PLAYING THE BLAME GAME

Leadership emerges during times of trouble, turmoil and strife.  It has been said that anyone can manage during good times – and any relationship can be great if everything is easy with no trouble in sight – but what happens when the going gets tough becomes the measure of a person’s strength, character and values.  While there should be very little difference in your leadership style when you face unexpected hurdles, far too many “competent” individuals excuse (avoid, cover up or justify) their own actions by blaming or deferring to someone else.  It seems that when things are going well some will always take the credit yet if they begin to get even a little bit rough the blame falls squarely upon others – it is either their fault, their shortcoming, their mistake, their actions that caused the conflict or ANYTHING except a bit of self-examination and the assumption of even a shared responsibility.  Seeking short term-gain (popularity, acceptance, being “liked” by others) often damages long-term credibility when “it was not my fault” is the immediate response to every issue, problem or concern that faces us.

Examples of “decision deferral” and “blame game mastery” exist everywhere we look.  The Government tends to shift blame rather than assuming ownership of most situations – and (sadly) the American People tend to accept that transfer as being acceptable (this happens no matter who was or is in charge...anything wrong is because of a past decision...anything that turns out to be a good thing is because of a new leader’s insight and action).  People do the same...if their retirement account gains it is because they invested wisely – if it decreases it is because their advisor does not know what he or she is doing.  If a relationship is going well it is because of what they bring to the party – if it falters it is because of some unforgivable thing that someone else has done (without considering what role may have been shared).  While blaming may defer or deflect it rarely resolves an issue or repairs a relationship.  Individuals within failing (or suffering) relationships OR facing impending doom because of an equal and opposite reaction to an action intentionally (or unintentionally) taken often blame others for their position in life, lamenting that things would have been different IF ONLY someone else had not made a mistake or made a decision without first running it up the management flagpole.

In reality, many people feel vulnerable when accepting blame...more worried about what someone else might think than they are about resolving the issue or what went wrong rather than how they should move forward.  “It is not MY fault!” is far easier to say than “I am sorry – I was wrong.”  An apology should be the beginning of a new direction rather than the end of a poor choice.  It is not a conclusion – it is a fresh start.  Too many people feel they need to avoid all appearance of being “human” (making mistakes, expressing doubt, changing a direction should the conditions change or admitting to a weakness rather than seeking to appear infallible) as they mistakenly feel that “being right” trumps “being real” when it comes to relationships, leadership or life in general.

In the workplace, sudden decreases in business may cause otherwise competent managers to tell staff they should “look busy” because “top management” is out to cut expenses and “we do not want that to happen to us.”  By building a bond of fear perpetuated by some “other authority” with their staff (trying to be the “good guy or gal” rather than assuming the responsibility inherent to their role), deferring managers may avoid the perceived responsibility for negative consequences but will never be able to own the credit for something done well...will never be able to become truly exceptional leaders.  Rather than becoming driver in the implementation of a solution, their deferral of responsibility makes them an inexcusable part of the problem.  Seeking a short-term gain (popularity) at the expense of a long-term reward (credibility) is like seeking refuge from a storm within a dry riverbed at the bottom of a canyon. Both choices lead to disaster BUT one would be able to hear the water crashing through a valley more easily than a loss of credibility which slips silently away.

Given the same sudden decrease in business (or an unexpected turn in a relationship), a leader will “take the bull by the horns” and face reality by confirming that things are tough (staff probably already knows this), telling them that something must happen to change the current situation (insanity is doing things the same way expecting different results), and painting a realistic picture of what might happen unless an alternative is identified.  It does not really matter WHO is to blame or WHY the situation currently exists (if, indeed, it was the fault of another).  What DOES matter is what will (or can) be done to move from where we are (regardless of why we are there) to where we want to be, recognizing that life is not a paved highway providing a clear and direct path to a known destination – it is a winding road offering many alternatives, detours and roadblocks. Those that worry so much about who could have “acted badly” to create such a situation rather than simply identifying what may have happened and moving forward will rarely find success, happiness or fulfillment in life.

Blame is situational – it may be a means to an artificial end but it is rarely an end to a problem.  Life is transactional – it is often more give than take (which, if the giving is without expectation usually results in rewards that are far in excess of what was given)...more sharing and accepting blame than seeking or receiving credit.  When we wait for or continually defer to others for a solution to avoid making mistakes of our own we forfeit the ability to influence our own destiny.  Avoiding (or accepting) the obvious does not create change – it fosters complacency.  Assigning fault and blame without self-examination as to our part of a negative situation may serve to excuse our individual role or responsibility but it does not initiate change or bring about resolution.  If we wait for things to happen to us, expect someone else to lead us from where we are or hope that someone else changes so that we will not have to, our choices become obvious and our results limited to a narrow set of defined (and predictable) outcomes.  If, however, we react and respond to situations rather than blaming and excusing, we will find our lives full of unpredictable moments that reveal to us unlimited potential leading to undefined (and unexpected) possibilities.