People face crossroads
throughout their lives. Many stressful
situations are caused by unavoidable circumstances within our daily lives. Within the workplace, personal issues are
frequently identified as being a major “cause” of inefficiency and lost time
but employers should share the blame for creating crisis in people’s
lives. An optimist might work on helping
to create positive choices for others while a pessimist would question whether
or not choices actually exist within a life that cannot be controlled. We each are major contributors to the happiness
(or sadness) of others – whether it is due to things that we intentionally (or
unintentionally) do (or choose NOT to do).
When dealing with others there are usually two courses of action that
will either “make or break you” as a leader, mentor of friend. Consider the following approaches and think
about which better fits into YOUR relationship style (and probably defines the effectiveness
of your decisions and the quality of your results) as you provide pathways to
others seeking safe passage through life:
1)
I know what I
want and expect others to do things the way I want them done. I should not have to tell others why things
need to be done a certain way all the time – it would be so much better for all
of us if they just did what I asked without question so that we could all move
on to other challenges.
OR...
Knowing
what I want is half the battle.
Expressing what I want WITHOUT stifling creativity by saying how to do
it is the other half. People should not
be told exactly how to do everything but they MUST be told what outcome is
expected and given both the ability to experiment and the freedom to fail if
they are to achieve any personal fulfillment from their contribution to
successful results (OR if they are expected to contribute in the future).
2) Others bring experience and professionalism to the
table. I expect them to utilize their
skills to identify issues and resolve them, not to ask me the same question
over and over just wasting everybody’s time.
OR...
People bring experience
and abilities to what they do at work, at home or in relationships. We must remember that the only “stupid” question is usually the one not asked
(because an individual is afraid to bring it up or does not understand enough
about what is expected to seek clarifying information). As soon as I express (or even think) that a
question (person or action) is a waste of time I have lost the respect and
support of the individual being minimized.
When I focus upon reasonable expectations and never ask an individual to
do anything without some form of feedback or direction being provided we
will typically accomplish great things together. Expecting (or allowing) someone
to run on their own all the time without direction, encouragement or support is
simply encouraging them to run away.
3) When someone does something wrong they will know it – and
if they do not recognize their mistake (and if nobody else is brave enough to
do it) I feel it is my responsibility to point it out so that it will not
happen again.
OR...
People must receive appropriate praise for (or effective guidance to
correct) the things they do and the results they achieve but they must first be
fully equipped to contribute and to act before they can be held individually accountable
for their actions. Expecting others to
“self-discover” their value and “self-reward” their worth discourages active
engagement and interactive sharing – two critical factors in the development of
good relationships and productive teams.
Expecting good decisions without providing guidance and decision-making
tools is like thinking that a baby will walk the day he or she is born – a wishful
hope but without foundation.
4) I worry enough about myself and what my tomorrow looks
like – I really cannot take the time to worry about others or put my problems
on their plate – I must be “an island” to show strength if I am to be respected
in my relationships.
OR...
Worrying
about myself is a prudent thing BUT it should not come at the expense of being
concerned for others. Sharing
appropriate personal concerns or worries is not necessarily a bad thing or a
sign of weakness. While supporting
others cannot easily be done from a position of weakness, it can often be most
easily accomplished by engaging all interested parties to come up with the best
solution that can be actively supported and advanced rather than trying to impose
the ONLY solution that I KNOW is right before moving forward. Unless (and until) others recognize that
their worries and concerns are just as important to me as are my own they will
remain a part of the problem rather than a contributor to the solution.
5) In order to be successful in a relationship I must first
be successful myself. Once I fully
accomplish what needs to be done and I am comfortable in my life, THEN I can
take the time to share with others and we will all be happier.
OR...
It
is good to seek success and demonstrate accomplishment BUT not at the expense
of those who rely upon me for physical, emotional or silent support. Gaining the world but losing my place within
it is a travesty rather than a success. Helping
others to discover their role in our mutually safe passage is a parallel path
rather than a cumulative journey – I must work with others to bring them
alongside me rather than finishing what I feel necessary before focusing upon
their needs, wants or desires. In order
to provide others direction, support and pathways to success I must learn to live
and thrive within the world in which we all live (rather than simply operating
within my own world or expecting them to live fully and without question within
theirs) or we could find that when all is said and done we may have achieved
our objectives only to find that we have built a lonely place within which we have
nobody but ourselves to share our accomplishments.
Sometimes a “definite maybe” or
even a “let me get back to you” is the best way to build relationships and
successfully work with people – but we must ALWAYS take time to make time for others
within our busy lives. We can provide
safe passage by glancing back while moving forward but should never lead while
looking too intently in the rear view mirror or we will miss the critical signs
of change ahead. We can establish effective
pathways by reaching out while holding back – seeking the input and thoughts of
others then considering their value and intentionally discarding (or actively
incorporating) them into the formation of a mutually acceptable direction rather
than mandating our opinions or solutions as being the “only way.” We lead by moving ahead slowly enough that
others are able to follow – continually moving forward even if we might fall back
briefly, intentionally allowing others to contribute, participate and become a
big part of any solution rather than seeking to prove how smart or intelligent
we might be and how little we feel the need for anyone else’s opinion or input. Effective relationships of any type involve
creating pathways that are clearly defined and closely monitored to ensure safe
passage RATHER THAN being tracks that cannot be altered or roads that run only
one way.
No comments:
Post a Comment