INCLUDE OTHERS ON YOUR ISLAND TO GROW AND THRIVE

We need others in our lives to challenge, validate and support our direction, decisions, and aspirations. While most of us are able to move forward through much of life on our own, we can find encouragement to keep moving when we might prefer to rest if others are walking beside us along the way. I recently spoke with an individual that had “issues” with everyone else in their world – they were either bull-headed, set in their ways, did not know anything about the “real world” or just would not listen – the individual’s solution being “if only they would listen to me instead of wanting ONLY what they wanted, things would be a lot better.”  THAT is island logic at its best (or worst) and the kind of thinking that might make an individual’s personal “island” more a volcanic wasteland devoid of companionship than a lush, tropical escape that could be shared.

Before we can expect others to accept us – to care enough about us to invest their time in making us better – we must first accept ourselves as we are AND accept others as they are (rather than as we think they could – or should - be). The first step in this acceptance is to discover our own potential – fully accepting and assimilating the beauty of that reality into every aspect of our lives. Before we could ever realistically hope to have another see value or worth in us, we must first see it in ourselves – see ourselves as being worthwhile (even if tarnished) and having value (even if, in our own minds, far less than we might like). We must identify our individual strengths and weaknesses, realizing the role that each plays in our development AND to our detriment, then apply the positives while addressing and correcting the negatives – leveraging the strengths that make a positive difference in our lives and the lives of others while addressing the weaknesses that can bring ourselves or others down.  

When one looks for weaknesses, assigns fault, or emphasizes failure they tend to focus more on what “was not done” than on celebrating success. They often attempt to change behavior by identifying deficiencies that need altering (thereby becoming important as the identifier of another’s problems) rather than by encouraging the “cloning” of healthy behaviors they choose to exhibit themselves (leading by example). People acknowledging only their strengths often enter relationships to “fix” those around them – never fully exposing themselves to the scrutiny that true friendship brings. Those that limit themselves by accepting shortcomings as ceilings preventing their growth rather than floors from which they might leap forward often seek friendships that mask their deficiencies by making themselves feel “much better” than their friends. Individuals that plant themselves on “solid ground” and diminish others so that they can feel better end up being the best mediocre individual within a melting pot of mediocrity. Those that lift others up while rising to the top – bringing them along rather than stomping them down – raising all to the most that they could be rather than making them accept a lesser position in life – tend to thrive rather than to simply survive. 

Some people set low expectations to avoid ever being disappointed should they fail. What kind of a meaningful relationship could develop from the premise that what “is” will never change – that wherever a relationship began is as far as it will ever go? A relationship serves no valuable purpose if the melding of beliefs, values, ideals and accomplishments advances one individual more that it enhances the other – or the leader of a team more than the group to which he or she may lead. If one can benefit from the input of another, how much could be accomplished when several come together to openly share thoughts and ideas without fear of reprisal as they seek to advance the interests of the whole…if the interests of the group were to be advanced by the efforts of the whole rather than by the selected options of a single individual? 

Dreams are the destinations found at the end of the roads we choose to follow. If we set no expectations – fearing the pain of failure more than we anticipate the rewards of success – we survive but will rarely thrive. Those using failure as a springboard towards implementing a solution are more likely to succeed.  In order to assimilate dreams into daily relationships we must ALWAYS believe that the “light at the end of a tunnel” is a door opening to opportunity not yet realized rather than a train heading towards us on a collision course. 

Relationships are the foundation upon which life’s accomplishments are constructed. A relationship becomes successful when “we” becomes a given rather than “me” being the rule. When one thinks he (or she) is an island, life will not be fully experienced or appreciated until the reality that to live we must share life has been realized – and that we are only as strong as is the group of close friends and confidantes we have around us. We lose much that life has to offer when we focus only upon where we want to be rather than thinking about where we might want to go, considering how to get there, and identifying with whom we might wish to travel. Living on an island can be a peaceful place BUT living there alone can limit not only our contributions and ability to make a difference but also to our own ability to grow and thrive in life.