RECOGNIZING AND REALIZING REALITY DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON

The Holiday Season at the end of each year is usually seen as a time to enjoy family, friends, all that the year provided and the new and not-yet experienced adventures that a new year will bring. It is not, however, a universally joyful time as many within our society are suffering financially, may be unsure of their future plans or have experienced a loss this past year that has put them at an emotional low from which they can see no possibility of recovery. People need and thrive on relationships of all kinds but we all have deep and personal connections to individuals – whether they be family or friends that have come to mean much to us – that would rock us to our souls should something happen to disrupt this portion of our lives. To some it may seem necessary to do things differently this year – not so much out of a need to try things not yet experienced but rather to simply avoid the things that were once a part of their lives but will no longer be due to a loss of someone close to them. To others there may be a need to lock themselves behind closed doors, using that isolation as an excuse to avoid others, to buffer their relationships and generally escape a painful reality. Therein lies the problem that can adversely impact one’s Holiday cheer – recognizing and realizing reality can be (and often are) two vastly different points upon the continuum of life.

Some (particularly those afraid or unwilling to acknowledge and/or accept changes in life) seek environments that will shelter them from ever feeling pain…that will provide security (no matter how false it may be) and predictability (no matter how mundane or mediocre that might become). They live life wandering aimlessly upon roads paved by the memories of their past – within the walls they have constructed around themselves (having no windows from which to see nor doors from which to enter or leave). They avoid unexpected detours or excursions while finding comfort and security in the things they know (and have seen) in the past. Living within the comfort of their isolation, they fear the pain of failure more than they could ever anticipate the rewards of success. These sheltered people may ultimately survive in life but will have difficulty ever experiencing the “thrill of victory” (as they are often resigned to live within the “agony of defeat”). In seeking refuge from the pain that life might present, they accomplish only what is expected and predictable but may never achieve their full potential…living to avoid the pain that reality might bring rather than celebrating the joy they may never have felt had it not been for the moments shared with someone no longer here. 

Far too often isolated individuals begin to canonize themselves – putting themselves first and everyone else a distant second. They de-energize relationships by focusing upon the shortcomings of others (often to make up for a lack of confidence or low self-esteem in themselves). When we pull others down – highlighting their deficiencies in an effort to elevate ourselves (surrounding ourselves with individuals who will not or cannot challenge us) – we may rise to the top of a pool of mediocrity but will rarely reach the pinnacle of individual success or accomplishment. How can we expect our efforts to be maximized if we focus upon what could go wrong or what must be avoided rather than identifying alternative paths or actively seeking a direction that might provide better results as we initiate activity that will pull others with us to a different place?  Rather than seeing failure or loss as a destination that should be avoided at all costs (or exploiting the shortcomings of others for personal gain), much could be gained by viewing unwanted or unanticipated situations as springboards to success – flexible bases that bring us back from the depths of loss to a previously unknown (and unexpected) reality. If we seek to thrive (and live OUTSIDE of isolation) we must recognize that “getting up” is more significant (and critical) than “falling down.”  Believing that the “light at the end of a tunnel” is an opportunity not yet realized rather than a train heading towards us on a collision course reflects the assimilation of dreams into daily reality – but unless we venture out from our isolated privacy we will never recognize NOR experience the full potential awaiting us…a reality that those we believe cause our pain due to their absence would have wanted us to experience had they been here to share it with us.

Accepting that our own (or another individual’s) weaknesses are insurmountable results in our believing failure is final. If, however, we acknowledge deficiencies, unexpected situations OR seemingly immeasurable loss as but bumps in the road as we relentlessly move forward seeking to bring to fruition the dreams that may be as hard to imagine as they are to realize…as we refuse to accept the disruption of our expectations as an “end game” to our efforts…we will find new ways to make things happen within a world that may look drastically different from any we had ever imagined. Destiny can only be obscured when we allow ourselves to be restrained by a lack of expectations and held back by a fear of failure, seeking and finding comfort within that emptiness and succumbing to the outward pressures of loss and isolation. We will lose in life only if we accept what we have and who we are as being all there is or ever could be RATHER THAN seeing our present as but a temporary resting point on our journey through today as we seek a different (and better) tomorrow. All individuals have a past built upon actions taken, relationships made, and things accomplished AS WELL AS a present comprised of the things we choose to hold dear and the relationships we wish to maintain (the loss of these expectations or relationships being what can cause turmoil within our minds, hearts, and souls). Holding on to losses too tightly can keep us from realizing our potential…from imagining what might be possible…but will never be seen as probable if we allow ourselves to be constrained by our losses or guided by things outside of our control. 

During this Holiday Season, allow yourself to celebrate the best of times rather than to suffer the loss caused by their ending. Find joy in what you have – and what you may have had in the past – rather than being controlled by what you know may not be present in the near future. Share and build upon the relationships you have rather than mourning those that may be lost. Take (or make) the time to look beyond the memories of what we once had because unless (and until) we accept how what has passed helped to build who we are growing to be we limit ourselves to things already experienced rather than immersing ourselves within the things yet to come. If we choose to bury ourselves within the comfort of what we have achieved, we limit ourselves to those things already accomplished. If, however, our future is defined by the dreams and expectations expressed within pages of a book not yet fully written, our possibilities will remain pathways to a reality limited only by our acceptance of those things we accept as unalterable or undeniable truths. 

Have a Happy Holiday…a Merry Christmas…a blessed and wonderful New Year during the coming weeks. Take time to enjoy your friends, your family and your many blessings but never forget to build upon the memories those who may have left us too early – that passed before we felt ready to let them go – poured into us while they were here (for we are who we have become ONLY BECAUSE they meant what they did to us).