PROBLEMATIC PRIDE…

Pride becomes a driver as insecure people seek to bring to fruition their internal perceptions by de-valuing the thoughts and ideas of others. Most prideful individuals think and act with self-gain as a motivation BUT selfless actions can become the impetus for monumental change if performed unconditionally without anticipation or expectation of personal recognition. Those who act selflessly in their pursuit of success (happiness or contentment) will almost always receive (without asking) rewards that are of a far greater magnitude than the effort required to bring them to fruition. Those that pursue success through self-serving (and depreciating) acts may achieve a modicum of success but will rarely become all that they were meant to be in their work, their relationships, or their lives. 

Those driven by pride tend to expose their moral and ethical weakness more easily to those around them (as their drivers are to attain status, recognition, or wealth rather than respect, trust, and value) than those who are morally and ethically strong (as demonstrated by their actions fostered by selfless sincerity). We tend to become more like those with whom we choose to associate than those we might wish to be as we reflect upon the actions, values, and perspectives of those around us (often keeping the attitudes we might wish to portray hidden deeply within the shadows). People tend to gravitate towards others like themselves (rather than seeking those they might wish to be like) BUT so much more could fill our lives if we were to learn from others “walking the walk” rather than paying attention to those who more often “talk the talk.” 

Pride can destroy relationships. When one loves (or finds great comfort in) him- or herself, there is often very little room left for anyone else. The feeling of self-advancement caused by caring for “number one” can cloud what might be an obvious choice – blurring an otherwise clear decision or directive that would benefit the whole as much as (if not more than) one individual. When one puts the needs of others first while making decisions, even a good idea (which may not be the “best” solution) can provide the best results due to the support and invested interest it receives from stakeholders. When pride elevates the desires of “one” above the needs of others, failure becomes not a matter of “if” but rather of “when” and the possibility of undesirable outcomes moves from “possible” to “probable.” 

Strong, unselfish people learn how to resolve what they can, recognize what is beyond their personal capability to control, and seek help (with humility) when initiating change that could require thoughts or actions that are beyond their ability to personally initiate. When a person focuses more on results than worrying about who receives the credit, great things can happen. When an individual focuses on “...what is in it for ME?” rather than on “...what is in it for US?” the focus becomes prideful, selfish (AND ineffective). Several clarifiers that can help to differentiate between selfish and unselfish would include: 

Prideful (or Selfish) Individuals tend to: 

• Devalue the work, efforts, contributions, and value of others.
• Claim individual ownership of the other’s results.
• Consistently puts his or her own welfare ahead of anyone else.
• Have difficulty hearing others when they make suggestions or try to initiate change as they are typically speaking rather than listening.
• Think they “know everything,” failing to see the need to “learn anything” or defer to the wisdom, experience or ideas of others.
• Put “me first” and you far down the path from significance.
• Will begin to spiral towards obsolescence once they feel they have “arrived,” failing to seek life’s lessons from the people, places and things should they seek to grow.
• Use deferral is an ally – if unable to shift fault to others they often remain silent (as if nothing had happened) or excuse a mistake as being a decision based on bad information.
• Find it hard to say, “Thank you” or “I am sorry” (as they are not truly grateful to acknowledge another’s contributions and reticent to admit to their own mistakes) 
• Do not feel compelled to move onward, upward, or outward, often being content with “what is” (often due to their own actions) that they could care less about “what could be” (with a little extra effort or additional fore thought) 
• Often feel and act as though “above” the rules (which obviously control, apply to, or were developed to control others) and act clearly superior to anyone else.  

Unselfish Individuals tend to: 

• Act with consistency and reasonableness – treating everyone equitably based upon their contributions to the whole (as opposed to equally where everyone is considered to be the same regardless of abilities or emotional intelligence) 
• Speak with sincerity when giving directions, suggestions or comments – taking the time to explain not only the “what” but also the “why” of each request and remaining available to help with (but not assume control of) tasks being performed when issues arise
• Explain both the rewards of accomplishment and the results of failure – then encourage those performing tasks to discover the road to success by helping them up when they fall, providing resources for them to make decisions and allowing them to learn from their mistakes.
• Allow themselves to be lifted “up the ladder” upon the outstretched hands of those around them rather than “climbing over them as if they were the rungs of a ladder on which they climb as they move towards the top.
• Watch and listen attentively to others, acting appropriately upon what is seen and heard...willing to accepting responsibility for decisions and permitting themselves to change their minds when conditions change.
• Give credit when it is due (often publicly) and provide guidance or corrective action when needed (always privately). 
• Accept blame for the mistakes for which they are ultimately responsible (and often those that they COULD have prevented but did not).
• Help others learn from (rather than being destroyed for) the things that could have been done better (or differently)
• 
  Recognize that the growth of a group or organization...of a relationship...is a step on the way towards self-fulfillment rather than an end goal that needs no further nourishment. 

If you claim individual credit or responsibility for the things that “go right” while shifting the blame for shortcomings or deflecting criticism towards others as an excuse for mistakes, you may find yourself alone at the top – standing precariously upon the unwilling backs of those you stepped over while rising. If you speak softly as you act loudly – praise generously while accepting accolades reluctantly – you will find yourself pulling others with you as you achieve all that you can by becoming all that you hope to be. Set aside prideful and pride-driven thoughts, actions, and inclinations…you will find that helping others grow, succeed, thrive, and become confident contributors is much more fulfilling than any short-lived, self-derived credit that putting your own wants and placing yourself first could ever provide.