DO NOT LOSE THE POWER OF RELATIONSHIP IN THE SHROUD OF SOCIAL DISTANCE

We need others in our lives to challenge, validate and support our direction, decisions and aspirations.  While most of us are able to move forward through much of life on our own, we can find encouragement to keep moving when we might prefer to rest if others are walking beside us along the way.  Before we can expect others to accept us, however – to care enough about us to invest their time in making us better – we must first accept ourselves as we are.  We must also accept others as they are (rather than as we think they could or should be) if we hope to gain from their abilities or benefit from their strengths. 

The first step in accepting ourselves is to discover our own potential – then to fully assimilate the reality of all we are (as well as all we could be) into every aspect of our lives – before we should expect another to see value or worth in us.  We must identify our individual strengths and weaknesses, realizing the role that each plays both in our development AND to our detriment, then apply the positives while addressing and correcting (or recognizing the need for and seeking the help of others to correct) the negatives.  Unless (and until) we embrace the positives in ourselves we should not anticipate that others will recognize them – nor should we expect another to “fix” us and eliminate our shortcomings without first discovering them ourselves.  We must first “find” ourselves before reaching out to others if we wish to grow beyond who and what we are to become who and what we are yet to become.

Far too often when we look for weaknesses, assign fault, or emphasize failure we tend to focus more on what “was not done or done wrong” by others than we celebrate success.  We often attempt to change behavior by identifying deficiencies that need altering (thereby becoming important as the identifier and “fixer” of another’s problems) rather than by encouraging the “cloning” of healthy behaviors that tend to breed success.  It is easier to live within our own bubble than it is to open the bubble to others – inviting them in to learn how to fix themselves – than it is to simply fix things ourselves for others and move on.  People acknowledging only their strengths often enter relationships to “fix” those around them – never fully exposing themselves to the scrutiny that true friendship brings.  Those that limit themselves by accepting shortcomings as ceilings that cannot be overcome rather than floors from which to build often seek friendships that mask their deficiencies as they elevate themselves above their “inferior” friends – making themselves feel better than others by tearing them down rather than by making an intentional effort to raise others up. 

Some people set low expectations to avoid ever being disappointed (they may never fail BUT will most likely never truly win, either).  What kind of a meaningful relationship could develop from the premise that what “is” will never change – that wherever a relationship began is as far as it will ever go?  A relationship serves no valuable purpose if the melding of beliefs, values, ideals and accomplishments advances one individual more that it enhances the other – or the group to which individuals might belong.  Successful relationships usually begin with friendship and mutual respect.  Friendship can eventually develop over time if individuals or groups are able to keep an open mind but rarely can a two-way relationship evolve over time if one party is always giving while another is always taking.  Life on an island becomes symbiotic...those sharing the positives and repairing the negatives will help each other grow.  Should one or the other be expected to do all the work while both consistently benefit from the singular effort, both parties will eventually struggle (or die).  If one can benefit from the input of another, think how much more could be accomplished should several come together to openly share thoughts and ideas without fear of reprisal as they seek to advance the interests of the whole. 

Dreams are the destinations found at the end of the roads we choose to follow.  If we set no expectations – fearing the pain of failure more than we anticipate the rewards of success – we may survive but will rarely thrive.  Those using failure as a springboard towards implementing a solution will likely succeed while those resting upon failure – accepting it as a “new normal” rather than a place from which to grow – will likely find more frustration and dissatisfaction in their lives because they do not (and cannot) reach heights that have not been intentionally established.  In order to assimilate dreams into daily relationships we must ALWAYS believe that the “light at the end of a tunnel” is a door opening to opportunity not yet realized rather than a train heading towards us on a collision course.  We must fully understand the resources that we have upon our island before we include others BUT should never limit our potential be believing that “all we have is all we are” or “we can become anything that we wish to be (without help and guidance/assistance from others).”

Relationships are the foundation upon which life’s accomplishments are constructed.  A relationship becomes successful when “we” becomes a given rather than “me” being the rule.  While one thinks he (or she) is an island, life cannot be fully experienced or appreciated.  Until we fully accept the reality that to live we must share life – and that we are only as strong individually as the relationships we find important or the group of close friends and confidantes that support and surround us – will we be able to risk more than others think is safe, care more than others think is wise, dream more than others think is practical and expect more than others think is possible.  During these uncertain times and forced isolation remember that anything taken to extremes can be either a positive or a detriment to life – be kind and focus on staying safe BUT be practical when choosing to be alone, be in the close company of another or to enjoy a small group.  NEVER lose the power of relationship while socially distancing yourself from others to remain healthy – we need more than the support that can be provided through virtual friendships and more than the challenging and tempering of our ideas that can be shown through text messages or electronic communications in order to thrive.