LANDMARKS OF LEGENDARY LEADERS

Anyone able to develop a “one size fits all” leadership style “guaranteed to produce positive results” that could be easily transferred from one individual to another would make a fortune. Each of us brings established values, unique characteristics, and different motivational abilities with us when we assume a leadership role, however, so a single magical elixir would be difficult to develop as a “cure all” fix to instantly create new leaders. An excellent leader leverages listening skills, empathy, assertiveness, persistence, creativity, patience, and an awareness of “why” others are thinking differently (rather than simply “what” they might be thinking) to maximize results by identifying and accentuating individual strengths (both personally AND within those they lead). Exceptional and lasting results come when a leader can meld the diverse (and sometimes contradictory) contributions of others into a single solution that benefits his/her group, department, organization, or all involved parties. Effective leaders succeed by encouraging (and creating) group participation without sacrificing any member of the group’s identity, contribution, or creativity. Individuals recognized as being legendary leaders (vs. those who are legends in their own minds) – those that truly create change and influence behavior – typically exhibit (or acknowledge) the following characteristics:

• There is no limit as to how much can be done IF one does not care who receives the credit and is willing to share the rewards for what has been accomplished.
• Individuals who intentionally seek input and contribution from all parties within a relationship (encouraging communication, suggestions, and discussion) find strength in numbers while those that do not often find themselves struggling alone.
• Exceptional leaders engage others while seeking the best solution having the most support then find satisfaction in seeing results not previously accomplished while pulling others along with them as they identify new possibilities.
• Strong leaders make decisions based on the information they have at their disposal (recognizing that if the information changes, so might their decision). They take intentional action guiding employees, informing top management (not necessarily seeking permission) and engaging partners within their relationships in decisions that affect them (before the decision is made). They are unafraid to change their mind IF their situation or the environment around them changes (openly explaining WHAT changed and WHY the course of action was altered).
• Effective leaders never ask, “Why am I not part of the decision-making process?” Leaders step forward to make themselves an invaluable part of any situation in which they find themselves by learning as much as possible about it and leveraging this knowledge to make significant, profitable, reasonable, and equitable decisions that benefit “all” rather than simply themselves.
• Decisions are made based on facts, opinions, input accepted and current environmental conditions. An effective leader will act in concert with those around him/her while a competent manager will direct the efforts of those around him/her. Both may reach the same destination in a similar amount of time, but the former will arrive upon the supportive shoulders of those being led while the latter will often have to walk behind those “being led,” pushing them along in a direction they may not wish to travel.
• People (both in the workplace AND within society) contribute more if they WANT to rather than HAVING to do something. Great leaders put more effort into selling their ideas than they do into telling their expectations – into securing “buy-in” and sharing ownership than they do in making excuses or assigning blame.
• Those we WANT to work with and for tend to question themselves first if something goes wrong before assigning blame or responsibility to others. In a relationship, the first question a great partner asks should be, “What role did I play in creating this situation and how must I change to help resolve it?” rather than, “What did you do and why did you do it?” Business leaders must address a negative result or behavior by first considering if the employee responsible was adequately trained, appropriately prepared, and provided ample opportunity to learn before being expected to perform a new or unfamiliar role. A Legendary Leader will accept responsibility for the failure if the employee was not prepared and equipped then take action that will help prepare him/her for the future. If the employee was trained, prepared, and provided the opportunity to gain experience but still made a significant error, a strong leader will address the results immediately and constructively to ensure they do not become the norm rather than the exception. A Legendary Leader will NEVER ignore, avoid, or fail to either accept responsibility OR address a performance issue (constructively).

Great leaders bring to fruition their dreams as well as the hopes and imaginings of those around them as they actively engage in self-examination and effective listening, intentionally encourage participation by openly accepting suggestions or different perspectives and are targeted (immediate and specific rather than delayed and cumulative) with their criticism while willingly accepting responsibility (warranted or not) for delayed gratification and being overly-generous with praise for a job well done. Poor leaders can bring those around them to their knees as they deflect, defer, and focus on who did something (rather than what might be done to fix it), share responsibility for failure while selfishly accepting the rewards (and accolades) of a job done well. Paraphrasing a statement made by the late John F. Kennedy, an exceptional leader does not ask what his/her team (partner or organization) can do for him/her but what he/she can do for (and with) them.

SEVEN KEYS TO EFFECTIVELY INFLUENCING CHANGE

Books, blogs, or white papers are readily available for individuals seeking to manage people, relationships, situations, teams, products, or processes – even ways to control your temper, yourself, or another’s actions. Many are notable examples of how someone else has achieved success, become “rich and famous” or has become the person that everyone would like to be BUT far too often the self-help stories are biographies of someone’s success and what they were able to accomplish without really saying what should be done or who along the way made a difference. Since there are fewer managers than people being managed in this world – less leaders than those being led – why is so little attention given to INFLUENCING “from the bottom up” rather than to managing from “the top down?” Why do so many individuals seek to control a relationship rather than to share in it? Whether or not we manage (or aspire to manage), seven critical “keys” to becoming more influential in your interactions with others would include: 

1. Recognize that it is your responsibility to SELL an idea, NOT someone else’s responsibility to BUY the concept. Good salespeople identify and relate to the needs of the buyer, not their own needs. While making a sale will obviously benefit the seller, a buyer must recognize why he or she will benefit from his or her decision to purchase before a sale will ever be consummated. Remain positive and upbeat, focusing on what YOU can do to “make things right” rather than upon what others could do to make things fail. Until you truly “sell” change, you will be but an implementer rather than an initiator. When you are in a position to contribute rather than to dictate (as many of us often find ourselves), focus on the results of your interaction rather than seeking praise, recognition, and credit for the idea.
2. Consider how change will impact “the whole” rather than how it will meet your personal objectives. Since most people are hesitant to abandon the status quo, if you want something to be different than it is you must convince others that the promises and potential of change are better than the comforts of staying the same. If you wish to influence another’s actions you must clearly demonstrate how change will positively impact that individual, the organization, their environment, and their future. RATHER THAN imagining how much better your life might be or what personal gains change might provide, consider first how you might be able to influence the world around you so that all may benefit.
3. Present a realistic cost-benefit analysis of your idea. Whether it be a major corporate decision, the way meetings are conducted, the prioritization of work or a family vacation, be prepared to have a realistic discussion on the cost of change as well as the results of change. Recognize that “cost” can be financial investment, “ego” adjustment, letting go of something that has become second nature or emotional upheaval so there is no one path that will lead to the acceptance of change. Acknowledge that implementing your idea will often means someone else’s idea was not used BUT discuss how the two (three or four) concepts might be blended to create one solution that is potentially more effective than any single idea. Whenever anything has changed in history, the benefits of change have outweighed the costs. It is your job to clearly communicate this if you expect to be heard (and wish your words to influence behavior that initiates action).
4. Treat managers (or anyone else) to whom you are communicating with the same respect and courtesy you would treat a customer (OR would like to receive yourself). Recognizing that your manager IS your customer when presenting an idea or concept will help you to be a better salesperson. Within your personal relationships, “dictating” might be a quick remedy…but selling (rather than telling) and discussing (rather than imposing) will be much more effective over the long run. The trouble with always telling others what to do and how to do it is that eventually nobody may be left that chooses to listen.
5. When a conclusion is reached, whether or not you fully agree with it, adopt the final decision as your own. Ineffective influencers will “own” decisions with which they agree and “credit others” with the ones they may not have wholeheartedly supported. Remember that you will not always “win” when influencing upwards, but you will gain tremendous credibility if, after all the discussions and debates, you own any solution that is not illegal, unethical, or immoral. We can always live to fight another day as long as we do not impale ourselves upon the sword of principle today. Fully embracing an initial direction DOES NOT commit us to the same straight and narrow path forever. Seeking continuous improvement will allow for the modification of an idea, concept, or direction as we move towards a final result AND provides change and (potentially) new beginnings within our relationships.
6. NEVER advance an idea without having a sincere belief it will make a difference (NOR fail to advance an idea based on who may ultimately receive the credit).  If we lose sight of the result of our ideas, focusing instead on getting credit for the concept, we often discredit others to make ourselves come out on top. When we consciously make others feel that they are right or responsible, rather than continually elevating ourselves into a role of infallibility, our ideas have a better chance of being implemented. Ensuring that the best results are realized (rather than trying to get others to realize that ONLY your ideas are significant) will provide for more meaningful long-term rewards.
7. Rather than focusing on what has (or has not) happened, focus on what has yet to occur. Far too many individuals are haunted by what went wrong rather than what went right. When we focus on what failed, we often lose sight of what may have led to a positive – the things that would never have occurred had we not taken our initial tentative steps (that may have failed) in an effort to bring ideas to fruition. When we focus on what did not happen (often beating ourselves up for what we did wrong rather than what we might have done right EVEN IF it did not work) it is difficult to consider what could be done differently to alter the process as we work to influence final results. When accepting “what is” as being finality, how can we ever realize “what could be” in our work, our attitudes, or our relationships? 
   

Until we learn to sell our ideas (thoughts and feelings) rather than expecting others to simply buy them from us (without discussion, debate, or input), our knowledge, abilities or best intentions will never influence others to initiate action that will result in positive (or long lasting) change.

10 Hidden Truths That Can Help Us Thrive in Life

Everyone gets “stuck” occasionally…stopped dead in their tracks, unable to (or uninterested in) moving forward, wanting to do so much that just getting started seems like an impossible task or when not able to figure out where to begin simply stay where they are. It is not always a particular problem that knocks the train off its rails, it is sometimes an all-encompassing frustration – a massive mental block or perceived mountain that seemed to grow from a mole hill – that prevents us from accomplishing anything at all. Our attention gets scattered, our energy lessens, and we end up putting minimal effort into the accomplishment of our most important and critical activities. In order to “move beyond” the stagnant pool in which we find ourselves we must often identify what we are thinking that makes us feel so different, underachieving, or frustrated. When we are overwhelmed or confused, we often find ourselves ignoring several simple but hard truths about ourselves that must be accepted before we can move forward. Identifying what we want to change in order to alter or modify the results we will be able to accomplish then ACTING to make the changes happen are great points from which to step as you seek self-motivation and significant rewards.

When you decide that SOMETHING must change and focus first on YOURSELF before seeking to change others you do not have to think very hard for actionable answers. We all have a list of things that we should accept, must accomplish, or need to realize and more often than not the unwillingness to face one of these truths is what is keeping us stuck. Identifying and accepting the validity of these realities will almost always release the tension that holds us back so we can move forward with an anticipation of success. A typical list of “hidden truths” that might be identified would include:

1. No person is an island. While people can be independent, rely upon their own experiences and abilities, seek self-actualization and internal validation rather than depending upon encouragement or support from others and be happy doing what they have always done while accomplishing what they have always received, individuals grow through community. When we recognize that others can challenge us and hone our abilities rather than seeing the input of others as a roadblock or barricade to progress, we will be able to enhance “what is” in unexpected ways as we openly seek “what could be” or “what is best.” 
2. People are self-absorbed and tend to think “me first” when interacting with others. We all spend much of our mental energy thinking about ourselves which, in and of itself, is not necessarily a bad thing. Self-reflection is how we become stronger, which in turn makes us better equipped to help others. What IS wrong is if our thoughts become entirely centered around ourselves rather than seeking to accomplish good for the whole. 
3. Most people will not understand us and that is really okay. If we can get comfortable within our own boundaries and possibilities — comfortable enough to present the truest version of who and what we are to the world — the acceptance found in living a genuine life will be far more valuable than needing others to accept us. When we are “comfortable in our own skin” those that support and validate us will become the ones who matter most while those choosing not to will experience a loss from our absence rather than enhancing their gain.
4. Knowing all the answers might be the recognition that many seek. Knowing the questions to ask that might help to clarify (or identify new) answers is probably much more significant when developing a sense of accomplishment. Knowing it all does not lend itself to happiness…applying what you know to new situations and learning from the success or failure of the questions that rise to the top does.
5. We only get stronger by doing hard things. When life is easy, we become complacent. Growth comes from doing things that require serious effort – that often end in failure before ultimately providing new and unanticipated results.
6.  Living requires us to make difficult choices. Anything we do is a choice about how our abilities are invested in order to realize the best possible return. Will we catch up on emails or meet friends for a drink? Will we spend an extra hour at the office or go catch a movie? When we think about the choices, we must make in both our personal and our professional lives we understand how huge it is to identify, consider, plan, anticipate and act as we take one day at a time within this life we lead.
7. Free things are often worthless. When you give away all your time or work for free – your thoughts, feelings, emotions and passion without care or expectation – others may not always value what you give. While not necessarily a bad thing, those giving anything with the requirement that it be repaid in full are often disappointed. When one truly gives more than they can or will ever expect to receive in return, he/she often gets back more than could ever be anticipated.
8. 
   Maintaining relationships takes effort. Never take people for granted or they might walk away. If one INTENTIONALLY allows or accepts a relationship to end it is one thing but if it dissolves out of a lack of attention, care or due to self-serving ambition it may not only be gone but will probably never be re-established.
9. Suffering can be a good thing. A little bit of pain can bring a lot of perspective and empathy. Do not be afraid to experience pain BUT do not dwell within it as it can keep you from incorporating life’s lessons into the growth that can be experienced by learning (and moving on) from its mistakes.
10. It is okay to stand alone. We do not have to be around people 24/7 NOR do we need to be friends with EVERYONE including people we do not enjoy spending time with OR maintain a relationship with someone who does not make us happy. While we WANT to be successful, socially accepted and acceptable to others we NEED to be comfortable with ourselves, confident in who we are and happy in what we are becoming.

It is painful — and helpful — to live within our discomfort at times. We can learn from trials AND grow from past tribulations as long as we truly value the “getting up” more than the “staying down” while seeking a world teeming with possibilities rather than one stagnant in its complacency.

BETTER WAYS TO BUILD POSITIVE SELF-ESTEEM

Our society tends to minimize the importance of learning from failure, encouraging positive self-esteem and equality within all individuals, in order for them to be confident in taking the risks required of success. A recent news article about a parent in Texas claiming her son was “bullied” by the coach of an opposing high school football team because he “mercilessly and relentlessly ran up the score” against her son’s team (90+ to nothing). The score seems lopsided on the surface BUT the winning team was first in the state while the losing team had not won a game all season. The winning team had won by more than 70 points per game this season – the losing team scoring very few points even against lesser opponents. The coach of the winning team began substituting during the first quarter and had players in positions they had never played throughout the game. Short of telling his players to stop scoring or to fumble the ball away (which would have been unfair to the winning team), what else could he have done? Neither coach was surprised with the final score. The players on the losing team admitted a better team beat them. Why is it that when parents begin to live their lives through their children all sorts of negative things begin to happen?

Has the concept of building a “positive self-esteem” and “hovering” over our children to protect them from failing become the driving force in both our schools and workplaces (at the expense of success and accomplishment)? Do you stifle those you care about – negatively influence their ability to learn and grow through their own mistakes – by sheltering and protecting them from failure to the point that they feel unable to thrive (or survive) on their own? It may be time to think about the ways self-esteem can be positively influenced without negatively affecting the development of individuals OR the outcomes that we hope to achieve.

Intentionally or accidentally, schools sometimes elevate “self-esteem” to one of the more important aspects of a student’s education – putting student feelings about their self-concept above what they might be able to accomplish. While a teacher has a huge responsibility to help mold the developing minds of students, the diverse levels and abilities each child in a class demonstrates can sometimes discourage equitable treatment of their abilities in favor of an easier to address equality. When the default becomes “nobody will be left behind” rather than “all will be moved ahead,” should the job of teaching ever become making everyone feel as though they were an equal contributor to the classes’ success, we lose a valuable reality that everyone IS equal in their potential, everyone IS NOT equal in their abilities, motivations or goals. While there is value in helping those who do not understand, education becomes dysfunctional when that help comes at the expense of individual advancement and achievement. Some schools give little attention to proper spelling (“spell check” will manage that) and do not worry about basic math concepts (“that is what calculators are for”). In sporting events, schools tend to focus on equality of playing time (regardless of ability) and sportsmanship (not a bad thing but not the primary objective of competitive sports) rather than on winning. In moderation, these are not bad concepts. In practice, however, students rewarded for effort rather than accomplishment – for simply trying rather than actually achieving – will have a tough time adapting to a workplace environment. How can such an ingrained attitude be changed when these sheltered children leave their protected setting and enter the “real world” where performance drives pay and the ability to contribute defines job security?

Business often tends to reward “the masses” through the application of inconsistent employment policies and practices. Many employers avoid confrontation by giving performance reviews that establish marginal work patterns as being proficient. They often inflate ratings so that everyone “meets or exceeds expectations” regardless of the actual work performed or how much they contributed to the organization’s success. Praising someone for “doing the best work within a certain area when they are here” (especially if the person has an absenteeism problem) may be good for self-esteem but does nothing to improve a worker’s attendance. Giving an “across the board” pay increase minimizes friction but rewards mediocrity. Adjusting an employee’s work schedule to “meet their situation” does not necessarily address their inability to show up on time or work as needed to accomplish the job. Some organizations attempt to develop workplace teams so that nobody is “left out” of the decision-making process but such teams can often weaken the leadership hierarchy and decision-making structure within the organization. If consensus thinking is required, it may help a decision be more readily implemented BUT it can also cause unnecessary delay (AND the adoption of a “workable solution” that may not be the best possible solution).

In relationships we sometimes shelter those we care for at the expense of their personal growth and development. We so want to keep someone special from suffering or to be “less than we know they could be” but often impose our personal standards of “what should be” or who someone might be to another, effectively keeping them from discovering themselves or learning from their own mistakes. Our fervor to make people “feel good” often removes the motivation to achieve their full potential. Students receiving praise for working hard to “almost get the right answer,” workers receiving a small raise for doing “most of an assigned project” or “special people” placed upon a pedestal and protected from any and all disappointment or frustration tend to adopt the level of expectations placed upon them as being acceptable. Why should they reach beyond if they can receive praise and recognition for achieving the minimum? When entrusted to lead an organization (a team, a family or a relationship) we should avoid:

·    Rewarding efforts (which may actually be leading towards failure) and/or the willingness to accept new responsibilities rather than rewarding the end results.

·    Placing unqualified individuals into positions they want (rewarding their self-concept) while potentially breeding frustration and failure (unless appropriate tools, resources and/or training is available). We should not doom an individual to failure NOR keep another individual more likely to succeed from trying just to avoid saying “no” when it needs to be said.

·    Praising an individual for “trying hard” or “working as hard as he or she can” hoping a small compliment will encourage better performance. In reality such praise may establish a lower expectation as being acceptable.

·    Giving everyone an “across the board increase” to minimize confrontation. This practice actually helps to retain the under-performing worker (who could not find employment elsewhere) and “reward the average” (who wants a workforce comprised of low achievers?) while de-motivating high achievers (who see that others are compensated well for doing less).

·    Inhibiting growth by being overly protective within a relationship. It is not wrong to share in the decision-making process, but it IS wrong to impose your personal thoughts and concepts of well-being upon another purely for the sake of protecting them from potential harm (or learning). While “letting someone go” is not the only way to show that you care for them, allowing them to grow (and supporting them when needed) will allow for healthy growth and a much stronger self-concept.

We are told a good self-concept breeds happiness and success. I would offer that happiness and success creates a good self-concept. We are told students (and employees) need to work as equals within teams to accomplish anything. I would offer that all teams need a leader – a collector of ideas or a champion – to facilitate change. We are told that rewarding the process will enhance creativity, thereby minimizing the fear of failure. I would offer that rewarding an individual’s accomplishments and encouraging them to learn from correcting their failures – while constructively improving sub-standard efforts – will foster creativity and encourage risk-taking behavior, potentially eliminating the fear of failure. We are told that opposites attract in a good relationship – that those who are too much alike may actually be bad unless one is able to lead while the other follows. I would offer lasting relationships are built through hard work, complimentary characteristics and shared communication – traits that build self-esteem and worth within both halves of a relationship where one is not always right, and the other is not forever wrong. It is good to think about a person’s “self-esteem.”  It is better to encourage their success, worth and value.

PERCEPTION SHOUTS BUT REALITY WHISPERS…Which Will YOU Hear?

A person can show great proficiency without exhibiting any personal imagination, but an individual will never discover their true potential by simply accomplishing the work assigned or expected by others without asking “why?” before blindly marching forward. Delivering a standard or anticipated response to a directive often satisfies those giving the orders and avoids conflict for those willing to do nothing more than the minimum but will rarely elevate what we do, how we feel or what we MIGHT be able to accomplish beyond a predictable (and often mundane) outcome. An understanding of what must be done as well as a conceptualization of what might be realized BEYOND the minimum is demonstrated when one researches enough – or is interested enough – to ask, “why not?”  It seems that we often believe what we see, hear or are directed to do is the “gospel truth” without ever looking beneath the surface to identify “the other side of the story.”  Why is it that reality can seem so distant – so removed from our everyday existence – while what we think and feel (intentionally or seemingly naturally due to our beliefs, ideals and environment) can become such an overpowering force in our lives? Given the choice between being a “doer” or a “visionary,” between being “realistic” or “lost in dreams,” many would prefer to hold tightly to the concrete – to those things that can be seen, touched, considered and accomplished. I would prefer to live within my imagination than within my reality – to do those things that I might conceptualize rather than those that have been previously accomplished – yet in life our imagination is often tempered by our perceived sense of reality and our ability to take the risk needed to exceed our expectations.

A realist often accepts what can be defined and demonstrated – rarely “making waves” or disrupting the status quo – being content to accomplish the dreams and desires of others without being disruptive, appearing to be confrontational or challenging the status quo. When life is contained within established expectations of “what is” and memories of “what has been,” can one ever realize his or her full potential – can he or she even identify “what could be but has not yet been considered?” Can one ever reach beyond their reality without seeking new the beginnings and opportunities that may lie just beyond the next turn should they strike out to travel an uncharted path? When our perceptions of comfort, success and accomplishment become a destination rather than a starting point for a new journey – the only things we see, hear or feel becoming the only options we believe possible - how can we acknowledge the quiet whispers that may come upon the shifting and gentle winds of a changing reality? True innovation (and success) springs from the imagination of those who seek what has not yet been proven for they will accept nothing less than the great things they know can be accomplished in this world when the past is considered, the present recognize and the possible becomes an ever-evolving reality.

While our memories are necessary to remind us of what we have accomplished – of the things we can do – our dreams provide an indication of what has yet to be, leading us to places not yet discovered. As we bring today’s dreams to fruition, they become tomorrow’s reality. As we leave behind the safety and stability that yesterday may have provided, we find new shelter and comfort in which to rest as we prepare to move forward to each next new adventure. Only when we cast off the limitations of “what is” or “what was,” when we walk away from the perceptions of reality that we construct by choosing to reach for the promise and possibility of things not yet imagined, will we be able to bring to fruition our dreams. When we truly consider how things might be different, believing that just because something “was” or “is” does not mean it will “always be,” the soft call of a potential new reality far removed from the oppressive perceptions that dominate our everyday lives will begin to be heard.

For you who find fulfillment within the "way things are" and travel obediently upon the straight and narrow path that leads to a defined destination – good for you!  The world needs individuals that will “do without questioning” as it seeks to fulfill the mundane tasks required to close out each day while moving towards a new and predictable tomorrow. The world needs people to fulfill the expectations of others and find comfort in the perceptions of peace and tranquility that a complacent life can create. The world requires individuals to do the “heavy lifting” as directed for the work we have in front of us to be accomplished without conflict, confrontation or conversation. For those unwilling to live another’s vision or accept another’s explanation of “why” as they seek their own “why not,” however, endless possibilities that have yet to be imagined are waiting to become reality.

In whatever you do, look beyond the obvious to experience all that life might provide. Seek what might be “possible” rather than settling for what might be the “probable” or predictable – the expected or anticipated – solution. We need only our eyes to see that what we perceive as being real – and our ears to hear what others say is acceptable – but casting and pursuing a vision which defines a new reality requires our imagination. We must imagine what might be possible THEN act intentionally to bring that vision to fruition IF we are to rise above our perceptions of accomplishment by realizing and managing the risk that prevents us from reaching an unimagined reality.

A brave new world awaits those willing to question the things that are held as “uncontested truth” because of past practice or long-accepted policy - those courageous enough to act in a manner not yet imagined by others to accomplish things not yet considered possible. While known actions result in predictable results, untested and unproven actions cause equal and opposite reactions that often create new opportunities and fresh challenges which can transform things once considered yesterday’s possibilities into probable advances as we move towards tomorrow – allowing us to move from a perceived sense of reality to one that is quietly pulling us into immerse ourselves into a reality that has yet to be fully identified, harnessed or explored.