INCLUDING OTHERS ON YOUR ISLAND PROMOTES SUCCESS

Many people feel they can “go it alone” rather than including others when making decisions. In order to establish and maintain accountability for our thoughts and actions, however, we need input from others to challenge, validate and support our direction, decisions, and aspirations.  While most of us are able to move forward through much of life on our own, we find encouragement to keep moving when we might prefer to rest if others are encouraged (or at least allowed) to walk beside us. Before we can expect others to join us, however – to care enough about us to invest their time in making us better – we must first accept that others CAN play a significant role in our success…that we are better WITH the input and perspective given to us than we are when relying solely upon our own thoughts, experiences, and solutions. 

The first step in the acceptance of others onto our island is to discover our own potential – fully assimilating the beauty of what is possible into the reality of our lives. Before we could hope to have another see value or worth in us, however, we must identify our individual strengths and weaknesses, realizing the role that each might have in our development AND to our detriment. We must recognize and accept what is possible (even if highly improbable), what is probable (even if unlikely), and what might be fiscally irresponsible (the potential cost far outweighing any possible gain). People that can make an individual difference tend to celebrate success rather than looking for weaknesses…they assume blame rather than assigning fault…they focus on what has “gone right” rather than upon what has “gone wrong.” Rather than identifying the deficiencies of others and using those as an excuse NOT to change themselves, successful people compliment what was done well rather than focusing upon what “was not done” or “could have been done much better. They often attempt to change behavior by identifying deficiencies that need altering (becoming important as the identifier of another’s problems) rather than by encouraging the “cloning” of healthy behaviors and attitudes. 

People acknowledging (and relying upon) only their strengths often enter relationships to “fix” those around them – never fully exposing themselves to the scrutiny that true friendship (or “community”) brings. Those that limit themselves by accepting their shortcomings and deficiencies as ceilings rather than floors often sell themselves short when it comes to achieving success. These individuals avoid their own emptiness or darkness by reflecting another’s light or fullness through the pronouncement of a relationship. They find personal success through the accomplishments of others (claiming credit for their results) – or by elevating their own minor successes by minimizing those of another. They tend to deflect negative attention from themselves by directing it to another - often influencing the way others are perceived while appearing to be “above it all” in their personal interrelationships. Island living IS NOT about being alone but rather being all that is possible by becoming all that we can be. 

No relationship – whether it be in business or in your personal life – will grow unless we establish an expectation of what we hope it might become then work hard to bring that dream to fruition. Some say that setting low expectations will keep them from ever failing or being disappointed. What kind of a meaningful relationship could develop from the premise that what “is” will never change – that wherever a relationship began is where it will eventually end – exhibiting no growth.  A relationship serves no valuable purpose if the melding of beliefs, values, ideals, and accomplishments are intended to advance each individual more than it enhances the group. If one benefits from the input of another, think how much could be accomplished should several come together, openly sharing thoughts and ideas without fearing loss, reprisal, or repercussion. 

Choice is the key to success. Unless and until we CHOOSE to move forward, to leave behind or to seek new pastures, we live our lives more by fearing the pain of failure than by expecting and anticipating the rewards of success – we may survive but will rarely thrive. Relationships focusing on why things did not work or how they could have been done differently are destined to fail. Those using (accepting and learning from) failure as a springboard towards implementing new and different solutions are more likely to succeed. Believing that the “light at the end of a tunnel” is an opportunity yet to be realized rather than a train heading towards you on a collision course reflects the assimilation of dreams into our daily relationships – the acceptance of “what has yet to become” becoming a precursor of reality rather than a harbinger of never-ending turmoil. 

When people lose sight of their goals, coming to rest upon the side of the road before accomplishing their dreams, they cannot find fulfillment and often fail to persevere. When we travel alone, we are more likely to lose our way – why should it be any different as we live life?  The realization of dreams is linked to how effectively your strengths can be focused as we travel unfamiliar paths that encourage new ideas – and unless our thoughts are challenged by others holding us accountable for the results promised, how can we ever achieve anything beyond what we already know and accept as being possible? Accepting that our own (or another individual’s) weaknesses are insurmountable often results in our believing that failure is not just a possibility but rather a foregone conclusion. When we truly believe that the accomplishment of anything is possible – and that nothing can diminish or replace the unwavering power borne through a strong and trusting relationship – only then will we be able to experience the impact others have on us by sharing our island – when others work together to achieve more than any one individual might accomplish. 

While one man (or woman) may think he (or she) is an island, they will not experience all life has to offer until accepting that to live we must share life – and that we are only as strong individually as is the group of close friends, peers, or co-workers we have around us.

 

DO NOT AVOID THE OBVIOUS WHEN DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Some people are more patient than others when it comes to working with difficult people. These leaders will typically balance the positives someone brings to the table against the negatives – and as long as the scale tips more towards the “good” than it does to the “bad” they will probably tolerate more than an outside observer (OR other employees) might think prudent. Good leaders seek to encourage individual input while guiding the efforts and acknowledging the accomplishments of a group without stifling creativity…maximizing the ability of all to contribute by subtly filtering the more disturbing qualities a difficult person might express and incorporating the positives into the initiation of actions conducive to improving the team. Tolerant leaders tend to focus on results rather than on processes…on contributions to the whole rather than individual recognition – feeling that as long as the objective is achieved why worry who receives the praise? These leaders probably live more in a world of “where can we go?” rather than in one of “where have we been?”  Over time, though, all leaders need to understand how best to “deal with difficult people” by incorporating their (oftentimes) intelligent creativity into a thriving (but easily disrupted) environment while, at the same time, avoiding the perception of paying more attention to the “troubled ones” and allowing the “shining stars” to fade away into the night.

Difficult people often like to speak their mind and get their way. They dislike being told “no” without a solid, rationale reason (and even then, if the reason is not their own, may not accept it easily). Their contributions are often minimized (within a group) by its lack of acceptance (a group does not like a cocky know-it-all or one whom never gives recognition to others) regardless of how valuable the individual’s contribution COULD be. Difficult people tend to talk more than they listen, to act more than they show restraint, and to hide their own inadequacies by dwelling upon everyone else’s “wrongs” or “mistakes” – claiming to be “better than the worst” rather than striving to be better than the best. Rather than continuously raising their own level of performance, difficult people tend to set themselves as the “bar,” downgrading others and forcing them to assume a subservient role or intentionally diminishing their ability to contribute. One characteristic seems to hold true within all situations – difficult people focus on themselves, their perceived abilities, their own actions, their own feelings, and their own “way,” often losing sight of a common goal or the thought reaching a visionary destination together. Recognizing the tendencies that make people difficult is a necessity if one is to channel their negative energy into something that can add value to a team (particularly one that may perceive the individual as disruptive, disturbing, or even dangerous BECAUSE react and respond to obvious negatives rather than seeking or acknowledging any positives that might be brought to the mix). Recognizing the power that difficult people can have over a functioning team is critical BUT an effective leader must act to meld the positive into a team while deflecting the negative…to intentionally demonstrate the value of the difficult person’s contributions to the team’s results and outcomes.

Difficult people are everywhere in our lives. People often chose one of several options when dealing with them – often predicated by past experience and/or learned confidence. MOST people will typically:

• Ignore them (hoping they will go away)
• Minimize conflict by listening to them (whether or not we intend to act on what they say)
• Avoid interacting with them whenever possible
• Resist until we are beaten down enough that we “do things their way” rather than arguing anymore, OR
• Worry ourselves sick about the problem without ever simply addressing the issue.

While selfishly effective (except, perhaps, for the last choice – which is latently disastrous to the effective functioning of a team), do any of these responses really resolve the problem OR are we simply avoiding the obvious – escaping into an internal “safe place” and causing others to silently suffer with us when we ignore the pain and live with the team’s results? To effectively deal with difficult people we must identify a common goal, talk about how we are going to get “there from here,” discuss what road signs we should see along the way to verify the path we choose is going in the right direction, assign ownership (responsibility AND accountability) to actions THEN establish (clearly and concisely) expectations, ramifications if disruptions occur, and establish who is in charge. In that this last action is typically the most confrontational, it must be firmly stated and conditioned by things you are willing to follow-through on (i.e., do not say “this will happen or else” unless you’re willing to follow-through with the promised consequences. Making hollow threats and conditions minimizes both your credibility and your ability to manage.).

Functional teams can (and possibly should) include people who are “different” from all others within the team so that alternative ideas and perspectives can be included within the team’s thought processes BUT it must also remain focused, headed in the right direction, AND have someone monitoring progress to maintain accountability. Do not avoid your responsibility as a leader to “respond to the obvious” by providing that focus, the filter, AND the fulfillment of all team members.

HOW GREAT LEADERS MAKE GOOD DECISIONS (MOST OF THE TIME)

We all make decisions – many based on “what feels right” rather than some “cookbook” recipe that defines exact considerations resulting in a predictable outcome. A high percentage of “judgment calls” result in successful outcomes for those considered “good decision makers” while more seem to result in failure for those that do not make good decisions – but why is there a difference? People whose planned actions create more negative or “questionable” results than they do positive should probably avoid roles where making sound decisions is an essential part of their daily routine – perhaps opting to positions of “doer” rather than seeking those requiring leadership skills. Those that are considered good at making significant decisions quickly should be recognized for their abilities (and cloned whenever or however possible). Saying something is much easier than doing it, however, so what kind of thinking drives the actions of good decision makers (and what is missing in those that make poor decisions)? Some of the more significant influencers are detailed below: 

Good judgment is experience-based. We must actively seek a variety of experiences upon which we can draw to make good choices. Rarely can we assume a position of authority without having first experienced many different roles, responsibilities, successes, and failures. Visualizing how one situation applies to another – dealing with the practical application of solutions rather than relying upon the specifics of theoretical facts – is a transition that many find difficult. 

Some things cannot be experienced prior to doing them. Probably the TWO exceptions to gaining experience before becoming engaged are within personal relationship or being a parent. Typically, no lived experience or prior knowledge available and no “proven methods guaranteed to work” every time in any situation. (Perhaps that is why so many people feel at a loss when entering a serious relationship or raising children…even those considered good decision makers…because doing one’s best is often all that can be done, and it is difficult to accept anything less than predictable and validated results.)

Knowing how to do something well does not automatically guarantee success in a leadership role. Learning the skills needed to perform various functions is not the only requisite to leadership. Many great technicians have failed miserably when promoted to management because they would rather DO than LEAD – and people within a relationship would rather “do for” another than to share with them…or parents that want to be their child’s “friend” would prefer to avoid confrontation while those that wish to “protect their children” would prefer to think for another than provide insight and guidance to them.

Good choices are more often the result of many small decisions than the infamous “ah-ha” moment creative and innovative trainers would lead us to expect. Seeing and reacting to how small steps impact our travels as we move forward to make major decisions reinforces a thought process that considers past successes and relies upon current abilities to anticipate future accomplishments. Great decisions are the product of careful analysis, thorough investigation, utilization of “cause/effect” processes and a conscious, willful implementation of an action plan intended to initiate cautious forward movement. We never have all the answers – nor should we pretend to ask all the right questions – but when we choose to move it should be with confidence gained through proven experiences so that others willingly follow. 

In making decisions, we should avoid living within a vacuum and setting direction by edict rather than through listening and appropriate inclusion. We must continually expose others within our sphere of influence to new and different situations as we apply our knowledge – allowing them to grow by failing – so that they can develop the breadth of experiences needed to make future decisions. We must prepare others to carry on so our own careers can move forward – making sure that someone else can work independently and is capable of making good decisions that contribute autonomous value – if we seek to move up the corporate ladder. This “back-filling” concept is an often overlooked (but vital) part of the decision-making process – unless all has been prepared to SUPPORT progress, nothing will move forward. 

Making good decisions is a process rather than an event. As situations change, so should our willingness to shift direction. Once decisions are made, however, we should move on to other challenges rather than dwelling on the action taken and agonizing over those not selected. While we should monitor how actions play out, we must also let go so that we can move on to other opportunities – often before one has concluded.  Good decision-making begins with the realization that a need to apply life experience when making sound judgments by using practical knowledge that ultimately guides our actions. The process does not end until the things we know are applied in such a way that a reasonable solution has been identified, studied, and implemented. Experience helps us gain the knowledge needed to UNDERSTAND our environment – strong leadership training can make a difference in the way we transform “knowing” into “leading” so that appropriate “doing” can take place.