THE LIMITATIONS OF WHY (AND THE POWER OF WHY NOT)…

Why are some people invigorated by a seemingly insurmountable task while others seem paralyzed by the same situation?   Some see the opportunity to make progress towards the completion of a project while others shut down unless they see an immediate conclusion well within their reach.   Other than the obvious propensity towards taking risks, I would venture that there is one underlying characteristic differentiating the two attitudes – the ability to question “why not?” before acting rather than needing to understand “why” before formulating a plan.

“If only…” will never define “what is…”  When we trap ourselves within the world of excuses by asking what might have happened “if only” we had acted differently, we lose sight of reality.  Dwelling upon things NOT accomplished will never initiate change – it only reinforces our limitations (rather than celebrating our abilities).  Worrying about what we could have done differently rather than focusing upon what we did – without considering how it could be modified or changed if necessary – will never create change, it will only serve to accentuate what did not happen rather than what might still come to fruition.

Some individuals act in accordance with established policy, practice or procedure whether or not that may be the best way to do something.  They seek the safe ground that leads to known objectives rather than treading upon potentially treacherous trails that could take them to places previously unknown or not yet discovered.  Others constantly question what they are asked to do to test and temper the validity of an action prior to its being taken – considering not only what has been done in the past but also what might be an alternative to the predictable as they seek to accomplish the improbable.   What good does it do to advance an idea unless it makes a difference when implemented – or to act without benefiting either yourself or another?  One will never experience their full potential by seeking comfort within a world defined by other’s expectations nor will he or she ever discover all that might be developed, nurtured or grown within themselves if their present reality is not stretched beyond its current boundaries. 

The sands of time fall relentlessly to the bottom of an hourglass, shifting their presence from one known sphere to another that has not yet been discovered, only to repeat their journey should the glass be turned over UNLESS the sphere is shattered and something comes from the nothing that was once present.  The sun brings a new day holding possibilities not yet realized.  The seasons change, coming and going in a predictable manner that is never on the same schedule from one year to the next - and never fully or explicitly duplicates the last year's seasons onto the canvas of the next year.  Why do so many people expect their lives to change…to evolve…to grow and develop into something that is different than they have when they choose to do things as they have always done them…as they focus upon actions that produce previously realized results and experiences rather than setting their sights on what COULD have been accomplished IF ONLY they had not run out of time (without making the time to create the altered reality)?  Building from a foundation of “what could be” seems much more relevant to living life the way it was meant to be than hiding behind “What is…,” “What could have been?” or “Why try?”

Will YOU Hide Behind a Mask of Mediocrity this Halloween?

People are sometimes “marginally competent” when their benchmark for success is duplicating the work and results of others rather than exceeding the goals they might establish for themselves.  People living a life of “good enough” or “better than another” usually meet minimum expectations but rarely excel in what they do – often disappointing themselves as much as they do those depending upon them for the “ceiling” they establish in trying to satisfy others is often the “floor” that people might set for themselves.  Unfortunately, many individuals hide behind a mask of mediocrity by trying to be better than others (or have more than someone else – or do something faster than another) rather than simply trying to be the best they might be.  Our society has come to reward effort rather than results – to praise “beginnings” rather than recognizing successful “ends.”  In order to realize our full potential we must discard the masks we wear to hide our insecurities, apprehensions and fears of being “different” so that others can accept us for who we are (rather than for what we think they might wish us to become). 

People are often identified as being capable of “growing into” something or someone they have not yet become.  They accept the recognition of potential as being the end of a journey rather than the beginning of a new adventure.  Unless individuals are given time to develop (and tools to help them succeed), they are often incapable of transforming their current reality into a potential future state – unable to move from what works to what might work much better.  Until we recognize what we wish to become (through our own individual efforts) we will be nothing more than an empty vessel hiding behind the mask of another’s expectations as we shift the responsibility for results onto the overburdened shoulders of achievers and accomplishers – competent individuals who WILL seek recognition elsewhere for their contributions if not fully and freely provided within their current world. 

Whenever we avoid competency issues rather than resolving them, we “mask” our problems without eliminating them.  We reward effort and intent but compromise our expectations for positive results each time we accept a “mask of good intentions” rather than looking behind it to see what talent (and desire) truly exists beneath the mask.  We easily accept children hiding behind masks and costumes knocking on our doors calling out “Trick or Treat” but should not allow ourselves to live within a world that encourages and rewards similar efforts from grown individuals unwilling to contribute to our accomplishments or results.  When we portray ourselves to be something we are not, we may be able to fool some but will not be able to transform our lives into what they could be until we learn our lessons from failure – until we leap up after falling – until we spring forward after slipping back.  When we accept ourselves at “face value” without investing any effort or consideration into what we COULD become we can expect to receive back only what we invested – nothing of value in return for a lack of significance. 

Children hide behind a variety of masks at Halloween while seeking treats in an effort to camouflage their identities from those around them.  Acceptable child-like behavior, however, should not set the course we find ourselves following.  If we consciously and intentionally seek to become something not yet realized or achieved – to become what we WISH to be rather than being what others might express as being acceptable – we will celebrate true success.  Unlimited possibilities abound when reality is set free.  Extraordinary investments ALWAYS provide an exceptional return. 

Do not allow yourself to accept mediocrity in life – expect “treats” rather than “tricks” by seeking the tools and supports necessary for dreams to become reality.  Acknowledge, accept and reveal yourself to those around you – refusing to accept anything less than your all or reaching lower than the sky.  You can achieve your full potential ONLY when you remove the mask of mediocrity (that is so tempting to hide behind) and quit pretending to be something or someone you are not.  Then, and only then, will you be able to bring to fruition all that you could be – to realize the dream of an unrestricted, uninhibited and unmasked future, as you move from “pretender” to “contender” within this race we call life. 

STARTING THE RACE IS NECESSARY IF WE SEEK CHANGE…FINISHING IT IS ESSENTIAL…

In order to grow and succeed – to contribute to the growth of those around us – one cannot do only what has been assigned (regardless of how well each individual assignment is performed) or get by doing the bare minimum.  One cannot fill the cup of others when he or she is busy trying to fill their own leaky sieve.  One cannot safely support or transport another when their boat is leaking so badly that it might sink before it safely reaches shore.  Looking back towards where we have been rather than ahead towards where we wish to be – remaining content with the present rather than building upon it as a springboard to the future by doing what works as opposed to seeking what might work better – are signs of a life in stagnation – signals that one accepts the status quo as being the best that could ever be or that mediocrity is good enough (negating the need or desire for exceptionalism).  If one wishes to achieve “the possible” rather than being content to accomplish only those things that have already been tried and achieved by others as their thoughts, ideas and abilities are acted out, they must be willing to try what has not yet been considered.  It is rare that individual dreams of the future can be identified and developed from “what is” into “what could be” without taking intentional action to finish the race rather than being content with good starts and consistent progress.  To ensure that such transformation can occur we must: 

1)            Understand the difference between efficiency with effectiveness.  An e-mail may be efficient, but a conversation might more effectively resolve an issue without extended “replies and clarifications.”  Effective individuals make sure that every investment of time and/or energy has a direct and measurable impact.  They accomplish things that need doing in order to move forward – and do them well – rarely wasting time or energy doing unnecessary things that “might be nice” but are not related to the accomplishment of their objectives.  Efficient individuals accomplish all things well whether or not they serve to advance their cause or move them towards a defined objective.  An immediate e-mail communication may efficiently promote conversation but might not effectively resolve an issue.

2)            Recognize that NOBODY is irreplaceable.   If an individual feels that nobody could EVER do what he or she does, that person has probably (unknowingly) limited what he or she can accomplish, how he or she is viewed and where he or she might be able to advance.  When we feel nobody could ever do the things we do as well as we do them, we become so enamored with our abilities that we fail to identify our possibilities.  If nobody else can do (or even wishes to try doing) what you can then you will never move beyond where you are – potentially competent and poised for greatness but unable to progress or move up the ladder to where you wish to be.

3)            Acknowledge that you MAY NOT know all the answers.  Though it may seem that whatever some do or say is right – that any direction they take turns out to be the path that is chosen – nobody has the experience or abilities to make all the right decisions regardless of the situation, environment or timeframe.  People knowing how to think through all the possibilities so they can ask the right questions are much more valuable than those who feel they are able to give all the right answers because they feel they already know all the questions that could ever be posed.  We can truly contribute to our success and profitability – or experience all that life might be able to offer – ONLY after identifying our limitations (real or perceived) and asking questions about how they might be overcome.  Nothing will change, however, until we decide to act – to move forward by implementing the answers received from the questions we ask (rather than doing things as we have always done them because we think we know all the answers).

4)            ALWAYS give credit to others.  People recognizing and acknowledging the ideas and actions of others tend to share a never-ending ride to success and satisfaction – enjoying a seemingly unlimited potential “upside” while tempering their individual “downside” risk.  Those that take credit for another’s ideas should like themselves a lot because they may not have supportive friends to prop them up in the future if credit or praise is given sparingly. 

5)            Add to existing abilities and upgrade outdated skills while refusing to accept “what is” as “what will always be.”  What was once necessary to maintain a life-long job or to enjoy a long-lasting relationship is no longer sufficient.  People who refuse to learn new skills or different ways of doing things typically fail to grow – those who refuse to retrain may not remain.  Unless an individual brings more into a relationship than he or she could ever expect it to return – is willing to give another more than is taken (unconditionally and without expectations) as they seek to gain more by sharing than by receiving – he or she will never realize the treasures awaiting them beyond their current reality. 

While we may be able to start a race on our own, we need the help, support and efforts of those around us to finish.  Life is not a sprint – it is a marathon.  To accomplish much, we must give much.  To receive support from those around us we must first encourage and support them.  To rise to the top – to finish the race – we must not only build the foundation upon which we stand (so that we are firmly rooted in our convictions) but must also accept the encouragement and support of those around us as we grow – recognizing both our ability AND our need to change.  Only then will we be able to finish the race as we seek to “travel where no one has previously gone” in order to achieve that which has not been previously accomplished.

CELEBRATE THE ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF OTHERS TO DISCOVER PERSONAL HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS

One of the key principles in any relationship – be it professional or personal – is that much can be accomplished IF you do not care who receives the credit.  Though it is human nature to want recognition for successfully implementing an idea, an individual earns respect and discover true self-worth when he or she realizes that being responsible for the way something is done or finding the trail up the mountain that a team needs to climb to reach the top is often more important than receiving credit for what was accomplished.

A relationship will be strengthened by actively engaging in cooperative reasoning – through openly discussing all possibilities before acting to maximize and bring to fruition the probabilities that can be realized ONLY when two or more are gathered together and working to accomplish more than one individual ever could.  Originating alternative ideas or concepts is critical to initiate change BUT the implementation of change can often be more effective if the “doers” are empowered to act so that the “dreamers” can more freely innovate.  Maturity within a relationship (or success in a managerial position) comes when the originators of ideas internalize the reality that while “doers” tend receive credit for their performance in bringing ideas to fruition they would never have acted had a new idea or direction not been brought to the surface by a “dreamer.”  Individuals seeking personal recognition, credit and success far too often try to pull everyone in the direction they want to go OR step over those that appear to be in their way rather than lifting those around them up and rising to the top upon their shoulders (rather than upon their backs).

We unleash the potential of those around us to create change when we formulate an idea and communicate what we wish to accomplish to those that will be implementing the change (rather than telling them what to do and how to bring our thoughts to fruition) then get out of the way so they can act (while we monitor progress and offer help if needed).  We create dependency in our relationships when we tell others what to do, how to do it and when it needs to be done rather than simply defining goals, assigning responsibility (and authority) then monitoring progress towards accomplishment.  A relationship constructed upon a foundation of dependent reliance on the thoughts and ideas of another cannot be meaningful.  Growth or success beyond that which one has already achieved cannot occur until a leader equips those around him or her with tools that allow for independent thoughts and actions.

Great leaders originate ideas, communicate expectations then move on to consider new alternatives while monitoring the progress of those left to accomplish their initiatives.  They are rarely around when the tasks they initiate are completed so will not often receive direct recognition for the results – rather they celebrate in the accomplishments of others, recognizing that great rewards will ultimately come to those who can selflessly initiate change and find joy in the journey (rather than only in the destination).

Those that seek recognition for their ideas and actions often lose sight of their long-term objectives and fail to meet their ultimate goals.  To achieve greatness, seek it within the accomplishments of those with whom you have relationships.  Leverage the capabilities of those you have equipped to act upon your ideas rather than limiting your potential to only those things you can accomplish on your own.  Find yourself as you lead others through their darkness and they will help to light your way as they begin to find themselves, discover new possibilities and achieve seemingly impossible things.