THE GAMES WE LEARN TO PLAY AS CHILDREN IMPACT US WELL BEYOND OUR CHILDHOOD

We learn to play many games as children – unfortunately resulting in us learning as much how to follow as to lead. “Simon Says…” is a game played by many a child where creativity and originality are discouraged in favor of doing exactly what is asked, allowed or permitted.  I once played “Simon says…” with my grandchildren while on vacation – having them walk obediently into the water without thinking (AND teaching them a lesson that those with longer strides will get wet sooner doing the same thing).  Many lessons in life MAY be learned by doing what we are told but far more can be gained through trial, error and learning through experience.

“Follow the leader” is another childhood game that discourages individuality in favor of simply blending in with a crowd. There can be only one leader while, by necessity and design, there are many followers. If you are fortunate enough to “lead”, you can pretty much choose the path that will be followed (your road to success) by deciding where the group will go, how it will get there and how much time it will take to reach your destination.  If you are among the many followers, however, it is hard to have much say in where you are going because you become too busy watching those ahead of you (without really focusing on where they might be going) while trying to stay ahead of (or at least out of the way of) those behind you.  Sadly, many schools, businesses, families and communities feel driven to teach individuals how to function in teams BUT fail to recognize that every team needs a leader.  Worse than that, many of our institutions have begun to feel that ANYONE is (and should be) able to lead – that all should somehow be treated (and able to respond) EQUALLY rather than EQUITABLY.  An effective leader must recognize that the people he or she is leading will follow anywhere but they can do that only if they see someone “out front” that they can trust (one cannot lead from behind).  Someone must break the ice or part the waters in order to be followed.

Dodge-ball – a “staple” when I was growing up (but now considered too dangerous to play) was another great learning game.  Those strong and accurate enough to throw the ball at the feet of others often won the game…those agile and alert enough to catch whatever was thrown their way also became strong contenders.  As with many children’s games, however (and with life itself), there was ultimately only one winner (those playing hard did not receive rewards or recognition).  The “winner” often came from the ranks of “the strong and developed aggressors” or the “agile anticipators” rather the “common folk” (which reflects what often happens in business as well – those developing their skills and talents usually receive many of the benefits given to those that “win” while those willing to play without personal investment or sacrifice tend to follow).

In order to grow and develop we must take the principles of what “Simon says…” and building on and expanding the stated expectations beyond the original directive to find success not considered possible.  We must “follow the leader” long enough to learn what direction we are going so we do not become lost during our travels but should, at some point in time, break away from the pack if we truly wish to demonstrate our abilities and tread where others fear to wander.  We must be agile and anticipate what might be coming if we expect to catch whatever life throws at us (and successfully deal with it) OR we must hone and develop our skills so that we might become the individual able to “take the shots” and “avoid the repercussions.”  Some have said that one learns all there is to know in life by the end of the kindergarten.  While this may not be entirely true, paying attention to the principles taught by children’s games can help us to overcome many of the challenges and opportunities presented to us in life as we grow older – and bring success in the ventures we choose to pursue if we listen to what we are told (and filter out what might be detrimental), follow where we are led (until we are able to venture out on our own) and anticipate what might be coming towards us (or develop our skills to the point that we might be able to better control the game).

The games we learned as children can be both fun and developmental because they do not often cause irreparable harm.  Rather they often provide a strong foundation upon which we can build as we grow and will help to create who we have become OR what we might one day achieve.  The decisions we make and the directions we take as adults, however, can result in more serious consequences than sitting out and watching until the next game begins.  We learn to play games as children so that we might be able to build upon our experiences when we grow.  We must build upon the lessons of right and wrong – of win or lose – learned as children if we want to benefit from the things we choose to do and gain from the activities in which we participate. 

Children’s games may be fun to play and teach subliminal lessons but they are the foundation from which we all grow.  Ask any child “who won” during a soccer game (that no longer tracks the score so nobody “loses”) and you will find that he or she knows exactly what the final score was (and often who scored the goals and who let them go past).  Ask any child who truly cares for them – who spends time with them – and you will receive an immediate answer.  Ask any child if they would rather play (without caring who wins) or would rather win (and enjoy playing the game to its fullest) and you will find that PERHAPS “adult values” of winning, of succeeding and of giving your all (expecting to be rewarded based on the degree of investment made) are established at a very early age.  Learn from the games of your youth – incorporate their lessons and assimilate their rewards – and you will find that the successes you find throughout your life are often built upon the foundation of play we enjoyed as a child.  The next time you get a chance to engage a child in play DO NOT let the opportunity pass you by.  Perhaps they can learn as much from the game as you did – which will serve them well as they continue to grow.

TRICK OR TREAT – Do YOU Hide Behind a Mask of Mediocrity?

People are sometimes “marginally competent” when their benchmark is the work and results of others rather than the goals and expectations they establish for themselves.  People living a life of “good enough” or “better than another” usually meet their minimum expectations but do not excel in what they do – often disappointing themselves as much as they do those depending upon them.  Unfortunately, many individuals hide behind a mask of mediocrity by trying to be better than others (or have more than someone else, or do something faster than another) because our society has come to rewards efforts rather than results – to praise “beginnings” OR “attempts” rather than recognizing successful  “ends.”  In order to realize our full potential we must discard the masks we wear to hide our insecurities, apprehensions and fears of being “different” so that others can accept us for who we are (rather than for what we think they might wish us to become). 

People are often identified as being capable of “growing into” something they have not yet become, accepting the recognition of potential as being the end of a journey and a source of pride that they were recognized rather than the beginning of a new adventure.  Unless people are given time to develop (and tools to help them succeed), they are often incapable of transforming their current reality into a potential future state.  Until we recognize what we wish to become (through our own individual efforts) we will be nothing more than an empty vessel hiding behind the mask of another’s expectations.  When we cover-up our deficiencies by adding others into a “performance mix” for comparative purposes, our justifications mask our role of “pretender.”   We shift the responsibility for results onto the overburdened shoulders of achievers and accomplishers – competent individuals who WILL seek recognition elsewhere for their contributions if is not fully and freely provided within their current world. 

Whenever we avoid competency issues rather than resolving them, we “mask” our problems without eliminating them.  We reward effort and intent but compromise our expectations for positive results each time we accept a “mask of good intentions” rather than looking behind it to see what talent (and desire) truly exists.  We far too often accept individuals that are not performing or are acting abrasively by thinking about the good they might be “hiding” and hoping that it will make its way to the surface at some point in time.  We tend to avoid rather than address issues – taking the path of least resistance rather than resisting the tendency we all have to hide our weaknesses by pointing out the flaws that someone else might have that is far worse than our “insignificant” shortcoming.  When we portray ourselves to be something we are not, we may be able to fool those freely distributing meaningless rewards but will not be able to transform our lives into what they could be until we learn our lessons from failure – until we leap forward after falling back. 

Children hide behind a variety of masks at Halloween while seeking treats in an effort to camouflage their identities from those around them.  Acceptable child-like behavior, however, should not set the course we find ourselves following.  If we consciously and intentionally seek to become something not yet realized or achieved – to become what we WISH to be rather than being what others might find acceptable – we will celebrate true success (by just being who and what we are rather than pretending to be someone else or escalating another’s inadequacies to make ourselves seem better than we might truly be).    

Do not give yourself the choice to accept mediocrity in life – expect “treats” rather than “tricks” by seeking the tools and support necessary for your dreams to become a reality.  Acknowledge, accept and reveal yourself to those around you – refusing to accept anything less than your all or settling for anything lower than the sky – which should be your floor rather than your limit.  You can achieve your full potential ONLY when you remove the mask (that is so tempting to hide behind) and quit pretending to be something you are not.  Then, and only then, will you be able to realize the dream of an unrestricted, uninhibited and unmasked future as you move from “pretender” to “contender” within this race we call life.

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR DESTINY TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE

Many of us become disillusioned with our jobs (and our lives) at times.  Unless we step back and look at the “big picture,” however, we may base our actions (and assumptions) on part of the puzzle – trying to treat the symptoms rather than identifying the origins or “root causes” of what we see or feel.  We can miss out on the opportunity to “win the war” should we become overly consumed with our focus on winning each and every single battle.  The story of three blind men describing an elephant comes to mind when thinking in such a short-sighted fashion.  One feeling a leg may think the elephant to be a tree.  One feeling the tail may describe it as a rope.  One feeling the trunk may imagine a snake.  All might be right in what they see or feel within their singular focus but not one of them would be able to identify the nature of the beast by focusing on one part – as no one individual can possibly see all aspects of a situation without fully investigating and analyzing the results of his or her research or observations.

There are many ways to move from one situation to another – but often we embark upon the most obvious escape route before seeking alternatives resolutions.  We do not simply draw a line in the sand from which we can begin anew – we excavate a trench that will isolate us from our situation once we have crossed the line (sometimes the trench becomes an obstacle in and of itself as we fall to its bottom and have a difficult time regaining our footing.).  While such tactics WILL move us forward, they often create pain and close the door on any possibility of returning (should we wish to intentionally start over) or generate obstacles that seem too great, discouraging us from even beginning a new journey. 

There are “kinder and gentler ways” to move from a bad situation to a better one than to burn our bridges – no matter how good that might feel in the heat of the moment.  Before “moving on” we should identify ways to maximize the “good” things about where we are while minimizing the “bad.”  Many individuals wish to make instant changes – to put their mark upon whatever they are trying to accomplish IMMEDIATELY – without first seeing what works (and does not need to be fixed) or what is truly broken (needing immediate attention).  Often we seek to mandate change rather than trying to influence it – to “tell” others what to do and how to do it rather than “sell” our ideas by listening to what others think or feel before leading them forward.  We rush headlong into situations that require skills we do not possess (without seeking the training that might equip us to handle them) or have “legacy” status (that must be addressed prior to making a change).  Patience, tolerance and caring (OR not caring) who gets the credit for changes that are made are among the major factors that influence our reactions to the people and situations around us (and help to “make or break” the results we achieve). 

Whenever we seek to make changes in our lives we should first identify what WE are doing that might be detrimental to positive change and adjust our own attitude before doing anything else.  Rather than focusing on what is wrong with the people and things around us or complaining about what we cannot do it might better to invest our resources in the identification of areas that we can make a difference in an effort to “show the way.”  Leverage your personal experiences to help others change by demonstrating how things can be accomplished differently rather than expecting them to think like you do and act as you feel they should when all they might really know is how things have been done in the past.  When initiating any kind of change, start small...identify the low-hanging fruit and begin by making easy corrections that do not “cost” too much in terms of energy or effort.  Identify and save the “sacred cows” that would be difficult to change (long established processes, activities or deeply imbedded and emotional connections) for later.  Become a champion of change rather than a detractor of new ideas in whatever you say or do – a major part of the solution rather than a significant part of the problem – as you seek different results.    

While seemingly difficult, changing our perspective will often make all the difference in the world.  When we identify (and utilize) our strengths, acknowledge (but commit to strengthen) our weaknesses, realize what we can (and cannot) change then intentionally act to resolve (rather than running away from) our challenges we will be able to fully realize our potential.  Rather than looking “outside” to resolve your problems, the first step towards success should always be to look at yourself – at what you are, what you are doing, what you are saying, what you expect AND (most importantly) what you ARE NOT, what you ARE NOT DOING, what you MIGHT NOT BE SAYING or what you ARE NOT EXPECTING.  To “be all that you can be” you must identify how to communicate your ideas, influence those around you and initiate the change process (not necessarily driving it to fruition – but simply deciding to take the first step then follow that up one step at a time). 

Unless (and until) we face the enemy (whom is often us), escape may be the path of least resistance but it is often the first of many detours in life we face before eventually stumbling upon the road we should have originally taken.  Change typically does not simply happen – it is the result of someone taking destiny into their own hands...someone taking risk they feel worth the reward it might bring – in order to initiate alternative actions and results.  If you wish to take control of your life, do not watch from the sidelines...let it be YOU that shapes destiny as you take intentional action to produce not yet identified results.   

NINE PRESUMPTIONS OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE

Much has been written about success and successful individuals are often seen as having positive persistence, focused ambition, and an unwavering ability to see a process or project through to its inevitable end.  Many view success as “winning” rather than “losing” (but winning for some might be losing for others so does that mean successful people cannot be “team oriented” or “group thinkers?”).  Some view it more as a short-term result like reaching educational benchmarks within pre-determined timeframes as measured by “passing” or acceptable scores on objective tests.  Others look to things such as their work (are they fulfilling their potential?), to personal life (are they significant in ways that matter?) or their social status (are they SEEN as having “arrived and achieved” by others?).  In each of these perceptions, success is viewed as being more of a destination than a journey.  While it is not wrong to measure success by reflecting upon one’s accomplishments, it might be ill-advised to use such an absolute yardstick (results) as the only measurement.  Truly successful people focus more on the “means” than the “ends” as they approach life – and most would (in some way) adhere to at least nine presumptions about the way success might be measured (or achieved):

• You can become anything you wish to be or accomplish anything you wish to do in life.  Accomplishing what is initiated and measured by being what others feel you should become or by attempting to accomplish ONLY what others think you should be able to do, however, may bring recognition and rewards but not independent success.  One can realize success ONLY if bringing their own dreams to fruition or accomplishing their own objectives – going through the motions to accomplish the assigned expectations of another may complete a task or conclude an assigned activity but rarely will it bring lasting or genuine success.
• There is no limit as to what can be accomplished when one does not care who receives the credit for doing the work or receives praise for initiating an idea.  Successful people often initiate processes or suggest alternative ways of doing things then leverage the results (rather than overtly seeking the recognition) of their efforts as a springboard to further discovery and future growth.
• The only bad decision one can make is unintentionally choosing not to decide.  The only truly wrong action that can be taken is allowing something significant to happen (or not happen) in your life without knowing (or caring) about the potential ramifications.  Successful people recognize that time does not stand still – that conditions, expectations and priorities may change – but that any course correction must be INTENTIONAL and any result should be PLANNED rather than allowing either to occur accidentally or allowed to “just happen on its own.
• Successful people surround themselves with individuals that challenge their decisions and contribute to their abilities – that add to what they have in their tank rather than being afraid of being “out shown” or overshadowed by another.  True success is rarely achieved by those who surround themselves with people that make them feel good or agree with everything they say or do – that accept the status quo as being sacred and untouchable rather than a place from which to begin – for they fear finding themselves trapped within the mundane.
• One can either learn from their mistakes or be defeated by them.  Successful individuals often spend more time picking themselves up from the ground than they do running smoothly upon it – learning what does not work and how to avoid it while seeking to implement things that have not yet been attempted.  Those that accept failure as an end rather than a beginning often look for consolation from others and seek shelter from life’s battles within the comfort of the hole into which they may have fallen.  Successful individuals refuse to accept adversity as being more than a temporary roadblock – embracing life’s detours as pathways to travel that have yet to be fully investigated which could lead to solutions not yet fully developed and results not previously achieved.
• One cannot fail if no goals have been established.  One cannot “miss the target” when shooting an arrow into an empty field.  When one does not care where they are going it is almost impossible to get lost.  Not surprising, though, one will never taste success unless a target is available, a goal has been identified or a destination pre-determined.  Success is a process rather than a result – a path we travel rather than a cave within which we can seek shelter or an island upon which we might find temporary contentment.  The RESULTS of success may be stability, peace, popularity power or security but one cannot bring a dream to fruition – or raise another to his or her full potential – without taking intentional action to advance from the “here and now” to a potential “future reality.” Doing nothing gains nothing – seeking something not yet discovered or acting in a way not yet fully established will typically prove to be more meaningful and significant.
• Success is not measured by how many things one accomplishes but rather by how much is learned along the way...not by how quickly or how far one travels but rather by how many people were impacted during the journey.  Successful people are rarely satisfied with “what is,” choosing instead to pursue “what could be” and how they might better be able to make a difference.
• Successful people do not seek definitive destinations that would showcase their accomplishments as they rest upon their laurels.  They do not find comfort in gathering the “spoils” of their actions or in laying up the fruits of their labor – they are constantly seeking “new and better” whether it be in a process, a relationship or an environment in which they find themselves as they seek to leverage what they know or have into something not yet realized.  Successful people find it hard to accept “the way things have always been done” as being the best way to do anything – especially if they wish to achieve a different result than has ever been accomplished.
• Successful people establish (and accomplish) personal goals rather than living only to meet the expectations of others.  They learn from their mistakes (but do not revisit their lessons more than once) and act intentionally (even if they knowingly choose NOT to act at any point in time).  Success is realized when one seeks to be all they might wish to become, invests the time and energy into equipping themselves to accomplish great things, stretches their limits by reaching for new horizons not yet identified, and refuses to accept temporary setbacks as the end of their journey. 

Successful people do not live in a “probable” or “predictable” world.  Successful people live in a world of unlimited opportunities and possibilities – seeking to achieve what others have yet to consider...resting upon their individual accomplishments only long enough to re-group before moving on.  Successful individuals build their dreams upon a solid and credible foundation from which they willingly and intentionally step forward to investigate new ways of living life, doing things or accomplishing objectives.  They seek to experience the winds – to ride upon them wherever they may be carried – rather than to capture or contain them.  They accept nothing as being impossible, choosing instead to measure the value or risk of each action – its fiscal benefits or limitations – while learning from the path they have taken rather than finding satisfaction only when reaching the destination they seek.  Success is making a profound and unmistakable difference in the lives of others by leading them along until they can explore on their own...by monitoring and guiding their progress while allowing them to learn from their mistakes as they, too, accomplish great things. We must reach outside of our comfort zone – stretch beyond the limits and boundaries of our experience – to achieve true success. Once those borders have been crossed – that reality realized and internalized – one will rarely find satisfaction doing or being anything less.

NOT ALL WHO WANDER HAVE LOST THEIR WAY...

“Not all who wander are lost” (Tolkien) is a truism as much today as when first penned.  Without breaking down the walls around us and stepping outside of the box, few innovative or original thoughts would be developed and different ways of doing things would go undiscovered.  Unless, and until, we begin to wander off the beaten path – searching for things not generally thought of or methods not typically used – things that have always happened will continue to occur in the ways that have worked best in the past (but not necessarily in ways that could be more effective, productive or innovative given the current times).  Had Edison not wandered upon darkened streets – refusing to accept a flickering flame as being the only form of illumination – would we have the electrical power grid that exists today?  Had Whitney not believed that cotton could be milled into cloth in a way that could revolutionize its processing would we have been able to design and create the variety of clothing that now can be offered?  Had a handful of disillusioned souls not wandered across the ocean to an unknown destination – driven forward by the promise of a better tomorrow that offered freedoms of religion, choice and self-governance – would we live within the greatest nation ever formed (EVEN WITH the issues and concerns that must be resolved, Democracy is a journey, not a destination)?  While many that wander aimlessly through life are lost, those that wander with a sense of purpose – a thirst for knowledge and a desire to make a difference in the worlds they consciously and intentionally travel – are far from lost.  Rather, they are leaders upon a road not yet discovered travelling towards a goal not yet identified in a world not yet fully evolved.  They seek what has not yet been found while finding and developing all they can as they pass through unchartered territory on their way to a perceived destination – which becomes but a resting place for them to regain their strength before wandering anew.  Wanderers are the leaders of our world, and those willing to wander with them will inevitably find themselves “amazed and astounded” by what wonders can be discovered by those willing to seek alternative realities.

Conversely, not all who are lost wander (Smith) as some choose to put down their roots in a specific “comfortable” place even though they may not be comfortable where they are nor truly know what could be possible with just a little faith or trust.  We cannot expect change unless we are willing to embrace it – until we consciously and intentionally move forward towards a destination not previously discovered.  While some may wander aimlessly at times because they realize they are not where they want to be – sometimes even stumbling upon a great discovery or an unchartered trail – their travels are unplanned and their discoveries unintentional.  Many who may find themselves lost, however, chose to lie low awaiting rescue.  Rather than making a difficult situation any worse they find a safe harbor within which they can ride out the storm – a dry cave in which to crawl as they seek to avoid the “mists” of unknown that cloud their vision but no not totally wash out their paths.  Those who find comfort in the status quo – who are content to live as they have always lived hoping to retain all (but no more) than they have always had – represent the unfortunate souls content to live a life of mediocrity.  When facing a fork in the road, those content with what they have accomplished often seek guidance from their past – looking behind them to find what has worked that can be applied to what could be ahead OR in order to fall back into their past accomplishments by turning from opportunity and remaining within the world of “been there and done that” rather than entering the universe of “what ELSE might be out there for me?”  When facing the unknown, some would prefer to wait for others who might lead them to a different destination – having no interest in striking out on their own upon an undiscovered path that could reveal a new reality.  Those who do not wander will rarely find a way that has not yet been found nor discover a concept that has yet to be imagined.  They are but the worker bees within an ever expanding hive – content to do as they are told in exchange for a planned and consistent universe regardless of the cost.

A rare few individuals are seekers striving for change, validation or innovation – willing to walk away from the safety and security of “what is” in search of things that could be (but have not yet been identified).  Whether they are lost or enlightened, those who wander will often find things along the way not yet identified, tested or tried.  The difference is that those who are lost see their discoveries as an end – a final destination or place to rest – while those seeking innovation, freedom or results not yet identified see their discoveries as the beginning of something entirely new on the way towards greater and higher achievements.  It has been said that the first step of any journey is the hardest but perhaps the second step – that one taken after initially deciding to set out from what has been comfortable and secure while seeking to discover that which is unknown...and those taken after the realization that one must leave what was safe and comfortable before an understanding of what may be gained can be realized – are truly the most difficult.  While many sentences make up a book – and the first is often difficult to write – it is important that we know when (and how) to end each chapter so we can move on from what has been accomplished while seeking what has not yet been achieved.  Many authors, in fact, change their working title many times as they bring their vision to life, seeing their ideas ebb and flow in many different directions before they fully come together to be captured in a single title.  Life...and wandering...are much the same.  A wanderer’s destination may change many times during his or her journey – not because he or she is lost but rather because each end becomes but a new beginning.

As you wander, look back only long enough to know where you have come from.  Stop only long enough to know where you belong.  Leverage your past and your present to establish a future that will never be unveiled unless (and until) you recognize the value of wandering with purpose in search of new realities.  Not all who wander have lost their way but all who refuse to wander have lost their sense of adventure and their desire to be anything different than what they have already become.