PLAN FOR (but never EXPECT or ACCEPT) THE WORST WHILE HOPING FOR THE BEST

Some people identify the many things that could go wrong in their life then spend most of their waking hours trying to avoid those possibilities. They find themselves worrying so much about what COULD go wrong that they have no time to consider what MIGHT go right. Focusing on (and investing in) negative outcomes tends to spiral into a self-fulfilling prophecy – when we are so convinced that something is going to fail it becomes our driving force and we make decisions and take steps intended to keep something from happening rather than making something different happen. We become laser focused on avoiding what we think to be inevitable but plan no alternative course of action that could lead us towards an alternative outcome. Avoidance becomes an escape – which takes on a life of its own – but simply side-stepping an issue does not ensure success. If we believe something is likely to become reality, it probably will UNLESS we intentionally change the likelihood by taking definitive alternative action. Successful people (and those that are generally happy) tend to hope for (and expect) the best possible outcome (rather than worrying about possible disasters). While successful people prepare for and remaining cognizant of what COULD happen, they tend to formulate several courses of actions that could be taken IF (not when) the worst begins to happen.

Examples of this kind of thinking are plentiful in society today. Individuals looking to take on new responsibilities or move to a new job often think about what will happen if the move does not work out – whether their old job might still be available or if they might be able to do something else in the new organization if it does not work out. Insecure individuals may seek employment contracts to protect them rather than allowing their accomplishments make them irreplaceable or blame others for their inability to “get invited to the decision-making table.” People go into relationships thinking about how they will move on or who will be there if their partnership “goes south” rather than seeing it as something more permanent that might take time, effort, and personal sacrifice to solidify. Fortunately (or unfortunately) when people expect something to happen it often does. You overeat around the Holidays and know you will gain weight and (surprisingly???) it happens. You make a New Year’s Resolution knowing that you will probably abandon it by February (allowing yourself to get too busy to see it through after about 3 weeks of half-hearted effort). You begin a new project by thinking about why it could never work because it is so different from what is being done now. If one truly defaults to “all that could go wrong” or avoid the potential of great rewards because of the probability of devastating failure the paths you take will typically lead to dead ends, detours and cliffs that will inevitably keep you from moving forward.

Planning for the best DOES NOT (necessarily) mean that one should expect miracles or Devine intervention to produce those results. Wishing and hoping for a BB gun as a child may or may not bring those thoughts to fruition. Hoping for a way to be your company’s President may be a realistic dream for some but may not fall within the “reality” framework for many others. Unless (and until), however, we begin to think like achievers – like a “success just waiting to happen” – will we never become anything more than complainers or finger pointers assigning blame as validation and justification for why what we thought was going to happen did.

Successful individuals RECOGNIZE the things that could go wrong but do not dwell upon them as they focus their efforts and energies on what they EXPECT to happen (a positive result) rather than on how to avoid what might be in the way. They CONSIDER the potential pitfalls of the steps they may have to take in order to plan alternative courses of action BUT focus is on what MUST be done if they are to reach their destination rather than what MIGHT HAPPEN to derail them on their journey to the prize. While hopes and expectations are necessary if one is to succeed, we also must have REALISTIC hopes and expectations that align with our skills, abilities, experience, potential and desires. One could hope to fly an airplane but will not realistically accomplish that without the proper training, practice, and experience. One could hope to lead others upon a path to success but will probably not be able to do so unless they are properly equipped with the skills and training needed to lead (rather than to order, direct or manage) others. One might hope for a strong relationship but must be prepared to willingly give more than they might expect to receive after establishing a solid foundation of friendship upon which a shared life might be built rather than thinking about what could go wrong before investing the time in what might go right or how they might be able “to get out of a relationship” before they give it a chance to grow. 

One cannot succeed when their planning for the worst is driven by an anticipation of or an expectation that the worst is inevitable - that there is no way to avoid what might happen so why plan for an alternative. Success comes to those that expect the best as they plan what they will do to continue moving forward should an obstacle (inevitably and without discouragement) appears.

 

PARALLEL THINKING PATTERNS CREATE EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships can either allow for the efficient pooling of ideas when developing practical solutions to complex challenges OR they consistently defer to the thinking of one causing frustration and a sense of insignificance to the other (not so equal) partner. They can track two independent thought patterns closely until they seemingly become one as they seek a common objective. They can also create overly complex solutions to seemingly simple opportunities if not checked. Many often rush headlong into the dissolution of friendships, relationships, or close advisory groups whenever they experience resistance or conflict in an effort to eliminate one (or more) layers of potentially conflicting input, anticipating that those around them will immediately embrace the opportunity to “make a difference” and work together towards the accomplishment of their single, uncontested (and often self-serving) objective. If only such was the case, life might be a lot easier BUT also a lot less rewarding. 

When people function as individuals, it is relatively easy to identify and measure both the effort expended and the results achieved. It is human nature, however, that people prefer to accept credit without blame, exhibit authority without wanting accountability, and make decisions without assuming responsibility for potential negative consequences. Unless those involved with others recognize these basic characteristics and acknowledge the natural self-preserving motivation that may exist whenever two are gathered, they may not be pleased with the decision-making process that is put in place nor the results that may come from it. In order to leverage the power of a relationship – to encourage communication, expand thinking and incorporate the ideas of others into our decisions – consider the following:

·    An effective relationship is built upon an understand how each other fits into the process, leveraging each participant’s unique abilities into a single solution so as to make the “sum of all parts” greater than would have been their potentially conflicting individual efforts.

·    Relationships should establish an overall direction that defines situational authority and any boundaries that may exist before they can operate efficiently. Boundaries should be drawn and “content” or direction to be considered should be identified but the path which will be taken and the context with which a decision is made should not be pre-defined. Do not try to control every aspect of a relationship as an effective one should provide workable solutions that result in the endorsement and “buy-in” of all interested parties – which will help to ensure success in its efforts.

·    Most effective relationships have a leader (NOT an autocratic dictator). A formal (or informal) leader will serve to keep the relationship “on task” and focused - to push through individual preferences as mutually beneficial and acceptable solutions are developed for implementation. A spokesperson will typically arise from within a relationship so one should not discourage another from IMPARTIALLY summarizing progress BUT nobody should forfeit all rights or expectations to contribute. Relationships often need to rally behind a champion to accomplish their lofty and long-range goals

·    An effective relationship should be built upon the diversity of thought and actions that planners, thinkers, doers, and dreamers might bring to the table. If two are so much alike that they never challenge one another they may be content and un-obstructive in their actions but may never think “what if” or “why not” as they do what has always been done and experience what has already been experienced

·    To achieve the best chance of success, those within a relationship should identify obstacles, discuss options, and agree on a solution (which might change if the conditions in which it was made change) prior to its being implemented. If the solution taken is ALWAYS the idea of the same person, what could be “win/win” risk taking becomes but an action by one that creates an equal and opposite reaction by another creating animosity regardless of the wisdom or appropriateness of the decision

Relationships introduce multiples into life – stretching the limitations of an individual through the power of diverse thinking. This power creates innovative solutions by applying different ideas and perspectives to tried and true processes. Relationships are like electrical circuits. Those that “think in series” (one action accomplished before moving on to the next):

·    Accumulate a number of ideas before working through them one at a time 

·    Are like a single electrical wire extending over a long distance carrying a defined amount of power through a limited channel. Should the singular focus of such a relationship be interrupted, or the single strand be severed, all activity stops

·    Take a longer time to distribute the power of a relationship as it is funneled through a single “thought-line”  

Relationships that “think in parallel” (many actions taking place at the same time focused to produce a mutually beneficial result) establish alternate routes, paths or patterns in the problem-solving process allowing remarkable things to happen that may not have happened through the independent actions of all involved. When relationships “think in parallel” they:

·    Anticipate obstacles before they occur to function more effectively

·    Channel a “defined amount of power” through multiple lines, carrying it to its pre-determined destination quicker – spreading the action steps out to more than one individual and working together towards a common goal

·    Allow activity to shift to another avenue (rather than being taken off-line) should a disruption occur…efforts being switched from one path to another as needed or necessary 

Relationships can be practical, emotionally affirming and truly rewarding when properly put together, an abundance of active listening is incorporated by all parties and those within the relationship are allowed to function without disruptive outside interference or destructive internal fear. Several heads are better than one ONLY if each individual’s thoughts can be melded into singular action designed to accomplish significant results rather than acknowledging and recognizing the importance of either’s singular contribution. Create “parallel” relationships rather than putting them “in series” if you want to maximize results, minimize effort, and truly leverage the collective spirit of individuals. While one may be able to survive within the world, two (or more) working effectively together within a relationship will thrive.

 

THINK BIG…NOT SMALL…

Change, like life, can happen with or without any help, with or without any planning and with or without any consideration for where we are or where we may wish to be. Growth, however, comes only through our intentional actions targeted towards the accomplishment (or avoidance) of a specific objective. People love and hate change at the same time. While wanting the “best things in life” to remain the same (comfort, security, job, environment, friends, financial stability, and relationships), many would prefer that life could improve or get better (wanting to avoid discomfort, negative change, emotional turmoil, or personal inconvenience along the way). Unfortunately, rarely is one able to live “the good life” without addressing, eliminating, or adjusting some of the bad that serves only to hold one back if not exorcised. 

Wanting it “both ways,” we often refuse to invest the necessary “sweat equity” to make change happen. When change is handed to us, we are more than happy to take it. We are less likely to actively identify areas needing modification or correction then intentionally acting to put them behind us while moving forward in a different direction – leaving behind what is comfortable (and sometimes holds us back) while hoisting our sails to capture the winds of a new tomorrow (venturing into unknown territory to discover not yet realized opportunity). Though we may not always know where the winds will lead us, simply catching hold of their endless power will help us to move from our current reality to a future possibility without becoming caught in the calm between what was and what could be. 

Some random thoughts to help maintain focus along the journey from what we know to what we might only imagine – from what is to what could be – would include: 

·         The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible. (Arthur C. Clarke)

When we restrict our actions, reactions and responses to the ways and methods we have always used, nothing will change. Only when we dare to act in ways we have never before acted – to think in ways we have never before thought – will those things that were once beyond our reach become possible. To move from where you are to where you wish to be, and even beyond to where you have not yet imagined, tear down the walls that limit you to what you have always known, or you will end up doing what you have always done and being what you have always been.

·       Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome. (Samuel Johnson) 

When a person must turn back due to unexpected rapids after charting a course and setting sail, two things happen. First, the individual will learn form his or her mistake by recognizing the signs of turmoil and acting to avoid them before venturing into the unknown again (recognizing the need to continue being the critical component of learning). Secondly, we must identify the reason success was delayed and correct the error, mistake or poor judgment in a way that allows us to overcome the obstacles that kept us from progressing towards the accomplishment of our goal. Learning by experience is much more beneficial than listening to someone else say which way to go or what road to take. When we fail to leave behind the starting blocks it becomes impossible to finish the race. 

·      The only person who never makes mistakes is the person who never does anything. (Denis Waitley) 

Life is not a carefree path we take while moving towards an idyllic destination. Life is fraught with pitfalls, traps, snares, and impossibly steep embankments. It would be impossible to go through life without making a mistake so quit trying to be perfect. Some of the world’s greatest inventions have been the unexpected outcomes from failed experiments. Our greatest presidents frequently tasted defeat before they were elected. Many business owners have failed in an endeavor before experiencing success. Once a path has been taken that leads to a dead end – a process selected resulting in set-back – learn from it so your next steps can be successful. 

·       Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible. (Cadet Maxim) 

As you dive headlong into life, remember that you will get from life only what you put into it. Some say they set low goals so they will not fail – that when the “bar is low,” nothing will keep them from crossing it. Others (appropriately) choose a different path – taking calculated risks in order to increase their chances of success. Choose to care more about others than you care about yourself. You might be surprised how rich and free your life will be in return. Choose to dream enough so that you can experience new horizons when bringing dreams to fruition. You cannot fulfill another’s dream (no matter how hard you might try), only your own. As for expectations – you will never rise higher than you expect yourself to rise, nor fall lower than you allow yourself to fall. 

·       Focus more upon “what has yet to be done” than “what has been completed” when driving change. Acknowledging and recognizing your weaknesses helps identify the causes of problems – developing and leveraging your strengths produces long-term solutions. (Dave Smith) 

Do not focus upon what has already been done – continually stretch to achieve those things that have not yet been attempted, reach outcomes that have not been previously accomplished, or choose paths that nobody has yet dared to travel. Do not run from your current reality – embrace the potential around you as you move towards new possibilities. Do not dwell upon what has been done – seek what has yet to be realized. Always expect more than may seem possible – refusing to accept something previously accomplished as anything more than a resting point as you seek your yet to be discovered destination – and you will surely taste success as you bring to fruition the big things while minimizing the impact of the small annoyances in life.

LIFE RUNS FREE LIKE THE WIND SO WE MUST MAINTAIN CONTROL OF THE SAILS

Life is more than playing games – it is about dreaming what could be IF ONLY that which is our current reality could become more than anything we might ever be able to imagine. It is about reaching beyond our wildest expectations to hold establish ourselves within a realm not yet created. It is about setting goals beyond what is achievable so that we force ourselves outside of the box in which we are comfortable as we move towards things yet to be considered. We all stumble and fall while travelling through life – the difference between success and failure being whether we stay down or we get back up…whether we run away from our realities or we forge ahead towards possibilities and potential that exist only within our hearts and minds. Life is a journey that can be taken alone but is much more rewarding if shared with another as different perspectives can widen our universe far beyond what we might believe to be the limitations of this world.

Life is best lived to its fullest – but how might one achieve that pinnacle without aspiration, inspiration, or support? Starting with the thoughts of others who have taken a road less travelled can help to point us towards life’s treasures, but their words are like the wind – they can be felt and followed but do nothing unless we contain them and channel their power. Words such as these can help us to achieve our full potential if we intentionally capture their meaning within our hearts and minds by maintaining control of our sails as we allow them to fill our dreams:

• Dreams take time, patience, sustained effort, and a willingness to fail if they are ever to become anything more than dreams – Brian Linkoski
•  It may be that those who DO the most, DREAM the most – Stephen Leacock
• We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from it – William Osler
• The greater danger for most is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it - Michelangelo
• We know what we are, but know not what we may be - William Shakespeare
• When the winds of change blow, some people build walls while others build windmills - Chinese proverb

There is no limit to what we can accomplish when we seek results and conclusions rather than recognition and credit. We can find ongoing satisfaction when we claim success during the journey – acknowledging each step taken as we run the race rather than waiting until our quest has ended to claim victory. We accomplish many things not yet imagined and bring to fruition countless things not previously realized as we recognize the reality of our dreams and seek to fulfill them as we travel upon the winds of change.

Celebrate each accomplishment along the way rather than finding comfort where you have been OR looking past your journey to find fulfillment only in reaching your destination. While there is no “one size fits all” motivational solution, we cannot allow our eyes to wander from the prize if we seek to move from being “good” to being “great.” Though it may not “take a village” to raise our self-awareness, it DOES take commitment, determination, and intentional action to move beyond the storms that often darken our lives to the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. 

If one travels alone, he or she may discover new possibilities or paths but often lack the accountability that another can bring when “the going gets tough.” Linger only long enough to enjoy what you have accomplished but do not tarry too long. Run like the wind towards what you wish…you seek…you need to make yourself complete rather than fighting it by setting your anchor within life’s turbulence in an attempt to ride out the storm. A new and different horizon awaits only those who seek it. Reach out to discover your new reality by maintaining control of your sails while capturing the power of the winds that will lead you to your dreams.