FIVE FACTORS THAT CAN TEMPER FIRST IMPRESSIONS

People tend to rush to judgment and often create “first impressions” of those they meet, work or seek to develop relationships with.  We tend to label those we encounter as being either “good or bad” (before we take the time to validate our assumptions), “doers or dreamers” (based on the pace or thoroughness of their actions) and “engaged or dis-engaged” (based on their observed behavior patterns) without really looking at who a person is rather than what they might be doing.  While we often must act quickly, if we want to develop long-lasting or meaningful relationships we must take time to learn about others – about why they think, act and respond as they do rather than basing our opinions ONLY on what we see being (or NOT being) accomplished – if we are to accept (or at least understand) people “as they are” rather than force them to become “what we might wish them to be.”  Five factors we should consciously (and intentionally) avoid when meeting people for the first time (as our initial impressions and perceptions are established) would include:

Rather than allowing unfounded perceptions or “surface-driven” first thoughts to form the baseline from which all other actions, thoughts or decisions are built we should take the time to learn more about a person before labeling them based only on an initial impression.  Pre-judging people can minimize how their skill, experience, background might be able to ultimately impact a relationship OR can establish expectations that are nearly impossible to fulfill.  Our perceptions often taint our thinking and we make decisions based on inaccurate (or untrue) information.  We sometimes establish another’s value or ability to contribute based on our thoughts, emotions, perceptions and “gut instincts” which, though developed through years of observation and validation, do not always tell the full story about how others could make an impact or significantly change the “course of time” if they were given the opportunity to try, the freedom to fail and the ability to make an independent difference.

Clarify some of the “whys” before reacting to what was done (or not done) as expected or assumed when working with another.  NEVER jump to judgment without first finding out “the rest of the story” as relationships, partnerships or workplace environments of mutual trust and respect are established.  We often lose sight of where we are going because we focus on what we think we know to be right.  We lose the ability to consider what COULD happen because we are so caught up in what IS happening or HAS happened in the past.  It is easy to form an opinion about someone based on our own limited perspective or self-contained world view but such responses often limit the potential others can realize.  It is much harder (though ultimately more productive) to consider what could be impacting the life, times and decisions of another or share the “glory” with someone having different experiences they successfully apply to create an alternative solution.  It is much easier to simply consider what we think or believe when rushing to judgment than it is to entertain the possibility that something “different” could help to create a better reality.  Our initial impression of another can and will impact how everything plays out in the future by setting the tone for what is the “right and acceptable action” someone feels they are allowed to take (or what limitations they feel placed upon them by our pre-conceived expectations).  Acting on our first impressions or basic instincts without seeking clarification of another’s intent, experience or ability can often lead to what could have been an avoidable disaster.

Do not assume to know what others are thinking or limit what they can contribute by inserting personal biases into their lives, actions or good intentions...by over-laying your own limitations upon their value system, passion or desire to contribute.  One of the most critical components within any relationship is to identify the strengths and weaknesses of all stakeholders so as to maximize the positive contributions while helping to limit those that might be detrimental to accomplishing an established objective.  In thinking about what employees (friends or individuals involved in a relationship) might be able to contribute, it is best ask questions and listen to responses – to seek first the thoughts and ideas of others before acting on our own – or we might miss unconsidered successes that would never happen without a generous dose of “why not?” thinking.  Though many of us fight hard to “do things our way” and overlay that “way” upon those around us, the contributions of others can be meaningful and significant ONLY IF we allow people to express their thoughts, learn through their failures and feel safe to grow. 

Think before acting then act before your thinking paralyzes you.  Many individuals tend to shoot before aiming – often prior to even establishing a target – then spend countless hours repairing the damage they may have done through their rash actions.  While “things” can often be repaired or replaced when damaged by actions that disregard potential consequences or even initiate failure, people tend to “scar” more easily and “fail to forget” more than they will ever “learn and remember” when constantly criticized (be it gentle OR relentless).  Forming a “first impression” is normal and natural BUT refusing to move beyond that baseline after learning more about a person, place or situation creates a foundation of ongoing disappointment, frustration and failure – sometimes one that can be overlooked by the one initiating a first impression but rarely embraced by the individual who has been compromised or minimized by the actions of another..

People can contribute positively to us OR weigh us down – and we can impact others in the same way – depending on how we approach them (AND how they respond to us).  Rather than allowing “first impressions” to set our direction – to label those around us before coming to know them – pay enough attention to what is being said by others, why things are being done as they are, and what else could be accomplished BEFORE acting.  When we verify our perceptions before passing judgment we can often avoid making assumptions that could lead us down the wrong path (AND potentially isolate or alienate another in a way that minimizes their future contributions).  If we actively seek what others think, listen to what they say (paying attention to how they say it), and monitor what they wish to accomplish (providing help and guidance along the way but avoiding telling them where to go and how to get there) we will most always be able to move forward with good intentions (though not necessarily YOUR good intentions) and accomplish much (though not necessarily what YOU thought should be accomplished). 

First impressions are simply initial reactions or responses to another that we (in our heads, hearts and reactions) set without rhyme, reason or validation.  Temper your first impressions so that you can avoid bringing another down (or limit their potential) while lifting yourself up.  Helping someone else shine will allow them to grow and develop beyond your initial expectations of their potential and often allows them to achieve much more than they may ever have imagined possible.