NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST…NOR DO ALL WHO ARE LOST WANDER

“Not all who wander are lost” (Tolkien) is a truism as much today as when first penned. Unless, and until, we begin to wander off the beaten path – searching for things not generally thought of or methods not typically used – the things that make up our current reality will never change and the hopes for a different future will never materialize. While many that wander aimlessly through life are lost, those that wander with a sense of purpose, a thirst for knowledge and a desire to make a difference in their world, are far from lost. These intentional wanderers are leaders upon a road not yet discovered travelling towards a goal not yet identified. They seek what has not yet been found while discovering and improving all they can as they pass through unchartered territory on their way to destinations beyond their wildest dreams. Wanderers are the leaders of our world, and those willing to wander with them, beside them OR be led by them will be amazed at what wonders have yet to be discovered.

Conversely, not all who are lost wander. We cannot expect change unless we are willing to embrace it – until we consciously and intentionally move forward towards a destination or result not previously achieved. While some wander aimlessly because they are lost – sometimes even stumbling upon a great discovery or an uncharted trail – their travels are largely unplanned and their discoveries are more often than not unintentional. Many, however, who feel lost chose to lie low awaiting rescue. Rather than making a difficult situation any worse by acting in an unproven way they will find a safe harbor within which they can ride out the storm – a protected place in which to crawl during life’s storms – awaiting someone to lead them from their tribulations. Those who find comfort in the status quo – who are content to live as they have always lived so that they can have all (but no more) than they have ever had – comprise those unfortunate souls in this world content exist in their mediocrity. Individuals thriving upon the status quo may find success and function well BUT they often lose out on what could be by holding on so tightly to what is as they seek guidance from their past…looking behind them to find what has worked so that they can move forward on familiar trails that lead to known destinations. Those who do not wander will rarely find a path which has yet to be walked upon nor discover a concept that has yet to be imagined. They are but the worker bees within an ever-expanding hive – content to do as they are told in exchange for a planned and consistent universe regardless of the cost. Many seek “something for nothing” in their lives – wishing to enjoy the fruits of other’s labors or the harvest from other’s fields.

A few rare but fortunate individuals are seekers striving for change, validation or innovation. They are willing to walk away from the safety and security of “what is” in search of things that could be (awaiting discovery, consideration and implementation). Whether lost or enlightened, those that wander will find things along the way not yet discovered. The difference is that those who are lost see their discoveries as an end – a final destination or place to rest – while those that wander to seek innovation, freedom or un-heard of results see their discoveries as but the beginning of something entirely new and exciting. It has been said that the first step of any journey is the hardest but perhaps the second step – that one taken after initially stepping away from what is comfortable and secure towards that which is unknown…and those taken next once the realization of what is being left behind before an understanding of what may be gained has been established…are truly the most difficult (exhilarating and revealing) in life.  We should not expect (nor accept) life to be scripted and memorialized within a “short story” that provides no room for individuality or growth. It should be an epic novel that seemingly has no clear-cut beginning and no definitive end – an intertwined weaving of thoughts, dreams and reality that provide more we could ever imagine life holding for us as we leave what we have in search of what could be so much better.

As you walk through life, look back only long enough to know from where you have come. Stop only long enough to know where you belong or wish to be. Leverage your past to build upon your present as you seek to establish a future that could never be unveiled unless (and until) you begin to wander purposefully through life with a single-minded focus about where you wish to be rather than standing firmly within a well-documented history that can be seen clearly in life’s rearview mirror – accomplishments that tend to fade and grow smaller IF we move boldly and assertively forward in life.

YOU CANNOT MOVE FORWARD WHEN HOLDING ON TO WHERE YOU HAVE BEEN…

People tend to see things (and other individuals) as they are. We live “in the moment” during our daily lives. We deal with issues and situations as they come up. We resolve conflicts as they occur. We form our opinions and establish our perspectives based on what we see, hear or experience. A phrase originating during my misguided youth (“What you see is what you get!”) appropriately identifies the level of introspection many use to chart their path through life.

What if, rather than seeing “what is” we were to focus more upon “what could be?”  What if we stopped seeing individuals “as they are,” instead seeing them as “who might they become?”  If we assume that today’s reality is but a temporary bump in the road to an as yet undetermined future RATHER THAN a destination – that it is but an indicator of what is to become RATHER THAN a shelter in which we were meant to live – how much more could be accomplished in our lives? Every day that we are given can be either one more step along the path we have travelled or a new beginning to what might come next if only we opened our eyes, our minds and our hearts to accept the potential for change. When we see things only as they are…as they have always been…without want, reason or need for change, we diminish the possibility that they could ever be different. When we see opportunity and potential – a chance to begin anew each day rather than to maintain the status quo with our choices and our decisions – we allow ourselves to experience what we once might have only imagined (but never thought possible).

Whenever we focus upon fixing “what is” rather than reaching for “what could be” we tend to react rather than plan. We seek to make situations “go away” rather than trying to identify their root causes and changing the factors that combined to create what needs to be modified, worrying more about today (and the pain it might cause) than we do about tomorrow (and the potential it might hold). When we focus on the obvious reality of the moments in which we live we cannot think about what created the situation in which we find ourselves nor do we have the time (or the energy) to consider how our “present” could be changed to alter the path or direction of our future. When dealing with individuals we often see who a person is (because of what they did or the way they acted) but rarely focus on what they COULD BE (based on their experience, values and potential). When we shut someone out because of who they were in the past – removing from them an opportunity to change and grow – do they lose more (due to a loss of opportunity to individually change) or do we lose more (because we lost the opportunity to help make a difference in their life and the lives of all those they touch)?

Refuse to believe that “what you see is what you get.”  Today sets the stage for tomorrow – serving as a precursor of what could potentially become your new reality. What you have been and who you currently are may be influencing factors that help to determine who you might become BUT should never be viewed as excuses for keeping one from becoming all he or she was meant to be. Today identifies those things that have not yet been brought to fruition – the things that fade quickly into yesterday as we focus upon tomorrow. Live in “today” only long enough to move towards “tomorrow.”  You will be surprised how quickly “the moment” will pass if you live life seeking NOT “what is” but rather “what could be.”

CHOOSING WHICH PATH TO TAKE WHEN YOU REACH A FORK IN THE ROAD

Everyone comes to a fork in the road – a decision point that forever changes what they have done, redirecting all efforts and activities towards the accomplishment of what they have yet to become. Many attempt to “define” this moment through resolutions to change but find that shifting directions is a process rather than an event. We cannot “will” ourselves to eliminate years of unhealthy habits in one moment – it takes time to undo what we often do to ourselves. “If only…” will never define “what is…” or what could be should we truly wish to alter the course of our lives and the way we make decisions. When we trap ourselves within a world of excuses by defaulting to what might have happened “if only” we had acted differently (while doing nothing to change the way we look at, address or act in response to a situation), we will never experience anything different than we have already lived, felt and attained. Dwelling upon things NOT accomplished will never initiate change as it tends to reinforce your limitations by rationalizing what has happened (rather than celebrating your abilities and the way they could be applied to seek an alternative reality).

Some individuals act in accordance with established policy, practice or procedure whether or not that may be the best way to do something as it is easy, often the path of least resistance and proven to at least accomplish the bare minimum. Others constantly question what they are asked to do as a means to evaluate and temper the validity of an action prior to its being taken as they seek to advance “what is” to “what could be.”  We will never experience our full potential by seeking comfort within a world defined by other’s expectations – by doing what is required ONLY by doing it EXACTLY as we are told (without considering how it might be done better). Life is not a spectator sport – it requires careful consideration, intelligent planning and the intentional implementation of action. Most successful individuals establish basic tenants for their life – rules they use to hold themselves accountable for their own actions. Six “truths” that should be considered as one chooses which path to take when confronted with a fork in the road – the trail providing the “highest return on investment” while identifying and maintaining an acceptable level of risk – would include the following:

 ·       It is OK to make a mistake AS LONG AS we do not repeat the same mistake over and over again. It is OK to make a wrong decision – any well-thought-out decision is better than no decision – even if the decision might be to delay making one until further research allows us to make an informed choice – but it is NOT all right to avoid deciding just to minimize confrontation, discomfort or fear of the unknown. Learn from your errors, using them as a springboard to propel you forward. People will usually work with you and allow you to learn from your mistakes as long as you continue to show measurable progress or growth.

·       Focus on things you can control. Identify obstacles that are within your sphere of influence and actively seek to eliminate whatever hurdles you can by giving them to someone who has the ability to influence them. Likewise, seek to find the factors you cannot influence or control and either attempt to gain the experience, ability or authority to change them or find ways they can be overcome OR you will never move from where you are to where you wish to be.

·       Lying, cheating, or stealing is intolerable. If you are the best performer or individual who consistently produces the highest results – but those results came through dishonesty or at someone else’s expense – you will not be respected, credible NOR working (or participating in an ongoing relationship) for very long.

·       Results are recognized – effort is merely a means to the end. If one seeks praise for working hard or contributing, he/she will often be disappointed. Let recognition (and satisfaction) come your way through the results your effort achieved (whether or not anyone else speaks openly about them). In the end, we can find satisfaction, purpose and value ONLY in what we see, do, experience and accomplish – and how those things might impact or benefit others – when we fulfill our own expectations rather than seeking outward praise from others.

·         All individuals may speak, question, and have a voice in any decision but that does not mean all votes are equal. Life is not a democracy. Input is valued but individuals responsible for the ultimate success of any endeavor must – and will - make the final decision. Do not confuse “equal” with “equitable” as you seek to identify and establish new opportunities. All individuals have different gifts, attributes and experiences that, when applied proportionately to a decision, can have a significant impact. If all such attributes were treated equally, however, decisions may never be made and goals might never be accomplished.

·         There is nothing that “cannot be done” (and rarely anything that cannot be “undone”). While
some solutions may not be cost-effective, are simply impractical or beyond our ability to implement, “I cannot…” “It is not possible,” and “Nobody would do it that way” approaches and attitudes are not acceptable. Well thought-out solutions to issues you may encounter in life are not reasons for celebration, they are simply expectations of the way you should continually exhibit and utilize your abilities as you move forward through life…as you anticipate what the NEXT fork in your road might be rather than resting upon your laurels for choosing one correct path. Remember, too, that detours, roadblocks and other disruptions often interfere with our progress when we make an initial decision. NEVER give up, give in or give away your ability to make a difference through the things you do, think or say. A results-focused orientation is critical when choosing the right path to take and persistence is required to either follow through OR begin anew as one moves along the road less travelled.

As the sands of time begin to bury yet another year, expand upon the things you have experienced rather than dwelling upon the things that “COULD have been accomplished IF ONLY you had not run out of time.”  Somehow, building from a foundation of “what is” seems much more relevant to life than hiding behind “What could have been.”  Seeking “what has yet to happen” provides a much better base upon which to build in this life than “Why try?”

 

A TIME OF CHANGE IN EVERY SEASON

There is a time for every season and for every season there is time for us to stop and reflect – to cherish the good memories of our past seasons as we look forward to creating new memories within those times yet to come.  Spring ushers hope into the world – prying life from the icy fingers of winter.  Summer is a time to bask in the warmth and to grow – to reach deeply into the ground so we might be able to find nourishment within our foundation as we gain strength to weather coming storms.  Fall is a time of respite – of preparing for the long cold season ahead as we hold onto and bask in the warmth and less hectic times left behind.  Winter shrouds us under a cold white blanket – curtailing our growth as we seek shelter from the biting winds and blowing snow – providing a different kind of beauty (and restriction of our normal activities) that inevitably extends just beyond what most of us seem able to handle.

Harry Chapin sang of life being a circle.  He noted that the sun chases the moon from the sky during the daytime while, at night, the moon keeps us company until the daybreak rolls around.  We experience new beginnings each day as we move within the circle of life – with false starts and dead ends being either bumps in our road or terrible “ends” to our progress…potential smooth sailing moving forward until storms might inexplicably force us into retreat.  We can celebrate the opportunities that lie ahead of us as we walk through life’s concentric circles or we can suffer the pain that comes from holding on too tightly to good times that have passed, preventing us from feeling or experiencing that which has yet to be revealed – the path we take determining the opportunities we may be presented within a world of never-ending beginnings.  We can stand tall against the storms that pass through our lives OR we can seek shelter within the perceived safety of another’s shadow while confronting (or avoiding) turmoil, tragedy and truth.  Life rarely allows us to hide in the dark corners of its truly circular reality where nothing is impossible (other than that corners do not really exist).  All things are truly possible if we seek and accept the POTENTIAL for change (that might be different than what we hope for) rather than relying upon the EXPECTATION of change (the way we wish it to unfold) as we travel through the circle of life.

Embrace the opportunity to immerse yourself within whatever season you find yourself celebrating.  It may be a season of joy or of sorrow – of celebration or of mourning…of growth or of reflection – but never accept “what is” as all that could ever be.  Reach towards the heavens as you plant your feet firmly upon the ground, undeterred by temporary inconvenience nor derailed by unexpected concerns.  Every day that we live and breathe is truly a unique (and circular) opportunity having no clear-cut beginning and no definitive end – the chance to move forward towards new and unimagined possibilities as we move from the limitations of our known realities into the unknown potential awaiting us. Take the time to prepare for a long winter of reflection after passing through the autumn of rest – knowing that (EVENTUALLY) time and space will return you to a season of renewal and regeneration while passing through the circle of life.  Look forward to that which has yet to be fully defined rather than holding on to what has already been realized, moving relentlessly ahead to escape a stagnant sanctuary within the non-existent dark corners of a circular world.

AVOID “BUT” AND “IF ONLY” TO REALIZE “WHAT IF” OR “WHAT COULD BE”

Life holds limitless possibilities – often influenced by the choices we make or avoid making every day.  We have many opportunities to make a difference dependent upon how we react/respond to or perceive an issue, problem or situation, yet many choose to obfuscate their influence by neglectfully doing nothing rather than intentionally doing something.  Successful people decide to act when necessary (and INTENTIONALLY choose NOT to act should the best alternative be to KNOWINGLY allow a situation to run its course).  What many do not realize is that taking no action can often create as much significant and meaningful change as planning and implementing a drastic course correction AS LONG AS they are willing to accept the results of their inaction.  When we preface failure with validators such as “but,” “if only” or “it was not my fault,” we discount any learning that our efforts may have produced by excusing our shortcomings and minimizing the need to succeed by accepting less than our best and believing failure was unavoidable. 

Complacency is the strongest of emotions – possibly more powerful than love or hate - because it represents an acceptance of everything and a lack of conviction for anything.  Complacency cannot be argued or discussed – it is simply “existing” without living.  Complacency obscures any thoughts of change behind the mask of “But,” then buries it forever beneath the surface of “If only”.  People often justify their inaction by using these deferral words yet, if they are honest with themselves, will find that avoidance not only fosters failure, it also encourages unsuccessful endeavors by presenting a plausible excuse for why something DID NOT happen as planned.  When we impose the “I would have accomplished something if not for…” or “We would have succeeded but…” excuses, we are accepting failure as a reasonable expectation and removing any need to achieve – placing the “blame” on factors outside of our control rather than trying to control the factors that might positively influence an outcome.  

Awareness – and the taking of action based on that awareness – is the key to eliminating complacency as the path upon which one chooses to travel is charted.  Some examples would include: 

• “I would have loved to attended college but I could not afford it.  Now look at me…no work, no future…all because I did not have the money to go past high school.”  College is expensive – and perhaps “not for everyone,” but some form of trade or specialized training IS necessary (and affordable) in today’s world.  An individual can no longer enjoy a rich life by taking a life-long job within a huge manufacturing facility without having any special skills.  Today’s careers require both knowledge and demonstrated abilities – combined with the thought processes needed to apply them in such a way as to achieve practical solutions - along with a desire to grow and contribute.  College may help some to achieve their dreams, but others can do just as well by specializing and refining their abilities in other ways.  Blaming one’s self-imposed shortcomings as being the reason that success was not achieved is an unacceptable excuse.  We have control over our own lives to leverage the talents and abilities we were given – we must simply act to realize this power and the results that using our gifts might bring to fruition. 

• “I could have made a difference in that organization (or in life) but I was fired (or dumped) for no reason!”  While some people lose their job for “no apparent reason,” and others end relationships “through no fault of their own,” more often people DO (or do not do) the things that create (or lead to) their own situation.  If an individual COULD HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE, why was “the difference” not made when the opportunity was presented?  If a relationship “went bad,” what were you doing to nourish and maintain it when it was “good?”  To avoid blaming others for “things gone wrong” we must often take intentional action aimed at preventing things from going bad rather than waiting for the book to be written (and published) before wanting to rewrite the final chapter.  Far too often people look to assign blame rather than to assume it…they attack the integrity of others prior to first questioning their own role in whatever may have happened...they point their finger towards others assigning ownership for failure without realizing that such an action points three fingers towards themselves.  

• “I should have done things differently but I knew nobody would have listened anyway.”   How could you know nobody would have listened if you chose not to speak?  Most people using this excuse assume they will not be heard.  If, indeed, their words do seem to all upon deaf ears, did they truly have something worth saying when they had the opportunity or do they typically talk so much that nobody would know if what they had to say was significant or simply “suddenly important” should they have made a suggestion?  It has been said that the only bad question is one not asked.  Likewise, the only poor action is one not taken. 

Nearly as frustrating (and equally as hopeless) is the individual who hides behind “If only…” 

• 
  “I would be living on easy street if only I had been recognized for the contributions I personally made to my job (or my relationship) rather than allowing my boss (or partner) to take all the credit.”  Far too often people expect an immediate “return” for their efforts and are disappointed if they are not given one.  Most people cannot find reward (or satisfaction) in progress made towards the completion of a goal – they seek nothing less than the satisfaction found in reaping the harvest of a task’s completion rather than the being content to experience the internal satisfaction that PROGRESS (rather than finality) might provide.  Most people, it would seem, require verbal recognition or visible rewards coming from “outside” (compliments, awards, rewards, etc.) rather than “inside” (self-satisfaction, big-picture thinking, long, slow road rather than quick and vocal boisterous one) to be meaningful.  If every situation (or relationship) were blanketed by an attitude of “how much can I give” rather than “how much will I receive,” we might find ourselves so engaged in the glow coming from the PROGRESS WE MAKE towards accomplishing our objectives that we need not make excuses for our failures. 

• “I would be happy if only someone cared about me as much as I care about them.”  It is not possible for
  a person to make another feel good about him or herself. Caring about others is an admirable quality.  Doing it with the expectation that another will return the feeling is folly.  I have never seen a “conditionally caring” person happy – nor have I often seen the recipients of conditional caring return nearly as much as they receive.  Giving freely – with no expectation of anything being given back – often produces an exceptional return on your investment. 

Self-defeating (and action deferring) statements might make sense to someone looking to take the easy way in life, but not for someone passionately believing in maximizing their human potential.  Success will come ONLY when we replace “if only…” with “what if?”  It will touch our lives ONLY when we eliminate the concept that “I would have done this but for…” and replace it with “I am glad I did this because…”