessarily a bad thing, those giving anything with the requirement that it be repaid in full are often disappointed. When one truly gives more than they can or will ever expect to receive in return, he/she often gets back more than could ever be anticipated.
8. 
   Maintaining relationships takes effort. Never take people for granted or they might walk away. If one INTENTIONALLY allows or accepts a relationship to end it is one thing but if it dissolves out of a lack of attention, care or due to self-serving ambition it may not only be gone but will probably never be re-established.
9. Suffering can be a good thing. A little bit of pain can bring a lot of perspective and empathy. Do not be afraid to experience pain BUT do not dwell within it as it can keep you from incorporating life’s lessons into the growth that can be experienced by learning (and moving on) from its mistakes.
10. It is okay to stand alone. We do not have to be around people 24/7 NOR do we need to be friends with EVERYONE including people we do not enjoy spending time with OR maintain a relationship with someone who does not make us happy. While we WANT to be successful, socially accepted and acceptable to others we NEED to be comfortable with ourselves, confident in who we are and happy in what we are becoming.

It is painful — and helpful — to live within our discomfort at times. We can learn from trials AND grow from past tribulations as long as we truly value the “getting up” more than the “staying down” while seeking a world teeming with possibilities rather than one stagnant in its complacency.