ARE YOU A PATH TAKER OR A PATH MAKER?

Have you ever met someone who sets a course in life based on how many others are doing the same thing?  Rather than identifying problems, investigating root causes and intentionally setting into motion the actions that would resolve issues in an individual and/or unique way, the path of least resistance is chosen as these individuals travel upon roads that others take and make “safe” (commonly acceptable) rather than “best” (based on fact and the potential of success rather than the opinion of others) decisions.  Perhaps it might be better (though possibly more difficult) to consistently and continuously “take the high road” in the way things are done and choose the path less traveled (rather than the path well worn) when making decisions – for being (and associating with) such individuals will invariably lead us to success.

Far too many people diminish their potential by following the crowd (doing what is “accepted and acceptable”) rather than following their own beliefs (which may not always be as tested or proven).  They seek popularity and being thought of as “part of a whole” rather than standing strong on their own values, judgments and decisions.  They choose to blend into the majority rather than accepting the criticism that standing alone often brings.  They tend to take things as they are than seeking what could be possible if established systems and familiar processes were to be challenged.  The “throng” tends to validate itself by thinking, “We are no different than anyone else – the same as all others with whom we associate – so what we do is, by majority consensus, right and acceptable,” rather than by believing, “We are all unique individuals whose potential is limited only by our own actions and behaviors.”  The attacks our society mounts against individuals seeking to make a difference through non-conventional methods or untested thoughts and processes are often enough to discourage all but the brave to forge their own path.  By homogenizing our unique characteristics into a single melting pot that can be universally accepted by all, “the many” seek to stifle the ability of all but a rare and outspoken few to make a difference in the world.  Allowing this to happen – either explicitly through participation or implicitly through acceptance – diminishes one’s ability to think, act and contribute in a meaningful way.

Following the crowd is easy as anyone can do what others accept, go where others go, act as others act and find a sense of community by blending in. Travelling familiar roads and doing things the way they have always been done can take the bumps and turns out of our journey BUT when we do things as they have always been done we can expect nothing more than has already been accomplished.  When we move forward by focusing upon where we have been and what we have done – or even on the paths that others have laid before us – we cannot truly see where we could be going or what might be accomplished.  While teaching our grandchildren to ride a bicycle I found myself telling them to “look where you are going rather than watching where you have been” as they always seemed to want to see how far they had gone rather than how far they might be able to still travel.  If one seeks to achieve success without falling – an axiom that should apply to all we say and do in life but is often abandoned as we seek acceptance and validation by others – we must be more interested in what could be than in what has been.   Only when we accept that much can come from seeking a different reality than that chosen by the crowd will we realize that loss can become gain, failure can breed success, and the decision to stop can be either the beginning of an end (accepting that what is will always be) OR the end of but a new beginning (failure is a detour rather than a dead end on the road to success) as something more will follow.  Followers of a crowd tend to accept the group’s destination as a place to land while those seeking to make an individual difference often build their future from the resting point accepted by others as being “good enough.”

Too many people seek acceptance from others rather than striving to earn their respect.  Too many parents seek to be friends with their children (and their acquaintances) rather than trying to be role models.  Too many teachers want to be “liked” by their students rather than viewed as being “tough but fair.”  Too many of our political leaders make decisions based on polls that measure what the majority think they should do rather than doing what might negatively impact the majority IF a decision or course of action is best for the values (and sustainability) of our nation.  When forging a path using our personal strengths, values and character we tend to invest more into all that we say, do and accomplish.  Our actions become us and we become our actions – our legacy is built upon the expressed and visible actions that others see rather than upon what they might think we should be or what we might express while trying to blend in with the crowd.

What kind of transformations might take place in our lives if more decisions were made (and courses of action taken) driven by “rather than…” thinking?  What might YOU be able to accomplish – what potential might you be able to realize – were you to “march to your own drummer” and forge your own path rather than listening to (and following) the music made by others?  You will know (and be able to realize) your true potential ONLY should you choose to accept the risk (and productively harvest the opportunity) that individuality brings – leaving behind the comfort, support and (often) false security that being “one of the crowd” provides. Only those choosing to be path makers rather than path takers can truly rise to the top.  Though the path is not easy and rarely direct, the rewards of innovation, individuality and intentional risk-taking will always be greater than the consolation prize offered to followers by an appreciative crowd (no matter how giving, accepting or convincing the crowd might be).

FIND SUCCESS WITHIN YOURSELF BY BEING YOURSELF

How might the world be different if transparency truly replaced the guarded face we typically present when interacting with others?  If we were to transform the tolerance we often painfully exhibit when others are “not like us” into unconditional acceptance, would the world become a better place?  If we could be more comfortable with who we are – readily exhibiting our strengths, acknowledging our shortcomings and intentionally acting to bring about positive change in ourselves and others – might we more readily accept differences, embrace the similarities and leverage the full potential of those around us? During a time of heightened awareness of equity perhaps we should reflect upon who we are, what we believe in or value and how we might be able to best make a difference by simply being ourselves.

Accepting “who we are” does not imply that change in the way we think, how we act and what we are able to accomplish is unnecessary.  An individual is not a static point within a sedentary world.  Life “happens” and we must anticipate, react and respond to the challenges it presents.  Being “who you are” today does not mean you should be the same tomorrow – nor does it assume you are the same today as you were yesterday.  We must accept our skills, abilities, values, ethics, standards and persona as they are today so we can build upon them as we move towards the future – using the present as a springboard to that which is to come rather than as a destination or culmination of all that has passed. 

While we may seek to be like those we view as being successful, we should never reject who we are by attempting to become someone we are not.  Trying to transform ourselves into someone else or into a persona that exists solely within our own imagination can become a frustrating investment and a waste of time that provides diminishing returns.  While we should express happiness for another’s accomplishments, we should not seek to establish our own sense of worth based upon or through their personal success.  We all learn from watching others but gain nothing by claiming their successes as our own or seeking to avoid all personal failure by allowing them to struggle.  Much growth can come from overcoming a personal defeat or shortcoming and learning from failure can become transformational.  Our worth should never be measured by how often we fall but rather by how successful we are at getting up, learning from our “lesson” and moving forward. 

In order to become all that we can be we must first identify and accept all that we are so we can move beyond the boundaries created by our present reality into the unlimited realm of future possibility.  We cannot fulfill our potential when we are so busy immersing ourselves in our past accomplishments or the achievements of others that we have no time to enjoy (or even see) our own successes.  If we wish to shed the cloak of mediocrity in our quest for excellence we should celebrate the progress we have made with the gifts we have been given rather than dwelling upon the things we do not have or have yet to accomplish.  Rather than worrying about the things we cannot yet do or the ideas we have yet to express, embrace the things we have accomplished and the value of the thoughts we routinely bring to fruition.  To make a difference in our own lives (AND in the lives of those around us) we must recognize “what is” while moving towards “what could be” AFTER considering “what has been” and examining  what has worked (and what has failed) in the past.  We must force ourselves to take two steps forward for every one we slip back – knowing it is not what we have nor what we have done that makes a difference, but rather what we have yet to do and have not yet accomplished.  Very little in life is impossible...impractical or fiscally irresponsible, perhaps, but not impossible...yet unless we accept that some things take a bit longer to accomplish than others we will become frustrated and give up before we are ready to move on. 

Successful individuals tend to achieve great things with and through others – gaining satisfaction from watching the accomplishments of others rather than seeking only the personal recognition and acknowledgement that their own thoughts or actions might generate.  Few respected individuals make decisions based solely upon what is best for themselves or their own future.  When we spend too much time tracking who is doing what to assign proper credit for everything that is done we end up taking more time orchestrating results than initiating or performing actions necessary to make things happen in a manner that benefits the whole.  It has been said that one must measure what has been to determine what could be yet it is also possible to identify and focus on past obstacles without seeing a solution beyond the history.

What you do is a greater indicator of who you are than anything you may be able to express in words.  If you do not “do what you say and say what you do,” you will probably never completely fulfill your potential.  If you try to live within the image of another or hide within their shadows, a misspoken word or unintended action will eventually reveal your true self as being different from what you project yourself to be.  It is best to be yourself in all you say and do because until (and unless) we allow others to view us as we are – to see the value we bring (and even the “baggage” we might carry) instead of allowing our contributions to be limited by what we feel they might expect – we will only be allowed to contribute what others think might be done rather than realizing what might truly be possible. 

As we seek and find success we should accept that while all things are possible some may not yet feasible as we refuse to be content with our position in life, continuously seeking those things not yet realized while moving forward along new avenues not yet explored.  When we begin to identify and fulfill our own potential we find that “being ourselves” is not such a bad thing – which is probably good because anyone else we might wish to become has already been taken. 

MAKE A DIFFERENCE THROUGH ALL YOU SAY AND DO

Everyone should “make a difference” in life – but what “making a difference” means is not the same to everyone. Some would think that making a difference means to change the world while others might think getting through the day by helping to provide the needs those depending upon them might have is the greatest difference they might make. Some might think they can make a difference by fulfilling their dreams – by bringing to fruition their boldest imaginings – while others might wish only to dream without being awakened by the nightmare of things outside their control. Some might wish for fame, fortune or other recognition – to be “that person” the world places upon the pedestal of success. Others might hope to survive the darkness that shrouds their day – hoping only that their tomorrow will be brighter than their today.

 

Making a difference is the foundation upon which we build self-confidence and values – the base from which we establish who we are and what we wish to become. Building upon a firm and solid foundation can help us make a lasting difference – allow us to carry a heavy load without losing stability...allow us to go confidently (even if not always directly) from where we are to where we wish to be without drifting aimlessly having no hope or purpose. Far too many people, however, prefer to build upon shifting sands set upon the vast horizon of an ocean unable to be tamed and untested principles that entice them to act without thinking as they seek monumental results from their minimal (and often misguided) efforts. 

Some people dream of success – of being something or somewhere else – preferring to remain in the comfort of their slumber without investing the emotional capital needed to transform their good intentions to reality. Others wake from their dreams and begin working to bring them to fruition – to put into action the thoughts that came to them through the mists of the night by taking intentional action to move them forward. We can lead, follow or get out of the way in life – but standing (without moving) often results in our being run down by seemingly undeterred forces then abandoned alongside the road, left in the wake of those truly making a difference as they move forward to achieve their goals. Taking action – ANY action – provides us the opportunity to make a difference as the only “wrong” decision in life is one not made (which includes intentionally OR unintentionally deciding) – the only “inadequate” action is one not taken (whether by design or default).

We can all make a difference in life – but not all of us will make the same difference. Some are working on becoming all they might become – having very little energy (or inclination) to make a difference in the life of another. They take one day at a time – living a life that seemingly offers more redundancy than reward, more sense of survival than source of stimulation. The survivors in life often get by but rarely get ahead unless (and until) they consciously decide to make a difference in themselves so that they can impact others for “doing what I say, not what I do” is an impossible life to maintain.  Others seem always to give back far more than they could ever hope or dream to receive in return – finding more joy in the journey than delight in the destination.  They often seek to help others – to give to or care for them – even more than they care about themselves. 

When we help others to grow we make ourselves stronger and more confident along the way.  Making a difference starts with making the changes in yourself so that you are mentally, physically and emotionally ready to make a difference in the lives of others. It is pulling others up with you rather than crawling over their backs as you reach for the top.  It is adding value to their lives of others and finding that such contributions return far more to yourself than the personal time and effort invested.  We all make a difference in life – be it our own or be it someone else’s – whenever we consciously (by commission) OR unconsciously (by omission) refuse to accept “what is” as all that might ever be.  Make a difference in YOUR life and you will be able to make a difference in the lives of those near you for only by BEING different will you ever be able to MAKE A DIFFERENCE...all else is but insanity. 

LIVING LIFE THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD

As summer returns – hopefully a more active and fulfilling summer than we were able to enjoy last year – we are filled with the hopes of warm (but not too hot) days, peaceful nights lit by the flickering of fireflies, the sounds of laughter upon our plentiful Michigan beaches and a bit more free time to enjoy the environment in which we live.  If only life could remain as simple as our seemingly endless time away from school portrayed it to be when we were young.  Perhaps we make life more difficult than it needs to be because we have abandoned some of the lessons we learned while running carelessly along a sandy shoreline – that if we were to look at life through our “inner child’s eyes” we might be able to accept things as they are while seeking what they could be rather than dwelling upon what went wrong or why something might never be accomplished...if we could transform our thinking to the simplicity of “why not?” rather than the definitiveness of  “that just cannot be done.”

 As a child, dreams are built with and upon shifting sands.  Children spend hours building intricate castles upon the shore or villages having artificial landscaping and “paved” roads winding through the molded forms of houses scattered about a sand-community – only to have them swept away in an instant by the tide – or plowed over during an impromptu game of football on the beach.  Though the fruits of their labor are washed out to sea or destroyed by an uncontrolled act, children tend to pick up the pieces quickly and rebuild their dreams as if they had never been taken from them.  Why is it that as we become older (and more experienced) we worry so much about WHY our efforts failed and what we might have been able to accomplish IF ONLY our dreams had not been squashed rather than moving on like a child to recapture the magic and make our efforts even more productive?  Much could be learned from rebounding like a child – from drawing a line in the sand as we move forward rather than trying to build boundaries to keep others away from the joy our creations bring in an attempt to “keep things as they are” rather than looking to see what they could become.

“A line in the sand” can mean many things to different people depending upon one’s perspective.  Asking someone to step over a line in the sand can be either an act of acceptance or an invitation to aggression.  It can be either a new beginning or the beginning of an end.  Drawing a line in the sand often implies that things are about to begin fresh with no holding on to unpleasant memories UNLESS we use it to isolate our belongings or represent a wall around us within a milling sea of humanity.  The pure innocence of acceptance is often lost as we age.  Adults often talk about drawing a line in the sand but rarely empty the memories and concerns that weigh them down like a millstone around their necks.  If our actions could return to those of a child – accepting another for what he or she is (rather than for what we remember, want or wish them to be)...for how they act (rather than how we assume they will act based on their past performances)...for what they seek to become as they cross the line (rather than what they may have been before it was drawn)...perhaps then we could truly “draw our lines in the sand” and move forward, seeking things yet to come rather than continually falling back or holding on to things long past.

While walking along the shore a child will find many lost and forgotten objects floating upon the waters – learning at a young age that one person’s waste can become the basis for another’s wonderment – that something considered to be trash by one can, with a little imagination, be another’s treasure.  The clutter left upon the shore at the end of the day tends to be gathered up by swarms of gulls during the evening, swept away by the pounding surf at night, then scavenged by early-rising treasure seekers in the early morning.  By the time afternoon comes, even the most cluttered beach has returned to its pristine splendor.  We need to recognize that even the biggest mess we can make in life will be swept clean over time – and that good will usually emerge from our failures UNLESS we dwell upon the loss rather than seeking the potential gains.  Children can make use of a discarded bucket in many ways...of a slightly used Frisbee...of a bobber with a hook and line still attached.  As we grow older and wiser it seems that such a treasure becomes worthless litter upon the crowded sands of time and we worry more about who could have left the mess than we do about what could be done with the treasures we find.

Children dream of what they want to become “when they grow up” then engage in play that (they believe) will bring their dreams to life.  They do not typically grasp on to one destination nor career, however, moving from doctor to policeman to nurse to teacher, all the while seeking to expand their horizons by stimulating their minds.  As adults, far too many wish to ESCAPE what they have and who they are during vacation rather than attempting to ENHANCE their careers (lives or accomplishments) or “recharging their batteries” so that they can return to their chosen occupation refreshed and ready to thrive.  As you seek to accomplish your dreams during the coming year, recognize that forces outside of your control may take them from you before they are fulfilled.  Remember, however, that as with a child’s castle which was swept prematurely out to sea allowing for the rebuilding of something better than before, the same forces that could be seen as destroying your dreams might be working to provide a pristine surface upon which you can begin your travels anew.  Rather than dwelling upon the hardships of life we might do better to embrace the opportunities we have been given...to open a new door each time one closes...to chart a fresh path upon life’s shifting sands when what we built was torn down unexpectedly...and seeing what peace and joy we might find within each new beginning. 

As you look forward to summer this year – to enjoying time with family and friends while drawing your line firmly upon life’s shifting sands, remember that such an act can represent two perspectives.  You can reflect upon and accept what has been done and who you have become as a final and definitive “end” OR you can relentlessly rebuild what was accomplished before being washed out to sea – seeking what has yet to materialize rather than focusing upon what has passed.  Children often refuse to accept defeat when their castles are swept away – they rebuild them.  Adults, on the other hand, all too often label what may be found upon the deserted morning beach as trash to dispose of rather than treasures to discover while seeking refuge within seemingly safe shelters built upon continuously shifting sands – never seeing the destruction of dreams built upon weak foundations as a new beginning to celebrate change rather than a definitive end that will close doors that will never be reopened.

A child learns quickly that those who linger too long on the beach without moving tend to get burned (a lesson many adults forget).  A child gives meaning to life by seeking to fulfill their dreams (rather than blindly running from their reality).  Live your life through the eyes of a child this summer – seeking the pleasure (rather than the pain) and the possible (instead of accepting that which has already been proven real) in whatever you say or do.