Take Time to Enjoy Christmas by Doing Less and Living More

It seems that the Holiday Season takes on a life of its own as the year winds down. Far too often we find ourselves hurrying to finish shopping for a special gift (rather than simply being with the person for whom it is intended). We struggle to find the time to do everything we need done and to buy everything we want (not need) to buy. Unless we are careful we can find ourselves working twice as hard in what little time we have left before the year ends to accomplish the lofty goals we set at for ourselves last January (often carrying a load of guilt on our shoulders along with the fifteen pounds we planned to lose). Perhaps slowing down, taking a deep breath, and exhibiting a dose of “Holiday tolerance” would help us all make it through this busy time of year.

When we become so busy accomplishing and addressing the “duties” of the Holidays we lose out on the restful time we could be spending with family and friends. We tend to get so busy that we forget to take care of ourselves during the “downtime” from work - often thinking too much about what needs to be done that we have no time to enjoy people (places or things) that might add to the season. Perhaps life would be better for us (and those around us) if we did a few relatively simple things to keep our lives in order:

1)            Exercise regularly. Take the time for a regular period of physical activity – whether it is walking, running, or being involved with a sporting activity (as a participant rather than sitting on the couch and watching OTHERS play) – as often as possible. An hour a day for even 3 – 4 days per week will make you feel better about yourself – providing both the energy and confidence needed to take on the additional projects we typically assume this time of year AND the ones we promise ourselves will be accomplished during the coming year. 

2)            Take time to focus your thoughts regularly. Begin each day with a time of reflective organization, “escape” and recharge during the day as needed to make sure you are on track to accomplish what needs doing then end the day by summarizing and re-prioritizing. Bring purpose and “intentionality” to your actions by keeping your life in order to avoid wasting energy that could be better invested in meeting you own goals and expectations. 

3)             Learn to say “NO” when appropriate. Recognize your internal limitations and learn to delay, re-direct, or reassign activities as necessary in order to maintain your sanity. We should never simply ignore an issue or project to “make it go away.”  Accepting numerous assignments or tasks, however, when you know that they will not be accomplished establishes false expectations and can contribute to a sense of personal failure (as well as disappointment from those expecting results). Actively saying NO, however, is not an act of neglect. When one considers the alternatives, minimizes the risks, and accepts the ramifications, saying NO may be one of the healthiest things you can do. 

4)              Identify an “accountability partner” with whom to share your goals and aspirations. Too often we promise ourselves something only to find that we allow ourselves to become too busy to accomplish it. We make excuses to ourselves saying that what we are doing INSTEAD of what we had intended to do is more important and critical – but we often simply lose sight of where we want to be and have nobody we trust to validate our reality. Something else can ALWAYS be more important (if we allow it) but knowing what we want and knowing who will hold us to that path can minimize our excuses and maximize our successes. 

5)             Immerse yourself in moments that take your breath away rather than focusing on the breaths you take each moment. Take time to make time – for yourself, for others around you, for those that depend upon you and for those that may not yet know how much you could mean to them. The moments we spend HELPING others rather than ourselves should be cherished as it is those times that truly make a difference in the world around us. 

Celebrate the season by embracing the thoughts behind a Holiday wish rather than being offended by the way in which it was expressed. The words on a card become but whispers in a noisy room when one considers the message of warmth, friendship, or appreciation they are meant to convey. 

We should always worry less about the “little stuff” that might get under our skin. Particularly during this hectic time of year, however, many of the things that make us angry are insignificant in the big picture. How much difference does it really make if someone is driving 50 mph instead of 55 mph in front of us? How much extra time is the person having fifteen items in the twelve-item express checkout really stealing from your day? If you remember that “fast food” really means it does not take long to eat it rather than it does not take long to make it, life will be far less stressed. Make a resolution this coming year to invest your time in managing the big things in life rather than allowing yourself to be managed by the little things. Remember, though, when establishing your resolutions that every "finished" thought or project begins with an idea...each decorated tree had to start as but a bare set of branches.  Resolutions begin as seeds which germinate into reality if nurtured, monitored and cared for. You will be amazed how much of a difference simply focusing on those things that are significant in life can have in maintaining your sense of humanity throughout both the Holidays and the rest of the year.

SIX TENDANCIES OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE (INTROVERTED) LEADERS

Some would suggest that one must be an extrovert to be a good leader – that to be followed, one must be heard clearly (and frequently) and exhibit (as well as proclaiming) self-confidence, experience and expectations. We often think that highly effective leaders must be able to speak flawlessly and persuasively to crowds or mingle effortlessly at events to establish influence and credibility – demonstrating their accomplishments for all to see. Extroverts having knowledge, strong communications skills and the ability to influence others often step forward to “lead the charge” as they expect (and assume) others will follow without questioning intent, direction or anticipated outcomes. Introverts, however, often become excellent and highly respected leaders if they can overcome the tendency to hide or downplay their strengths and seek opportunities to demonstrate “through their actions” what extroverts often express with their words. While true in business, introverts can also be excellent leaders within relationships IF they are willing to express their sincere beliefs and desires without fear or threat of being overrun by more extroverted individuals that may or may not possess the same knowledge, experience or desires. In reality, while an overbearing extrovert is able to project his or her competence, success or accomplishments upon a situation or relationship, an introvert often imposes his or her will simply by demonstrating abilities through the results that are achieved.

I have met a number of leaders who are successful, universally admired and respected. Many of the best leaders (both within business and in relationships that I have seen or observed) have been more “introverted” than “extroverted” in their actions, communications and ways they influence those around them. Though extroverts can often motivate individuals with ease and inspire them to do things they might not have otherwise considered (often due to pressure, cajoling or intimidation), some extremely introverted individuals have become excellent leaders by exhibiting several basic characteristics not typically associated with their more flamboyant peers:

1.       Introverts are deliberate and measured in their response to situations. They are not slow nor overly focused on their thinking processes – many process things quickly – they typically consider the “pros and cons” of most decisions and formulate several alternative courses of action should their initial direction prove untenable BEFORE acting or making a decision.

2.       Introverts are not prone to bursts of temper or extreme reactions to personal attacks or potentially unwarranted criticism. They are thoughtful in how they sift through and process information, rarely acting until they have considered thoroughly what might happen should they act and what might have to be done to “undo” anything that might go wrong should they respond without thinking. Introverts often ask first what they may have done to cause a problem or what they might be able to do to resolve it BEFORE they shift blame or accuse others.

3.       Introverts respond strategically to most situations rather than emotionally. They establish trust and confidence from those that choose to follow their lead because they place far less importance upon what others think than they do upon their results and personal satisfaction. Introverts tend to share credit for the accomplishments of “the whole” rather than seeking credit for their contributions (OR proclaiming personal responsibility for their results).

4.       Introverts are typically highly analytical. Their “comfort in their own skin” helps them to become expert at finding their way through reams of data quickly and reaching the core of the matter. Seeking favorable results and outcomes, introverts tend to look into existing operations with a more open mind than do extroverts – willing to “keep” what works while modifying “what is broken” rather than having to break new ground and develop entirely new systems that attract attention and provide recognition.

5.       Introverts are good listeners. They let others do most of the talking then meld diverse suggestions into workable solutions. Introverts act on what they hear after filtering “what will work” from “what will not” so their recommendations are more likely to be accepted by “the team” rather than rejected as being “top-down” decisions. Within relationships, introverts tend to listen and observe – may find comfort and peace in silence – but are typically more sensitive to the needs of others as they chart a path that will provide appropriate satisfaction.

6.       Introverts are naturally risk averse – a critical characteristic in avoiding potentially disastrous decisions. When we do things as they have always been done, we cannot expect to produce results that are different from what they have always been. The ramifications of intentionally changing a product, process or service must be anticipated and planned for should “our worst nightmare” come to fruition. Being “risk averse” helps to minimize nightmares but measured change is necessary for growth. We must take risk wisely when others depend on the decisions we make. Remaining “as we are” will prevent us from ever becoming “what we could be.”

Practically speaking, introverted leaders often become the voice of reason within any situation or environment. While an introvert’s voice is not typically loudest or most convincing it often becomes most clearly heard and persuasive as it stands above the noise of a crowd due to its succinct messaging. Influenced more by rationality than charisma – by self-confidence than the need for external validation from others – an introverted leader is “heard” because people know something reasonable is being said in a rational and thoughtful way rather than being seen as a “clanging symbol” that never remains quiet.

Extroverts often become leaders through self-proclamation of their abilities and accomplishments – providing those unwilling to take personal risk a “point person” to follow as they “live and die” by the outcomes of another’s actions. They prefer expressing their thoughts, experiences and abilities loudly and convincingly...to be accepted as true without discussion or argument. They often hide behind the perceived protection of “it is not my fault” or “it was not my idea” should something fail (and remember only those things that “went right” rather than may have “gone wrong”). Those looking to follow extroverted leaders often seek to avoid personal trauma by following blindly on the paths defined and developed by others. The compliant actions and attitudes of these followers often helps extroverts elevate themselves into leadership positions as they lift themselves above the crowds around them. Great leaders, alternatively, tend to be lifted up on the shoulders of those able to understand their strong internal values and understated personal characteristics that benefit “the whole” rather than “the self.”

Though introverts COULD become great leaders, they must be willing and able to leave their “comfort zone,” entering the world of “what if?” while leaving that of “what is” behind. An introverted leader must be willing to make him- or herself stand up for their values and speak confidently in front of people – potentially facilitating large and contentious meetings while wading into the resolution of interpersonal conflict (when their natural inclination might be to go home and read a good book or be “an island” rather than a part of a larger society). Introverted leaders are typically “drafted” by others to show the way because of the exceptional results emanating from their understated methods. They rarely shine a light on their own accomplishments or seek recognition for what they do, preferring to bask in the glory their results produce. In relationships, introverts tend to listen, validate and influence rather than talk, act and control.

Listening before acting, analyzing before deciding and determining direction only after considering the magnitude and ramifications of risk (rather than only how to avoid it) are characteristics of great leaders. Perhaps more introverts (who tend to display these characteristics) should be encouraged (and given the opportunity) to lead – allowing their actions to speak louder than their words.

Life Goes Softly…

Life is a gift – but we often feel we should be able to hold it in our own hands, unwrap it whenever we want and play selfishly with it so that we might find gain even if others feel pain. It seems that far too many people leave this life more suddenly – more unexpectedly – than we might hope for, leaving behind them the seeds of doubt, the pain of loneliness and an unfathomable feeling of loss. We are told that God will not give us a challenge greater than what we are able to endure. During the Holiday season (for many) it often seems that He has more confidence in us than we do in ourselves. Anyone can steer a ship through calm seas but it takes a master – perhaps The Master being given control of the helm – to find safety within a storm.

No matter the season we must learn that while life provides us with a plethora of opportunities it also gives us a multitude of challenges. We must find peace in the reality there are some things we can control and others that will only frustrate us should we seek to fully understand them. Loss is one of these things – something that everyone experiences at some point in their life…something that will either help to build or destroy the very foundation of all that we are or hope to become.

When we compartmentalize and restrict ourselves by focusing upon how many breaths we (or those around us) are given in life (or how unfair it might be that one we care for was taken from us before their breath should have ceased…before their time was up…before we were ready to let them go) we tend to think more about what we lost than how much the presence of another helped us to grow – to become who and what we are..  When we hold too tightly onto could have been rather than reliving and celebrating all that was…when we see only loss rather than embracing the way another may have helped us become who we are…we minimize the reality and significance of those who have gone before us.

The Breath of the Night…

She came lightly upon the breath of the night…

            Dancing with reckless abandon through the meadows within other’s minds…

                        Flying carelessly through the shadows of their seeking souls…

            Wanting only to bring joy to those who would know her…

Sharing herself freely with any who might care.

 

He came lightly upon the breath of the night…

            Lighting but for a moment before moving on…

                        Touching down but long enough to hint of his presence…

            Leaving those who missed him searching for meaning…

And those he touched during his far too brief stay wanting for more.

 

She came lightly upon the breath of the night…

            Blending with the quiet whispers of the ocean…

                        Warming the cool, damp evening air…

            Making each morning a new beginning to an adventure not yet realized…

Opening the eyes of those too blind to otherwise see.

 

He came lightly upon the breath of the night…

            Dreams of his laughter filling the now silent air with music…

                        Thoughts of his smile making the brightest of stars seem pale…

            His brief reality lifting the veil from a world of sorrow…

Shining brightly within a troubled night trying to hide dread within its darkness.

 

She came lightly upon the breath of the night…

            Her brightness a contrast to the world’s muted shades of grey…

                        Her presence a vital part within the hearts of all who knew her…

            Forever changing a world into which she was able to but briefly reside…

Now looking down upon us held tightly within the arms of God.

 

For they left seemingly as suddenly as they came…

            Not given the time to accomplish all that had been intended…

                        Not fulfilling the promise of their physical presence…

            Not touching the lives that may have thrived in their presence…

Leaving as lightly upon the breath of the night as they came.

For all who have experienced loss, felt loneliness or sought answers to unanswered questions about life…let thoughts of those drifting lightly upon the breath of the night open you to a world of possibilities rather than narrowing you to a place of loneliness and loss. Perhaps if we could find purpose in each passing – find joy in each moment rather than holding on so tightly to our losses that we are stifled and destroyed - we might become stronger instead of being overcome by the burden of loss. Only when we cherish the moments that take our breath away – enjoy time within our thoughts and memories that should have been (but will never be) our reality – will we be able to embrace those that have come and gone softly upon the breath of the night, leaving us different (and perhaps someday better) than we could ever have been without them.