LOOK BEYOND WHAT YOU SEE TO REALIZE WHAT MAY BE…

First impressions influence our attitudes as we work with others – sometimes positively but far too often in a negative manner.  Until (and unless) we allow ourselves to view people with an open mind – seeking the value they could bring rather than limiting their contributions by pre-evaluating their abilities based on our initial thoughts and feelings – we will never be able to realize how much of an impact they might be able to make.  We must dig deeper when we work with others – continually seeking to identify the “method to their madness” as we deliberately limit the “madness our own methods” can sometimes create.  While being a good judge of character is a leadership strength, following ONLY the paths that our tunnel vision allows us to easily identify can create much distraction and confusion along our road to success.

Unfounded perceptions can negatively influence our thinking and our actions – potentially undermining another’s ability to contribute and the possibility of enhanced organizational success.  The owner of a small machine shop once stated that he “would like to have a whole shop full of employees like the 76-year old who had retired then come back to work.  He noted his perceived loyalty and leadership ability that was seemingly inspirational to other employees.  Employees revealed that they were always looking for other opportunities – not so much because they did not like the work but rather because they did not want to end up working until they died because they “could not afford to retire” like the 76-year old “role model” that still had to work.  The “individual in question” stated that he was aware of both the owner’s and his fellow worker’s thoughts but that the REAL reason he worked was that it gave him something to do on a regular basis AND that “if I ever met his wife I would know why he still came to work!”  Often our perceptions can taint our thinking – many times creating false perceptions or huge misconceptions.  When working with others we should ALWAYS take time to question, listen and learn before leaping to judgment.

  

When we act on available information (without first validating our position and/or asking for clarification) we often initiate disaster.  Many years ago, my wife and son were engaged in a heated discussion when I arrived home from work.  It seems that he had been sent to the principal’s office for “hitting a kid with leaves” on his very first day of kindergarten.  She could not understand why “throwing leaves at someone” was an offense worthy of a principal’s attention.  He could not understand why she kept asking him about the situation after he had clearly and concisely answered her question about hitting a fellow student with a bunch of leaves – agreeing that he should not have been punished for such a trivial infraction.  I looked at my tearful son and asked, “How big of a stick were the leaves attached to?”  Upon hearing the “right” question he brightened and made an inch wide circle with his fingers and said, “Oh, about this big – nobody asked me that!”  We often lose sight of where we are going because we are so focused on what we think we know as determined by where we have been, what we have heard and what we have experienced.  Never form an opinion without first thinking about all the things that COULD BE rather than simply focusing upon what we think IS or HAS TRANSPIRED.  Always take the next step to learn “the rest of the story” before committing to a course of action or changing what has always worked (and is still working) to something that has not been tested, tried or thought about.

In order to maximize our own potential (AND encourage others to reach theirs) we must recognize that others truly do matter in life.  We can lift each other up (or weigh each other down) depending on how we view the relationships we might be able to establish.  If we verify our perceptions before we pass judgment we can often avoid making assumptions that could lead us down the wrong path.  If we ask for help and opinions from others before acting on our own – particularly when they may have already “been there and done that” – our journey can become much easier (for we may not have to “reinvent the wheel” before rolling down the road).  If we truly seek what others can contribute and listen to their words when we see their mouths moving (rather than using their “talk time” as an opportunity to catch our breath before continuing to “have our way” or “impose our will” upon others) we may find support and affirmation coming from unexpected sources all around us. 

People tend to act and respond in the manner they are treated.  If we respect others and help them to elevate their ideas to the next level they will contribute in surprising ways.  If we assume that others are but pawns within the chessboard of life – foot soldiers whose only purpose is to “march into battle” as ordered without questioning the “why” of their actions or the “where” of their going – we will never come to appreciate the “hidden good” that others have within them – good that will bubble to the top making their NEXT employer or relationship great.  Look beyond the obvious to make sure you pay enough attention to what others say and do (and sometimes what they may NOT say or do because of fear or intimidation) that you can enjoy the difference their input makes in your life (AND you in theirs).

COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY

Communicating effectively is a process.  If viewed as an event, change will not be lasting.  People must become involved in transition, their ideas encouraged and fostered, with credit for positive change being given to them while “blame” for failure is assumed by whomever is truly responsible – and often by Management (or yourself) if no one act or event can be identified as being “at fault.”  We must focus on “fixing the crime” rather than imprisoning the perpetrator.  We should draw a verbal line in the sand and discuss “going forward” rather than stressing over things already said and done that cannot be taken back.  What good is it if we take the time to identify WHO left the barn door open while the animals are wandering further from home with each passing moment?  We must prioritize our communications to make them part of an effective process – beginning with what must be accomplished or resolved before taking the time to establish who is at fault or what was done to cause the problem.  Sometimes we learn more from failure than we do from success – failure often being a necessity for change – as long as learning from failure is a positive one-time experience rather than something repeated without consequence.  When others are involved, engaged and provided with transparent communications BEFORE change happens they tend to pull together for the “common good” rather than for their own personal gain.

As employees become invested in the organization, management often is seen as the galvanizing communicator of change rather than the initiator of hysteria.  Decisions regarding processes change and workforce adjustments are easier to implement when employees feel involved in the business’ direction.  Knowledgeable employees having the ability to speak up (being heard rather than ignored) usually understand the need for change, often anticipating it long before Management is willing to act.  In personal situations, communicating effectively by seeking input from those involved and asking for ideas rather than ALWAYS providing solutions will help us to accomplish more by expending less time, effort and energy.  It is always more effective to have two or more invested parties working towards the resolution of an issue or concern than it is to “do it all alone” (even if you think that doing things yourself will get them done right). 

Whether large or small – manufacturing or service – privately or publicly owned – businesses must exhibit a

“selfless, thankless perseverance” if employees are to become key initiators of change.  Praise loudly (while correcting softly) must be the mantra of leadership-driven change.  Credibility is the cornerstone of employee involvement (which, if tarnished, must be painfully rebuilt over a long period of time).  Providing feedback on the accomplishment of key outcomes is necessary to measure the effectiveness of change.  Involving employees (whenever possible) in the decision-making process helps both good and bad news be more readily accepted.  The same principles, when universally applied to any relationship (not just those we have in a work setting) will accomplish great things through the “pulling together” of diverse thoughts, ideas and perspectives as new paths are discovered and unimagined destinations are revealed.

Communications must be transparent, credible, and honest if employees (or those you speak with on a regular basis) are to trust the message and believe the messenger.  When entering a situation where good people are working hard to do what they feel best – but losing effectiveness because of misdirected activities and inefficient processes – we should ask questions (IF we want to make a difference) such as:

• Why is this activity (process/choice/conversation) being done 
• Is there “redeeming value” to the effort or is it needless busy work that takes time that could be better invested elsewhere?
• How could this be done differently?
• How much am I to blame for the situation?

Unless (and until) we ask to clarify – to identify the “what and why” of any given situation – we cannot begin to resolve an issue or truly make a difference (other than continuing to be a part of the problem rather than the initiator of a solution).

  

Effectively communicating with anyone is a journey rather than a destination.  As with any journey, begin by taking one step at a time then move forward while keeping your eye on the goal ahead (rather than seeking validation from where you have been).  Living in the past tends to isolate us from our “present” and prevent us from reaching our future.  Do not seek absolute comfort in where you are and what you have accomplished.  Being content with having become all you think you can be allows us to accept less from ourselves and others around us – giving up on all you might yet become or holding another back from reaching a new plateau from which to move forward.  Do not become so absorbed with yourself that you cannot hear other voices around you – becoming so locked into the accomplishment of your goals, aspirations and objectives that you fail to recognize new and unexpected opportunity. 

We communicate effectively ONLY when first we listen (using our two ears) and observe (with our two eyes) BEFORE speaking (using our one mouth) or acting (guided by our uniquely singular brain).  When we fail to prioritize our communications in this manner – when we act before observing or speak prior to listening – our efforts will be critically flawed.

DO YOU CONVERSE OR DO YOU COMMUNICATE?

Far too many people believe having the ability to CONVERSE is the same as being able to COMMUNICATE.  They believe that if one can talk effectively they will be able to influence the behavior of others.  They are firm believers in the principle that “he/she who speaks last is right” so will talk an issue to death rather than allowing someone else to have the “final say.”  Rather than recognizing that individuals have two ears and one mouth (which should be an indicator of importance – redundancy is necessary for critical components) they think since the SIZE of a mouth is larger than the size of two ear canals it MUST add more value to exercise the vocal cords than the ear drums.

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION is a sum of several important parts – not simply words spoken or sounds heard.  When we communicate is should be “for a purpose.”  What are we trying to say or accomplish?  Why should someone invest valuable time to read an article or join into a conversation?  What do you wish another to TAKE AWAY from an article, discussion or directive after they have read, heard or seen it?  In order to communicate effectively we must:

• Listen actively
• Speak thoughtfully
• Establish and assign ownership of a shared vision or idea while transferring accountability with responsibility
• Intentionally follow-through to make sure expectations are met and objectives are accomplished
• Allow mistakes to become learning experiences rather than death sentences
• Praise openly and honestly – criticize privately and quietly
• Provide a return for the investment that another makes in reading your article, listening to your conversation or taking your advice

To communicate well we must identify what we wish to accomplish – figure out what we want our

communication to change, alter or enhance – before we begin to talk, write or “tweet.”  Politicians often seem to say whatever they think you want to hear – in a manner convincing enough to make us forget what they may have said yesterday or what they will be saying tomorrow. They are typically highly effective communicators but may be lacking as conversationalists (where listening and speaking must closely align).  Politicians (and other effective public speakers) identify what they want their audience to “take away” from a speech – often abandoning their principles or core values in order to appease the masses.  A good conversationalist enters a debate with his or her ears (and mind) wide open so that their discussions can be focused and targeted to the listener AND actionable when the conversation is done.  Ineffective communication is often “telling.”  Effective communication often becomes overt “selling” resulting covertly in "telling."

One of the more critical aspects of communication is silence – that space where listening becomes active and saying nothing helps to formulate direction.  When one is speaking, he or she is not actively listening.  When planting your thoughts and concepts it is hard to harvest the bounty another might offer.  When we try to be heard above the noise around us, we often lose sight of the fact that a whisper can be much more effective in a quiet, listening room than can be a shout in a crowded building.  Silence often creates discomfort – but it is not YOUR responsibility to fill every void with the sound of your own voice.  Allow silence to be deafening at times – echoing within the space left vacant of conversation as if it were an angry sea pounding upon the
shore of an exposed shore.  Allow your thoughts and ideas to permeate the moments of silence that listening (rather than talking) might create – then EXPRESS the thoughts into encouraging words in order to motivate

change.

Effective Communication is more than talking – it is artfully transforming words into actions through carefully directed compromise that produces “win-win” situations rather than creating and fostering a “win-lose” mentality.  When you wish to share experiences, thoughts, feelings or dreams – converse.  When something absolutely, positively needs to be accomplished (on time) – when an action must result in an equal and opposite reaction that changes a condition or behavior – communicate.