Immerse Yourself in Who You Are (Not Who You Wish You Were) To Become All That You Can

In whatever we choose to do in life we should try to be “who we are” because everyone else is already taken.  As individuals we tend to blend into the environment in which we work (play or live) and support the ideas expressed by those around us (to minimize conflict and confrontation) rather than intentionally expressing our own opinions, grasping our individual options or taking the “road less traveled.”  If we truly lived as if we were “comfortable in our own skin” would we be in any better (or worse) shape than trying to fill the expectations that others have in terms of how we should think, act or feel?  Would the world be different if we lived in more of a “what you see is what you get” place (tempered by appropriateness and acceptable moral/ethical standards) rather than the somewhat guarded face we typically present when interacting with others?  If we were to transform the tolerance we begrudgingly demonstrate when others are “not like us” in thoughts, actions, appearances or values into unconditional acceptance, would the world become a better place in which we could live, work and thrive?  If we could be more comfortable with who we are – readily exhibiting our strengths, acknowledging our shortcomings and intentionally acting to leverage what we do well in order to bring about positive change – might we more readily embrace the similarities and accept the differences of those around us (rather than obsessing on and about the differences BECAUSE we prefer people to be “like us”)? 

Accepting “who we are” does not imply we need not change.  An individual must change as their environment changes and adapt when something that once worked is no longer effective – we are not static points within a sedentary world.  Life “happens” and we must anticipate, respond and react to the challenges it presents.  Expressing “who you are” today does not mean you should be the same tomorrow – nor does it assume you are the same as you were yesterday.  It means we should accept our skills, abilities, values, ethics, standards and persona as they express themselves today – within the conditions, environment and circumstances we face – so we can build upon them while moving towards a better tomorrow.  We should never accept progress as being an end result nor should we discount the steps we take towards a new beginning (which can easily happen if we focus on the ends rather than the means).  We can learn from the experience of others but should not claim (nor settle for) their success as our own nor seek...nor avoid potential personal failure by accepting that what has been achieved by another is all that could be accomplished by anyone.  Much growth (and great reward) can come from building upon the efforts of another and potentially exposing ourselves to failure by allowing ourselves to experience personal risk, overcome shortcomings or defeats and share the “credit” with others.  Growth and discovery comes only when one is courageous enough to expand upon established reality to uncover new ways of doing things, meet people once thought unreachable and discover new possibilities beyond the known and proven probabilities.  While we can emulate those we respect – who have accomplished things we may not have yet imagined – we should never reject who we truly are by seeking to become someone (or something) that already exists.  Seek to make that which exists (and has yet to be discovered) within your own unbridled imagination a potential destination rather than a possible pitfall.

To become all that we can be we must first accept all that we are (and acknowledge but not necessarily accept all that we ARE NOT) so we can move beyond the limitations of our present abilities into a world of limitless possibilities.  We cannot fulfill our own potential when we are busy immersing ourselves in our proven and accomplished success.  When we dwell upon what we have we do not have time to consider what we want or need.  Rather than focusing on what others might have that we do not we would be better served to carefully weigh our true needs (rather than our “wants”) before taking intentional action to bring to fruition those things (thoughts, goals, dreams, relationships,  or objectives) that are truly important, critical or significant.  When we truly accept ourselves as being able to initiate change (while recognizing, understanding and acknowledging there are some things we are not yet able to accomplish) – refusing to be content with what we have or where we are in life (until we have done all that is possible to fulfill our unrealized potential) – we will discover that “being ourselves” is a good thing. 

We must never stop learning from our successes (and our failings), never stop growing from “wins” (as well as our “losses”) and never stay down after falling (or avoid the fall at any cost to avoid failure) - RATHER we should focus our energies on picking ourselves up to continue moving forward or seek alternative paths that might provide new and different perspectives.  ONLY when we are able to find comfort in “who” and “what” we are (rather than seeking recognition and comfort in the accomplishments of another or basking in their success) will we be able to let others be who they are (because we are OK with who we are becoming) and, more importantly, will we be able to accept who WE ARE rather than who we might someday, somewhere, somehow become (knowing that we are OK now and intentionally moving through each chapter of our lives as we move towards an ever-evolving destination.

TURN ACCOMPLISHMENT INTO ACHIEVEMENT

Far too often people focus on how their day starts, how their task is being accomplished or what must be done first RATHER THAN thinking about how their day could/should end, what progress might be made towards the resolution of an issue or a situation or what must be finished in order to consider an assignment complete.  We focus on the path that must be taken rather than upon the end that must be reached – on how quickly we can start and what kind of “pace” we should maintain to complete each “race” we run within a defined and acceptable time period rather than focusing all of our efforts and energies so that we might be able to run a strong race and have energy as we near the finish to seek other opportunities.  Regardless of how well each individual assignment is performed, one cannot do only what has been assigned and expect to receive more than minimal reward, growth or success.  

Looking back (instead of ahead), remaining content with the present (rather than building upon the present as a springboard to the future), and doing what we know works (as opposed to seeking what might work better) are all signs of stagnation – at work, in our relationships OR in life.  An acorn cannot become an oak tree without the proper environment and adequate nourishment present to feed its future growth.  What kind of a butterfly would a caterpillar become if it were content to crawl rather than seeking to fly?  An individual cannot become “one” with another without caring more for the other than for him or her self.  If one wishes to achieve “the possible” rather than being content to accomplish those things that are “probable,” the race that is run must be built upon a path that transforms “what is” into “what could be.”  In order to achieve great things (rather than to accomplish what is expected) our sights must be firmly focused upon that which has yet to be considered possible – running each race as if it has never before been run and climbing mountains not yet conquered – rather than being content to perform those things that have been tried, tested and found to be safe while seeking to avoid (rather than learn from) failure.  In order to focus on the ends (rather than being trapped in the means) – to accomplish and achieve (rather than simply to perform and comply) – one must continually and intentionally strive to:

 ·         Clarify the difference between efficiency with effectiveness.  Efficient individuals make sure that every investment of time and/or energy has a direct and measurable impact – either in their own life or in the life of another.  They rarely waste time or energy doing unnecessary things that “could be done or might be nice” but are not needed in order to accomplish their objectives.  Effective individuals are focused – accomplishing things that need doing in order to move forward – in the most efficient and impactful way imaginable.  Effective individuals accomplish all things well as they advance their cause or move them towards the accomplishment of defined objectives – often accomplishing ONLY their objective – often quickly but not always in the most streamlined or efficient way possible.  An efficient individual may tell others what to do then get out of the way – coordinating actions and monitoring ideas so that all involved can work in a complimentary fashion towards the accomplishment of goals and objectives with very little wasted effort or activity.  Effective individuals get things done.  Efficient individuals accomplish things with a minimum of wasted effort that results in maximum rewards.

 ·         Stop believing that they are irreplaceable.   If an individual feels that nobody could EVER do what he or she does, that person has probably limited what he or she can accomplish.  When we feel nobody could ever do the things we do as well as we do them ourselves – and accept that as an unwavering paradigm – we become so enamored with our ability to accomplish defined objectives that we fail to identify possible alternative outcomes...we believe that since nobody can do something as well as we do that we cannot abandon the path we are on to pursue other possibilities for fear that the “routine” will not be accomplished (which keeps us from achieving what has not yet been considered).  If nobody else can do (or even wishes to try) your job, then you will never advance beyond the rung of the ladder upon which you have firmly positioned yourself.  If you feel so important in the life of another that you quit trying to discover new adventures, activities or uncharted territory within your relationship you may find comfort and security but fall far short of your potential.

 ·         Quit believing we know all the answers.  People who know the right answers in life often find themselves thrust into management roles – positions that require quick responses and specific directions to individuals charged with accomplishing defined tasks using proven processes.  They often take charge within their relationships by providing others exactly what he or she feels is needed, wanted or desired to create happiness.  MANAGERS can assign tasks, oversee activities and provide security by defining what must be done and how it must be accomplished.  Those that ask the right questions, however, are much more valuable than those who can give all the right answers – often becoming well respected leaders rather than successful managers.  They develop strong relationships because they support others and help them to grow (as individuals) rather than expecting them to accept what they are told, given or provided as being sufficient.  In order to finish each race strongly we must ALWAYS be open to new ideas, techniques, and ways of doing things.  We can truly contribute to success and profitability – or experience all that life could offer – ONLY after identifying the limitations of current systems, policies, practices and procedures (or the weaknesses and “fatal flaws” within relationships) by asking questions as to how they might be improved then intentionally acting to implement acceptable change.  Nothing will change, however, until we decide to act – to move forward by implementing the answers received of the questions we asked (rather than doing things as we have always done them because we think we know all the answers ourselves).

 ·         ALWAYS give credit to others (when deserved) and accept responsibility for “learning experiences” (even when blame could be shared).  People recognizing and acknowledging the ideas and actions of others tend to share a never-ending ride to the top – enjoying a seemingly unlimited potential “upside” while minimizing (but not eliminating)  their individual risk.  When failure is truly viewed as a learning opportunity, those that achieve great things will never quit learning because unless we experience shortcomings, disappointment and “dead ends” in life we will probably never achieve much beyond what others have accomplished.  Unless we care more for others than we do ourselves we will never taste the fullness that a life-changing relationship can provide.  Those that take credit for the ideas of others (and assign blame for failure or shift focus to deflect accountability) may manage the accomplishment of defined objectives or live within the “comfort” of a relationship but may never experience the camaraderie found through supportive friends, strong relationships or peers that might prop them up in the future. 

 ·         Add to our existing abilities and upgrade outdated skills, refusing to accept “what is” as a destination and “what has always been” as an infallible truth.  What was once necessary to maintain a life-long job or to enjoy a long-lasting relationship is no longer sufficient in today’s ever-changing world.  Individuals who “fail to know” that a self-serving attitude or “do as I am told” perspective are not the standards of achievement (but could be standards of accomplishment) will also typically fail to grow...those who refuse to retrain (enhancing their skills, abilities and perspectives) typically will not remain (successful, accomplished or respected).  Unless an individual brings more into a relationship than he or she could ever expect it to return – is willing to give to another more than is taken (unconditionally and without expectations) and seeks to gain more by sharing than by receiving, he or she will never realize the treasures awaiting them just beyond their current reality.

Life is not a sprint run within a vacuum – it is a marathon that requires a team of runners relying upon each other for strength, encouragement and support.  Turning individual accomplishment into achievement that impacts many requires more than singular thoughts that initiate personal actions.  We must leverage the abilities of a team having diverse experiences, different perspectives and unique aptitudes to produce the best possible outcomes that will be supported, championed and carried out by all people or stakeholders involved (whether the team is many or few...a group or a relationship) if we wish to achieve great things within a good world.  We must build the foundation upon which we stand (so that we are firmly rooted and grounded in our convictions) as we intentionally choose the paths upon which we will travel (keeping our eyes wide open to avoid unwarranted or unwanted turbulence).  We must be approachable as we acknowledge the abilities of others, allowing (and encouraging) them to learn from their mistakes rather than making them fear and avoid failure.  We must embrace the encouragement of individuals around us to make personal contributions to the resolution of an issue or the enhancement of a relationship, recognizing the importance of their input by giving them appropriate credit (and rewards) when due, allowing them to fail as necessary and encouraging them to “get up” when they fall rather than remaining down. 

 Leaders able to mobilize the thoughts, abilities, capabilities and experiences of those around them accomplish much while achieving objectives not yet imagined while reaching heights not previously considered possible in their work, their relationships and their lives.  Those that choose to operate in ways defined by others, maintain what is already in place and find comfort and sufficiency within relationships that have become routine, stagnant and predictable may accomplish much but often achieve little in life.  When operating under the mantra of seeking to “make a difference” in the lives of others by doing things selflessly and without expectation of anything in return one might find out how much can truly be achieved in life.

SEEKING LEADERSHIP FROM UNEXPECTED PLACES – LOOK TOWARDS INTROVERTS

Some would suggest that great relationships involve extroverts seeking new adventures and adding spice to life in whatever they say and do – that to be fun one must be heard clearly and frequently. We often think that highly effective leaders speak flawlessly and persuasively to both crowds and individuals or mingle effortlessly at events bringing a sense of value to all they interact with and a perceived elevation to all that are engaged with them. Extroverts having KNOWLEDGE, EXPERIENCE AND ABILITY are able to mobilize individuals to follow them when they step into the spotlight but introverts are often excellent and highly respected leaders if they can overcome the tendency to hide or downplay their strengths – if they can recognize and accept the value that they hold for others rather than continuously dismissing it as being “nothing special.”

Many of the better leaders and those involved in the strongest relationships I have in my life have been more “introverted” than “extroverted” in their actions, communications and ways they influence those around them. Though extroverts can often motivate individuals or with ease and inspire them to do things they might not have otherwise considered or dominate relationships by attracting all the attention, glitz and glamour to themselves (and those around them), some extremely introverted individuals have become excellent leaders (AND deeply respected within the relationships that they build) by exhibiting basic characteristics not typically associated with their more flamboyant peers. An introvert’s natural tendencies and characteristics include:

·      They are deliberate and measured in their response to situations.  Introverts are not slow nor overly focused in their thinking processes – many process things quickly – rather they typically consider the “pros and cons” of most decisions and formulate several alternative courses of action should their initial direction prove untenable AND they typically find ways to work with and through others rather than seeking all the glory or basking in all the attention. 

·      They are not prone to bursts of temper or extreme reactions.  Introverts are thoughtful in how they sift through and process information, rarely acting until they have considered thoroughly what might happen should they act and what might have to be done to “undo” anything that might go wrong. They tend not to “shift blame” nor have unreasonable outbursts of emotion preferring to listen and consider before they speak or react.     

They are decisive once they have charted a course. Subdued in words and actions, introverts spend ample amounts of time “thinking” before “acting,” Perceived delays in action (seen as a negative by extroverts) are typically caused by the need to view issues from all sides rather than fear of failure or “losing face.”  In the story of the tortoise and the hare, one was probably an introvert and the other an introvert...one took time to make deliberate decisions that won the race while the other was boastfully confident and ended up losing (the race, respect and  credibility).

They are good listeners. Introverts let others do most of the talking then meld diverse suggestions into workable solutions. Introverts act on what they hear after filtering “what will work” from “what will not” so their recommendations are more likely to be accepted by “the team” rather than rejected as being “top-down” decisions.  They seek input from others that extroverts might ignore and value the ideas of others in the relationships they build.

        They are naturally risk averse – a critical characteristic in avoiding potentially disastrous decisions. When we do things as they have always been done we cannot expect to produce results that are different from what they have always been. The ramifications of intentionally changing a product (in business) or a relationship must be anticipated with alternative responses developed should “our worst nightmares” come to fruition – introverts tend to expect the best but plan for the worst as they approach their work or their relationships. Being “risk averse” helps introverts to minimize nightmares but measured change is necessary for growth so they must identify risk wisely and act accordingly when others depend on the decisions made or “the way we are” may prevent us from becoming “what we could be - together.”

·       They often become the voice of reason within any situation or environment. While an introvert’s voice is not typically loudest or most dominant it often becomes most clearly heard and persuasive as it stands above the noise of a crowd. Influenced more by rationality than charisma – by self-confidence than the need for external validation – an introvert is “heard” because people know something reasonable is being said in a rational and thoughtful way (while and extrovert is “heard” because nothing can detract from the importance they feel in themselves or the volume with which they speak).

Extroverts often become leaders in their careers (AND within the relationships they build) through self-proclamation of their abilities and accomplishments as they thrive on those preferring to avoid personal risk by following another’s suggestions or directions – to avert personal failure or disappointment by acting on thoughts expressed loudly and convincingly while hiding behind the perceived protection of “it is not my fault” or “it was not my idea” should something fail. Introverts align more with the “meek” than the “weak,” showing their strength rather than proclaiming it – earning the respect of those with whom they interact and acting for the good of the whole rather than for the advancement of themselves.  Introverts try to avoid personal mistakes (or learn from them should they occur).  The compliant actions and attitudes of others help extroverts elevate themselves into leadership positions or perceived dominant roles within relationships but great leaders (and “equal” partners) are elevated upon the shoulders of those able to see their strong internal values and understated their personal characteristics.

Introverts must be willing and able to leave their “comfort zone,” entering the world of “what if?” while leaving that of “what is” behind, if they are to contribute significantly to others.  An introverted leader must be willing to make him- or herself stand up and speak in front of people, facilitate large and contentious meetings, and wade into interpersonal conflict when their natural inclination might be to go home and read a good book or be “an island” rather than a part of a larger society. Introverted leaders are typically “drafted” by others to show the way because of the exceptional results their understated mannerisms achieve. They rarely shine a light on their own accomplishments or seek recognition for what they do, preferring to find satisfaction in their results or the strength of the relationships in which they become involved. Listening before acting, analyzing before deciding and determining direction only after considering the magnitude and ramifications of risk rather than only how to avoid it are characteristics of introverted leaders. If actions truly speak louder than words, think of the opportunities, possibilities and potential a quiet and introspective demeanor might provide – the strength and confidence that support instead of blustery proclamation might encourage – before choosing to follow the effervescent.  If introverts are able to look beneath the surface to discover their own strengths – then project themselves beyond the obvious extroverted tendencies of vocal individuals seeking to elevate themselves – they can become the emotional, physical and practical leaders that are needed during these unusual times. 

THOUGHTS ABOUT THE FUTURE

Times are changing (THANKFULLY) as 2020 has been a year that many would prefer to put behind them.  A global pandemic brought many to their knees early in the year.  Ongoing social unrest and perceptions of unfair treatment of people (real or not...perception becomes reality) boiled over to the point of extreme tension and violence.  The political climate became more clouded than ever with partisan ideals seemingly more important than doing something that might help those in need through specific and fundable actions.  When the reality of an election that was conducted but has not yet been fully concluded more than a month after the votes were collected was added in November, the year has been something that might be good to put behind us but we should not “forget” as much can be learned from history – particularly when we wish to avoid repeating the same mistakes and receiving the same outcomes.  Lost in the call for change (be it vaccines, political leadership, equity or a plethora of other issues or concerns that arose this past year) is the definition of reality.  We should perhaps spend our energy on trying to predict what is ahead for people this coming year RATHER THAN lamenting and carrying on about what has been left behind us.  We cannot change the past but we can anticipate and take intentional action to prepare for a potentially unpredictable future (as long as we remain flexible and keep our sights set on a realistic horizon rather than the “normal” long range plan).  Unless we intentionally move forward towards new opportunities we will be relegated to picking up the pieces of "life as we knew it" which, in this particular case, might not be life as we would prefer it to be.

A question that could be asked whenever there is uncertainty that requires intentional action to create change is whether the light at the end of the tunnel is one of Hope or one of impending Disaster.  Far too many people look into the tunnel and run from the light that is presumed to be a train coming headlong towards them rather than beyond the immediate to see that the light is actually an undiscovered reality just beyond the far entrance to the tunnel.  One can look at a tunnel as a portal that may be entered, not knowing where it may lead or one may look to the new horizons that are revealed when we look through the tunnel towards the horizon on the other side but it is difficult to see what might be ahead when we focus upon what else could be hiding in the darkness.  Personally, I prefer to look back just long enough to acknowledge shortcomings, analyze why an action may not have produced desirable results then move forward towards a brighter tomorrow.  Understanding yesterday’s mistakes – getting up and moving on from them rather than staying down to seek the sympathy or support of others – helps them become tomorrow’s distant memories rather than a harbinger of things that will necessarily come.

The only way we can thrive during unpredictable and unprecedented times is by learning to accept the previously unacceptable...to innovate rather than dwelling in the comfort of what always was (because it may never again be)... to seek alternatives to the “tried and true”...because life as we knew it may not be a part of our daily routine for years to come.  We once sought knowledge from schools, experience, learned professionals and mentors so we could apply our "learning" to situations that could usually be resolved by proven methodology and established courses of actions.  In today’s world we must learn to think (rather than simply thinking that we can "do as expected") and apply untested procedures and processes as we resolve situations that might be similar to things we have seen in the past but not issues that can be “fixed” with a “one size fits all” course of action. 

 

In order to thrive during times of crisis and uncertainty, we must transform ourselves from being “takers” to being “givers.”  Our educational institutions must reinvent themselves to make sure students grasp core concepts and how they are applied rather than memorizing answers to questions that may never be asked.  We must move away from rewarding effort towards recognizing accomplishment.  We must strengthen teams BUT ensure there is competent leadership within each group.  We must look at relationships differently – seeking ways to make a difference in the lives of those around us by sharing our gifts and talents rather than looking for how others might be able to add to our bounty by putting in us what might want (or perceive to need).  Everyone is not equal as we all have different gifts.  We should intentionally provide opportunities for all to embrace how our diverse individual perspectives can contribute to the accomplishments of the whole – how we can make a difference in the world around us rather than waiting for the world to make a difference in us.

 

Embracing the opportunities that an uncertain future offers is much more productive than worrying about things we cannot control or obsessing over change that will happen with or without us.  Knowledge is power and the application of that power translates into wisdom – but are knowledge and wisdom sufficient if viewed as lurking within the tunnel rather than seen as the horizon outside?  While knowing facts is important – and applying the information that we know towards the resolution of an issue is critical – what about our responsibility to share ideas, experiences, strengths and weaknesses with those around us to make everyone we associate with stronger?  Without wisdom, we will fall by the wayside, finding ourselves trapped hopelessly within a tunnel having no exit rather than seeing the vast potential that could become reality if only we look outside of ourselves – outside of our tunnel – as we share what we see with those around us.  We need not share personal secrets to the world (but it does not hurt to have someone close enough with whom you are comfortable doing that) nor redistribute personal gain (to all according to their ability rather than according to their need – but that would be another topic altogether), but until we shine our light as a beacon to those around us, preventing their crashing upon a rocky and treacherous shore, we cannot thrive within a world that truly needs the contribution from all to resolve issues that plague everyone. 

Comfort, wealth, happiness and prosperity are recognized by many as being destinations to which life should lead – measures of success that all should achieve – but the quantitative value of those terms is different based on an individual’s gifts, talents, experience and upbringing.  During times of drastic change it would be good to remember that what we see as opportunity outside of the tunnel might be seen as current reality to others depending upon perspective – on whether we are “looking in” to see a light rapidly approaching us or whether we are “looking out” to see what could be possible if only we could shed the darkness of “where we are” and exchange it for the light of “who we could be.”  Success is not a product that is created nor is it the same for everyone – it is the byproduct of innovation that has been leveraged into action by those who see the potential outside of the tunnel rather than the darkness within.  Remember the past but look to the future – for the future is where we all must live.  With each passing moment the past falls farther behind us so what is ahead must become our horizon as what is behind becomes but the foundation for our growth.