DO NOT LOSE THE POWER OF RELATIONSHIP IN THE SHROUD OF SOCIAL DISTANCE

We need others in our lives to challenge, validate and support our direction, decisions and aspirations.  While most of us are able to move forward through much of life on our own, we can find encouragement to keep moving when we might prefer to rest if others are walking beside us along the way.  Before we can expect others to accept us, however – to care enough about us to invest their time in making us better – we must first accept ourselves as we are.  We must also accept others as they are (rather than as we think they could or should be) if we hope to gain from their abilities or benefit from their strengths. 

The first step in accepting ourselves is to discover our own potential – then to fully assimilate the reality of all we are (as well as all we could be) into every aspect of our lives – before we should expect another to see value or worth in us.  We must identify our individual strengths and weaknesses, realizing the role that each plays both in our development AND to our detriment, then apply the positives while addressing and correcting (or recognizing the need for and seeking the help of others to correct) the negatives.  Unless (and until) we embrace the positives in ourselves we should not anticipate that others will recognize them – nor should we expect another to “fix” us and eliminate our shortcomings without first discovering them ourselves.  We must first “find” ourselves before reaching out to others if we wish to grow beyond who and what we are to become who and what we are yet to become.

Far too often when we look for weaknesses, assign fault, or emphasize failure we tend to focus more on what “was not done or done wrong” by others than we celebrate success.  We often attempt to change behavior by identifying deficiencies that need altering (thereby becoming important as the identifier and “fixer” of another’s problems) rather than by encouraging the “cloning” of healthy behaviors that tend to breed success.  It is easier to live within our own bubble than it is to open the bubble to others – inviting them in to learn how to fix themselves – than it is to simply fix things ourselves for others and move on.  People acknowledging only their strengths often enter relationships to “fix” those around them – never fully exposing themselves to the scrutiny that true friendship brings.  Those that limit themselves by accepting shortcomings as ceilings that cannot be overcome rather than floors from which to build often seek friendships that mask their deficiencies as they elevate themselves above their “inferior” friends – making themselves feel better than others by tearing them down rather than by making an intentional effort to raise others up. 

Some people set low expectations to avoid ever being disappointed (they may never fail BUT will most likely never truly win, either).  What kind of a meaningful relationship could develop from the premise that what “is” will never change – that wherever a relationship began is as far as it will ever go?  A relationship serves no valuable purpose if the melding of beliefs, values, ideals and accomplishments advances one individual more that it enhances the other – or the group to which individuals might belong.  Successful relationships usually begin with friendship and mutual respect.  Friendship can eventually develop over time if individuals or groups are able to keep an open mind but rarely can a two-way relationship evolve over time if one party is always giving while another is always taking.  Life on an island becomes symbiotic...those sharing the positives and repairing the negatives will help each other grow.  Should one or the other be expected to do all the work while both consistently benefit from the singular effort, both parties will eventually struggle (or die).  If one can benefit from the input of another, think how much more could be accomplished should several come together to openly share thoughts and ideas without fear of reprisal as they seek to advance the interests of the whole. 

Dreams are the destinations found at the end of the roads we choose to follow.  If we set no expectations – fearing the pain of failure more than we anticipate the rewards of success – we may survive but will rarely thrive.  Those using failure as a springboard towards implementing a solution will likely succeed while those resting upon failure – accepting it as a “new normal” rather than a place from which to grow – will likely find more frustration and dissatisfaction in their lives because they do not (and cannot) reach heights that have not been intentionally established.  In order to assimilate dreams into daily relationships we must ALWAYS believe that the “light at the end of a tunnel” is a door opening to opportunity not yet realized rather than a train heading towards us on a collision course.  We must fully understand the resources that we have upon our island before we include others BUT should never limit our potential be believing that “all we have is all we are” or “we can become anything that we wish to be (without help and guidance/assistance from others).”

Relationships are the foundation upon which life’s accomplishments are constructed.  A relationship becomes successful when “we” becomes a given rather than “me” being the rule.  While one thinks he (or she) is an island, life cannot be fully experienced or appreciated.  Until we fully accept the reality that to live we must share life – and that we are only as strong individually as the relationships we find important or the group of close friends and confidantes that support and surround us – will we be able to risk more than others think is safe, care more than others think is wise, dream more than others think is practical and expect more than others think is possible.  During these uncertain times and forced isolation remember that anything taken to extremes can be either a positive or a detriment to life – be kind and focus on staying safe BUT be practical when choosing to be alone, be in the close company of another or to enjoy a small group.  NEVER lose the power of relationship while socially distancing yourself from others to remain healthy – we need more than the support that can be provided through virtual friendships and more than the challenging and tempering of our ideas that can be shown through text messages or electronic communications in order to thrive. 

SEASONS OF CHANGE AND CHANGES OF SEASON...

Why is it that so many people “live for today” rather than planning for tomorrow – choosing to live in their past accomplishments rather than chasing after dreams of a brighter future?  What comfort can be taken in things that have already been done knowing that closing the door to those things not yet imagined traps us in a world holding no new experiences and having no opportunities to develop or grow?  To move forward in life we must remember that today will never be tomorrow because it inevitably becomes yesterday as time passes.  Unless we plan for a different future and take intentional action to initiate change, each new tomorrow to which we awaken will mirror the past – a reflection of what was rather than what could be in our lives.

Many individuals view work as being their “beginning and their end.”  The daily tasks, responsibilities and accomplishments into which we immerse ourselves can, unless we are very careful, become more important to us than relationships, activities or travel.  Work is somehow predictable and rewarding.  It provides a venue in which we can excel (or at least contribute) and thrive (or, at a minimum, survive) without unexpected or unanticipated roadblocks altering our paths or activities.  Routine can be comforting to many – knowing what to do, what to expect and how to achieve anticipated results can be reassuring to those seeking the satisfaction of being a contributor (rather than an initiator) and accepted (rather than questioned or challenged).  One of life’s greatest travesties, however, is the individual content to accept what is as being all that could be – comfortable in the success and recognition achieved in the past (seeing no reason or having no motivation to accomplish more) – defined by what has been done rather than by who they could become.  These individuals tend to think very little about tomorrow (which, unfortunately, becomes their reality sooner than they ever could have realized or imagined).

People once grew for a season, learned for a season, worked for a season then retired for the final season of their lives.  During the season of growth, children identified their strengths so they could be developed (and their weaknesses so they could be bolstered or avoided).  They sought interests and areas they liked before having to focus upon one or two paths that might ultimately lead them into their season of learning as they prepared for their season of work.  The season of growth was never meant to be lived in – only to be passed through on the road towards the season of learning.

Individuals went to school, work or into the military to hone and develop the skills they identified during their season of growth.  The season of learning allowed people to experiment in a “safe environment” before having to utilize their abilities to earn a living or support a family.  Socialization, the widening and improving of paths discovered as a child and the crystallization of their life objectives came together to help individuals spring from their “today” as they ventured into tomorrow – to build careers, perhaps create a family, and “make their mark on the world.”  Though some might hold onto this season by augmenting their experience with lifelong learning, many built and expanded their castles upon the foundation of learning as they moved into their season of work.

Work, a season starting as a necessary means to accomplish a desired end, is often rooted in ambition and nurtured by competition – a desire to become better than others (rather than a measure of what each individual might be able to contribute and accomplish individually).  The season of work provides security, wealth, growth, sustenance and recognition – allowing individuals to identify areas in which the strengths identified as children and nurtured through learning are able to be applied to give them internal satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment.  Some rarely feel they are working in this season as they love what they do and either plan to eventually reach a season of rest OR intentionally seek to avoid ever realizing such a time.  Others have found the season of work to be a “necessary evil” rather than an enjoyable release – constantly seeking (and longing for) an escape from their season of work rather than an elevation into more responsible and rewarding levels.  Some fully utilize their skills to accomplish things never before considered while others perform as they are told and do what needs to be done (rather than what COULD be done).  Regardless of an individual’s perspective, the season of work eventually comes to an end for everyone – the only difference often being how much was accomplished – as we enter the season of rest (either prepared with open arms or “kicking and screaming” with fear and trepidation).

An individual who has successfully “lived for tomorrow” rather than being content with today – has moved from their past by developing their strengths and leveraging them to make a difference in whatever was or has yet to be accomplished – will rarely be bored as they pass through the seasons of life.  An individual who was content with “today” during his or her season of work may find themselves living in yesterday’s world during their season of rest – reminiscing upon what was done and accomplished rather than focusing upon the fulfillment of dreams and future goals.  Our season of rest may become one of expectation – accomplishing the things that were anticipated but never accomplished because work consumed too much time – or one of disenchantment – living for something that was already done while hoping for something that was never considered – it is up to each of us as individuals to determine which season we wish (or accept) to experience. 

“Live for today?”  I think not for today will soon be gone.  We dwell but for a moment within each passing day, welcoming each new tomorrow as they become what was once today (having quietly become yesterday in the night).  Those who enjoy ALL the seasons of life tend to move constantly forward seeking opportunities yet to be realized and possibilities yet to be accomplished while accepting nothing less than what could be possible (rather than what has been proven in the past) regardless of the season in which they live.  Life moves relentlessly forward through each season towards a future that has yet to be fully defined...prepare for it by planning your changes while being ready to change your plans as needed.

EVERYONE IS DOING IT SO IT MUST BE RIGHT...

Have you ever met someone who sets a course in life based on how many others are doing the same thing?  Rather than identifying problems, investigating their root cause and acting to resolve them they tend to take the path of least resistance and “go where others are going” or focus on the “wrongs” of others so their questionable actions seem much more “right.”  While much of the current unrest within our country is rooted in systemic issues that have gone unchecked for years, it is being exacerbated by the underlying “crowd mentality” that tends to sweep up anyone in its path and carry them along because everyone else is doing it so it must be OK.  Be it TOTAL isolation taken to the point of being debilitating because of the COVID-19 issue or potential racial inequity that has boiled up from a very real and specific incident, people tend to move towards what others are doing and it occasionally moves us into uncharted waters when it comes to social interactions.

The travesty in life is that far too many people diminish their potential by following the crowd.  They do what is popular rather than standing strong on their own values, judgments and decisions.  They choose acceptance by the majority rather than the criticism that standing alone often brings.  They accept the stagnation of “what is” as being what always will be rather that seeking the opportunities of “what could be” and moving towards that objective in a constructive and well planned manner.  Their mantra might be “I am no different than anyone else” rather than “I am a unique individual whose potential is limited only by my own actions and behaviors” or “I must be overly cautious to remain safe” rather than “Be safe but practical.”  Too many live their lives based on a presumption of "equality" rather than "equity."  Everyone IS different as each of us have been given different gifts, talents and abilities.  It is up to each individual to leverage those attributes if they wish to fully realize their own potential.

Following the crowd is easy – you do what others accept, go where others are going, act as others act and find a sense of community by blending in.  Only when one recognizes and acknowledges that much can come from seeking a different reality than that chosen by the crowd will he or she begin to realize that loss can become gain, failure can breed success, and the decision to stop can be the impetus to move forward towards new objectives rather than signaling the end of their journeys.  Followers of a crowd tend to accept the group’s vision as a final destination adapting the way the group thinks and acts as the only acceptable way to get there.  Individuals having confidence in themselves envision a future built upon the foundation of their dreams and take practical steps towards the realization of those thoughts and considerations – sometimes accepting they might end up taking one step backwards for every two they move ahead..

Had Fulton listened to “common wisdom” he may never have invented the steam engine.  Would the Wright brothers have launched their dreams to fly like birds had “the crowd” determined the path they should follow?  Is our nation stronger and more stable because our leaders make decisions based on polls that measure what the majority think they should do – taking the more acceptable route rather than seeking potentially unpopular counsel?  Are we better to be TOTALLY sheltered from the COVID-19 virus by staying at home for the past 3 months or might it have been better to be safe by protecting the most vulnerable rather than blanketing the entire population (which potentially has caused a long term financial and economic impact)?  Might we be in a better place if our leaders simply acted to bring the promises made to the people (regardless of their party affiliation, race, sex or other difference) that they “ran on” when elected rather than saying one thing and doing another when in a position to actually do something?  Doing what has always been done OR is being done by the majority is not necessarily the “right” or best way to go.  Consideration should be given to what has been done in the past while looking at the results of those actions in the present but that does not mean what has been done should always be done in the future.

What might YOU be able to accomplish – what potential might you be able to realize – if you “marched to your own drummer” rather than listening to the tunes sung by others?  Make the most of your individuality in whatever you may say or do – for while many people try to be something or someone they are not, there is only one you in the world – do not lose yourself in the identity of a crowd when you can (and will) be so much more by discovering AND being yourself in whatever you choose to say or do.

RECOGNIZING AND REALIZING REALITY DURING TOUGH TIMES

During these times of acceptable social distancing, wearing masks in public, locking ourselves away from people and minimizing travel our society is not only suffering financially but we are all taking an emotional hit to one of the most important aspects of our lives – how we interact with, enjoy, thrive with and grow from other people.  It has been deemed necessary to lock ourselves behind closed doors (regardless of where or how we live), using that isolation as an excuse to avoid public spaces, work accountability, human interactions and (in some cases) the acceptance of altered personal hygiene practices and/or “public” dress codes while avoiding established standards, traditional expectations and interactive face-to-face communications.  Expectations tend to be "looser" when established ourselves and employers, not knowing what to expect or how to manage remotely, tend to accept what is provided rather than what could be accomplished.  Therein lies the problem - recognizing and realizing reality can be (and often are) two vastly different points upon the continuum of life.

Some (particularly those afraid or unwilling to learn from failure) proudly proclaim that setting low expectations will keep them from ever being disappointed – that living a life without stretch goals will shelter them from ever failing.  They live life wandering aimlessly upon roads paved by others – within the walls they have allowed to be constructed around them (having no windows from which to see nor doors from which to enter or leave).  They avoid unexpected detours or excursions while finding comfort and security in the things they know (and have seen) work in the past.  Those setting no (or low) expectations – fearing the pain of failure more than anticipating the rewards of success – may survive in life but will not experience the “thrill of victory (NOR the agony of defeat.”)  While accomplishing that which is expected and predictable they will rarely achieve their full potential – often maintaining life but rarely thriving in their personal endeavors. 

Far too often isolated individuals begin to canonize themselves – putting themselves first and everyone else a distant second.  They de-energize relationships by focusing upon the shortcomings of others (often to make up for a lack of confidence or low self-esteem in themselves).  When we pull others down – highlighting their deficiencies in an effort to elevate ourselves (surrounding ourselves with individuals who will not or cannot challenge us) – we may rise to the top of a pool of mediocrity but will rarely reach the pinnacle of individual success or accomplishment.  How can we expect our efforts to be maximized if we focus upon what could go wrong or what must be avoided rather than identifying alternative paths or actively seeking a direction that might provide better results as we initiate activity that will pull others with us to a better place?  Rather than seeing failure as a destination that should be avoided at all costs (or exploiting the failure of others for personal gain), much can be gained by viewing failure as a springboard to success – a flexible base that brings us back from life's depths to an innovative or previously untested solution.  If we seek to thrive (and live OUTSIDE of isolation) we must recognize that “getting up” is more significant (and critical) than “falling down.”  Believing that the “light at the end of a tunnel” is an opportunity not yet realized rather than a train heading towards us on a collision course reflects the assimilation of dreams into daily reality – but unless we at least venture out onto the track from our isolated privacy we will never recognize NOR experience that full potential.

Accepting that our own (or another individual’s) weaknesses are insurmountable results in our believing failure is final.  If, however, we acknowledge deficiencies or unexpected situations as bumps in the road as we relentlessly move forward seeking to accomplish our dreams – as we refuse to accept a disruption in our expectations as an “end game” to our efforts – we will find new ways to make things happen within a world that may look drastically different from any we had ever imagined.  Destiny becomes an inflexible limitation only when we allow ourselves to be controlled by a lack of expectations and a fear of failure.  We will lose in life only if we accept what we have and who we are as being all there is or ever could be rather than seeing our present as but a temporary resting point on our journey through today while seeking a different (and better) tomorrow.  All individuals have a past comprised of actions taken, relationships forged and things accomplished and a present comprised of the things they choose to do and relationships they wish to maintain.  The future, however, is defined by what we see as being possible which we allow ourselves to bring to fruition rather than how we allow ourselves to be constrained by things mandated absolutely by others – by what we permit ourselves to imagine rather than how we allow ourselves to be restricted by actions or individuals outside of our control. 

During these times of fear, constraint and uncertainty we must not only be safe but must also be practical while intentionally choosing how we wish to live and what we wish to accomplish.  If we choose to live in the memories of what we once had, we limit ourselves to things already experienced.  If we choose the comfort of what we have achieved, we limit ourselves to those things already accomplished.  If, however, our future is defined by the dreams and expectations expressed within pages of a book not yet fully written our possibilities will remain pathways to a reality limited only by our acceptance of those things we accept as unalterable or undeniable truths.  When our dreams become the things we anticipate and expect (rather than visions held tightly within the privacy of our individual hearts hidden by the darkness of night) – when we awaken to the inspiration our dreams provide as probability of things that will come (rather than things that might be but a distant possibility) – ONLY THEN will we be able to realize our full potential (rather than to live out the expectations of another).  Until we embark upon paths once hidden beneath the endlessly shifting sands of time while actively and intentionally seeking unrealized opportunity (instead of blindly accepting mandated priorities and expectations imposed upon us by others) will we be able to experience the world through wide open windows and experience life’s reality as being the promise and fulfillment of our dreams.

WHY SETTLE FOR CHANGE WHEN YOU COULD TRULY MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Were we to live in an ideal world, everyone would focus more on new beginnings than on conclusions or endings.  “Drawing a line in the sand” would define more our intent to move forward than to keep us from stepping back – to establish that we are initiating a new path or direction as we seek a different destination rather than highlighting where we do not want to be.  Far too often, however, people think that closing one chapter is more important than opening the next – that finding closure is somehow more critical than initiating change.  I would disagree, preferring to think that drawing a line in the sand should serve as a springboard that launches you towards the discovery of a not-yet realized reality existing deeply within your imagination rather than as a perceived barrier to keep you from falling back into your old ways.

In any decision we make or action we take we should always reflect upon successes and failings in the past while seeking to clearly differentiate our dreams and/or goals from our present realities before intentionally acting to bring them to fruition as we seek to make a difference.  Allow each day’s sunset to bring closure to life’s challenges so that morning might offer a fresh new beginning – whether it be a new project or simply a different perspective that transforms frustration or ambivalence into opportunity.  Far too many well-intended individuals stagnate as they cross their line in the sand because they were more concerned with enacting change – with stepping away from unwanted actions or results – than they were with charting a new path and moving forward towards a new destination.

The next time you draw a line in the sand, think about the new realities that you wish to establish or bring to fruition through the actions you will be taking rather than focusing upon what will no longer be done because you stopped performing or acting in a particular way.  One cannot drive safely or reach their desired destination by constantly looking in the rear view mirror.  While they CAN focus upon where they have been they CANNOT focus upon where they are going.  We build the future upon dreams that become reality – not on the actions taken to avoid negative consequences.  Refuse to live in a world of “what is” and you just might find yourself firmly rooted in one made up of “what if,” “what could be” or “why not?” 

What intentional acts have you taken lately to initiate change – to develop a new path or truly make a difference in where you are going rather than simply stepping away from where you have been?  In the actions that you have recently taken and the changes you have recently made were you more driven by moving forward towards the unknown or were you more motivated by a fear of falling back – of becoming what you were but do not want to be any longer?  Were you more hesitant to let go of “what is” than you were excited to reach out for “what could be?” Were you truly more focused on where you might travel, looking ahead towards the journey rather than simply trying to keep from falling back?  While both are necessary, one cannot make a difference simply by accepting that things must change - he or she must INITIATE and FOLLOW THROUGH on their actions to make a difference.

When you come to the point in life that you KNOW things must change and you REFUSE to live another day doing the same things that bring unwanted (or potentially destructive) results, draw your line, step over it, then move steadfastly forward towards the realization of a goal or the discovery of a new destination.  Refuse to limit your potential by focusing upon what you want to leave behind rather than seeing clearly what you wish to accomplish.  It is only when one truly walks away from stagnation (rather than accepting it or simply stepping aside to avoid it) and chooses to move relentlessly forward towards the possibilities the future holds (rather than accepting continuous disappointment found within their current situation) can the world be turned upside down.  It is then that one can begin to truly make a difference rather than simply initiating a change.