SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

We all come to points in our life that we must consider whether it is “time to stay or time to go.” While most “Boomers” are working through this conundrum at work, if you talk (and listen) to others it becomes apparent that this critical decision is not limited to work but could be applied to all our relationships, our activities, our volunteer efforts, and any other way in which we interact with society. While there is no single answer the short but complicated question about leaving (a job, a project, a relationship, or any endeavor that seemed to be worth pursuing), there are some considerations that could help determine if “the time is right.” 

Finding purpose – without actively seeking it – is like finding perfection without first defining it. Our abilities flow freely, far too powerfully to be contained and life produces results far exceeding our expectations when we do what we like. Our labor becomes a path to be enjoyed – the destination but the logical (and often foregone) conclusion of the choices we gladly make and the actions we willingly take when we do what we want. It has been said that if one does what is enjoyed, he or she will never work a day in their life. Living becomes but a chapter within a never-ending story – having no clear-cut beginning nor definitive end, only the continuous flow of positive results and the transformation of opportunity into good fortune. Finding joy in what we do and with whom we choose to live – pursuing happiness by leveraging and building upon the gifts that were given to us by our Creator rather than accepting misery by choosing to wallow in a reality defined by what we feel we lack – allows us to live life as it is rather than wishing for what could have been “if only…” things had been dealt to us differently. When… 

·         …simply “being” far outweighs “dreaming,” and the contributions we make towards the betterment of “the whole” is sufficient to replace the accomplishment of making an individual difference

·         …we truly care more about the good that is being done than aspiring to the potential that could be achieved

·         …we can enjoy what we do and are allowed to do what we love in a way that lifts others without challenging the status quo as we fulfill expectation and/or make others complete without resentment, hesitation, or concern

·         …we feel we have all that we could ever need – through our work, our faith, our relationships, our values, and the realization of our dreams – and do not need or seek more than what we have been given

·         …we are comfortable with what we can contribute, where we can grow and how we are recognized 

…perhaps we should stay – for nothing could replace the sense of joy we receive by simply “being” nor could anything fill the void in our life should we walk away from the things we like, enjoy, that bring us fulfillment (regardless of the cost, sacrifice or complacency we may willingly endure), and/or the relationships that we have (upon which we have found fulfillment and a way to build upon for the future). 

If, on the other hand, should… 

·         …the promise of tomorrow becomes lost within the realities of today as they provide hollow satisfaction from the memories and accomplishments of yesterday while holding you back from building upon them as you move towards the future

·         …our dreams become a flame that has lost its brilliance as it slowly dies to but a flicker which is not hot enough to burn through the fog that blankets the path we wish to travel…the hope that seemed so real for a season fades to but a wish for what might have been as our contributions become shadows blocking the light out from others…no longer finding strength in their promise (for you have grown far too conscious of and resigned to the limitations of your reality)

·         …you are no longer able to bask in the warmth of doing what has always been done (unwilling to accept without question or resentment that today’s reality is all that will ever truly be accomplished)

·         …you know that what you are able to accomplish creates a barrier restricting the ability of others to exhibit their knowledge or minimizes their accomplishment and somehow do not really care

·         …all that keeps you going is the absence of choice, the fear of failure or the comfort of familiarity in what you do or who you are with rather than your ability to make a difference  

…perhaps it is time to go – to move on by letting go of what has been accomplished, to release “what is” as you seek “what could be” by moving beyond what has been attained while seeking to realize something not yet imagined. When we are no longer content with what we have as we dream about what might be possible…perhaps it is then that we know we should go. When all seems the same and that which has not been done seems impossible – when the reality we have becomes an ominous darkness casting a shadow over the potential that we could realize…perhaps then is the time we should choose to go. 

If you choose to stay…to build hopes and dreams within your present reality…to find peace and joy – growth and accomplishment – where you are, may you have the health and ambition to contribute to the growth of those around you while consistently demonstrating the ability to remove (or avoid) obstacles standing in the way. May you be blessed with relationships that exceed your expectations as you give more than you could ever hope to receive and receive in return (without expectation) more than you could ever give. May you be able to initiate intentional actions that allow you to actualize your dreams within your current reality. May you lead by example and find joy in the journey rather than seeing the end as your only point of reference upon the paths you choose to travel. May you enthusiastically seek the opportunities that each new day brings.as you fulfill your unlimited potential while growing and finding completion within the world in which you live…accomplishing much and leaving little on the table that must yet be accomplished. If you are so blessed, perhaps you may be fortunate enough to have all you need or want without ever having to go. 

Should you come to the realization, however, that it is time to go, know that it is not a negative or a character flaw…it is perhaps more typical than abnormal…and take comfort in the realization that… 

·         …few can lay claim to a fulfilling life by refusing to acknowledge its limitations as an acceptable reality OR addressing them as obstacles that must be resolved in order to grow

·         …few can define their dreams clearly within a work or personal setting and allow nothing to interfere with their sense of purpose if they live a life without challenge or opportunity

·         … few can realize their hopes, accomplish their goals, and give more to those around them than they could ever hope to receive from others without first reaching for all they might accomplish (rather than accomplishing what has been attained or is easily attainable)

·         …few find satisfaction in allowing destiny or circumstance to determine their path, choose their mate, guide their career, or determine the way in which they will contribute to those around them or control their reality

·         …few have the graciousness (and wisdom) to go before dragging others down…to go when and how they choose rather than waiting until they must leave 

In whatever we do, may we stay as long as we can contribute then walk away with our heads held high knowing (and acknowledging) all we accomplished. Whether we choose to stay or to go, may we live life as it should be by living life as fully it could be lived. When choosing to stay or to go, we must have the wisdom to know when we can make a difference, the desire to thrive (rather than simply survive) AND the recognition that someone else might be able to better do what must be done as we fulfill our ambitions, dreams, and desires elsewhere (or with another). 

When is it time to stay or to go?  Take stock of what you have (as well as what you have yet to accomplish), what you could gain (as well as what you might lose), where you find your joy (as well as where you feel frustration), and what you might do (and with whom you might wish to do it) if you were in a different place. Knowing when to stay or when to go is no easy task but the thoughtful consideration of current reality (and of potential alternatives), the initiation of intentional action (or of planned, designed and deliberate in-action), and the acceptance that “what is” has become impossible (rather than simply difficult) to endure should both guide the decision and help define our opportunities.