NOT ALL WHO ARE LOST WANDER…

“Not all who wander are lost” (Tolkien). Without breaking down the walls around us and stepping outside of the box – without straying from the tried and true to experience what “might be” rather than “what is” – few innovations would come to fruition. Unless we begin to wander off the beaten path – searching for things not generally thought of or methods not typically used – what we have will always be and what we do will never change. While many that wander aimlessly through life are lost, those that wander purposefully having a thirst for knowledge and a desire to make a difference in their world, are far from lost – they are leaders upon a road not yet discovered travelling towards a goal not yet identified within a world not yet fully explored. They seek what has not yet been found while finding and improving all they can as they pass through unchartered territories on their way to an undefined destination which, once attained, becomes but a resting place for them to regain their strength before wandering anew. Wanderers are the leaders of our world, and those willing to wander with them, beside them OR be led by them will be discover improbable wonders in life that were once thought to be impossible.

Conversely, not all who are lost wander. We cannot expect change unless we are willing to embrace it. Unless we consciously and intentionally move forward towards a destination or result not previously achieved we will remain mired in our reality rather than immersed within our possibilities. While some wander aimlessly because they are lost – sometimes even stumbling upon an uncharted trail – their travels are largely not planned, and their discoveries are often unintentional. Many who feel lost, however, chose to lie low awaiting rescue. Rather than making a difficult situation worse by acting in an unproven way these lost souls will seek a safe harbor within which they can ride out the storm – a dry cave in which to crawl during the rain. Those who find comfort in the status quo – who are content to live as they have always lived so that they can have all (but no more) that they have always had – are often content to exist in static mediocrity. Individuals thriving upon the status quo may function well, but they often lose out on what could be by holding on so tightly to what is. When facing a fork in the road, they seek guidance from their past – looking behind them to leverage what has worked in the past hoping to move forward on familiar trails avoiding normal detours as they move towards known destinations. When facing the unknown, some would prefer to wait for others to lead them from where they are to where they would prefer (or willingly accept) to be but will rarely strike out on their own or stray from their past as they will rarely journey on their own towards the untried and the untrue. Those who do not wander will rarely find a way that has not yet been found nor discover a concept that has yet to be imagined. They are but the worker bees within an ever-expanding hive – content to do as they are told in exchange for a planned and consistent universe regardless of the self-sacrifice or cost, seeking “something for nothing” in their lives as they wish to enjoy the fruits of other’s labors or the harvest from the plantings that others have done.

A rare few individuals are seekers striving for change, validation or innovation – willing to walk away from the safety and security of “what is” in search of things that could be (but have not yet been identified or considered). Whether they are lost or enlightened, those that wander will find things along the way not yet discovered. The difference is that those who are lost see their discoveries as an end – a final destination or place to rest – while those seeking innovation, freedom or unimagined results see their discoveries as the beginning of something entirely new from which future steps can be taken. It has been said that the first step of any journey is the hardest but perhaps the ensuing steps taken after initially setting out from what is comfortable and secure while seeking that which is unknown – those taken after realizing what is being left behind before understanding what may be gained has been established – are truly the most difficult. While many sentences make up a book, the first is often difficult to write. It is important that we know how (and when) to end each chapter of our lives so we can move on from what has been accomplished to experience what has not yet been achieved…to recognize that our lives are books made up of many chapters flowing seamlessly from one to the next. We should not expect (nor accept) life to be a “short story” but rather an epic novel that seemingly has no clear-cut beginning and no definitive end. 

Look back only long enough to know from where you came. Stop only long enough to know where you belong.  Leverage your past within your present to establish a future that will never be unveiled unless you begin to wander – to drift purposefully through life – with a single-minded focus on where you wish to be rather than living within a clearly documented history of accomplishments clearly defined within your rearview mirror. Choose life…wander purposefully…seek change…accomplish much. What more could be said or done to make yours a positive, productive, and significant world? 

ACCOMPLISH MUCH MORE BY LEADING (RATHER THAN CONTROLLING) OTHERS

Great leaders develop practices and communicate expectations that allow them to manage fairly and consistently as they motivate people to contribute their proportionate share towards the success of the team or the stability of relationships. Unfortunately, there are many insecure and unprepared leaders seeking to claim all of the “gain” as their own while accepting none of the “blame” that often allows us to learn from mistakes. The road to success is not a highway built by a single individual – it is a precarious path paved with the sacrifice and hard work of a team allowing individuals to share both setbacks and successes as they grow together towards the accomplishment of identified goals. We maximize the potential for success when a group (large or small) develops and discusses mutually beneficial objectives then takes the actions necessary to bring them to fruition (leveraging strengths while compensating for individual deficiencies). Poorly thought-out initiatives, reactions without consideration of repercussions and a general misdirection of otherwise worthwhile efforts or activities will often result in failure – not necessarily a fatal flaw but far too often individuals accept a fall as their destination rather than a place to regroup and recover. A successful leader determines a direction, communicates a potential course of action, equips the team to act with relative independence THEN monitors progress – stepping in to redirect effort only when necessary. In order to accomplish much with others, a leader should:

•  ACTIVELY ENGAGE IN BUILDING APPROPRIATE RELATIONSHIPS. Successful leaders make decisions that affect themselves, those around them and/or their families (and accept both the positive and the negative which might come from their carefully considered decisions). Poor leaders often allow others to direct their actions (then complain when things do not progress as they might have wished). Good leaders make decisions then move forward while monitoring both progress and set-back so that “bumps in the road” or detours do not turn into unexpected dead ends. Poor leaders often lose track of the “big picture” while making isolated decisions – tending to live within functional silos that store and contain their accomplishments rather than on an operational farm where their efforts can grow to fruition. While a stated objective usually becomes our targeted destination, the relationships, and decisions we make build the path upon which we will travel and lend us the support to achieve our objectives. How you lead (or relate to others) ultimately determines whom you lead (or are in relationship with) and defines the horizons (or limitations) that will welcome you to a new and unconsidered future (or hold you back to live as you have always existed). 

• DELEGATE RESPONSIBILITY AND AUTHORITY TO THOSE AROUND YOU. Leaders analyze strengths when assigning projects to maximize the potential for successful resolution. They recognize what others can (and cannot) do, then work within those parameters to optimize the chances of success. If an individual has the ability to perform a task, knows when it must be completed, and is not overloaded with interfering assignments, much can be accomplished IF the leader avoids micro-managing activities while remaining available for questions and monitoring progress. Individuals must have the desire and feel the need to contribute – must feel empowered to identify alternative actions and enabled to act independently – must not only be included but made to feel accepted and acceptable – before they will risk failure (or taste success). 

• ACCEPT THAT FAILURE IS AN EXCELLENT TEACHING TOOL. Far too many individuals feel that “winning at any cost” is the only way to be successful. While winning more often than not is desirable, if an individual never makes a mistake he or she will not know how to deal with adversity. Repeated failure should not be tolerated but if an individual can learn from a mistake – which is not dangerous, destructive or damaging to the organization’s (or the individual’s) reputation, self-concept or ability to perform, the shortcoming should be embraced (rather than buried), examined (rather than hidden) and resolved (rather than accepted) so that one can move beyond it (rather than dwelling within it). 

• 
  DEAL WITH ISSUES PROMPTLY AND APPROPRIATELY. If something needs correcting and discipline is required, deal with it specifically and immediately. If an individual does something exceptionally well, celebrate the accomplishment as soon as possible. It is important to stop (or clone) behaviors rather than avoiding or ignoring them. Address and discuss issues that bother you BEFORE they become insurmountable. One will not create mutually beneficial relationships if “everything is always wrong” and “nothing is ever right” in the actions, attitudes, or behaviors of others. Focus on modifying behaviors (both your own AND those with whom you interact) to achieve different results rather than addressing the individual for what was not done and expecting positive change to grow from a tainted seed. 

Good leaders celebrate success loudly while whispering about failure privately. They analyze themselves to identify their strengths (which they leverage towards a common good) and their weaknesses (which they work hard to strengthen OR minimize by leveraging another’s gifts). A good leader may or may not be “a friend,” but MUST be fair and consistent. We must establish decision-making skills that allow us to act in a predictable and reasonable manner if we wish to become effective – which, if done by example rather than through edict – will allow us (AND those around us) to accomplish great things. 

THREE WAYS TO INITIATE CHANGE

There are three ways we can try to change another’s behavior – order change then enforce the altered behavior with penalties or threats (coercion), provide a reward or some other external recognition that is of value should they change (motivation), or show a path that will make them a better person or allow them to be something different than they are (inspiration). Whether in a business or personal relationship – or any role in which we find ourselves interacting with another in order to accomplish a single objective – positive and meaningful change results from an intentional action (even if one intentionally decides not to act) rather than an accidental happenstance – with the most effective change being planned, engages all having an interest in the altered results and provides more “gain” than “pain” to those expected to participate.

Supervisors (or those seeing themselves as being “dominant” in a relationship) often coerce individuals to change. They issue orders, give directions, and tell people what to do (and usually how to do it). Theirs can often be a world having few opportunities for independent action (having been appointed or selected based on their strong technical abilities or assuming control out of either hidden inadequacies or self-proclaimed expertise) so they provide few chances for people they supervise to act independently. Coercive individuals often expect a response of “how high?” when they ask another to “jump” rather than “Why are we doing this?” or “Is this really the best way?” They spend much time assigning work, reviewing progress (and processes), and measuring results (and how they were accomplished), leaving little time to invest on motivating or influencing altered behavior. Rather than asking or laying the groundwork for change, coercive individuals direct and monitor the activities of others so they can personally benefit from their accomplishments. Individuality is negated when change is coerced as responses become defined and expected rather than encouraged and supported. In personal relationships, individuals who coerce others often tear them down to build themselves up – focus on “what went wrong” rather than celebrating “what went well” while justifying their own poor behavior by pointing out another’s worse results. Coercive individuals tend to get what they want but may get ONLY what they want – and often find that their gains are short term of limited value or sustained duration. They find that telling may produce quick results, but rarely does it produce the best result imaginable.

Managers often motivate individuals to change. They identify alternatives, provide choices, and give people reasons that make them want to alter their behavior. Motivation to change can be as minimal as providing verbal praise and recognition (publicly) to providing a tangible reward (privately OR publicly) intended to induce alternative actions. When combined with punishment for not changing, motivation can be a powerful means of producing results. The problem with motivation, however, is that an external force must initiate the change. In a working relationship, a manager often identifies what is best for the organization, the employee and him- or her-self then initiates action by spelling out what may happen if change does not occur (coercion) but also what will happen should favorable change occur (motivating the alternative action). As long as a manager is present to identify a suspect behavior, assist in the avoidance of negative consequences, and provide reason to change, good things will happen. Rarely, however, will an employee used to constant motivation see the need to change unless they continue to receive external impetus. In a relationship, individuals seeking subtle control often do so by first “breaking down” another (coercion) then providing a reason that change would be beneficial (often benefiting the motivator as much if not more than the motivated). Much can be accomplished when individuals are motivated to change – the problem with motivation, however, is that an object at rest (or an individual who is content to do what he or she is doing) tends to remain at rest (or doing what has proven to be comfortable). Until one has been convinced that their behavior must change to receive different results, he or she will typically not experience growth.

Leaders inspire others to change. Rather than telling people what must be done they suggest that change is warranted and show individuals a better way. Rather than dwelling upon an individual’s negative behavior (or weaknesses) they reward positive efforts (or call out exceptional attributes). Leaders paint a picture of “what if” or “what could be” rather than one of “what is” or “what will always be.” A leader makes people want to change in order to achieve something they wish to have, accomplish or become. Inspirational change goes beyond telling (coercion) and selling (motivation) – it leads another towards self-actualization. Inspiration causes people to see why changes should take place, creating an internal desire to abandon who they were to become what awaits them in a different place. Inspirational change is often caused by one’s desire to “be like” another or to achieve what someone else has accomplished – to make oneself (or another) proud of their actions. In a personal relationship, inspirational leadership makes another want to join in (rather than follow) and to share a road less travelled (rather than taking the quickest, fastest route to nowhere). Rarely will inspirational leaders tell another what must be done or how to do it. When we seek that which has not yet been identified we initiate lasting change – which becomes the platform for continued growth.

Whether you choose to coerce, motivate, or inspire change, recognize that an individual must see a reason to change before they will abandon their ways to pursue a new horizon. We cannot CREATE change within an individual – we are only able to initiate it. We cannot FORCE change within an individual – we are only able to guide it. We cannot make another do that which they choose not to – we can only provide positive reasons to act AND identify negative consequences should they choose not to act. Change can alter the direction of “what is” in order to move towards “what could be” but will never be life-altering UNLESS an individual initiates it to foster personal growth.

Overcoming the Limitations of this World

I long to show you happiness…make you smile…encourage you to laugh...

I pray that I give you the strength to shine within each dark night…

I hope, in some small way, I provide you shelter in this stormy world...

That through all we share we remain steadfast in the pursuit of our dreams…

That we become one with the stream rather than being washed away by it…

That our souls remain forever joined beyond the end of measurable time…

While we overcome the senseless limitations of this world by living within the unlimited boundaries of our hearts...

Until time runs out and reality returns us to the sea…

When the night seems darkest to a troubled soul it can shroud joy experienced in the past and seemingly erase memories of better and easier times. Our memories become clouded as they define a distant and faded history rather than a place we lived, laughed, and called home (but will never see again). When storms batter our weary bodies – pounding with fury upon the windows of our soul – we often question “why?” rather than moving forward one step at a time. Darkness can become depression – exacerbated by isolation and being alone during the recent Pandemic – causing the future to seem like an impossible destination…an unfathomable leap from the safe harbors we create to shelter us from the reality that each day brings…keeping us captive within our fear and anxiety…preventing us from moving forward to realize our potential by allowing us to wallow in losses that may have brought us to our knees. When all things that were once significant sources of pride, happiness and accomplishment dissipate like water leaking through fingers holding desperately onto ice, the pleasure of the past becomes but a haunting and tormenting tribute to what once was but can never be again…reduces the highest of our highs to blend into the mediocrity of everyday existence. It is then that we should think of those who have made – and may continue to make – a difference in our lives…of all they brought to our world by simply being there at a time we may have been in need and by reinforcing our value as they listened to our pain and recognized our potential.

If we seek to overcome the limitations of this world we should give as much happiness as we receive – make another smile and encourage laughter when tears may seem more realistic. We should keep ourselves from stealing another’s joy by inserting ourselves into (rather than detracting from) their personal celebration. We should accept the support that others give us as we strive to share the strength and encouragement we may develop because we listened to another. We must stabilize our own ship so it will not capsize (putting many in harm’s way) should we step away from the winds to help someone less fortunate as we calm their struggles. When we share our dreams with others – and how we plan to bring them to fruition – we empower them to seek what might be possible beyond their own reality, allowing them to see that what is hoped for can become only when self-imposed boundaries are ignored, and the limitations of self-pity and degradation become things of the past. We must become one with the stream as it builds to a credenza prior to reaching the sea rather than allowing ourselves to simply ride upon the water’s surface and be washed away – left behind to stagnate in a swampy backwater – if we wish to make a difference within this world of artificial limitations

Strive to link your soul forever with another as you become intimate friends and inseparable cohorts building relationships that bind you as life-long companions unafraid to share darkest secrets or celebrate greatest successes. Only with another holding similar values and beliefs can you share the true joy from your journey rather than seeking satisfaction and fulfillment solely upon its conclusion. Only with the support of another will you consistently find peace in life’s valleys – and be able to celebrate the elation felt when reaching your heights. Unless one accepts them self (while accepting others) you will be unable to overcome the senseless limitations of this world. Alone you will be unable to realize the unlimited potential that a mind having no boundaries, restrictions or self-serving actions offers. Much more can be discovered when life is shared with others who seek your support (while supporting you) and accept your encouragement (while encouraging you) than can be found upon a solitary trail leading to a singular destination. Do not allow the senseless limitations of this world to become your present or prevent you from realizing your dreams. Recognize your dreams – allow them to become the driving force as you seek a future reality – and the limitations of this world will lose their control over your life, giving way to the potential of a new and brighter tomorrow.