INCLUDING OTHERS ON YOUR ISLAND PROMOTES SUCCESS

Many people feel they can “go it alone” rather than including others when making decisions. In order to establish and maintain accountability for our thoughts and actions, however, we need input from others to challenge, validate and support our direction, decisions, and aspirations.  While most of us are able to move forward through much of life on our own, we find encouragement to keep moving when we might prefer to rest if others are encouraged (or at least allowed) to walk beside us. Before we can expect others to join us, however – to care enough about us to invest their time in making us better – we must first accept that others CAN play a significant role in our success…that we are better WITH the input and perspective given to us than we are when relying solely upon our own thoughts, experiences, and solutions. 

The first step in the acceptance of others onto our island is to discover our own potential – fully assimilating the beauty of what is possible into the reality of our lives. Before we could hope to have another see value or worth in us, however, we must identify our individual strengths and weaknesses, realizing the role that each might have in our development AND to our detriment. We must recognize and accept what is possible (even if highly improbable), what is probable (even if unlikely), and what might be fiscally irresponsible (the potential cost far outweighing any possible gain). People that can make an individual difference tend to celebrate success rather than looking for weaknesses…they assume blame rather than assigning fault…they focus on what has “gone right” rather than upon what has “gone wrong.” Rather than identifying the deficiencies of others and using those as an excuse NOT to change themselves, successful people compliment what was done well rather than focusing upon what “was not done” or “could have been done much better. They often attempt to change behavior by identifying deficiencies that need altering (becoming important as the identifier of another’s problems) rather than by encouraging the “cloning” of healthy behaviors and attitudes. 

People acknowledging (and relying upon) only their strengths often enter relationships to “fix” those around them – never fully exposing themselves to the scrutiny that true friendship (or “community”) brings. Those that limit themselves by accepting their shortcomings and deficiencies as ceilings rather than floors often sell themselves short when it comes to achieving success. These individuals avoid their own emptiness or darkness by reflecting another’s light or fullness through the pronouncement of a relationship. They find personal success through the accomplishments of others (claiming credit for their results) – or by elevating their own minor successes by minimizing those of another. They tend to deflect negative attention from themselves by directing it to another - often influencing the way others are perceived while appearing to be “above it all” in their personal interrelationships. Island living IS NOT about being alone but rather being all that is possible by becoming all that we can be. 

No relationship – whether it be in business or in your personal life – will grow unless we establish an expectation of what we hope it might become then work hard to bring that dream to fruition. Some say that setting low expectations will keep them from ever failing or being disappointed. What kind of a meaningful relationship could develop from the premise that what “is” will never change – that wherever a relationship began is where it will eventually end – exhibiting no growth.  A relationship serves no valuable purpose if the melding of beliefs, values, ideals, and accomplishments are intended to advance each individual more than it enhances the group. If one benefits from the input of another, think how much could be accomplished should several come together, openly sharing thoughts and ideas without fearing loss, reprisal, or repercussion. 

Choice is the key to success. Unless and until we CHOOSE to move forward, to leave behind or to seek new pastures, we live our lives more by fearing the pain of failure than by expecting and anticipating the rewards of success – we may survive but will rarely thrive. Relationships focusing on why things did not work or how they could have been done differently are destined to fail. Those using (accepting and learning from) failure as a springboard towards implementing new and different solutions are more likely to succeed. Believing that the “light at the end of a tunnel” is an opportunity yet to be realized rather than a train heading towards you on a collision course reflects the assimilation of dreams into our daily relationships – the acceptance of “what has yet to become” becoming a precursor of reality rather than a harbinger of never-ending turmoil. 

When people lose sight of their goals, coming to rest upon the side of the road before accomplishing their dreams, they cannot find fulfillment and often fail to persevere. When we travel alone, we are more likely to lose our way – why should it be any different as we live life?  The realization of dreams is linked to how effectively your strengths can be focused as we travel unfamiliar paths that encourage new ideas – and unless our thoughts are challenged by others holding us accountable for the results promised, how can we ever achieve anything beyond what we already know and accept as being possible? Accepting that our own (or another individual’s) weaknesses are insurmountable often results in our believing that failure is not just a possibility but rather a foregone conclusion. When we truly believe that the accomplishment of anything is possible – and that nothing can diminish or replace the unwavering power borne through a strong and trusting relationship – only then will we be able to experience the impact others have on us by sharing our island – when others work together to achieve more than any one individual might accomplish. 

While one man (or woman) may think he (or she) is an island, they will not experience all life has to offer until accepting that to live we must share life – and that we are only as strong individually as is the group of close friends, peers, or co-workers we have around us.

 

DO NOT AVOID THE OBVIOUS WHEN DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Some people are more patient than others when it comes to working with difficult people. These leaders will typically balance the positives someone brings to the table against the negatives – and as long as the scale tips more towards the “good” than it does to the “bad” they will probably tolerate more than an outside observer (OR other employees) might think prudent. Good leaders seek to encourage individual input while guiding the efforts and acknowledging the accomplishments of a group without stifling creativity…maximizing the ability of all to contribute by subtly filtering the more disturbing qualities a difficult person might express and incorporating the positives into the initiation of actions conducive to improving the team. Tolerant leaders tend to focus on results rather than on processes…on contributions to the whole rather than individual recognition – feeling that as long as the objective is achieved why worry who receives the praise? These leaders probably live more in a world of “where can we go?” rather than in one of “where have we been?”  Over time, though, all leaders need to understand how best to “deal with difficult people” by incorporating their (oftentimes) intelligent creativity into a thriving (but easily disrupted) environment while, at the same time, avoiding the perception of paying more attention to the “troubled ones” and allowing the “shining stars” to fade away into the night.

Difficult people often like to speak their mind and get their way. They dislike being told “no” without a solid, rationale reason (and even then, if the reason is not their own, may not accept it easily). Their contributions are often minimized (within a group) by its lack of acceptance (a group does not like a cocky know-it-all or one whom never gives recognition to others) regardless of how valuable the individual’s contribution COULD be. Difficult people tend to talk more than they listen, to act more than they show restraint, and to hide their own inadequacies by dwelling upon everyone else’s “wrongs” or “mistakes” – claiming to be “better than the worst” rather than striving to be better than the best. Rather than continuously raising their own level of performance, difficult people tend to set themselves as the “bar,” downgrading others and forcing them to assume a subservient role or intentionally diminishing their ability to contribute. One characteristic seems to hold true within all situations – difficult people focus on themselves, their perceived abilities, their own actions, their own feelings, and their own “way,” often losing sight of a common goal or the thought reaching a visionary destination together. Recognizing the tendencies that make people difficult is a necessity if one is to channel their negative energy into something that can add value to a team (particularly one that may perceive the individual as disruptive, disturbing, or even dangerous BECAUSE react and respond to obvious negatives rather than seeking or acknowledging any positives that might be brought to the mix). Recognizing the power that difficult people can have over a functioning team is critical BUT an effective leader must act to meld the positive into a team while deflecting the negative…to intentionally demonstrate the value of the difficult person’s contributions to the team’s results and outcomes.

Difficult people are everywhere in our lives. People often chose one of several options when dealing with them – often predicated by past experience and/or learned confidence. MOST people will typically:

• Ignore them (hoping they will go away)
• Minimize conflict by listening to them (whether or not we intend to act on what they say)
• Avoid interacting with them whenever possible
• Resist until we are beaten down enough that we “do things their way” rather than arguing anymore, OR
• Worry ourselves sick about the problem without ever simply addressing the issue.

While selfishly effective (except, perhaps, for the last choice – which is latently disastrous to the effective functioning of a team), do any of these responses really resolve the problem OR are we simply avoiding the obvious – escaping into an internal “safe place” and causing others to silently suffer with us when we ignore the pain and live with the team’s results? To effectively deal with difficult people we must identify a common goal, talk about how we are going to get “there from here,” discuss what road signs we should see along the way to verify the path we choose is going in the right direction, assign ownership (responsibility AND accountability) to actions THEN establish (clearly and concisely) expectations, ramifications if disruptions occur, and establish who is in charge. In that this last action is typically the most confrontational, it must be firmly stated and conditioned by things you are willing to follow-through on (i.e., do not say “this will happen or else” unless you’re willing to follow-through with the promised consequences. Making hollow threats and conditions minimizes both your credibility and your ability to manage.).

Functional teams can (and possibly should) include people who are “different” from all others within the team so that alternative ideas and perspectives can be included within the team’s thought processes BUT it must also remain focused, headed in the right direction, AND have someone monitoring progress to maintain accountability. Do not avoid your responsibility as a leader to “respond to the obvious” by providing that focus, the filter, AND the fulfillment of all team members.

HOW GREAT LEADERS MAKE GOOD DECISIONS (MOST OF THE TIME)

We all make decisions – many based on “what feels right” rather than some “cookbook” recipe that defines exact considerations resulting in a predictable outcome. A high percentage of “judgment calls” result in successful outcomes for those considered “good decision makers” while more seem to result in failure for those that do not make good decisions – but why is there a difference? People whose planned actions create more negative or “questionable” results than they do positive should probably avoid roles where making sound decisions is an essential part of their daily routine – perhaps opting to positions of “doer” rather than seeking those requiring leadership skills. Those that are considered good at making significant decisions quickly should be recognized for their abilities (and cloned whenever or however possible). Saying something is much easier than doing it, however, so what kind of thinking drives the actions of good decision makers (and what is missing in those that make poor decisions)? Some of the more significant influencers are detailed below: 

Good judgment is experience-based. We must actively seek a variety of experiences upon which we can draw to make good choices. Rarely can we assume a position of authority without having first experienced many different roles, responsibilities, successes, and failures. Visualizing how one situation applies to another – dealing with the practical application of solutions rather than relying upon the specifics of theoretical facts – is a transition that many find difficult. 

Some things cannot be experienced prior to doing them. Probably the TWO exceptions to gaining experience before becoming engaged are within personal relationship or being a parent. Typically, no lived experience or prior knowledge available and no “proven methods guaranteed to work” every time in any situation. (Perhaps that is why so many people feel at a loss when entering a serious relationship or raising children…even those considered good decision makers…because doing one’s best is often all that can be done, and it is difficult to accept anything less than predictable and validated results.)

Knowing how to do something well does not automatically guarantee success in a leadership role. Learning the skills needed to perform various functions is not the only requisite to leadership. Many great technicians have failed miserably when promoted to management because they would rather DO than LEAD – and people within a relationship would rather “do for” another than to share with them…or parents that want to be their child’s “friend” would prefer to avoid confrontation while those that wish to “protect their children” would prefer to think for another than provide insight and guidance to them.

Good choices are more often the result of many small decisions than the infamous “ah-ha” moment creative and innovative trainers would lead us to expect. Seeing and reacting to how small steps impact our travels as we move forward to make major decisions reinforces a thought process that considers past successes and relies upon current abilities to anticipate future accomplishments. Great decisions are the product of careful analysis, thorough investigation, utilization of “cause/effect” processes and a conscious, willful implementation of an action plan intended to initiate cautious forward movement. We never have all the answers – nor should we pretend to ask all the right questions – but when we choose to move it should be with confidence gained through proven experiences so that others willingly follow. 

In making decisions, we should avoid living within a vacuum and setting direction by edict rather than through listening and appropriate inclusion. We must continually expose others within our sphere of influence to new and different situations as we apply our knowledge – allowing them to grow by failing – so that they can develop the breadth of experiences needed to make future decisions. We must prepare others to carry on so our own careers can move forward – making sure that someone else can work independently and is capable of making good decisions that contribute autonomous value – if we seek to move up the corporate ladder. This “back-filling” concept is an often overlooked (but vital) part of the decision-making process – unless all has been prepared to SUPPORT progress, nothing will move forward. 

Making good decisions is a process rather than an event. As situations change, so should our willingness to shift direction. Once decisions are made, however, we should move on to other challenges rather than dwelling on the action taken and agonizing over those not selected. While we should monitor how actions play out, we must also let go so that we can move on to other opportunities – often before one has concluded.  Good decision-making begins with the realization that a need to apply life experience when making sound judgments by using practical knowledge that ultimately guides our actions. The process does not end until the things we know are applied in such a way that a reasonable solution has been identified, studied, and implemented. Experience helps us gain the knowledge needed to UNDERSTAND our environment – strong leadership training can make a difference in the way we transform “knowing” into “leading” so that appropriate “doing” can take place. 

THE TRANSFORMATIONAL WISDOM OF GREAT LEADERS

Our metrics-driven society is afloat with facts, data, and information yet it seems that critical thinking skills – those that look forward towards things that have not yet happened but could potentially be avoided if anticipated – are quickly disappearing. We read newspapers (sometimes), watch news (occasionally), page through magazines and check out our electronic news feeds (AND Meta, texts, TikTok, X Corp or other resources) constantly – as we seek stories and interpretations on what is happening (frequently before it happens) throughout the world. We know if a disaster has occurred, if the price of gas is about to rise, what is happening in Washington, who is dating whom, and what the best pet might be BUT we have difficulty applying our wealth of information to un-related circumstances or to identify a resolution to issues not yet experienced. Many can memorize facts but far too few can ask the “right questions” that would allow for the formation of a “best” solution when presented with a new challenge.

Our thirst for facts and comparisons often forces us into seeking answers before fully formulating questions. We want solutions – NOW – without a moment’s hesitation…based on how our tracking SAYS something has been resolved in the past rather than seeing how it COULD be handled going forward. We seek stories with tightly wound endings rather than events that have yet to unfold. We find interest in other’s problems and accept another’s interpretation of the facts as being “gospel truth” rather than digging into a story and coming to our own conclusions. Good news and success are not as important to many as are bad choices and their potentially tragic results. News that “sells” must be entertaining (and often CREATED or ENHANCED) to capture our imagination. We want to be entertained (rather than understood), agreed with (rather than challenged) and provided for (rather than providing for others). It seems that the application of information to create a viable solution – taking the risk required to make a difference by being different – is no longer a desirable characteristic. Impatience and intolerance have become the driving factors in “effective” communication with the analysis of data and deliberate actions due to those findings being minimized in value due to the urgency with which actions are seen to be implemented.

Our senses seem overly stimulated by details, information, and opportunities yet we rarely take the time to identify issues before advancing untenable solutions when pressured by unrealistic deadlines. We run before we walk – oblivious to the fact we might fall – our impatience ruling the day. We often ignore the fact that the efforts of others who came before us (whose results are driving our metrics) acted in different times and different places. We relegate the experience of others (both wins and losses) to a silent historical chart or graphic that tends to (but should not necessarily) rule the day rather than including their insights into our ongoing thought processes as we apply their experiences into a new solution. We pursue the improbable rather than finding comfort in the reality of “what is” and extrapolating it into that which has not yet become – far too often leaping ahead without thought or direction rather than moving slowly (and steadily) forward. We tend to “fire” before we “get ready,” or shoot before we aim (hoping that if we “shoot” quickly enough in the right general direction we are bound to hit something).

It really does not matter which path you take if you are lost as when you do not know where you are going nor from what you are moving, any progress is better than none at all. In order to transform knowledge into wisdom we must take the time to analyze the information around us – to make decisions count by identifying a destination before moving from one situation to another – and planning where you want to be before leaping from the frying pan into the fire. One will rarely fail if they do not establish goals – yet success hinges upon the creation and attainment of targets and the accomplishment of individual dreams. Little credit can be taken for unanticipated results generated through unplanned actions, however, so Leaders must take a stand then act upon it based on the information they have available at the time – being willing to change their mind should circumstances change. In order to demonstrate wisdom, one must take the time to become aware of what those around him/her are thinking, are capable of doing and are willing to act upon for only then can one individual motivate others to leverage the abilities of many to accomplish what might seem on the surface to be impossible.

Great Leaders study, learn, analyze, and apply before charging headlong into an appointment with disaster. When one analyzes the information around them and applies it to their own individual circumstances, they will be able to leverage their knowledge to make wise decisions rather than blindly following the thoughts, suggestions, or considerations of others. Reach up as you reach out – the world is awaiting your curiosity. One must learn to fully develop creativity, leadership potential and team-building skills – then overlay those attributes upon the information available and the timeframe in which one must act – when making decisions or setting directions. In life, at work, OR within personal relationships, those unique individuals able to meld history (metrics) with possibilities (potential) to establish a planned alternative will regularly transform knowledge into the wisdom needed to lead (and thrive).

KNOWLEDGE ALONE DOES NOT GUARANTEE SUCCESS

We are told that knowledge is the key to success. If we learn we will achieve. If we set our sights high when establishing our goals and objectives, and work hard to equip ourselves with the knowledge to accomplish our goals, great things will happen. In front of each of us lies an endless number of possibilities as long as we pay attention to AND apply what was taught in school – then “never stop learning” throughout life. Knowledge alone, however, is not the key that opens up any opportunity. Our recent focus on providing every child or student with an education, leaving nobody behind, ignores the basic reality that each individual child or student should be able to learn – and that we all learn differently.

Wisdom is the application of knowledge. Knowing facts, details or information does not make one a leader, a teacher or even a success. Individuals chosen to participate on the TV gameshow Jeopardy demonstrate a vast base of knowledge – an unending ability to recall what many would consider arcane facts and an astounding grasp of history, trivia, and culture – BUT do nothing to demonstrate how any of these isolated facts might be applied to create solutions outside of the show. The application of knowledge through wise choices, decisions and actions that anticipate consequences (both planned and unintended) is what truly defines success, particularly if we do not care who gets the credit for the results that are achieved. Knowledge allows us to think about issues, topics, and challenges from many different perspectives. Wisdom (the application of knowledge) allows us to succeed by putting what we know into action – whether it be repetitive or a new application of related experience.

Not all individuals are “wired” to attend college. Some learn through books and formal training – and we need educated teachers, engineers, doctors, managers, and other professionals to study, practice and learn so they can lead, teach, and create. Others can make a difference by applying the skills and abilities they attain to situations that do not require a college degree. Trade schools provide skills that can be applied within technical careers (manufacturing, tool and die, machinists, carpenters, mechanics, and a plethora of other significant occupations that contribute to society). Certificate programs allow one to focus training to a narrow slice of knowledge that can be applied directly to a defined situation or a specific career. Though our grade schools and high schools equip us with information that is vital and necessary to survive in this world, we must continually stretch our minds throughout life so we can overcome obstacles by applying our knowledge and experiences wisely to eliminate roadblocks or accomplish new objectives. Education plants seeds of prosperity that lie dormant until they are nurtured and applied. When we apply our learned skills to resolve new challenges not previously experienced, we reap the benefits of lifetime learning.

We should seek knowledge but strive for ways to apply what we learn to better ourselves and those around us. We should establish goals and seek to accomplish them but understand success is not simply the fulfillment of a stated objective having no purpose or meaning. Success is not measured by what we have or what we do but rather by what we are able to accomplish with the gifts we are given and how we apply the knowledge we attain – how we are able to impact, influence or enlighten others as we demonstrate wisdom through the application of all we know and all we have experienced. It is not elevating, enabling, or providing for others that matters – it is fulfilling our own potential as we vacate each “station” in life which another can fill IF they, too, wisely apply their knowledge. Knowing is nothing unless it is associated with action, responsibility, accountability, and focused follow-through. One can know much without making a difference – which can only happen when we apply our knowledge and put it into action...which happens only when one is responsible for his or her individual actions, is able to learn from past mistakes and can move on to accomplish the next objective. Making a true difference usually involves helping others learn without having to experience the same mistake or disruption.

Nothing changes unless someone does something differently than it has been done in the past. We cannot expect to change our outcomes unless we alter our approach. We cannot improve our standing unless we take intentional steps to move from “where we are” to “where we wish to be.” Knowledge provides us with the foundation upon which we can build our dreams, but we must apply what we know without requiring the praise or credit for what has been done to reach new ceilings (which will become floors upon which we can continue to add new perspectives to those solutions we know work as we strive to accomplish things we hope could be possible). When we seek knowledge, it should be purposeful – with all learning directed towards the accomplishment of an objective or the realization of a dream. Knowing for the sake of knowing may allow us to win the game of Jeopardy but applying what we know to the accomplishment of everyday problems, issues and situations will allow us to succeed in the game of life.

GIVE NOTHING LESS THAN YOUR BEST

America was built upon the belief that individuals can realize unlimited opportunity through hard work and the effective utilization of resources if a superior product or service is produced that appeals (and sells) to a consuming public. Implied within this basic tenant is that while we ARE created similarly, we possess different gifts, abilities, and competencies so we ARE NOT presumed to be equal in our ability to produce or achieve results. Not everyone can be a professional athlete, a teacher, a counselor, a leader, a writer, or an innovator…or any of a score of other occupations that require specialized skills or unique temperaments...but all ARE able to succeed to the best of the abilities they have AND accomplish great things if they choose to fully leverage the gifts they have been given. 

While we all taste success, life is an environment of equitability rather than of equality. Our efforts do not create EQUAL results - they produce results that reflect EQUITABLY the abilities we have developed, the intelligence we apply, and outcomes we achieve. One can expect to receive from life only that which results from the efforts they personally contribute – not what might be available through the efforts or activities of another. The only guarantees we can expect in life are rooted in what we believe to be possible, practice to perfect, and relentlessly strive to achieve.

In an effort to equalize everyone and take away any thought or concept of one individual being (for whatever reason) positioned differently than another in their abilities, their rewards or their contributions, our country has taken drastic measures to promote and advance equality. Schools tend to teach to the middle – spending far too much on creating opportunity for the less gifted and failing to advance the talents and abilities of those towards the top. Field days are disappearing from elementary schools because some children are not able to compete with others (often due to their own lifestyle choices) and nobody wants them to feel “badly” should they not win or taste the same success as others. To avoid lopsided losses in sports during a child’s formative years, the solution has been to quit keeping score (that might appease the adults in the crowd but the kids playing know who “won” and what the final score was even though it is not officially tracked). 

Supervisors and managers give “across the board pay adjustments” because it is easier to treat employees equally than to identify and reward exceptional effort (because individuals producing inferior results will require confrontation). Labor unions (potentially making a comeback due to favorable Administrative rhetoric and seemingly positive vocal support promised during political campaigns) flourish within both government and private sector entities by bringing “everyone is equal” and “pay equality based on time in grade” (rather than for performance) concepts into the workplace. The recent repeal of our “Right to Work” law and the re-introduction of “prevailing wages” are but two more examples of legislation designed to make all equal (rather than equitable) within our workforce.

While our country has survived many challenges from outside our borders, possibly the greatest attacks on our greatness come from within. It seems that an individual’s abilities to demonstrate excellence, to reap the rewards of individual efforts, and to live out the belief that one is limited ONLY by his or her own addressable shortcomings are under attack by an overly accepting public. A prevailing concept of “take from those who have the resources in order to give to those having a need” is creating a shift within society where so many individuals receive aid from somewhere that there are more “takers” than “givers” within our world. While everyone may need help to overcome unforeseen issues at some point in their life, the support SHOULD BE helping them become better contributors for which they will be rewarded RATHER THAN heightening their dependency upon a paternalistic government for easy ways out and free rewards.

Our society tends to reward those needing support and penalize those that create wealth, jobs or opportunities. 80% or our taxes are paid by 20% of our population yet more taxes continue to be recommended for those that “can afford them” so that monies can be given to those that do not contribute. We promise to take care of student loan debt (which was voluntarily assumed knowing that it would someday be due) rather than looking to address a system that may have unfairly created the debt. We speak of reparations rather than of the opportunities that every American truly has…we speak of European peace while our nation is in a polarized “war” as evidenced by the numbers of violent deaths each day in this great country…we accept the minimum from ourselves AND others as being the best so as not to risk failure should we truly accept nothing but our best. When will we seek to reward those that deserve recognition and encourage those who have failed to succeed (rather than to reward their shortcomings by providing for them without their contributing themselves)?   

Embrace the freedoms and unlimited opportunities we currently enjoy by striving to move forward (rather than standing fast), by learning and applying the knowledge (rather than simply accepting what is as what will always be), and by focusing upon where you COULD BE (rather than upon where you HAVE ALREADY BEEN). Become all that you may become by seeking all that might be sought, doing all that can be done, and NEVER accepting less from yourself than you are capable of giving and you will both make the world a better place to live AND provide a role model that may, eventually, encourage others to be all that they could be as well.

Letting Go of the Past to Realize Tomorrow’s Dreams

The worst part of letting go of something with which you have become familiar is watching it pass through your fingers and worrying about whether it will ever return. When something that has become more important to your life than the air you breathe floats away upon the wind – dancing just out of reach but never out of mind – you need to work relentlessly to retrieve it or seek intentionally to move on from it. Regardless of how much you try to rationalize that what once was may never be again – that perhaps it should never have been in the first place – the emptiness growing within you when that which was is no more cannot be easily filled. Life drifts freely without point or purpose as one seeks a return to a comfortable past when what you had slips through your fingers – yet such a return is often an improbable dream. What once was can rarely return and what now is must become the foundation of all things yet to come. 

Until you let something go – knowing that you will never again experience the stability it provided nor the comfort you found within the place you once occupied – you may never understand the emptiness that comes from letting go of a dream. Hope may remain within a visionary soul but the emptiness that fills an individual when separated from a dream – or when forced into an unexpected reality – often takes more patience and tolerance – more hard work and sweat equity – than most are willing to invest EVEN IF it might mean a moment of reunification. When Hope is gone, life takes on the deathly pallor of a pale and drawn spirit drifting aimlessly with the wind. Without Dreams, reality can become a millstone holding you down – a weight keeping you from realizing your potential or moving towards the accomplishment of unfulfilled goals – as you struggle to survive (with no thought of ever again thriving). 

When you must move on – which is something we all face within this life (whether it be personally or professionally) – we must look towards where we are going rather than dwell upon where we have been. We must seek new horizons rather than finding sordid comfort within the memories of our past. While understandable from an emotional standpoint, rarely is a new beginning found within the remnants or wreckage of one's irretrievable accomplishments. We must embrace change as an opportunity to excel rather than seeing it as a blockade that makes our once “comfortable path” impassable. Though a career change may not be what we wanted, accept the opportunity that “downsizing” presents to succeed at something new and different  should it come. Rather than seeing disruptive and unexpected change as being an end, it COULD be a beginning. Retirement should be “to” something rather than “away” from it...running away from what you have may eliminate an undesirable situation but leaves an unanticipated void in front of us rather than a temporary gap into which we might confidently reach to begin that which has not yet materialized. An empty nest should be filled with freedoms rather than with the stray feathers left behind by something that will never be again. Life “as it was” should become a springboard into the future rather than a safe haven from “what could be”. 

Whether they be voluntary or out of necessity, life provides us with new realities which will either prove to be our beginning or our end. Accepting challenges as inevitable – recognizing that the only constant in life is change – will help us let go of “what was” in order to truly seek “what will be.” Until you are able to take control of your destiny by walking from what was in order to run towards what has yet to be – by moving forward with confidence as you find yourself shrouded within the darkness of an unknown future – your past will control your life and you will never realize the dream that can be found ONLY within the not-yet-defined reality of your future. Let go of your past as you hold on to your future, reaching out from where you are towards what you have not yet become, in order to ultimately realize your dreams.    

THE POSSIBILITIES (AND PITFALLS) OF DOING MULTIPLE THINGS AT ONCE

Individuals able to accomplish several tasks at one time often feel as though everyone should be able to do the same. After all, what competent person should not be able to talk on the phone while reading a book and watching television? Some say that people trying to accomplish more than one project at a time may actually be less efficient than those “slow dinosaurs” preferring to complete one task before moving on to the next. Whether you are a single-focused person or a juggler of many balls at one time, consider the following: 

·         People who multitask can be less efficient than those who complete one project then move on to the next because shifting focus increases the complexity of a task creating multiple starts and stops – along with the re-establishment of a focused mindset – each time one moves from one project to another. Being able to “compartmentalize” issues allows us to move smoothly from one to the next without losing sight of the end goal BUT not all individuals are able to walk away then return without “missing a beat.” Selectively focusing allows one to accomplish things in priority – setting aside those things that can wait while working on those that cannot. While difficult for those that tend to finish one task before moving on to another, individuals able to multi-task have developed the ability to shift gears without letting progress previously made prior to it being set aside diminish.

·         When individuals able to shift from one task to the next without losing momentum do so it is usually because they need a break or run into a temporary obstacle. When those unable to shift gears easily it is often because they wish to find satisfaction elsewhere or meet someone else’s critical need quicker.  Whenever we move from a task – whatever the reason we left it – returning requires us to shift gears AND resolve/accept the reasons you shifted focus in the first place. If you shifted to accomplish something else, nothing should be lost from the progress you had made but if left a task stymied and wasting time pursuing dead ends, a forced return prior to developing fresh perspectives would not put you into a position to produce immediate results. 

·         Managing two mental tasks, particularly with the same part of your brain, reduces the available brainpower for either task. If one MUST multi-task it should involve different thought processes (logical vs. creative) so that the brain need not “wipe itself” to think about a new cognitive process using the same part of one’s mind. Weeding out distractions helps one focus on the important things without chasing red herrings.  It is tough to listen to your favorite song on the radio while carrying on a conversation as you are using the same part of your brain for two things. The more different tasks are (developing a budget or taking a plant tour), the easier it will be to switch “mental focus” back and forth without distraction.

·         Short-term memory loss or changes in one’s ability to concentrate are signals they have pushed too far or tried to do too many things at one time. If one cannot remember what he or she was doing recently (when they normally can without any issues), the brain may be working too hard to pull everything together – most likely prohibiting it from accomplishing any one thing effectively.

·         The more often a person does a task, the less thought it takes to perform it. Practice not only “makes perfect,” it frees up more of the brain to do other things, as less thought is required. While we typically use only 10% of our mental capacity, we must work hard to open the paths and thought processes we do not often use if we are to expand the possibilities that a fully leveraged brain has to offer. 

Some individuals are “wired” to identify one objective, work it to its logical conclusion, then move on to the next challenge. Others are able to work on several tasks at a time without any negative impact on their results. If you are able to juggle multiple balls while accomplishing much, it is probably not right to expect the same of everyone else.  Similarly, if you need quiet to focus and concentrate on accomplishing singularly defined objectives, do not expect all around you to work in the same methodical manner. Those doing many things seemingly at one time must develop the patience that would allow them to accept a more “thought-centric” pace as being reasonable, responsible, prudent, and sound. Likewise, those needing the time to develop a single solution before moving on should encourage and support those that race ahead. It is no more “right” to expect everyone to multi-task than it is to expect everyone to follow through without considering multiple options at a time. While the tortoise has been said to have won the race, the hare did accomplish much and see more along the way when he left the straight and narrow to experience much of what life offered during the journey. 

Consider a person’s strengths, weaknesses, and learning style before assigning work or expecting them to accomplish several activities at one time. If you want others to handle more than one thing at a time, help them to focus, compartmentalize, and move from one task to a completely new and different task (with an understanding that a return to what they are doing is eminent) rather than fretting about things not yet accomplished (feeling they abandoned the last project before it was done). 

An effective team needs both turtles and rabbits – those able to move quickly and those willing to plod patiently along. Recognizing how to utilize both sets of strengths will make you a much more effective manager. Learning to value the contribution of both will make you more efficient and effective as you lead and motivate others to accomplish all that they were meant to do. 

A GOOD EXAMPLE IS FAR MORE POWERFUL THAN ANY GREAT DIRECTIVE

Why does it seem lately that when the “going gets tough…” many people start blaming rather than showing that “…the tough get going?” It is rare that, during the heat of an argument, someone will stop the conversation to take responsibility for the misunderstanding by saying, “We should really stop arguing – it was not your fault. I totally take the blame for the problems we must address.” More often than not, an argument is peppered with, “It was your fault!” or “We never would have been in this position had listened to me in the first place!” What about the infamous “I am sorry that you misinterpreted what I said…” rather than saying “I was wrong when we were talking the other day.” Most people find it hard to accept responsibility for a mistake (but will easily and quickly claim credit for success (whether or not it was truly warranted). Far too many people live "behind the curtains" like the Wizard of Oz – dictating what others are to do rather than living as if their house were made of glass, having no shades or blinds, where all they said or did would be revealed as an example of how best to act, live and succeed. 

Leading by example – by being what you are and accepting the ramifications of whatever that might cause rather than trying to assume as your own the accolades given to others for what they may have accomplished within your realm of responsibility – goes a long way towards establishing credibility and validating the values you might wish to express. Before taking credit for another’s success, assigning blame for a personal shortcoming, or taking the opportunity to distract from your mistakes by pointing out to others how much THEY could learn from their mistakes, take a moment to reflect upon our natural tendency to avoid ownership by saying “do as I say, not as I do.” Rather than detracting or deflecting, seek ways that your actions (and words) might allow you to lead by example (encouraging others to follow you because they WANT to) rather than by edict (expecting others to follow you because they have been ordered or told to do so) – be it at work or within your personal life and relationships.  

It is hard to convince others NOT to do something when they see you do similar things yourself. How can you expect your employees to adhere to an “eight to five” schedule if your own day frequently begins at eight fifteen and/or ends at four thirty? People living life within their “house of glass” tend to be more aware of their actions (and the ramifications of the things they choose to do OR intentionally refuse to do) than do individuals who are able to lurk within the dark recesses of their minds. People tend to believe what they SEE and HEAR their leaders DOING and SAYING (as it must be acceptable or “the boss,” parent, or partner would not do it). If a leader consistently comes to work late, leaves early, or wastes time during the day, how can his/her employees be expected to think that punctuality and good time management is more important than what has been demonstrated as being acceptable? Parents tell their children to obey the rules (as they break the speed limit or are caught in a multitude of “white lies” not intended to hurt anyone). We expect our partner, our children, and our employees to listen to us unequivocally – often without giving them a valid or concrete reason to do so. Rather than seeking and earning respect, far too many feel that it is their “birthright” to claim such a prize – declaring themselves “legitimate” without having been tested or proving themselves qualified. While none of us is perfect, thoughts that might help us to better lead by example would include: 

1)        Recognize that words are but whispers compared to the shouts of our actions. Those close to us may be able to hear what we say (if they are inclined to listen and motivated to act) but anyone having an unobstructed view of what we do will be influenced (positively or negatively) by what they see. Children are taught that “seeing is believing,” not that “doing as you are told – without thought or hesitation – makes things right.” Whether you interact with people as a manager, a peer, a friend, or as part of a family, what you do and how you act – NOT the things you say about yourself or TELL others to do – are the characteristics that help to identify your strengths and morale character. 

2)        Look for the good in others – loudly praising their positive actions, interactions and results while quietly addressing their shortcomings, inadequacies, or opportunities to learn. People usually see what others do wrong but rarely recognize or acknowledge what they have done right. Children are “expected” to be well behaved in public, so it is rare that we hear a parent say to their child, “You are really being a good shopper today – I am so proud of you!”.  Rather it is “do not touch…” “wait until we get home…” or “You are never going shopping with me again!” Though we need to identify negative behavior and act to minimize unwanted consequences, we should also try to acknowledge and verbalize appreciation for things done well. The next time you are involved in a heated debate with someone you care about rather than saying “This is all your fault!” try to assume some of the responsibility yourself. People tend to react better when they know not only how they failed BUT ALSO what they may have done well…not only WHAT may have been done or discussed wrong BUT ALSO what might produce a better outcome next time.

 3)         Never cast the first stone in anger or frustration when judging others or dealing out discipline. Even if you take the time to open a window within your glass house before tossing your criticism out upon a friend or co-worker (intentionally saying EXACTLY what you wanted to say and do – even in a private setting), an individual scorned (or addressed) rarely takes time consider any collateral damage before returning fire (choosing to simply cast the rocks and stones of resentment back towards where they came from as a means of self-preservation and defense). 

 4)       People often defend their inappropriate actions by shifting focus and blame by saying “…but you did such and such so do NOT blame me if our outcomes were different than they should have been!”  When we expose our thoughts and actions fully to those around us, we have no place to hide our own errors and secrets and find ourselves more understanding not only of WHAT others do but also WHY they do things. We are less apt to see fault in the actions of other’s when we first examine ourselves to make sure that we are without blame (which, if we are honest with ourselves, is rarely the case). 

5)       Judge yourself using the same standards you apply to others. The greatest leaders of our times would never ask others to do what they would not do themselves. Truly great generals lead their troops into battle rather than following them from behind. Parents must “walk the talk” if they want their children to learn. Managers cannot expect loyalty, efficiency, and a good utilization of time from their employees without demonstrating it themselves. Those within a relationship cannot expect their partner to do or be anything that they are not willing to do or be themselves.  

We all live in a “glass house” of some kind. Regardless of how much we may wish to hide our thoughts, actions and attitudes from the world while expressing our wishes, desires, and directives, what others believe us to be is shaped by what they see when we think we are alone...what they hear when we do not believe they are listening. When we view our lives as being acted out within a glass house – one without shades to hide what we do or say – we begin to concentrate on what we should be doing rather than focusing on what others should not be doing. When our actions speak louder than our words – reinforcing the things we intentionally set out to do rather than expecting others to accomplish what we would not attempt ourselves – what we say becomes a clarification of what we expect rather than an initiator of action. Much can be accomplished when others act by following a positive example rather than responding to fulfill self-serving declarations. Far more can be accomplished when those around us seek validation from a respected individual and thrive upon the approval their actions receive rather than desperately trying to escape or avoid our criticism. It has been said that more can be realized through the appropriate application of honey than through the overbearing delivery of a one-sided altercation having no identifiable beginning or eagerly anticipated end.

PROBLEMATIC PRIDE…

Pride becomes a driver as insecure people seek to bring to fruition their internal perceptions by de-valuing the thoughts and ideas of others. Most prideful individuals think and act with self-gain as a motivation BUT selfless actions can become the impetus for monumental change if performed unconditionally without anticipation or expectation of personal recognition. Those who act selflessly in their pursuit of success (happiness or contentment) will almost always receive (without asking) rewards that are of a far greater magnitude than the effort required to bring them to fruition. Those that pursue success through self-serving (and depreciating) acts may achieve a modicum of success but will rarely become all that they were meant to be in their work, their relationships, or their lives. 

Those driven by pride tend to expose their moral and ethical weakness more easily to those around them (as their drivers are to attain status, recognition, or wealth rather than respect, trust, and value) than those who are morally and ethically strong (as demonstrated by their actions fostered by selfless sincerity). We tend to become more like those with whom we choose to associate than those we might wish to be as we reflect upon the actions, values, and perspectives of those around us (often keeping the attitudes we might wish to portray hidden deeply within the shadows). People tend to gravitate towards others like themselves (rather than seeking those they might wish to be like) BUT so much more could fill our lives if we were to learn from others “walking the walk” rather than paying attention to those who more often “talk the talk.” 

Pride can destroy relationships. When one loves (or finds great comfort in) him- or herself, there is often very little room left for anyone else. The feeling of self-advancement caused by caring for “number one” can cloud what might be an obvious choice – blurring an otherwise clear decision or directive that would benefit the whole as much as (if not more than) one individual. When one puts the needs of others first while making decisions, even a good idea (which may not be the “best” solution) can provide the best results due to the support and invested interest it receives from stakeholders. When pride elevates the desires of “one” above the needs of others, failure becomes not a matter of “if” but rather of “when” and the possibility of undesirable outcomes moves from “possible” to “probable.” 

Strong, unselfish people learn how to resolve what they can, recognize what is beyond their personal capability to control, and seek help (with humility) when initiating change that could require thoughts or actions that are beyond their ability to personally initiate. When a person focuses more on results than worrying about who receives the credit, great things can happen. When an individual focuses on “...what is in it for ME?” rather than on “...what is in it for US?” the focus becomes prideful, selfish (AND ineffective). Several clarifiers that can help to differentiate between selfish and unselfish would include: 

Prideful (or Selfish) Individuals tend to: 

• Devalue the work, efforts, contributions, and value of others.
• Claim individual ownership of the other’s results.
• Consistently puts his or her own welfare ahead of anyone else.
• Have difficulty hearing others when they make suggestions or try to initiate change as they are typically speaking rather than listening.
• Think they “know everything,” failing to see the need to “learn anything” or defer to the wisdom, experience or ideas of others.
• Put “me first” and you far down the path from significance.
• Will begin to spiral towards obsolescence once they feel they have “arrived,” failing to seek life’s lessons from the people, places and things should they seek to grow.
• Use deferral is an ally – if unable to shift fault to others they often remain silent (as if nothing had happened) or excuse a mistake as being a decision based on bad information.
• Find it hard to say, “Thank you” or “I am sorry” (as they are not truly grateful to acknowledge another’s contributions and reticent to admit to their own mistakes) 
• Do not feel compelled to move onward, upward, or outward, often being content with “what is” (often due to their own actions) that they could care less about “what could be” (with a little extra effort or additional fore thought) 
• Often feel and act as though “above” the rules (which obviously control, apply to, or were developed to control others) and act clearly superior to anyone else.  

Unselfish Individuals tend to: 

• Act with consistency and reasonableness – treating everyone equitably based upon their contributions to the whole (as opposed to equally where everyone is considered to be the same regardless of abilities or emotional intelligence) 
• Speak with sincerity when giving directions, suggestions or comments – taking the time to explain not only the “what” but also the “why” of each request and remaining available to help with (but not assume control of) tasks being performed when issues arise
• Explain both the rewards of accomplishment and the results of failure – then encourage those performing tasks to discover the road to success by helping them up when they fall, providing resources for them to make decisions and allowing them to learn from their mistakes.
• Allow themselves to be lifted “up the ladder” upon the outstretched hands of those around them rather than “climbing over them as if they were the rungs of a ladder on which they climb as they move towards the top.
• Watch and listen attentively to others, acting appropriately upon what is seen and heard...willing to accepting responsibility for decisions and permitting themselves to change their minds when conditions change.
• Give credit when it is due (often publicly) and provide guidance or corrective action when needed (always privately). 
• Accept blame for the mistakes for which they are ultimately responsible (and often those that they COULD have prevented but did not).
• Help others learn from (rather than being destroyed for) the things that could have been done better (or differently)
• 
  Recognize that the growth of a group or organization...of a relationship...is a step on the way towards self-fulfillment rather than an end goal that needs no further nourishment. 

If you claim individual credit or responsibility for the things that “go right” while shifting the blame for shortcomings or deflecting criticism towards others as an excuse for mistakes, you may find yourself alone at the top – standing precariously upon the unwilling backs of those you stepped over while rising. If you speak softly as you act loudly – praise generously while accepting accolades reluctantly – you will find yourself pulling others with you as you achieve all that you can by becoming all that you hope to be. Set aside prideful and pride-driven thoughts, actions, and inclinations…you will find that helping others grow, succeed, thrive, and become confident contributors is much more fulfilling than any short-lived, self-derived credit that putting your own wants and placing yourself first could ever provide.

TIMES CHANGE…DO YOU?

Everyone comes to a fork in the road – a decision point that forever changes what they have done, redirecting all efforts and activities FROM what they have been TOWARDS the accomplishment of what they have yet to become. When we trap ourselves within a world of excuses by defaulting to what might have happened “if only” we had acted differently (while doing nothing to change the way we look at, address or act in response to a situation), we will never experience anything different than we have already lived, felt, and attained. “If only…” will never define “what is…” or “what could be…” should we truly wish to alter the course of our lives and the way we make decisions. Dwelling upon things NOT accomplished (or done poorly) will never initiate change as that tends to reinforce your limitations by rationalizing what has already been said and done (rather than celebrating your abilities and the way they could be applied to seek an alternative reality).

We will never experience our full potential by seeking comfort within a world defined by our past OR by other’s expectations – by doing what is required ONLY by doing it EXACTLY as we are told (without considering how it might be done better) or as it has always been done (without seeking to improve past practices). Life is not a spectator sport – it requires careful consideration, insightful planning, and the intentional implementation of action. Most successful individuals establish basic tenants for their life – rules they use to hold themselves accountable for their own actions. Five significant “truths” that should be considered as one chooses which path to take when confronted with a fork in the road – the trail providing the “highest return on investment” while identifying and maintaining an acceptable level of risk – would include the following:

• It is OK to make a mistake AS LONG AS the same mistake is not repeated with no intention to change or avoid the negative outcome. It is OK to make a wrong decision – any well-thought-out decision is better than no decision – even if the decision might be to delay making one until further research allows us to make an informed choice – but it is NOT all right to avoid deciding just to minimize confrontation, discomfort or fear of the unknown. It is OK to try and fail – as long as we learn from our failures – but it is NOT alright to expect different results by doing the same things and making the same mistakes as we have always done. Learn from your errors, using them as a springboard to propel you forward.
• Focus on things you can control. Identify obstacles that are within your sphere of influence and actively seek to eliminate the hurdles you cannot control by giving them to someone who has the ability to influence them. As you grow, seek to identify the factors you cannot influence or control (but could accomplish MUCH if you could) and either attempt to gain the experience, ability or authority to change them or find ways they can be overcome (or you will never move from where you are to where you wish to be). As you identify obstacles and navigate through troubled waters, maintain a narrow focus upon what is immediately ahead of you (rather than looking several miles down the road when the potholes are right in front of you) so that progress can be made one step at a time.
• Results are recognized – effort is merely a means to the end. If one seeks praise for working hard or contributing, he/she will often be disappointed by life’s realities. Let recognition (and satisfaction) come your way through the results your effort achieves (whether or not anyone else speaks openly about them) rather than seeking praise or validation for each step you take along the way. In the end, we can find satisfaction, purpose and value ONLY in what we see, do, experience and accomplish – and how those things might impact or benefit others – when we fulfill our own expectations rather than seeking outward praise from others.
• All individuals may speak, question, and have a voice in any decision but that does not mean all votes are equal. Life is not a democracy. Input is valued but individuals responsible for the ultimate success of any endeavor must – and will - make the final decision. Do not confuse “equal” with “equitable” as you seek to identify and establish new opportunities. All individuals have different gifts, attributes and experiences that, when applied proportionately to a decision, can have a significant impact. If all such attributes were treated equally, however, decisions may never be made and goals might never be accomplished as too much talk and equality can hinder the decision-making process and keep acceptable risk from being taken.
• There is nothing that “cannot be done” (and rarely anything that cannot be “undone”). While some solutions may not be cost-effective, are simply impractical or beyond our ability to implement, an “I cannot…” “It is not possible,” and “Nobody would do it that way…” attitudes is not acceptable. Well thought-out solutions to issues you may encounter in life are not reasons for celebration, they are simply expectations of the way you should continually exhibit and utilize your abilities as you move forward towards your intended destination…as you anticipate what the NEXT fork in your road might be rather than resting upon your laurels for choosing one correct path. Detours, roadblocks, and other disruptions often interfere with our progress when we make an initial decision but as long as we NEVER give up, give in or give away our ability to make a difference through the things we do, think or say, we will move from where we are to where we wish to be. A results-focused orientation is critical when choosing the right path to take and persistence is required to either follow through OR begin anew as one moves along the road less travelled. 

When choosing a path upon which you wish to travel, focus on (and expand upon) the things you have experienced and accomplished rather than dwelling upon the things that “COULD have been done IF ONLY you had not run out of time” or “Cannot be changed or modified because the ship has already sailed.”  Building from a foundation of “what is” (whether that be good, bad, or constantly changing) will always be more relevant to life than hiding behind “What could have been IF only…”  Seeking “what has yet to happen” as one looks to harvest the best fruits that life can offer will ALWAYS provide a better foundation upon which to build than “Why try?” or “What is done is done…” will ever provide.