ARE SELF-IMPOSED BOUNDARIES BECOMING INSURMOUNTABLE BARRIERS THAT PREVENT YOU FROM REALIZING YOUR POTENTIAL?

What forms a boundary for you – a wall or obstacle that keeps you from doing what might be possible for fear of leaving what is currently acceptable or probable? Are your boundaries formed from your life experiences – from the things you did (or did not do) as a child? Perhaps you limit yourself  out of respect for the past (the way things always were or have always been), relying upon the “tried and true” to rule the day rather than seeking a brave new world for which there is no “owner’s manual.” Some disregard historical limits out of their desire to run from the past – but do so without thought or consideration of what might be better (rather than simply different). Is our hesitancy to abandon the comfort we feel within a practiced, predictable, and pragmatic world nurtured by our reluctance to enter situations where we have no experience or exacerbated by our fear of failure should we try to step forward with no guarantee of success? Whatever the reasons, many individuals limit their potential by building boundaries that contain them within their present (which was formed by their past) keeping them from ever entering a future that could be different in so many ways. 

Perhaps the time has come to identify our limitations and cast off the ties that bind us to them. We need not mount a charge up a mountainside or completely and utterly destroy the walls we have so carefully constructed around us in order to initiate change. We must, however, identify our boundaries, understand why they exist and take intentional action to overcome the limitations they place upon our advancement and growth if we wish to make a difference – to make positive change – within this world. The critical components in initiating change are identifying what keeps us from doing what we know we should (or want to) do then acting to minimize (or eliminate) the barrier that prevents us from moving forward. We need not “open doors and blow roofs off” to initiate change…to completely leave our roots in order to identify new trails upon which we might wander…be we DO need to at least open a window of possibility if we wish to let something different into (or accomplish something not yet considered possible within) our lives. 

We are provided much by society without even trying to accomplish anything on our own…things that ensure a comfortable lifestyle built upon the accomplishments of those coming before us and the dreams of those living beside us. Many find so much comfort in what has been they refuse to seek what might be…to initiate a journey that might lead them to things not yet considered and places not yet travelled. Stability and consistency can be good and meaningful, yet they can inhibit our growth and throttle our progress if we allow the past to envelope our lives. We should cherish our experiences, build upon our abilities, and learn from our mistakes as we continually seek new and better ways to accomplish things…as we venture forward into the unknown looking for a place not realized. One may need to risk much in order to initiate minimal change but can mitigate the risk and likelihood of failure by planning, considering alternatives and anticipating what might happen (being ready to react to it) by equipping ourselves to act with the training, peer or outside support or the knowledge needed to transform “what is” into “what could be.”  If we recognize and acknowledge several “truths” about our past (which often serve as boundaries), we may be “released” to move forward in a new direction more freely. 

1. Who you are is often a result of where you came from and the experiences you were provided. This past should never become the destination you seek but rather a firm foundation from which you begin your journey. Far too many individuals mask their fear of advancing beyond their present reality – and some even to face the reality of their present situation – by hiding themselves within the richness of their traditions and the heritage of their past. Holding on to the past is not a bad thing. When holding on causes us to hold back, however – when retaining traditions and deep cultural heritage becomes a destination in which we find comfort rather than the historical foundation from which we find our strength and launch our endeavors – we discourage growth, encourage stagnation, and set ourselves up to MAINTAIN (rather than to change) the world in which we live.
2. When one thinks of who they are and where they come from, expecting more to be given them than they hope to contribute – asking for more than they are willing to share – they often find themselves settling for “what is” within their world of tradition and pride, potentially building a barrier that will keep them from changing focus from a world of entitlement to one offering an unlimited future that has yet to be realized within our world.  One must continually give of oneself in order to gain – knowing and expecting another to refill them through reciprocal sharing – in order to expand their sense of past into a hope for tomorrow. 
3. Should a society (an organization or an individual) find contentment in what is, seeking no more nor accepting less – refusing to acknowledge or recognize that growth and advancement comes only through change – innovation will be lost and mediocrity will thrive. A society (or individual) without dreams is but a hollow shell of what could potentially be. Unless (and until) we seek the tools that will enable us to initiate change effectively (Training, Coaching, Mentoring, Diversification of Experience), we may find pride and accomplishment in what we have been given but will rarely build a new hope for ourselves (or those who come after us). 

Traditions, experiences and our pasts – relationships and acquaintances, knowledge and how it is applied – are the “glue” that holds us together on the framework upon which we build our lives. They can also, however, serve as boundaries that keep us from new discoveries, different experiences, and unprecedented actions. Striking a balance between where we came from, who we are, and what we wish to become will help us move from what once was through what now is to what might possibly be. Remember and celebrate your past, your traditions and your heritage but DO NOT allow them to prevent you from looking ahead to what could be and moving forward to reach lofty goals – to fulfill high expectations. Learn from your experiences, seek life-long learning opportunities (formally or informally), and build upon what you have accomplished to make a difference BUT be careful that your boundaries do not become barriers that prevent growth, change and relationships.

 

RECOGNIZING AND REALIZING REALITY DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON

The Holiday Season at the end of each year is usually seen as a time to enjoy family, friends, all that the year provided and the new and not-yet experienced adventures that a new year will bring. It is not, however, a universally joyful time as many within our society are suffering financially, may be unsure of their future plans or have experienced a loss this past year that has put them at an emotional low from which they can see no possibility of recovery. People need and thrive on relationships of all kinds but we all have deep and personal connections to individuals – whether they be family or friends that have come to mean much to us – that would rock us to our souls should something happen to disrupt this portion of our lives. To some it may seem necessary to do things differently this year – not so much out of a need to try things not yet experienced but rather to simply avoid the things that were once a part of their lives but will no longer be due to a loss of someone close to them. To others there may be a need to lock themselves behind closed doors, using that isolation as an excuse to avoid others, to buffer their relationships and generally escape a painful reality. Therein lies the problem that can adversely impact one’s Holiday cheer – recognizing and realizing reality can be (and often are) two vastly different points upon the continuum of life.

Some (particularly those afraid or unwilling to acknowledge and/or accept changes in life) seek environments that will shelter them from ever feeling pain…that will provide security (no matter how false it may be) and predictability (no matter how mundane or mediocre that might become). They live life wandering aimlessly upon roads paved by the memories of their past – within the walls they have constructed around themselves (having no windows from which to see nor doors from which to enter or leave). They avoid unexpected detours or excursions while finding comfort and security in the things they know (and have seen) in the past. Living within the comfort of their isolation, they fear the pain of failure more than they could ever anticipate the rewards of success. These sheltered people may ultimately survive in life but will have difficulty ever experiencing the “thrill of victory” (as they are often resigned to live within the “agony of defeat”). In seeking refuge from the pain that life might present, they accomplish only what is expected and predictable but may never achieve their full potential…living to avoid the pain that reality might bring rather than celebrating the joy they may never have felt had it not been for the moments shared with someone no longer here. 

Far too often isolated individuals begin to canonize themselves – putting themselves first and everyone else a distant second. They de-energize relationships by focusing upon the shortcomings of others (often to make up for a lack of confidence or low self-esteem in themselves). When we pull others down – highlighting their deficiencies in an effort to elevate ourselves (surrounding ourselves with individuals who will not or cannot challenge us) – we may rise to the top of a pool of mediocrity but will rarely reach the pinnacle of individual success or accomplishment. How can we expect our efforts to be maximized if we focus upon what could go wrong or what must be avoided rather than identifying alternative paths or actively seeking a direction that might provide better results as we initiate activity that will pull others with us to a different place?  Rather than seeing failure or loss as a destination that should be avoided at all costs (or exploiting the shortcomings of others for personal gain), much could be gained by viewing unwanted or unanticipated situations as springboards to success – flexible bases that bring us back from the depths of loss to a previously unknown (and unexpected) reality. If we seek to thrive (and live OUTSIDE of isolation) we must recognize that “getting up” is more significant (and critical) than “falling down.”  Believing that the “light at the end of a tunnel” is an opportunity not yet realized rather than a train heading towards us on a collision course reflects the assimilation of dreams into daily reality – but unless we venture out from our isolated privacy we will never recognize NOR experience the full potential awaiting us…a reality that those we believe cause our pain due to their absence would have wanted us to experience had they been here to share it with us.

Accepting that our own (or another individual’s) weaknesses are insurmountable results in our believing failure is final. If, however, we acknowledge deficiencies, unexpected situations OR seemingly immeasurable loss as but bumps in the road as we relentlessly move forward seeking to bring to fruition the dreams that may be as hard to imagine as they are to realize…as we refuse to accept the disruption of our expectations as an “end game” to our efforts…we will find new ways to make things happen within a world that may look drastically different from any we had ever imagined. Destiny can only be obscured when we allow ourselves to be restrained by a lack of expectations and held back by a fear of failure, seeking and finding comfort within that emptiness and succumbing to the outward pressures of loss and isolation. We will lose in life only if we accept what we have and who we are as being all there is or ever could be RATHER THAN seeing our present as but a temporary resting point on our journey through today as we seek a different (and better) tomorrow. All individuals have a past built upon actions taken, relationships made, and things accomplished AS WELL AS a present comprised of the things we choose to hold dear and the relationships we wish to maintain (the loss of these expectations or relationships being what can cause turmoil within our minds, hearts, and souls). Holding on to losses too tightly can keep us from realizing our potential…from imagining what might be possible…but will never be seen as probable if we allow ourselves to be constrained by our losses or guided by things outside of our control. 

During this Holiday Season, allow yourself to celebrate the best of times rather than to suffer the loss caused by their ending. Find joy in what you have – and what you may have had in the past – rather than being controlled by what you know may not be present in the near future. Share and build upon the relationships you have rather than mourning those that may be lost. Take (or make) the time to look beyond the memories of what we once had because unless (and until) we accept how what has passed helped to build who we are growing to be we limit ourselves to things already experienced rather than immersing ourselves within the things yet to come. If we choose to bury ourselves within the comfort of what we have achieved, we limit ourselves to those things already accomplished. If, however, our future is defined by the dreams and expectations expressed within pages of a book not yet fully written, our possibilities will remain pathways to a reality limited only by our acceptance of those things we accept as unalterable or undeniable truths. 

Have a Happy Holiday…a Merry Christmas…a blessed and wonderful New Year during the coming weeks. Take time to enjoy your friends, your family and your many blessings but never forget to build upon the memories those who may have left us too early – that passed before we felt ready to let them go – poured into us while they were here (for we are who we have become ONLY BECAUSE they meant what they did to us).

WE CANNOT ACHIEVE IF WE DO NOT BELIEVE

There are many reasons we fail to live up to our full potential but the most common are often tied to inappropriate (or unexpressed) goals, inadequate (or unstated) expectations, a lack of responsibility (or possibly too much irresponsibility) or denied accountability (often to the point of deferring or transferring accountability). 

If you never set goals, you will not be able to fail (for anything you do can be construed a success) BUT nothing you do will ever produce anticipated objectives (though sometimes accidental meaningful results might be achieved). Anyone can shoot at an unidentified target and claim that they accomplished their intentions when something (anything) is hit. If we were to shoot an arrow towards an open field – hitting nothing but air – would we succeed because we hit the “nothing” we were aiming at, or would we “fail” because we did not intentionally hit anything (until our arrow landed somewhere we could not have imagined)? Shooting an arrow at a target establishes an expectation that the bulls-eye is our objective (which, if missed, would represent failure). Unless (and until) a goal or objective is established, no measure of success can be identified. Far too many people try to lead by projecting another’s current abilities forward without clearly establishing how their abilities contribute to success – any accomplishment coming as an unintended consequence rather than a planned outcome that resulted from deliberate actions.  

If you wander aimlessly about without having a destination in mind you may never be lost BUT you will not know when to abandon one path in favor of another. Effective leaders recognize the need to tell others how their individual efforts fit into the “big picture.”  Unless one knows where they are going they will not know when they arrive. Without knowing how their individual contribution completes the whole, one will focus more on the “means” than the “end.” Strong leaders encourage people to stretch their capabilities in an effort to bridge any gap that lie before them while ensuring they arrive at a pre-determined (and communicated) destination. Making sure that others know what is expected of them and what will result from their meeting expectations (OR what might befall them should they fail to meet their goals) – and following through on your promises – establishes both self-confidence and accountability. Say what you mean and do what you say WITHOUT EXCEPTION to establish the ends you need and the means you are willing to invest to get there.

If one is not held accountable for the results of their actions – if neither punishment nor reward result from a conscious action taken in response to a situation or set of circumstances – how can we expect an individual to perform effectively OR independently? When we allow someone to act in a given manner – whether it is appropriate and good or inappropriate and destructive – we effectively set the “bar” and cannot expect any more (or less) from the individual. We cannot change behavior without first drawing a line in the sand by saying what was once good enough will no longer be acceptable. Declaring the need for change, however, is not enough – we must set acceptable targets (for which to aim) and establish meaningful goals (that can be reached) THEN must then COMMUNICATE them to all impacted, holding them accountable for the actions necessary to implement the change.

Whether people are working, vacationing, in a relationship, trying to help others, OR looking to engage in any of these things, one can only achieve what they truly believe can be accomplished. Going into a project, beginning a trip or entering a relationship with an attitude of “if it does not work, I can always start over,” creates an instant escape path that will most likely be taken should “the going get tough.” In order to make a difference in this world – in the things we do and the people we touch – we must (to a degree) plan, anticipate, expect, act and take accountability for what we have done. We must plan what we want to achieve and “pre-identify” the outcomes we wish to accomplish or we will be content to accept whatever results come from the efforts we exhibit and settle for what we have (are and might ever hope to become) rather than realizing what COULD BE if only we had looked beyond our reality to make real our beliefs, hopes and dreams.