REALIZE YOUR DREAMS TO TRANSFORM YOUR DESTINY…

Unless there is more gain from a change than pain from NOT changing, such corrections rarely prove effective.  People change very little once they have established their basic values, patterns and thought processes.  It is often easier (and more effective) to leverage an individual’s strengths than it is to try to change their shortcomings.  As a “well known philosopher” (Dr. Suess) once so aptly proclaimed, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." A recent conversation with a business owner validated this reality as she was lamenting about how little her Management Team was willing to change even with much cajoling and prodding – people do not change unless (and until) there are clear and concise expectations established and consequences identified if timeframes for results are not clearly established.

People often sit back and dream – about what they have (or do not have), who they are (or who they wish to be), and what they want to do differently so that they can achieve an altered result.  One must first imagine something as being a possibility before it can become a probability – yet "Dreams take time, patience, sustained effort, and a willingness to fail if they are ever to be anything more than dreams." (Bryan Linkoski).  Until we dream of something different, nothing will change.  If, however, we wish to have change without recognizing where we are or what we are currently doing and consciously initiating a course of action that will move us from our present towards our “wished for” future, we will be helplessly mired within the comfort (or discomfort) of what we have and who we are.

While “failure” is not a desired (nor welcome) outcome of change, dreamers often recognize that there is a very real possibility they may not achieve immediate success.  Robert F. Kennedy said, "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."   Individuals whom have truly made a difference understand that failure is not the worst thing that might happen to them – failing to try is a far more impactful (and personally devastating) choice.  While much intentional thought and deliberate action is required to succeed, individuals making a difference recognize that nothing of significance is ever accomplished without having to overcome criticism, conflict and doubt while moving from the established road to a path less travelled.  Further, if thoughts are to become reality, the word “impossible” must never be considered.  While facts, information and well-considered alternatives are the building blocks of change, if our dreams are to become our reality we must sometimes recognize that SOMETIMES the facts do not really matter.  What we BELIEVE we tend to ACHIEVE – it is those things we only wish and hope for that often fall to the wayside.

Life is a series of starts and stops – of closed chapters and of new beginnings.  If we are to realize change it is important that we not only recognize the need for altered thought processes as we plan for a different outcome but that we also intentionally ACT to make ANYTHING happen...our behavior must shift as well as our thoughts...our hoping and dreaming are great foundations for change but nothing will be built upon that base without work and effort.  When we know what must be done AND recognize our role – realizing the path that must be taken should we choose to leave where we are in pursuit of what we wish to be – we will be run over and left behind if we just sit (stand or lie) and consider what the next steps might be.

During times of change – of altered perspectives and intentional actions that create potential conflict and send us into unchartered waters – many seek to follow individuals more willing to take risks.  They hope for the rewards earned by those willing to risk much by hitching their wagons to another’s star.  They seek equality rather than equity in the world – often pulling down those who are successful, taking from them the fruits of their labor in an effort to narrow the gap between “those who have and those who have not.”  Think about how much could be accomplished (and achieved) if “those without” would be willing to seek and accept the tools necessary to narrow the gap and learn how to use them to elevate themselves (rather than hoping to receive what they feel they deserve without investing themselves in its coming to fruition). 

Mark Twain once said, "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." We are not “owed” success but we must identify what WE consider “success” to be prior to seeking ways that might move us from possibility to probability then INTENTIONALLY ACT to make our hopes and dreams real if we are to start fresh and experience change.  What might be possible if everyone worked towards an elevated goal rather than accepting their current reality as an end?  Imagine the heights we could achieve if all attempted to reach the top of our mountain rather than being content to rest in its shadow within the lush valley below.  Think of the dreams that might be brought to fruition if all viewed their present position in life a starting point rather than a destination – a beginning rather than an end.  To change our destiny we must think big and act audaciously – embracing (without fearing) failure and accepting (without hesitation) each opportunity or challenge that enters our life.

REALIZE YOUR REALITY

Some people sleep without dreaming and awaken rested.  Others dream while sleeping and awaken inspired.  Dreams are important as they allow us to visualize what we wish to accomplish before we begin a new journey or even expect anything different than we already do to happen.  Life based on the premise that what “is” will never change is not seeking all that living might offer but rather concealing what we can offer by hiding our potential as we hold on to only what has been experienced.  How can light be shed into the darkness if we are content to live within the four walls of our present reality being afraid to open even the windows to enter the world of possibilities?

Some (particularly those afraid or unwilling to learn from failure) live by the axiom that setting low expectations will keep them from ever experiencing failure or being disappointed with less than stellar results.  They live life by meandering aimlessly upon roads developed by others that typically are the straightest path from here to there as they avoid unexpected detours or excursions.  They find comfort and security in the things that they know (and have seen) work – that may not bring the BEST results but have been proven to lead to a result that satisfies minimal needs.  Those setting low expectations – fearing the pain of failure more than anticipating the rewards of success – may survive in life but will rarely experience the thrill of victory (OR the agony of defeat) as they exist within a world of getting by and making due rather than being exceptional and initiating change.   While usually accomplishing that which is expected and predictable, they will rarely thrive or achieve their full potential. 

We de-energize our relationships when we focus upon the shortcomings of others.  When we pull others down – highlighting their deficiencies in an effort to elevate ourselves – we may rise to the top of a pool of mediocrity but will rarely reach the pinnacle of individual success to which we can pull others with us.  How can we expect our accomplishments to be maximized if we focus upon what could go wrong rather than trying to identify alternative paths or directions that might provide better results?  Rather than seeing failure as a destination that should be avoided at all costs (or exploited for personal gain should others experience it), perhaps much could be gained by viewing it as a springboard to success.  Believing that the “light at the end of a tunnel” is an opportunity not yet realized rather than a train heading towards us on a collision course reflects the assimilation of dreams into daily reality.

Accepting that our own (or another individual’s) weaknesses are insurmountable results in our believing failure is inevitable – a probability – or at least an acceptable end result.  If, however, we acknowledge deficiencies as bumps in the road, relentlessly moving forward as we seek to accomplish our dreams – refusing to accept a disruption in our expectations as an “end game” to our efforts – we will find new ways to make things happen.  Destiny becomes an unreachable reality only when we allow ourselves to be limited by a lack of expectations and a fear of failure. 

We all have a past comprised of actions taken, relationships forged and things accomplished.  We all have a present comprised of the things we choose to do and relationships we work to maintain.  The future, however, is defined by what we allow ourselves to accept as our destiny.  If our purpose is based on the things we have done and the memories of what we once had, we limit ourselves to a life already lived – our potential defined by what we have already experienced.  If, however, our future is defined by the dreams and expectations expressed within the pages of a book not yet written – if we live within the premise that all we have done, all we have accomplished and all we currently have is but a premonition to what might yet remain to be discovered in our lives – our possibilities will remain pathways to a reality limited only by our blind acceptance of those things we accept as truth or the beliefs we accept as unalterable.  Our dreams become reality when we anticipate and expect rather than simply holding thoughts tightly within the privacy of our individual hearts...when we awaken to accept the probability of things once considered to be but a distant possibility...when we actively follow the paths once hidden beneath the sands of time and imagination.  It is ONLY THEN that we will realize our reality as we become all we were meant to be (rather than remaining what we have become or continually reliving what we once were).

REAL CHANGE MUST BE INTENTIONAL

 They arrive at a crossroad…

Looking back to see how their past had unfolded...

Looking ahead towards a future not yet defined.

     Increasingly tired of their struggles within a thankless world…

They sought a solitary path that would lead towards truth…

An obscure trail that would carry them to a brighter future... 

Deliberately they turned, tentatively moving forward into a vast unknown…

Leaving behind the comfort and security their past provided…

Intentionally embarking upon a path that would change their lives forever…

Why do people seek change?  What makes us decide to do things differently – particularly if the things we are doing provide us comfort or bring us success – particularly if our success leaves us feeling empty?  What makes us wander from “the familiar” in search of unknown challenges, opportunities and destinations?   There comes a time in life that we all reflect upon what we have done, what we are doing and (often) seek different ways of doing things and alternative destinations as we determine what is really valuable – what is real – in our lives...resolving to change in ways that will allow us more free time, “true” success or more relevant and tangible rewards.  Several factors must be recognized, however, if we wish to move beyond our current station in life – beginning with the deliberate consideration of an intentional action that, when taken, will forever change where we are as it redefines where we are going and what we wish to achieve (one cannot do the same things they have always done NOR value the same things they have always valued if different results and/or rewards are expected).

 Everyone desires success (though success cannot be granted to or bestowed upon another for we all define it differently).  Far too often, however, success breeds arrogance, which leads to complacency.  If we ride a single success beyond its effective lifespan…thinking “our way” is the only way…someone else will either assume our market share (by improving upon what we do), force us to change (by revealing the shortcomings of our established approach), or disrupt our stagnant but comfortable existence (by offering a more exciting option).  We must actively appraise the things we do AND why we do them (both in our work and our personal relationships), constantly adjusting, revising and changing at least the “how” (if not the “why) we do them if we wish to remain vibrant and relevant.  By continuously analyzing our strengths and weaknesses, identifying those that hold us back and enhancing those that pull us forward, we will remain significant to ourselves and to those around us.  Recognizing that the only constant in life is change should allow us to accept the possibility of failure (and the learning it brings) as long as we accept the premise that success does not germinate from frantic movement without direction or purpose.  In order to move forward we must occasionally stop what we are doing so we can start something else.

To initiate change, one must be intentionally and consciously address three major issues:

•  We must acknowledge where we have been, recognize what we have done, and desire something different before we can start travelling upon a new path.  How can we better serve our customers?  What can we do to improve a relationship?  Must we alter our behavior so that we can remain relevant within a changing world?  Whenever we recognize our goals – that time has kept moving forward while we have remained steadfastly planted in one place – we must leave our original path to discover one that will allow us to refocus and redirect our efforts as we seek a new and different objective.

• We must stop doing the things we are doing – that we have always done - no matter how effective they may have been in the past.  While identifying what must be done to create meaningful change, paths (and methods) needing abandonment will inevitably be revealed.  Can a workforce that values time off from work be effectively disciplined with suspension?  Can an individual communicate effectively without embracing technology and learning how to “entertain” using Power Point?  Can two people maintain a meaningful relationship if neither is willing to “walk a mile” in the other’s shoes – to speak freely and openly while actively listening to hear what is being said by the other? When one arrives at a crossroad, life can either stagnate at the dead end or proceed in a different direction, at a different pace and seek an alternative objective.  An intentional decision to change is required to initiate a change in course. 
  
  
• 
  As we identify and abandon the things that hold us back we must continue doing things that produce positive growth and change.  We all have personal strengths…characteristics responsible for the success we have experienced.  Everyone can celebrate a “peak of accomplishment” in their past.  Far too many of us, however, choose to dwell within the quiet valleys that provide shelter from the wind while gazing up at our past accomplishments.  In order to realize meaningful change we should continue doing the things that raised us to our heights, discard those that brought us to our knees and seek new paths that will lead us to new discoveries.

We must alter more than our outward appearance if we expect our life to change significantly.  We often hear about “new and improved” products only to find nothing but the packaging has changed.  Television networks frequently move a failing show from one night to another in order to gain viewers from a less competitive offering.  In order to realize change we must continually take stock of what we are doing and where we are going – then intentionally seek paths that will lead us from complacency to discovery...from stagnation to new relationships and opportunities. We must fully define our present (from which we will be moving forward) and acknowledge our past (both the wins and the losses) so that we can put aside those things that hold us back and embrace those ideals that would allow us to change if we harbor any expectation of creating a future that is different than what we have always done or what we are currently doing.

DOES PRIDE HELP SOLVE PROBLEMS OR IS IT PURELY PROBLEMATIC?

Pride becomes a driver as insecure leaders seek to bring to fruition their internal perceptions by de-valuing the thoughts and ideas of others.  Selfless actions can become the impetus for monumental change if performed unconditionally without anticipation or expectation of personal recognition or reward.  Those who act selflessly in their pursuit of success will almost always become great leaders that receive (without asking) support from those they lead.  Those that pursue success through their self-serving (and depreciating) acts may become adequate managers but rarely will they lead.

One can be morally and ethically strong when they act with selfless sincerity.  When driven by the whims of pride it is much easier to display moral and ethical weakness to those around you as your drivers are to attain status, recognition or wealth rather than respect, trust and value.  We tend to become more like those with whom we choose to associate than those we might wish to be as we reflect the actions, values and perspectives of those around us (even though we may keep the attitudes we might wish to portray hidden deeply within the shadows).  

Pride can destroy relationships.  When one loves (or finds great comfort in) him- or herself there is often very little room left for anyone else.  The feeling of self-advancement caused by caring for “number one” can cloud what might be an obvious choice – blurring an otherwise clear decision or directive that would benefit the whole as much as the individual.  When one puts the needs of others first when making decisions, even a good idea (which may not be the “best” solution) can be provide exceptional results due to the support and invested interest it receives from stakeholders.  When pride elevates the desires of “one” above the needs of others, failure becomes not a matter of “if” but rather of “when.”

Strong, unselfish leaders learn how to resolve what they can, recognize what is beyond their personal capabilities, and seek help (with humility) when initiating change that could be beyond their personal control.  When a leader focuses more on results than worrying about who receives the credit, great things can happen. When an individual focuses on “...what is in it for ME?” rather than on “...what is in it for US?” the focus becomes prideful, selfish (AND ineffective).

Prideful leaders: 

• Devalue the work and efforts of others
• Claim individual ownership of the team’s results
• Consistently puts his or her own welfare ahead of their team’s
• Have difficulty hearing others when they make suggestions or try to initiate change as they are typically speaking rather than listening
• Think they “know everything,” failing to see the need to “learn anything new” or acknowledge the wisdom, experience or ideas of others
• Will begin to spiral towards obsolescence once they feel they have “arrived,” unless they continue to seek life’s lessons from the people, places and things around them needed to grow
• Use deferral is an ally – if unable to shift fault to others they often remain silent (as if nothing had happened) or excuse a mistake as being a decision based on bad information
• Find it hard to say, “Thank you” or “I am sorry” (as they are not truly grateful to acknowledge another’ contributions and reticent to admit to their own mistakes) 
• Do not feel compelled to move onward, upward, or forward.  They are often so content with “what is” they could care less about “what could be.” 
• Often feel and act as though “above” the rules (which obviously control, apply to or were developed to control someone else). 

 Unselfish leaders: 

• Act with consistency and reasonableness – treating everyone equitably based upon their contributions to the whole (as opposed to equally where everyone is the considered to be the same) 
• Speak with sincerity when giving directions, suggestions or comments – taking the time to explain not only the “what” but also the “why” of each request 
• Explain both the rewards of accomplishment and the results of failure – then help those working for them discover the road to success
• Allow themselves to be lifted “up the ladder” upon the outstretched hands of those around them rather than “climbing over them as if they were the rungs of a ladder on the way to the top”
• Watch and listen attentively to others, acting appropriately upon what is seen and heard...willing to accept responsibility for decisions, change their mind when conditions change and give others the same ability to learn from their mistakes
• Give credit when it is due and provide guidance when change is required. 
• Accept blame for the mistakes for which they are ultimately responsible
• Help others learn from (rather than being destroyed for) their mistakes
• Recognize that the growth of a group or organization...of a relationship...is an end-goal rather than simply a step on the way towards self-fulfillment.

If you claim individual credit or responsibility for the things that “go right” while shifting the blame for shortcomings or deflecting criticism towards others as an excuse for mistakes you may find yourself alone at the top – standing precariously upon the unwilling backs of those you stepped over while rising.  If you speak softly as you act loudly – praise generously while accepting accolades reluctantly – you will find yourself pulling others with you as you achieve all that you can by becoming all that you hope to be.