THE POWER (AND POSSIBILITIES) OF LISTENING...

Some people listen but cannot bring themselves to hear – they know words are being spoken but do not (or will not) accept them as information, input or alternative thoughts that might be as important as their own.  A patient listener can be a great addition to any work team or strengthen any relationship – but too many listeners (without any “doers”) can impede progress.  Strong individuals who speak before listening (or thinking) may view good listeners as being “weak” or “followers.” Listening skills must be linked to deliberate and intentional action in order to aid in the accomplishment of specific tasks.  Far too often a person's listening skills could be likened to standing near a waterfall - one can listen to the roar of rushing water but when focused upon the magnitude of that sound will be unable to hear the words of others (regardless of their importance) that can be lost within the noise.  Amazing things could be accomplished if only everyone could “speak softly while listening loudly so they might be able to act boldly,” within a world that seems to be filled with way too much noise.

It takes courage to listen.  In order to listen, one must often be able to first ask.  In order to ask, one admits (either actually or implicitly) that he or she does not know.  Such an admission is nearly impossible for some people – and can be the death of many relationships if not addressed.  We must accept that gathering information in order to make a decision is not a sign of weakness or of failure.  The only failure one can make is deciding something before all data has been considered and all opinions on the application/interpretation of that data have been discussed (and analyzed).  Some may want to enter this “questioning game” by seeking public validation of their own (in their own mind) great ideas.  Discovering that others might be able to enhance (as well as clarify, expand and refine) a solution, may make asking another’s opinion (and honestly listening to their response) easier over time but one cannot listen with an open mind if he or she truly believes that “they are right and the rest of the world is wrong.”

Asking questions (which requires listening to hear the response) can help others think more and communicate their thoughts better.  I once asked an employee what she thought about an issue.  She said, “I am not paid to think, only to do what I am told.”  Needless to say, that employee no longer works at the Organization.  While she worked well and met the expectations established by another manager, she was not the kind of employee that we needed and could build upon for the future.  Without asking a question, however, and listening for her response (which, in this case, was totally unacceptable), she could still be here, “doing” her thing without thinking about what she could be doing to help or support those around her.  When we learn something is amiss by listening we should feel obligated to address it – not by over-reacting to the situation discovered but rather by clarifying and communicating expectations, listening to responses, coming to a mutually agreeable course of action, monitoring progress and seeking acceptable performance or interactions.

A good listener knows when to encourage conversation.  When facilitating a discussion group, a work team or participating in a good relationship, our listening may involve asking open-ended questions (as opposed to giving close-ended solutions), encouraging others to expand on a partially developed thought (rather than adding to it yourself), and drawing introspective individuals (a nice way to say quiet or insecure) into the conversation.  Ground rules for good listening would have to include that the only bad or dumb question is the question not asked, the only bad or dumb solution is the one not given and that everyone involved has value, can contribute in some way and deserves to be heard.

Have you ever heard that “actions speak louder than words?”  People often say things like “I care, I am interested or I am listening…” as they continue writing when someone comes into their office or doing what they were doing before being addressed by another.  They think they are asking the right questions and waiting quietly for the answer (with their arms crossed, their foot tapping, and a vacant look in their eyes causing their body to scream “I do not hear you, nor do I care!”).  While we are given two ears with which to listen, our body is much larger than our ears and can make a greater impression upon someone trying to speak.  Make an effort to keep IT receptive, also, to the words that are being spoken by those answering our questions and the feelings or concerns that are being expressed by them either verbally or through their body language.  Listening involves more than simply hearing what might be offered...it requires one to ask non-judgmental questions that could (should) initiate two-way conversation that will lead to thoughts being exchanged so that answers can be expressed.  It requires one to communicate openly and honestly, responding to what is being said AND inquiring as to what is not being said.  It requires one to hear what is being whispered through another’s words while seeing what is being shouted through their body language (by paying attention to the “tone” as their outward appearance screams while their voice speaks softly).  Often we can “hear” more by watching (we were given two eyes as well as two ears…we can see and hear twice as much as we say with our one mouth – though some may speak more loudly than they act) than by listening.

Listening is a complex phenomenon.  In order to listen effectively we must ALWAYS act on what others say (as well as what they may intentionally or unintentionally NOT be saying) and what we see (sense or feel).  Within a team one must listen and act in order to accomplish expectations.  Within a relationship one must listen and act TOGETHER in order to accomplish today what must be done so that tomorrow can be spent fulfilling dreams.  ALWAYS remember that while you are listening to those around you they are also listening to you.  As a leader we must set the bar high by doing what we say is important through both our words and our actions.  “Do as I say, not as I do” never has been (and never will be) an effective way to encourage participation or achieve exceptional results.  One must learn to silence the noise around them and listen with an open mind to hear the thoughts and feelings expressed by another when they speak in order to consider their input within the formulation of a solution - and must acknowledge the words they hear by responding (whether or not the suggestions will be included in the actions you take) if one can fully realize the power (and possibilities) of listening.