FORGE YOUR OWN PATH

Have you ever met someone who set a course in life based on how many others are doing the same thing?  Such individuals rarely seek to MAKE a difference – rather they tend to AVOID being “different” as much as possible.  They do not seek alternative solutions (often failing to even attempt identifying problems, investigating their root cause and acting to resolve them IF they even admit to there being something amiss), they tend to take the path of least resistance and “go where others are going” or focus on the “wrongs” of others so their questionable actions seem much more “right.”  Some feel that the ONLY way to travel somewhere is along paved superhighways, seeking the most direct route to a destination rather than finding “joy in the journey” along a scenic back road or unimproved path.  To those of you finding comfort in the familiar – being content to travel upon roads previously discovered while refusing to challenge the status quo – the rest of this article may hold little value.  To those, however, seeking to forge their own path as they investigate new opportunities and discover alternative rewards, these thoughts are written as testimony to your creativity and innovation – to your insatiable spirit of adventure and love for life.

Far too many people diminish their potential by following the crowd (and even, perhaps, being seen as doing what is “right and prudent”) rather than following their own beliefs (intentionally acting upon their thoughts and feelings rather than refusing to acknowledge their existence).  They do what is popular rather than standing strong on their own values, judgments and decisions.  They choose acceptance by the majority rather than the criticism that standing alone might initiate.  “Followers” accept that “things are as they should be” rather that seeking what “could be.”  They feel validated by thinking, “I am no different than anyone else” rather than believing, “I am a unique individual whose potential is limited only by my own actions and behaviors.”

Following the crowd is easy as you do what others accept, go where others are going, act as others expect and find a sense of community by blending in. Travelling familiar roads and doing “politically correct” or “acceptable things” can take the bumps and turns out of one’s journey BUT when we do things as they have always been done we can expect nothing more than has already been accomplished.  Only when we accept that unexpected results will come ONLY when we seek to create a different reality than that chosen by the crowd will we realize that loss can become gain, failure can breed success, and the decision to stop can be both a conclusion and a beginning.  Followers of a crowd tend to accept the group’s vision as a final destination rather than as a foundation upon which an unrealized future could be built.

Too many supervisors seek acceptance from those they lead rather than respect.  Too many parents seek to be friends with their children rather than to be role models.  Too many teachers want to be “liked” by their students rather than viewed as being “tough but fair.”  Inventors and creators DO NOT accept “common knowledge” as being an ultimate end – rather they see what is (and what has been) as but the beginning of what could be or has not yet come to fruition.  Had Fulton listened to “common wisdom” he would never have invented the steam engine.  Could the Wright brothers have launched their dreams had “the crowd” influenced their actions by inhibiting their souls?  Is our nation stronger and more stable because our leaders make decisions based on polls that measure what the majority thinks should be done – often choosing the more acceptable route rather than doing what might negatively affect those not fully contributing but best for the nation?  Might we be in a better place if our leaders simply governed by bringing the promises made to the people that elected them to fruition rather than acting in a “politically correct” manner that would re-elect them? 

What might YOU be able to accomplish – what potential might you be able to realize – if you “marched to your own drummer” rather than listening to the tunes sung by others?  Make the most of your individuality in whatever you may say or do by taking “the plunge” this summer!  Though not as refreshing a jump as entering a cool lake on a hot day, you will find “being all you can be” is much more fulfilling (and rewarding) than being “all that your friends wish you were.”  Forging your own path may require more work than taking the road of least resistance BUT the rewards will more than offset the increased effort as you achieve greatness in both your dreams AND your reality.  

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR DESTINY...

I recently spoke with an individual ready to pursue additional education so that she could switch fields completely and move as quickly away from her current job situation as possible.  While she enjoyed the WORK she did, she did not respect her boss, was disappointed that an excellent co-worker recently left the organization, and felt the Organization’s Board of Directors had “no clue” as to what was happening within the company NOR did anyone care about its future.  Her choice was to leave what she enjoyed to seek a greener pasture (as she had done before) – flowing freely from one situation to the next without considering any collateral damage that may have been left in her wake.  Far too often we find that the easy way out is not necessarily the best choice BUT choose to follow the path of least resistance rather than working to change what we do not like – prefer to leave a “known” set of problems without considering the entirely different set we will most likely encounter.  When facing major life-changing decisions, looking into the “what can I do to alter this situation” rather than focusing on the “what is wrong and why should I tolerate it” might help identify alternative solutions.

When an individual is brought in from the “outside” to run an organization, the Board (or hiring authority) should make sure that the person’s skill, ability, experience and proven track record are much stronger than any internal candidate may have possessed.  In this case, the individual’s boss (new to the organization) did not (in her opinion) have the proven experience or demonstrated ability to do his job.  While she had not been a candidate for his job – nor did she want to do it - she was so wrapped up in her own frustrations that she never asked him how he felt, what he wanted to do (or needed help doing), or where he saw the organization going.  She had talked herself into running away from the work she liked because of things she did not know (she knew nothing about her new boss’ plans or the Board’s desires for the organization’s future – which may have been different than those expressed by the previous Director).  She was like a river flowing rapidly towards a fall from which there would be no return – building momentum as she moved forward without identifying why she was moving, what she was objecting to or what part of the “blame” for her unhappiness could be directly attributed to herself.  She felt that SOMETHING was wrong, could not really identify what it was BUT recognized she must act (rather than intentionally deciding NOT to act) in an effort to resolve the issue.

After talking to this individual a bit about her expectations and how she saw herself fitting into a new (but less significant) role she was able to move past the turbulent rapids into an area of relative calm.  She began to examine what she liked about the job (AND the organization), what she disliked, what she would be leaving should she move on, and what she would need from a different employer to overcome the issues she was facing (while providing similar opportunities and challenges).  Many of the things she was seeking were deeply imbedded within her current position but she had been so busy looking at “what was not” that she lost sight of “what was.” 

Many of us become disillusioned with our jobs (and our lives) at times.  Unless we step back and look at the “big picture,” however, we may base our actions (and assumptions) on part of the puzzle – trying to treat the symptoms rather than attempting to root out the disease itself.  We can miss out on the opportunity to “win the war” when we become overly consumed with our focus on winning each and every single battle.  The story of three blind men describing an elephant comes to mind when thinking in such a short-sighted fashion.  One feeling a leg may think the elephant to be a tree.  One feeling the tail may describe it as a rope.  One feeling the trunk may imagine a snake.  All might be right but not one of them will be able to identify the nature of the beast by focusing on a single component – as no one individual can possibly see all aspects of a situation without fully investigating and analyzing the results of his or her studies.

There are many ways to move from one situation to another – but often we embark upon the most obvious escape route before seeking alternatives resolutions.  We do not simply draw a line in the sand from which we can begin anew – we excavate a trench that will isolate us from our situation once we have crossed the line (sometimes the trench becomes an obstacle in and of itself as we fall to its bottom and have a difficult time regaining our footing.).  While such tactics WILL move us forward, they often create pain and close the door on any possibility of returning – or of improving our position. 

Perhaps there are “kinder and gentler ways” to move from a bad situation to a better one than to burn our bridges – no matter how good that might feel in the heat of the moment.  Before “moving on” we should identify ways to maximize the “good” things about where we are while minimizing the “bad.”  Many new supervisors or leaders wish to make instant changes – to put their mark upon the organization – without first seeing what works (and does not need to be fixed) and what is truly broken (needing immediate attention).  Often we seek to mandate change rather than trying to influence it – to “tell” rather than “sell” our ideas.  We rush headlong into situations that require skills we do not possess (without seeking the training that might equip us to handle them) or have “legacy” status (that must be identified prior to making a change).  Patience, tolerance and not caring who gets the credit for changes that are made are major factors that influence our reactions to situations. 

In the case of the person originally discussed, a change in HER attitude made all the difference in her situation.  Rather than focusing on what was wrong around her she began to identify areas that she could make a difference.  She began leveraging her experience to help others change.  She used her organizational knowledge to help identify “sacred cows” that would be difficult to change so that those in a position to set priorities would be able to maximize their success.  She became a champion of change rather than a detractor of new ideas within the organization – a part of the solution rather than a major part of the problem within her department.  She was allowed more freedom to do what she liked – what she was good at – as she demonstrated how it positively impacted the organization.  Rather than leaving a questionable situation she became an integral part of the company – without having to “pick up her tent” to move to a new campsite.

 

While seemingly difficult, changing our perspective will often make all the difference in the world.  When we identify (and utilize) our strengths, acknowledge (but commit to strengthen) our weaknesses, realize what we can (and cannot) change and intentionally act to resolve (rather than run away from) our challenges we will be able to fully realize our potential.  Rather than looking “outside” to resolve your problems, perhaps the first step towards success should be to look at yourself – at what you are, what you are doing, what you are saying and what you expect.  To “be all that you can be” you must identify how to communicate your ideas, influence your peers and initiate change.  Unless (and until) you do, escape may be the path of least resistance but it is often the first of many detours in life we face before eventually stumbling upon the road we should have originally taken.   

LEAD BY EXAMPLE

Though words and promises can be compelling, the true measure of a person is not what they say but rather what they do.  Following a leader’s actions is much easier than believing promises – especially if they change based on the audience.  We must measure our leaders NOT by what they say but rather by what they do (or what their actions initiate) – and recognize that those we lead will use the same litmus to measure our decisions, actions and thoughts.  A zebra does not lose its stripes nor does a leopard lose its spots.  Why do so many leaders believe that they can get away with a “do as I say, not as I do” attitude?

How can you expect your employees to adhere to an “eight to five” schedule if your own day frequently begins at eight fifteen or ends at four thirty?  (Forget about the fact that you might have been doing company business the previous night, or that lunch was more of a thought than an action or that breaks are not part of the daily routine…people SEE you coming in late, or leaving early, and expect that to apply to them, too.)  I once worked for an organization whose engineering group participated in a Thursday afternoon golf league.  When things were going smoothly and all was running well, this was not a real problem BUT if an engineering problem on Thursday afternoon caused a disruption in production that forced employees to work over the weekend it was PERCEIVED that “engineers were never around and did not care if production employees had to give up their private lives just so that they could play golf.”  Perception often becomes reality when we choose a leadership role – and we must be vigilant to consider our integrity and how our choices might be viewed prior to taking any actions.  Parents tell their children to obey the rules (as they break the speed limit driving them somewhere), to respect their teachers (as they complain about the “boss that does not know anything”), and to take time to enjoy life (when they are “too busy doing their own thing” to play catch in the yard). 

True leaders do not worry about what they say to one group when speaking to another – they portray a consistent, predictable “story” to whomever they address.  They are not “flavor of the month” thinkers – rather they are grounded in their principles, driven by their values and willing to reveal themselves to anyone seeking to know more about them.  Individuals striving to become leaders (rather than struggling to be managers) would be wise to remember:

1)                  Words are but whispers when compared to the shouts of our actions.  We more often believe what we see than what we hear.  Regardless how you work with people, those around you establish their perception of you by what you do – by how you act – not by the things you say.  We may try to reinvent ourselves with words, polish and packaging – to sound intelligent or authoritative, to discourage challenges to what we want to do through our projected confidence – but we are no more than we appear to be to others – often unable to accomplish anything more than we are willing to do ourselves.

2)                  Look for the good in others, publicly praising their positive actions and interactions while privately addressing their attitude and enhancing their abilities.  People usually see what others do wrong – rarely recognizing or acknowledging what they do right.  Unfortunately, teachers rarely say to their students, “You are really extending your thinking today!”  Rather it is, “Do not bother the student next to you as he/she is trying to work,” “Could you help ‘Jamie’ with his work when you have done?” or “If you have finished, find something quiet to do while I work with the rest of the class.”  While we need to provide help to those requiring it – and to address and constructively correct negative behavior – we should ALSO make an effort to acknowledge and verbalize appreciation for things done well through our words AND our actions.

3)                  It is better to compromise than to criticize – to live in the house you have built through your actions than in the rubble of another’s house you destroyed with your words.  Criticism is destructive.  Competent leaders do not tear others down to make themselves look better.  One cannot lead if pushing from behind – leadership leverages the abilities of all to move the group into a singular direction that benefits the whole upon a road planned with good intentions and paved with sweat equity.

4)                  Look inwardly when assigning blame.  People often defend their inappropriate actions by shifting blame to others.  Rarely does an individual come out and say, “It was my fault.”  Far more often it is, “Sam over there did something much worse than I would ever do.  Address him before you talk to me.”  If speeding, how often do we rationalize our actions by saying, “I was going the same speed as everyone else” rather than recognizing that doing something wrong cannot be “made right” JUST BECAUSE everyone else was doing it.  When we measure ourselves against the actions of others, we will never truly see value in what we may have done (nor the full cost of what we may have done wrong) – we see only the relative value of how our actions compare to another’s.    

5)                  Judge yourself using the same standards you apply to others.  The greatest leaders of our times would never ask others to do what they would not do themselves.  Truly great generals lead their troops into battle rather than following them from behind.  Parents must “walk the talk” for their children – allowing them to follow the example of a role model rather than try to be someone or something they can only imagine possible.  Managers cannot expect full productivity without giving it themselves.

Rather than distributing consequences, we should seek truth.  We should focus more on what we are doing than on what others may not be doing.  We should lead by example rather than by edict – expecting others to do as we do rather than as we tell them to act.  Viewing life through the lens of relativity will never provide personal fulfillment – only a sense of “better than” whomever we are comparing ourselves to (or possibly worse than someone else).