PARALLEL THINKING PATTERNS CREATE EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships can either allow for the efficient pooling of ideas when developing practical solutions to complex challenges OR they consistently defer to the thinking of one causing frustration and a sense of insignificance to the other (not so equal) partner. They can track two independent thought patterns closely until they seemingly become one as they seek a common objective. They can also create overly complex solutions to seemingly simple opportunities if not checked. Many often rush headlong into the dissolution of friendships, relationships, or close advisory groups whenever they experience resistance or conflict in an effort to eliminate one (or more) layers of potentially conflicting input, anticipating that those around them will immediately embrace the opportunity to “make a difference” and work together towards the accomplishment of their single, uncontested (and often self-serving) objective. If only such was the case, life might be a lot easier BUT also a lot less rewarding. 

When people function as individuals, it is relatively easy to identify and measure both the effort expended and the results achieved. It is human nature, however, that people prefer to accept credit without blame, exhibit authority without wanting accountability, and make decisions without assuming responsibility for potential negative consequences. Unless those involved with others recognize these basic characteristics and acknowledge the natural self-preserving motivation that may exist whenever two are gathered, they may not be pleased with the decision-making process that is put in place nor the results that may come from it. In order to leverage the power of a relationship – to encourage communication, expand thinking and incorporate the ideas of others into our decisions – consider the following:

·    An effective relationship is built upon an understand how each other fits into the process, leveraging each participant’s unique abilities into a single solution so as to make the “sum of all parts” greater than would have been their potentially conflicting individual efforts.

·    Relationships should establish an overall direction that defines situational authority and any boundaries that may exist before they can operate efficiently. Boundaries should be drawn and “content” or direction to be considered should be identified but the path which will be taken and the context with which a decision is made should not be pre-defined. Do not try to control every aspect of a relationship as an effective one should provide workable solutions that result in the endorsement and “buy-in” of all interested parties – which will help to ensure success in its efforts.

·    Most effective relationships have a leader (NOT an autocratic dictator). A formal (or informal) leader will serve to keep the relationship “on task” and focused - to push through individual preferences as mutually beneficial and acceptable solutions are developed for implementation. A spokesperson will typically arise from within a relationship so one should not discourage another from IMPARTIALLY summarizing progress BUT nobody should forfeit all rights or expectations to contribute. Relationships often need to rally behind a champion to accomplish their lofty and long-range goals

·    An effective relationship should be built upon the diversity of thought and actions that planners, thinkers, doers, and dreamers might bring to the table. If two are so much alike that they never challenge one another they may be content and un-obstructive in their actions but may never think “what if” or “why not” as they do what has always been done and experience what has already been experienced

·    To achieve the best chance of success, those within a relationship should identify obstacles, discuss options, and agree on a solution (which might change if the conditions in which it was made change) prior to its being implemented. If the solution taken is ALWAYS the idea of the same person, what could be “win/win” risk taking becomes but an action by one that creates an equal and opposite reaction by another creating animosity regardless of the wisdom or appropriateness of the decision

Relationships introduce multiples into life – stretching the limitations of an individual through the power of diverse thinking. This power creates innovative solutions by applying different ideas and perspectives to tried and true processes. Relationships are like electrical circuits. Those that “think in series” (one action accomplished before moving on to the next):

·    Accumulate a number of ideas before working through them one at a time 

·    Are like a single electrical wire extending over a long distance carrying a defined amount of power through a limited channel. Should the singular focus of such a relationship be interrupted, or the single strand be severed, all activity stops

·    Take a longer time to distribute the power of a relationship as it is funneled through a single “thought-line”  

Relationships that “think in parallel” (many actions taking place at the same time focused to produce a mutually beneficial result) establish alternate routes, paths or patterns in the problem-solving process allowing remarkable things to happen that may not have happened through the independent actions of all involved. When relationships “think in parallel” they:

·    Anticipate obstacles before they occur to function more effectively

·    Channel a “defined amount of power” through multiple lines, carrying it to its pre-determined destination quicker – spreading the action steps out to more than one individual and working together towards a common goal

·    Allow activity to shift to another avenue (rather than being taken off-line) should a disruption occur…efforts being switched from one path to another as needed or necessary 

Relationships can be practical, emotionally affirming and truly rewarding when properly put together, an abundance of active listening is incorporated by all parties and those within the relationship are allowed to function without disruptive outside interference or destructive internal fear. Several heads are better than one ONLY if each individual’s thoughts can be melded into singular action designed to accomplish significant results rather than acknowledging and recognizing the importance of either’s singular contribution. Create “parallel” relationships rather than putting them “in series” if you want to maximize results, minimize effort, and truly leverage the collective spirit of individuals. While one may be able to survive within the world, two (or more) working effectively together within a relationship will thrive.