IS PLAYING OR WINNING THE GAME MORE IMPORTANT IN LIFE?

Society has come to minimize the importance of competence – the rewards of accomplishment.  We do not want to single anyone out so we lessen the importance of succeeding (giving praise for results would make those unable to achieve feel inadequate).  We strive to make everyone “feel good” about trying...participating...for engaging in what they are doing  but recognizing an end result – acknowledging what someone may have individually accomplished might make people NOT reaching that pinnacle feel badly and left out.  We heighten positive self-esteem and emphasize equality (failing to acknowledge that “equity” is far more important in life than “equality” as everyone has gifts to leverage but not all gifts are equal) without considering that not all have the confidence, experience or abilities (OR the willingness) to take the risks required of success.  At times it seems that the concept of building a “positive self-esteem” has become the driving force in our homes, schools, sporting events and workplaces at the expense of success and individual accomplishment – which, in and of itself, could encourage those that are content to do the minimum to be happy with their efforts while those that excel could “slack off” and do less so that they, too, might be recognized.  Might it be time to stop the shifting of wealth, intellectual capital and reward for accomplishment from those that deserve it to those that wish they could have it BEFORE irreparable harm is done to the values of our youth, the development of our leaders OR the destruction of the “great American dream?”  We must first recognize the ways we are being blended and homogenized into a single entity before we can take intentional action to retain our individuality if we hope to reduce the appeal of “taking the easy way out.”

Our fervor to make people “feel good” often eliminates the motivation they innately have to achieve their full potential.  Students receive praise for working hard RATHER THAN for coming up with the right answer.  This point was driven home when my now grown boys were made to show all their work on tests so that even if the answer was wrong they could get partial credit for the thought processes they exhibited.  The problem with this concept, however, was that their work was marked as being totally wrong if they came up with the correct answer without showing their work – being penalized for mental computations that others might not have been able to do. 

An elementary teacher once told us that our son “could not advance until the rest of the class was ready.”  She felt it was her job to make everyone an equal contributor to classroom success – leaving nobody behind.  A major flaw exists in that thinking in that while we are all created equally, we do not all possess the same strengths, weaknesses, gifts and abilities.  We are all capable of accomplishing certain things but not equally able to accomplish all things.  While there is value in helping those who do not understand, the system fails us when that help comes at the expense of individual advancement and achievement rather than in a parallel advancement with it.  Some individuals within the educational system (providers AND/OR participants) give little attention to proper spelling (“spell check” will handle that) and do not worry about basic math concepts (“that is what calculators are for”).  

In sports (except at high levels of competitive sport and/or professional levels of activity), the focus is on the equality of playing time (regardless of an athlete’s ability) and sportsmanship (good but not necessarily the driver of participation) rather than on winning.  In moderation, these are not bad concepts but in practice, students (and young athletes who are told that the score does not matter but can tell you who won the game and by how much) often perceive they are being rewarded for effort rather than for accomplishment – for simply trying rather than for actually achieving – and parents seeking to bolster their child’s self-esteem tend to complain loudly when their child (whom may or may not deserve equal playing time) is not appropriately and adequately recognized for being part of the team.

 Business is not exempt from the “self-esteem” trap.  We reward “the masses” through the application of inconsistent employment policies and practices.  Many employers avoid confrontation by giving performance reviews that reinforce marginal results as being sufficient so that confrontation is not necessary.  Praising someone for “doing the best work within a certain area when they are here” (when an employee has an absenteeism problem) may be good for self-esteem but does nothing to improve a worker’s attendance.  Workers receiving a small “across the board increase” for doing the minimum (when they decided to show up for work), with the same recognition going to those that accomplished much (in order to avoid confrontation) is another example.  Giving an “across the board pay increase” may minimize direct confrontation but tends to reward mediocrity and drive your best employees to seek someone else that will recognize their value and contribution.  Adjusting an employee’s work schedule to “meet their situation” does not address their inability to show up on time or work as needed to accomplish the job.  The more we treat everyone the same, the harder it will be to retain the exceptional individuals who should be recognized for standing out – those given the gift to lead rather than follow (if given the resources, training, opportunity and appropriate recognition for the results they produce) and the easier it will be to retain mediocre individuals that can “do fine” by accomplishing exactly what they are told (no more and no less).

In order to constructively establish and maintain an individual’s self-esteem, we must create an environment that encourages (and rewards) achievement while we avoid:

1)            Rewarding efforts (that may actually be contributing to failure) and/or the willingness to do only what is asked (however good that might be) rather than rewarding the end results, the risks taken or the processes that were improved

2)            Placing unqualified individuals into positions they think can be handled – rewarding their efforts and desires – but potentially breeding frustration and encouraging an acceptance of failure unless appropriate orientation and/or training is provided

3)            Praising an individual for trying hard hoping it will encourage better overall performance.  In reality, such praise may establish lower expectations as being acceptable since verbal (and monetary) rewards are often provided to those “not rocking the boat” regardless of how much they do or do not do.

4)            Rewarding everyone equally (providing the same pay increase) or treating all kids equally (rather than “equitably” as my boys became tired of hearing) to minimize confrontation.  This practice actually helps to reward and/or retain the under-qualified while reward the average (and sometimes mediocre) while de-motivating high achievers (who will seek appropriate rewards for their efforts elsewhere at work or possibly “act out” at home to get the same attention that their siblings seemingly receive).

Is building “self-esteem” as valuable as commonly accepted?  Some say that a good self-concept breeds success – I believe that success creates a good self-concept.  Some say students (workers and family members) need to work as equals within teams to accomplish anything – I believe all teams need a leader to champion the best cause and catalyze the troops to initiate and advance positive change.  Some say that rewarding efforts will enhance creativity and minimize the fear of failure.  I believe that rewarding an individual’s accomplishments and allowing them to learn from their mistakes rather than avoiding them at all costs while constructively addressing sub-standard efforts and providing corrective actions will foster creativity and encourage calculated risk-taking behavior that, in itself, reduces the fear of failure. 

While it is good to think about a person’s “self-esteem,” perhaps it is better to encourage individual accomplishment by providing the tools and resources that foster positive results and build self-esteem - elevating people to the highest possible standard rather than homogenizing them to the lowest possible denominator.  Perhaps it is time we once again gave to all according to their abilities rather than providing to all according to their needs to maximize individual contributions within our ever-changing world.   

ACCEPTING THE INEVITABLE ALLOWS CHANGE – INDIVIDUAL AND INFORMED ACTION INITIATES TRANSFORMATION

Fall seems to be upon us, burying the memories of summer under a blanket of colorful leaves (following the premature loss of leaves from so much dry heat) that will become but a wet and slippery slope towards the coming winter.  The lake has begun to take on the cold hues of winter as evenings cool the water and black migratory birds intrude upon its still surface as they seek food and rest during their long journey south.  Gone are the joyful sounds of children playing upon the beach and the throaty rumble of “go fast boats” as they glide across the surface of the early morning or late evening lake (though the incessant whining of jet skis still fills the evening air).  The mornings arrive later than before – and the night earlier – obscuring the beauty of the lake beneath a shroud of darkness.  The eerie sound of cool breezes moving the naked branches of trees having lost their leaves and of waves washing up onto the shore replace the desperate cry of gulls swarming for food left behind by humans returning from a weekend refuge to their regular lives.  This time of year is hard for a “lake lover” as the cooling water serves as a reminder that winter is coming – that a time of frozen life and suspended dreams is just around the corner – accentuated by this year’s pandemic, isolation and social distancing.  There are times that we must decide to worry about those things we can control and let go of those we cannot if we seek to retain our sanity and sense of purpose during seasonal transition.

Looking out the window this past weekend reinforced the reality that summer is quickly fading.  Plants that once thrived begin to wilt and trees that hid beneath an emerald green coat appear to be dying – IF you were able to see them without a flashlight as the sun has decided to stay in bed for a bit longer each morning as the moon earns the right to stay up later.  Fall signals a time of change within our lives (for winter enthusiasts perhaps a happier tone than for those that enjoy the summer) but transition is in the winds and transformation will not be delayed.

Along with the weather, autumn signals another opportunity for individual change.  One of the greatest freedoms our country offers is the unrestricted right to express our opinion within the voting booth – an opportunity that presents itself on November 3^rd this year.  It seems that every time we turn around there is an election, whether for local, school, state or federal issues, giving us the opportunity to express ourselves often in this country.  Many feel their single voice does not make a difference so they choose to silence it by not voting – but when we do not speak, how can we claim victory (or complain when what we want is not implemented)?  Since our nation was founded on individual rights, freedoms AND responsibilities, perhaps we should make a concerted effort to be responsible this year by using some of the time we have available during this unusual time in our country (without blaming COVID on anyone or making up our mind on the facts presented by the loudest political analyst) to research the promises made by those seeking our vote, determining the reality (and practicality) of each promise and voting for individuals we deem qualified to lead our state and country rather than simply going dormant like the plants and trees of summer or voting against someone rather than for a set of principles or values.

The opportunity we have to vote allows us to endorse the direction that our country (or state) is moving OR seek to change it.  This November offers us the opportunity to participate in an election that might truly make a difference in our daily lives – the problems and potential solutions have been laid out and are probably as far apart as they have ever been – both “sides” polarized and polarizing in their positions and each solution carrying with it distinctly different long-term ramifications.  Advertising has become more negative than positive as candidates from both parties provide information that “has been approved” by the person seeking your confidence.  Truth seems created (rather than reported) during campaigns – with responsible commentary a hope rather than an expectation. Solutions are offered but many (by both major parties) are laced with potential danger, economic ramifications, potential redistribution of wealth and/or disregard for a long-term impact caused by a short-term approach.  It seems that the cold harsh reality of winter has come sweeping into our political process – Congress cannot negotiate (but CAN dictate and demonstrate inflexibility), candidates cannot say what they HAVE done but choose to focus upon what “the other party” HAS NOT done, major and significant accomplishments are diminished or not spoken of (emerging peace agreements in the Middle East, Great Lakes Protection legislation, record high Stock Market results to name a few) while current negative events are sensationalized (many of which should be addressed but with solutions rather than a fanning of flames).  Political change is like a transition between seasons – but the political process is much more intentional, planned and potentially disruptive.

In order to participate in this opportunity to express your opinions and support the values and ideals lived by (not simply expressed by) the individual deemed worthy of your vote this year, study to reveal reality rather than simply reacting to an emotional appeal.  Do not act on the suggestion or recommendation of another – be it a friend, a union, a church or a news article – without checking things out for yourself.  The late President Reagan once stated it well when he said to “trust but verify,” a critical step that should be taken prior to casting your vote this year.   Do not take your responsibility lightly – the power of individual opinion can still establish the course of a nation when concerned and educated people base their actions upon solid information gathered through individual research, voting with their heads rather than their emotions.

Whether you consider yourself Democrat, Republican, or Independent – Liberal or Conservative – we are provided the right to express our personal opinions within the voting booth.  Far too many, however, choose not to exercise their right to voice an opinion OR fail to take the time to learn what is truly being offered by those seeking our vote.  Choosing not to vote is not a “silent protest” – it is a blatant disregard for the freedom we have been given to express our views within a system that, in many parts of the world, all too often closes out the opinions of private citizens.  While we cannot change or influence the weather as the seasons march on with or without our help (or approval), we CAN make a difference by voting this November.  When given the opportunity to speak, shout by casting your vote.  Do not remain a passive spectator to the action that is unfolding in front of you – be an active participant in the formation and implementation of life-changing decisions.