GOOD DECISION MAKING IS A FULFILLING LIFE SKILL

Everyone makes decisions throughout their life. Whether meaningful or insignificant – personal or professional – the decisions we make and actions we take are the building blocks of the life we are able to live. Unfortunately, many people restrict their decision-making abilities by over-researching an issue or situation keeping them solidly planted “where they are” rather than allowing themselves to move towards “where they could be.” New leaders – individuals within a new relationship – often feel pressured to take action that results in change or set themselves apart as something (or someone) they might WISH to be so they can prove their value. Good leaders typically research their alternatives before choosing the path that will most likely lead to success…great leaders go one step farther by learning to anticipate unexpected results, always tempering their intentional actions with an understanding of potential risk, before making “judgment calls” that result in good decisions.

Great leaders involve others in the decision-making process by leading them to a solution rather than pushing them to a conclusion – by allowing them to see both the benefits and the potential pitfalls of any action taken rather than taking the only actionable option presented to them. Managers typically oversee and ensure RESULTS while Leaders allow others to make mistakes (from which they will ultimately grow) so they can independently initiate a successful resolution process (rather than continually being sheltered from harm’s way). Involving the individuals needed for implementation in the decision-making process allows people to make (better) judgments in the future.  Helping others make good decisions (and holding them accountable for results) will maximize the number of critical calls employees and those involved within a relationship can make themselves. When others are involved in the decision-making process – learning from both their successes and their failures – allows them to gain the confidence to lead and the courage to learn from failure. It is important that we enhance and add to the experiences of those working with and for us so that they might be able to contribute (and be ready to take over when we are ready to move up) rather than “doing it all ourselves” and finding that nobody is capable of taking our place.

The key to making great decisions is maintaining “mental flexibility.” It is OK to change your mind if the conditions or situations driving your initial decision change. It is never wrong to act UNLESS one consistently acts without first considering all the ramifications involved with the actions to be taken OR by acts inappropriately due to fear of the unknown. The only bad decision is one not made, and the only inexcusable action is one occurring unintentionally or without forethought as to potential consequences and/or ramifications.  Being unafraid to make a mistake from which you can ultimately learn is critical as our greatest rewards are often born through the painful experiences of our losses. Far too many people seek to enjoy the rewards offered by doing something differently without investing the effort needed to initiate change…wishing to initiate different results without taking appropriate transitional risks. Those able to make great decisions seek that which might be possible rather than settling for that which is probable. They tend to reach for what they dream rather than limiting themselves to what they can see – recognizing that dreams and imaginings are the precursors to great discoveries ONLY IF they are allowed to initiate action. They have learned that if consciously (and intentionally) doing nothing provides a better result, it is more advantageous to temporarily hold back (until the situation or condition changes) than to foolishly rush forward without apprehension. Before acting one should ask not only “what should be done” but also seek to determine “why” action should be taken and weighing the potential benefits of doing something against the repercussions of doing nothing.

Rarely will an exceptional leader step into a position of authority without having first performed many different jobs within an organization (demonstrating a wide array of responsibilities) without having experienced both success and failure…YET many individuals seek roles allowing them to make decisions that might lead to success having no prior knowledge or experience. Great decisions cannot be made unless one is provided the proper resources (training and/or experience) that would allow them to leave the “here and now” without fearing failure as they move towards what has yet to materialize. 

We often expect newly appointed supervisors and managers, however, to lead without receiving any transitional tools or training to help direct the work of others. We expect new parents to raise their children flawlessly without any previous experience or knowledge. We expect relationships to grow and blossom without experiencing the reality that another must come first (rather than last) in the relationship. Gaining life experience through watching, seeing and participating in a variety of different activities are critical parts within an effective decision-making process. Good decisions require experience-based judgment allowing us to “let go of what we have and who we are” so we can move from being “great doers” to being leaders who can accomplishes much through the intentional (guided, encouraged and independent) efforts of others…individuals who SHARE the benefits (and the challenges) of a good relationship with another rather than attempting to control it…maximizing the opportunities of life and the fullness it provides.

INSPIRING PURPOSE IN LIFE

“The Courage of Integrity” defines two pillars of success – benchmarks that any of us should leverage as we make life-changing decisions and chart the road upon which we might wish to travel. In all that we do we should recognize that “The highest courage (we can exhibit) is daring to be ourselves in the face of adversity.” How many times do we take the easy path rather than choosing the “road less traveled?” How often do we seek the path of least resistance rather than taking a stand for what is right – for what we know to be true – regardless of the personal cost? Being true to yourself by openly expressing your ideals and honestly revealing your beliefs to others – regardless of what they may think about you – is not always the easiest route to take BUT it almost always returns the greatest rewards.

Recognizing that “There is never a wrong time to do the right thing” is the foundation upon which ongoing and sustainable success should be built. Individuals attempting to portray perfection in whatever they do or say spend much more time avoiding what is wrong than they do striving to accomplish what is right. Trying to identify (then implement) all the things we feel are necessary to be an exemplary leader (partner or friend) often places artificial roadblocks along life’s path that are difficult to avoid as we may never meet our self-fabricated expectations nor maintain the standards that we feel should be displayed. Rather than simply leading (or living) by example and allowing people to see their true colors, far too many try to be someone they are not or do something they feel is expected rather than just doing what seems and feels right. True success is more a measure of who one is while nobody else is looking…of living consistently and transparently rather than concealing our true thoughts or lingering within the shadows…than it is a testament to the things that we do in public to receive accolades or recognition.

We need not look far to find other motivational messages that can help to provide purpose in life. Some would include: 

• “We cannot lower the mountain so we must elevate ourselves.” This is sage wisdom for an individual seeking to climb the ladder of success. We cannot expect mountains to become molehills on their own – we must rise to the top of every challenge, continuously moving forward even though we may fall temporarily back, as we aspire to reach the pinnacle if we are to succeed. Some seek recognition by actively diminishing those around them…by tearing others down rather than building themselves up…ultimately discovering that their own position has not changed as their floor was lowered but their ceiling (potential) did not move. 

• “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” Many people find satisfaction in bringing the hopes and dreams of others to fruition. Others find such satisfaction hollow – preferring to realize their own dreams. If one never attempts to accomplish their individual dreams, he or she will never fail or be disappointed. Rarely will a person having insignificant goals or setting low standards for their own performance ever be happy with their accomplishments If we do not establish a target – formalize a dream – we will never taste the success of individual accomplishments. 

• Some people say things and say “Why?”  Others dream things and say, “Why not?”  To life for what might be POSSIBLE rather than settling for what is PROBABLE, NEVER blindly accept things as they are (or appear to be) without question. Always seek what could be “if only” or what might not yet have been realized in life. Doing only what others request or seek defaults your boundaries to the limits that can be set for you. Asking “why” or “why not” expands your boundaries to the limits established within your own mind – stretching the probable into the possible as you travel new roads and experience unconsidered adventure. 

• Effort and courage are not enough without purpose and direction. Life is an ongoing series of events whose purpose is revealed only when we exhibit the courage to remain singularly strong in the face of adversity – when we make a conscious and intentional decision to do what is right rather than being concerned about avoiding what is wrong. We should always look ahead – take every step with purpose - as we keep our focus forward (towards where we are going) rather than back (finding satisfaction only in where we have been). Though one can never get lost if he or she has no idea where they are going, they will never know if they have reached their destination until it has been purposefully (and publicly) expressed after being intentionally determined. 

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  One can be invested without being committed but once committed it is difficult to uninvest. A chicken and a pig walked past a diner one morning and saw that it was offering eggs and bacon for breakfast. The chicken was proud of her investment in the meal as she spoke loudly of the eggs she provided. The pig was quiet until he finally said that “the chicken was invested in the meal” when eggs were gathered BUT that his contribution required him to be committed fully as there was no turning back on the provision of bacon. One can change investments easily, but it takes much more thought and consideration to change course once fully committed.

Much can be learned from our past…from building upon the blocks we were given in kindergarten as we move towards a future far more complicated and full of choices. More, however, can be gained if we identify our dreams and acknowledge their existence (and taking intentional action to bring them to fruition) than will ever be accomplished by taking the easy road or accepting the first option available. We must simply believe in ourselves (and in those we hold dear around us) to move forward through life. We must accept nothing but our best – and expect the best from those around us – to experience sustainable and long-lasting success. Life is what YOU make of it…what YOU do with the tools and resources you were given when born. Do not find yourself living the dreams of others…doing the bidding of someone else…doing only what has been tested and proven successful…if you wish to make a difference in this world. Finding purpose and living life as it was meant to be requires one to live life beyond what comes easy and do more than considered necessary by those around them.

LIFE'S RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

Life is full of opportunities, challenges, suggestions, and alternating directions – all working with (or against) us as we accomplish our daily activities. To help us along the way, previous generations have adopted “gems of wisdom” that are handed down through families, work relationships and friends to temper, validate or guide our actions. Devine Intervention from a “higher power” is also a driver leveraged by many when intentional actions must be taken in order to significantly change anticipated results. Unfortunately, the choices people make and the risks they take (or choose to avoid) often insulate them from reality rather than allowing them to face life head on.

In order to thrive (rather than merely survive) in life, we often identify and travel the road of least resistance to minimize our potential of loss over the years rather than seeking the “road less travelled” which might lead to greater rewards (with the potential risk of failure being proportionately greater as well). While it is unfortunate, nothing great has ever come from mediocre efforts or “take the easy way out” attitudes…life tends to reward well considered effort and those taking reasonable risks with outcomes that far exceed those achieved by individuals preferring not to “ruffle feathers,” “rock the boat,” or alter the status quo. All thoughts, actions or impacts on life, however, typically “happen” because of our experience, our abilities, or our values. Some of the guiding principles that seem to influence those thriving rather than to simply surviving in life would include: 

If given the option of doing something right or doing it quickly, choose doing it right. While there may never be enough time to do something as thoroughly or completely as you might wish, those who rush often find themselves taking more time to do things over.

Do not implement a decision until (and unless) you are willing to accept the consequences of your actions. While we typically expect positive “returns” from an investment of time and energy, SOMETIMES things go horribly wrong. If we are to succeed in life, we should celebrate the positive and learn from the negative as we move towards our final destination.

Newton had it right – every action results in an equal and opposite reaction. Do not act without considering what will change, who will be impacted, and whether more positive than negative will come from your actions. A pebble dropped in the ocean may cause a ripple effect that can help to “clean the slate” as waves wash gently upon the shore OR destroy the thoughts and good intentions of others if uncontrolled actions create unwanted consequences.

Life is not an isolated event having one beginning and one end. It is a series of starts and stops – of new beginnings arising from short-term plateaus rather than of abrupt endings without thoughts of continuation. If you do nothing else in life, enjoy what you do. If you seek nothing else from life, seek what you wish to accomplish. If you contribute little to those around you, contribute to those that mean much to you. Should you ever feel that “all has been said” and “all has been done,” run quickly from where you are – get back onto the circle of life where every end is but the beginning of something new and different.

Spending time to improve ourselves often provides an immediate return. We typically invest time and energy into the initiation of an identified action that will produce an anticipated result. Spending the same time to improve another (rather than focusing upon yourself) pays dividends in the future that are incalculable to us today.

It is better to live life without fearing death than to fear death so much that you fail to live life. Individuals can often be so risk-averse that they choose what is easy, tested, tried and true rather than risking much to gain more. Should one live in constant fear of being wrong, of failing, of making a mistake or of losing the race, far too much time is spent looking back (at the past) with too little spent looking ahead (to what might yet be accomplished). The reason someone should stay where they are in life should be that they are happy, successful, and content rather than that they fear moving forward because of the challenges the future might present.

 Life is full of activity and of rest – of visions and of voids. Refresh during times of rest so you can accomplish much during times of activity. More importantly, make sure no void (within yourself OR those you care for) ever goes unfilled.

When you say things without worrying about how they will affect others you build a ceiling that limits how far you may rise. Words spoken or actions exhibited without caring how they affect others can minimize them so that you might easily rise to the top without having to elevate yourself. Only when you rise with the help and assistance of others will the sky be your limit...only then will you be able to lift another up so that you can accomplish great things together.

Turning out the lights indicates closure on things we have accomplished. Reaching for the stars exposes new opportunities we have not yet seen. Those who have become comfortable with and accustomed to engaging in all that life has to offer would prefer spending time looking into the light than staring into the darkness.

When reaching out to help others, make sure you provide the tools they need to accomplish what is expected from them rather than only the things they might want. All your help and efforts become but a disservice if an individual receives “the world” without learning how to achieve (and maintain) greatness through their own efforts and abilities.

When we feel we “have arrived” and know it all – when we can stop learning and coast through life relying upon only the knowledge we have accumulated (without stretching or applying it beyond where it has been previously used), we stop living and begin to simply exist. There is a greater power in our lives – that provides us with the abilities to contribute and the opportunity to enjoy the world in which we live. It is not because of anything we do or have done that we exist – it is so that we can make a difference by being the individuals we were meant and created to be. Recognize that life is more than what we make it to be…it is truly what we contribute to others and how we use the gifts we have been given in this world. Live life so that others might be lifted up…you will rise to the top with them as you constantly strengthen and grow.

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

We all come to points in our life that we must consider whether it is “time to stay or time to go.” While most “Boomers” are working through this conundrum at work, if you talk (and listen) to others it becomes apparent that this critical decision is not limited to work but could be applied to all our relationships, our activities, our volunteer efforts, and any other way in which we interact with society. While there is no single answer the short but complicated question about leaving (a job, a project, a relationship, or any endeavor that seemed to be worth pursuing), there are some considerations that could help determine if “the time is right.” 

Finding purpose – without actively seeking it – is like finding perfection without first defining it. Our abilities flow freely, far too powerfully to be contained and life produces results far exceeding our expectations when we do what we like. Our labor becomes a path to be enjoyed – the destination but the logical (and often foregone) conclusion of the choices we gladly make and the actions we willingly take when we do what we want. It has been said that if one does what is enjoyed, he or she will never work a day in their life. Living becomes but a chapter within a never-ending story – having no clear-cut beginning nor definitive end, only the continuous flow of positive results and the transformation of opportunity into good fortune. Finding joy in what we do and with whom we choose to live – pursuing happiness by leveraging and building upon the gifts that were given to us by our Creator rather than accepting misery by choosing to wallow in a reality defined by what we feel we lack – allows us to live life as it is rather than wishing for what could have been “if only…” things had been dealt to us differently. When… 

·         …simply “being” far outweighs “dreaming,” and the contributions we make towards the betterment of “the whole” is sufficient to replace the accomplishment of making an individual difference

·         …we truly care more about the good that is being done than aspiring to the potential that could be achieved

·         …we can enjoy what we do and are allowed to do what we love in a way that lifts others without challenging the status quo as we fulfill expectation and/or make others complete without resentment, hesitation, or concern

·         …we feel we have all that we could ever need – through our work, our faith, our relationships, our values, and the realization of our dreams – and do not need or seek more than what we have been given

·         …we are comfortable with what we can contribute, where we can grow and how we are recognized 

…perhaps we should stay – for nothing could replace the sense of joy we receive by simply “being” nor could anything fill the void in our life should we walk away from the things we like, enjoy, that bring us fulfillment (regardless of the cost, sacrifice or complacency we may willingly endure), and/or the relationships that we have (upon which we have found fulfillment and a way to build upon for the future). 

If, on the other hand, should… 

·         …the promise of tomorrow becomes lost within the realities of today as they provide hollow satisfaction from the memories and accomplishments of yesterday while holding you back from building upon them as you move towards the future

·         …our dreams become a flame that has lost its brilliance as it slowly dies to but a flicker which is not hot enough to burn through the fog that blankets the path we wish to travel…the hope that seemed so real for a season fades to but a wish for what might have been as our contributions become shadows blocking the light out from others…no longer finding strength in their promise (for you have grown far too conscious of and resigned to the limitations of your reality)

·         …you are no longer able to bask in the warmth of doing what has always been done (unwilling to accept without question or resentment that today’s reality is all that will ever truly be accomplished)

·         …you know that what you are able to accomplish creates a barrier restricting the ability of others to exhibit their knowledge or minimizes their accomplishment and somehow do not really care

·         …all that keeps you going is the absence of choice, the fear of failure or the comfort of familiarity in what you do or who you are with rather than your ability to make a difference  

…perhaps it is time to go – to move on by letting go of what has been accomplished, to release “what is” as you seek “what could be” by moving beyond what has been attained while seeking to realize something not yet imagined. When we are no longer content with what we have as we dream about what might be possible…perhaps it is then that we know we should go. When all seems the same and that which has not been done seems impossible – when the reality we have becomes an ominous darkness casting a shadow over the potential that we could realize…perhaps then is the time we should choose to go. 

If you choose to stay…to build hopes and dreams within your present reality…to find peace and joy – growth and accomplishment – where you are, may you have the health and ambition to contribute to the growth of those around you while consistently demonstrating the ability to remove (or avoid) obstacles standing in the way. May you be blessed with relationships that exceed your expectations as you give more than you could ever hope to receive and receive in return (without expectation) more than you could ever give. May you be able to initiate intentional actions that allow you to actualize your dreams within your current reality. May you lead by example and find joy in the journey rather than seeing the end as your only point of reference upon the paths you choose to travel. May you enthusiastically seek the opportunities that each new day brings.as you fulfill your unlimited potential while growing and finding completion within the world in which you live…accomplishing much and leaving little on the table that must yet be accomplished. If you are so blessed, perhaps you may be fortunate enough to have all you need or want without ever having to go. 

Should you come to the realization, however, that it is time to go, know that it is not a negative or a character flaw…it is perhaps more typical than abnormal…and take comfort in the realization that… 

·         …few can lay claim to a fulfilling life by refusing to acknowledge its limitations as an acceptable reality OR addressing them as obstacles that must be resolved in order to grow

·         …few can define their dreams clearly within a work or personal setting and allow nothing to interfere with their sense of purpose if they live a life without challenge or opportunity

·         … few can realize their hopes, accomplish their goals, and give more to those around them than they could ever hope to receive from others without first reaching for all they might accomplish (rather than accomplishing what has been attained or is easily attainable)

·         …few find satisfaction in allowing destiny or circumstance to determine their path, choose their mate, guide their career, or determine the way in which they will contribute to those around them or control their reality

·         …few have the graciousness (and wisdom) to go before dragging others down…to go when and how they choose rather than waiting until they must leave 

In whatever we do, may we stay as long as we can contribute then walk away with our heads held high knowing (and acknowledging) all we accomplished. Whether we choose to stay or to go, may we live life as it should be by living life as fully it could be lived. When choosing to stay or to go, we must have the wisdom to know when we can make a difference, the desire to thrive (rather than simply survive) AND the recognition that someone else might be able to better do what must be done as we fulfill our ambitions, dreams, and desires elsewhere (or with another). 

When is it time to stay or to go?  Take stock of what you have (as well as what you have yet to accomplish), what you could gain (as well as what you might lose), where you find your joy (as well as where you feel frustration), and what you might do (and with whom you might wish to do it) if you were in a different place. Knowing when to stay or when to go is no easy task but the thoughtful consideration of current reality (and of potential alternatives), the initiation of intentional action (or of planned, designed and deliberate in-action), and the acceptance that “what is” has become impossible (rather than simply difficult) to endure should both guide the decision and help define our opportunities.