REFLECTING ON THE PAST TO ENSURE SUCCESS IN THE FUTURE

There are as many definitions of “success” as there are people seeking it. The dictionary defines success as “An event that accomplishes its intended purpose or a state of prosperity or fame”. Individuals often define it as “having arrived” or as “reaching the top,” whatever the top is and wherever having arrived might be. Let us consider for a moment that success is both the measure of how a person favorably impacts another and how much a person’s life improves due to his or her own planned, deliberate actions. Is there anything we can learn from intentionally reflecting upon what we have done that might positively impact what we have not yet achieved? Are there thoughts or attitudes that we engage in which pre-dispose us either to success or to failure? Does our past necessarily predict our future (or are we able to alter where we might go by how we think, act, and respond)? Whether we focus on our jobs, our relationships or our personal lives, success comes ONLY IF we purposefully establish a destination and then take intentional action that will lead us from where we are to where we wish to be. 

To some individuals, success is not a “possibility,” it is a probability…a foregone conclusion...something that is not considered an “if” but a “when.” The accomplishment of objectives for successful individuals is not seen through a “can it be done?” mindset but rather in a “what will be done AFTER this has been accomplished?” frame of reference. Success tends to elude individuals who dwell upon “what could go wrong.” It prefers to dwell within those who seek (and celebrate) “what is going to go right.” Successful individuals anticipate distractions and plan how to overcome them IF they arise. Those struggling to find success tend to wallow in their self-doubt and failures - working hard to anticipate and avoid all the troubles they feel WILL arise in their lives STOPPING them from becoming what they wish and hope to be (while taking little intentional action to MAKE that change happen). Trapped within a form of “analysis paralysis,” many people become so afraid to change – to risk impacting or upsetting what is (even if it is uncomfortable or undesirable) for fear of what might be (fearing the “worse” more than they seek the “better). Success IS NOT condemning oneself to the stagnant waters of the status quo just to avoid the potentially turbulent rapids of a river flowing quickly towards an awaiting tranquil pond of abundance.

How can one avoid the complacency of “status quo” within a world where simply “keeping pace” translates to being left behind? The ability to anticipate the unexpected - to exhibit flexibility and change direction when necessary – is a major success factor regardless of how you chose to define it. In order to succeed, to favorably impact yourself and others, three simple strategies should be considered:  

1)         Clearly define your personal and professional goals in order to establish what you would recognize and accept as being success. Write down both your successes (from what you have done in the past) AND your shortcomings (from actions taken OR not taken in the past). Once formalized, share your observations with a friend or associate. Leverage the support of those around you to ensure the plans you choose to make are followed-through rather than being allowed to languish.

2)          Assume that success is a foregone conclusion rather than a mere possibility. If you believe that something COULD happen, it MIGHT happen. If you believe that it WILL happen, nothing can deny it from becoming a reality. While success may take time to come to fruition, knowing that it will (even if it might not be as quick as you might wish) makes it much more likely to happen than hoping it might or wondering if it might actually materialize.

3)         Anticipate distractions (and detractors), planning how to overcome them IF THEY SHOULD ARISE rather than wasting time and energy assuming THAT THEY WILL ARISE (so why even begin, particularly if such agonizing significantly delays your acting in the first place). Roadblocks always detour progress but it important to remember they simply add time to a journey. Obstacles rarely block us from reaching our destination – they simply slow us down so we might gain the time to recognize an alternative solution, one that may be less direct but safer…one that, upon reflection, may be the best way to reach a goal. 

Regardless of what your goals are…what your definition of success might be…what your idea of accomplishment is…remember that the only wrong action is inaction – the only poor decision is one that is never made. Successful individuals often rest, retreat, or even circle back - but they always do so with the intent of moving steadfastly towards their final destination rather than being distracted along (or before ever beginning upon) the way. 

As you reflect on the successes (and failures) of your life, duplicate the positive actions that “made a difference” in order to help you move forward. Look ahead by assuming that success will be a foregone conclusion – facing each challenge with conviction, purpose, and a singular focus – as you seek to change your life, station, position, a relationship OR to positively impact your own life and the lives of those around you. SOMETIMES success can be a new result, other times progress on the implementation of a process, and occasionally the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Whatever success is to you, identify it, move towards its actualization, and celebrate its accomplishment as you move through life making the possible real and the seemingly inevitable but a bump in the road.

If Acting Happy Can Make One Feel Good, What MORE Could Hoping, Dreaming and Reaching for the Stars Do?

The Wall Street Journal once reported that walking in an upbeat way could improve one’s mood – and that swaying from side to side while walking would cause one to be more depressed. Resisting temptations such as chocolate, fats, and “indulgent” foods elevated one’s self-perception while succumbing to those temptations created an attitude of failure.  Talking to a total stranger while travelling rather than isolating yourself within your own thoughts and sitting with good posture rather than in a slumped-over fashion also caused individuals to be more positive in their reaction to life. It seems that many of the “right things” we do have a positive affect on our health and demeanor while the “wrong” or “questionable” things we do lead us to more unhealthy destinations. While these conclusions are the result of observations made during controlled, scientific research, think about some of the examples we might see or feel in our daily lives – whether they be at home OR at work.

Some very capable individuals tend to think more about what might go wrong (stressing and agonizing over the possibility that their darkest fears might come true) than what could go right (sending them into uncharted waters that could lead them to unimagined accomplishments).  They focus and dwell within the world of possibilities, as defined by their previous experiences, making sure they can respond to any contingency imaginable (without even considering what MIGHT be possible) – often missing the opportunity to “strike while the iron was hot” due to their deliberate nature and over-analyzing each situation to fit it into a neat little box that is defined by past knowledge and proven actions.  Other individuals consider a situation (challenge or opportunity), think about several of the more obvious ramifications that their actions might cause (knowing that each of their actions initiates an equal and opposite reaction), then decided to act based on what is known at the moment (rather than continuing to “posture” themselves to avoid all risk or minimize the chances of failure which often leads to stagnation or a lack of action).  These individuals often act (intentionally) knowing what might likely happen, recognizing what could possibly happen, and what had a small (but realistic) chance of happening (that would result in unimagined gains). The actions of these individualistic groundbreakers are often opposed to the tried and true…to the appropriate and acceptable methods – but they often put him ahead of the competition and in front of “the crowd.” Risk-takers often become dream makers able to hold their heads high in discovery rather than hanging them low in the successful accomplishment of the status quo.

People often begin each day with resolutions to change – an expressed thought of altered behavior that would result in significantly different results. Resolutions, however, tend to be immediately achievable transitions rather than long-term transformations – acts that are committed to lightly, rarely shared (accountability is not a good thing for many) and might be nice if accomplished but will not ruin anything if not.  If “walking with confidence” and “eliminating a sway while walking (ENTIRELY different from a swagger…one is a walk of insecurity while the other is a walk of confidence), think of what the accomplishment of an expressed goal (even if for only a short time) might do to an individual’s psyche.

Rather than “resolving to change,” commit to transform.  Do not accept only what is attainable – reach beyond the probable to experience the possible.  Set your targets boldly where people have previously feared to wander – not as a means to guarantee defeat but rather as a way to break through to destinations not yet discovered.  When you accept the things that others have already accomplished as your benchmarks, critics (and cynics) will always point out what did not work in the past while predicting your demise. When you seek new frontiers – look forward with anticipation rather than backwards in fear or dread – others are less apt (or able) to criticize because they have no basis (or experience) to support their predictions of failure, nor do they have the ability to say overcome those failures with what is right. 

Sincerely believing that you will succeed – when supported with appropriate training and resources – will contribute greatly to success.  Anticipating failure almost always becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Setting the bar high keeps your head up and your attitude will follow. Failing to set a goal will allow your head to drop as you drift aimlessly without a plan or a target but setting specific and limited goals that you know you can achieve tend to contain you rather than opening up the horizon for a new adventure into the unknown and unimagined

Act happy if you seek joy in life. Establishing your destination before you determine your route will help you accomplish things nobody has yet done. Predicting success (rather than assuming failure) will help you to succeed. The experts tell us to “walk happy to avoid depression?” I would say that is a great start…but only a start…to becoming a more successful “you.”

CREDIBILITY KILLERS

Life holds limitless possibilities – often influenced by the choices we make (or avoid making) every day. We have many opportunities to make a difference – most influenced by the way we perceive an issue, problem, or situation – yet many choose to obfuscate their influence by neglectfully doing nothing rather than intentionally doing something – or by asking for suggestions before moving forward upon a pre-determined path from which there was no room to consider alternative ideas. Respected leaders decide to act when action is necessary (and INTENTIONALLY choose NOT to act when allowing a situation to run its course). What many do not recognize is that taking no action can often create as much significant and meaningful change as planning and implementing for change if we are willing to accept the results of our inaction. When we preface failure with validators such as “but…” “if only…” or “it was not my fault…” we discount any learning or change that our efforts may have initiated by self-excusing our shortcomings and minimizing the need to succeed by accepting less than our best – a result that NEVER goes unnoticed by those looking to us for insight, direction, and leadership. 

Complacency is the strongest of emotions – more powerful than love or hate because it represents an acceptance of everything and a lack of conviction for anything – and perhaps the greatest killer of credibility that exists. Complacency cannot be argued or discussed – it is simply “existing” without feelings, recognition of others or acknowledgement of the value, feelings, or contributions of other individuals. Complacency obscures any thoughts of change behind the mask of “But…” (when linked to an “I hear you BUT it does not really matter because my mind is made up…) then buries it forever beneath the surface of “What do you think about…” (when you really do not care to think differently than you already do) or “It would have been different if only…” (when the blame is shifted or responsibility to another or side-stepped as being unimportant).  Leaders justifying their inaction or unintended failures by using these deferrals often create animosity and inferior results by shutting out plausible alternatives that “were not their own.”  When one asks for thoughts or ideas and, upon hearing a plausible suggestion immediately respond with “…that is what I was thinking…” (when it is obvious they “did not have a clue” or they would have “led” with their own idea while seeking validation from others) does not reinforce leadership knowledge or credibility. Awareness – and the taking of action based on that awareness – is the key to eliminating complacency and establishing credibility as you chart the path upon which you choose to travel (AND upon which others will confidently follow). Credibility Killers within Leadership might include words and actions (either intentional or inadvertent) such as:

• “I know I asked what you thought about this idea. I am going to do it my way anyway.”  Great leaders present ideas and alternatives then ask for suggestions that might make them more actionable and likely to succeed. They often will accept alternative solutions that may be more widely accepted even if it means altering their own thoughts or accepting a good idea with more support rather than the best idea having less support. When a leader asks for input, thought, and dismisses it – either by words or actions – employees are less likely to offer suggestions in the future as they do not believe you really care what they think anyway. 
  

• Credibility can be destroyed when leaders respond to others with “Thanks for your input BUT…” or continually react to what was done with “Great job BUT did you think about doing it this way?”. Whenever someone invokes the “but” card, the listener learns that nothing is important if said before the “but” AND only what comes after it will be acted upon by the speaker. People follow leaders who listen, analyze, explain and act…leaders that say what they plan to do AND why they plan to do it…rather than announcing their decisions and directions from behind the “but…” card. Choosing a direction by intentionally (OR unintentionally) minimizing the thoughts and contributions of others (without a rational reason or an honest consideration of employee’s suggestions) will create lemmings that follow rather than individuals who challenge and contribute to change. Managers sometimes encourage “mindless” following…leaders rarely find satisfaction in such an approach. 

• “Things would be different IF ONLY… (I had been recognized for the contribution I personally made to my company (or my relationship), someone else had done something differently or I would have just done it myself…”). Far too often people expect an immediate “return” for their efforts and are disappointed if they are not given one. Few people can find reward (or satisfaction) in their individual accomplishments or progress made towards the completion of a goal (rather than the completion itself). Most individuals require verbal recognition or visible rewards from “outside” rather than “inside” to feel appreciated and realize their actions are meaningful. If every situation (or relationship) were blanketed by an attitude of “how much can I give” rather than “how much will I receive,” we might find ourselves too engaged in basking within our accomplishments to seek excuses for our failures. When we focus on “what is” we rarely have time to focus on “what could have been IF ONLY…” Great leaders tend to act based on what they can control and THINK ABOUT how they can control (directly or indirectly) those things outside of their immediate realm of authority or range of accountability. “If only…” may provide an excuse as to why things did not go as planned but it can kill credibility when applied frequently as it minimized accountability and negatively impacts respect. 

Self-defeating (and action deferring) statements might make sense to someone looking to take the easy way through life, but not for someone passionately believing in maximizing the human potential. Exceptional leaders replace “if only…” with “what if?” They openly and honestly take responsibility for their failures (and learn from them). Leaders ask for (then consider and accept or provide sound reasons to reject) the advice of others before acting. Managers may ask for opinions from others but rarely provide reasons that the suggestions were not considered when their pre-conceived ideas are implemented. While great leaders may not ask for other’s opinions all the time (as their ideas are frequently well thought out and logically sound), only poor leaders ask for advice then proceed with their own thinking (without considering the suggestions given or thinking about their applicability). 

Leaders should not hide behind the “but…” escape hatch, sidestep responsibility for shortcomings by saying “if only…” or seek input (unless they plan to consider what is offered and explain why what was given will or will not be implemented). They cannot accept the thoughts offered by others as being “…just what I was thinking…” when it is obvious that HAD they been thinking something they would have led with their thoughts and sought validation rather than fished for solutions that could be claimed as their own. Credibility comes from saying what will be done and doing what is said…from listening, considering, and acting (explaining to all WHY the course taken was chosen) and from replacing “things would have been different IF ONLY…” with “the results are what they are BECAUSE OF what I (or we) did…and we can learn from them and change the outcomes if we alter our thoughts or the way we acted…”.  We establish and enhance credibility whenever we can honestly replace, “I would have done this except for…” with “I am glad I did this because…”

MINIMIZING THE STIFLING POWER OF NEGATIVE THINKING

Have you ever had a really great idea that was shot down by your boss, your team, or your partner before it had a chance to evolve into reality? Have you wanted to try something new and different…an unproven approach to resolving a recurring problem…but hesitated to invest the time for fear of being told “no?” Have you ever worried so much about what might go wrong that you did not have time to think about what might go right? What about a fear of being rejected or turned down that was so overwhelming that you chose to stay the course even when you were fairly sure the status quo would replicate the unacceptable here and now? The stifling power of negative thinking can imprison us within a room from which we can see no escape while it prevents us from fulfilling our potential.

Individuals typically have at least two roads upon which they might travel when faced with a decision or situation that requires intentional action in order to reach a desired destination – one being proven and tested with the other being less travelled. Think about how you might feel if you were walking alone upon an unimproved mountain trail on a dark, stormy night hurrying to reach the safety of your camp. Suddenly, the path before you disappears – the ground opens up – and you find yourself falling uncontrollably into the void. With nothing and nobody to cling to for support, you feel helpless. You cannot save yourself as you fall into an abyss, “finally” stopping several feet into your slide (but feeling like the ride was an eternity). Others experience the same helpless feeling when you encourage them to take risks or step outside of their comfort zone then let them “take the fall” should anything go wrong. Negative thinking – particularly the anticipation of abandonment that others feel when they believe your support will be withheld should something “bad” happen (while knowing you will be happy to assume responsibility when something goes right) – can be paralyzing.

Today’s world has given us enough to fear (social, economic, political, environmental, and physical uncertainty) that we do not need to layer upon what others already experience through our negativity in words, thoughts, or actions. When others depend upon you to train, support, or share experiences with them but you demonstrate a lack of empathy, trust or understanding, do not be surprised when they allow the power of negative thinking to speak louder than the words of encouragement that you might share. Just being there when the gaping chasm opens up in their path can provide a safety net to break their fall rather than allowing the dark to swallow them up. The knowledge that someone is there for them to support their decisions and – throwing them over the edge without a lifeline as they tumble helplessly through the darkness. DO NOT hold onto an individual so tightly that he or she is unable to explore but DO give others a rope to hold onto should they venture into the unknown. Provide them with the support needed to minimize the risk of falling BUT allow them to learn from failing (as well as from succeeding) if you wish to see positive optimism supersede negative thinking.

The next time you think about “fixing” another’s problem for (rather than with) them, saying “something cannot be done” (rather than it might not be fiscally possible), or in any other way stifling an employee’s creative spirit, think about how YOU would feel if in free-fall down a mountainside – surrounded by negativity and despair – without an obvious way out nor a safe harbor in sight. Be supportive and “positive” to others so they can strengthen themselves and those around them. Stifle the power of negative thinking by encouraging others – whether they succeed or fail – to always try, learning from their mistakes and celebrating their victories, as they move relentlessly forward towards the accomplishment of their goals rather than wallowing in futility within the brackish waters of defeat.