Immerse Yourself in Who You Are (Not Who You Wish You Were) To Become All That You Can

In whatever we choose to do in life we should try to be “who we are” because everyone else is already taken.  As individuals we tend to blend into the environment in which we work (play or live) and support the ideas expressed by those around us (to minimize conflict and confrontation) rather than intentionally expressing our own opinions, grasping our individual options or taking the “road less traveled.”  If we truly lived as if we were “comfortable in our own skin” would we be in any better (or worse) shape than trying to fill the expectations that others have in terms of how we should think, act or feel?  Would the world be different if we lived in more of a “what you see is what you get” place (tempered by appropriateness and acceptable moral/ethical standards) rather than the somewhat guarded face we typically present when interacting with others?  If we were to transform the tolerance we begrudgingly demonstrate when others are “not like us” in thoughts, actions, appearances or values into unconditional acceptance, would the world become a better place in which we could live, work and thrive?  If we could be more comfortable with who we are – readily exhibiting our strengths, acknowledging our shortcomings and intentionally acting to leverage what we do well in order to bring about positive change – might we more readily embrace the similarities and accept the differences of those around us (rather than obsessing on and about the differences BECAUSE we prefer people to be “like us”)? 

Accepting “who we are” does not imply we need not change.  An individual must change as their environment changes and adapt when something that once worked is no longer effective – we are not static points within a sedentary world.  Life “happens” and we must anticipate, respond and react to the challenges it presents.  Expressing “who you are” today does not mean you should be the same tomorrow – nor does it assume you are the same as you were yesterday.  It means we should accept our skills, abilities, values, ethics, standards and persona as they express themselves today – within the conditions, environment and circumstances we face – so we can build upon them while moving towards a better tomorrow.  We should never accept progress as being an end result nor should we discount the steps we take towards a new beginning (which can easily happen if we focus on the ends rather than the means).  We can learn from the experience of others but should not claim (nor settle for) their success as our own nor seek...nor avoid potential personal failure by accepting that what has been achieved by another is all that could be accomplished by anyone.  Much growth (and great reward) can come from building upon the efforts of another and potentially exposing ourselves to failure by allowing ourselves to experience personal risk, overcome shortcomings or defeats and share the “credit” with others.  Growth and discovery comes only when one is courageous enough to expand upon established reality to uncover new ways of doing things, meet people once thought unreachable and discover new possibilities beyond the known and proven probabilities.  While we can emulate those we respect – who have accomplished things we may not have yet imagined – we should never reject who we truly are by seeking to become someone (or something) that already exists.  Seek to make that which exists (and has yet to be discovered) within your own unbridled imagination a potential destination rather than a possible pitfall.

To become all that we can be we must first accept all that we are (and acknowledge but not necessarily accept all that we ARE NOT) so we can move beyond the limitations of our present abilities into a world of limitless possibilities.  We cannot fulfill our own potential when we are busy immersing ourselves in our proven and accomplished success.  When we dwell upon what we have we do not have time to consider what we want or need.  Rather than focusing on what others might have that we do not we would be better served to carefully weigh our true needs (rather than our “wants”) before taking intentional action to bring to fruition those things (thoughts, goals, dreams, relationships,  or objectives) that are truly important, critical or significant.  When we truly accept ourselves as being able to initiate change (while recognizing, understanding and acknowledging there are some things we are not yet able to accomplish) – refusing to be content with what we have or where we are in life (until we have done all that is possible to fulfill our unrealized potential) – we will discover that “being ourselves” is a good thing. 

We must never stop learning from our successes (and our failings), never stop growing from “wins” (as well as our “losses”) and never stay down after falling (or avoid the fall at any cost to avoid failure) - RATHER we should focus our energies on picking ourselves up to continue moving forward or seek alternative paths that might provide new and different perspectives.  ONLY when we are able to find comfort in “who” and “what” we are (rather than seeking recognition and comfort in the accomplishments of another or basking in their success) will we be able to let others be who they are (because we are OK with who we are becoming) and, more importantly, will we be able to accept who WE ARE rather than who we might someday, somewhere, somehow become (knowing that we are OK now and intentionally moving through each chapter of our lives as we move towards an ever-evolving destination.

TURN ACCOMPLISHMENT INTO ACHIEVEMENT

Far too often people focus on how their day starts, how their task is being accomplished or what must be done first RATHER THAN thinking about how their day could/should end, what progress might be made towards the resolution of an issue or a situation or what must be finished in order to consider an assignment complete.  We focus on the path that must be taken rather than upon the end that must be reached – on how quickly we can start and what kind of “pace” we should maintain to complete each “race” we run within a defined and acceptable time period rather than focusing all of our efforts and energies so that we might be able to run a strong race and have energy as we near the finish to seek other opportunities.  Regardless of how well each individual assignment is performed, one cannot do only what has been assigned and expect to receive more than minimal reward, growth or success.  

Looking back (instead of ahead), remaining content with the present (rather than building upon the present as a springboard to the future), and doing what we know works (as opposed to seeking what might work better) are all signs of stagnation – at work, in our relationships OR in life.  An acorn cannot become an oak tree without the proper environment and adequate nourishment present to feed its future growth.  What kind of a butterfly would a caterpillar become if it were content to crawl rather than seeking to fly?  An individual cannot become “one” with another without caring more for the other than for him or her self.  If one wishes to achieve “the possible” rather than being content to accomplish those things that are “probable,” the race that is run must be built upon a path that transforms “what is” into “what could be.”  In order to achieve great things (rather than to accomplish what is expected) our sights must be firmly focused upon that which has yet to be considered possible – running each race as if it has never before been run and climbing mountains not yet conquered – rather than being content to perform those things that have been tried, tested and found to be safe while seeking to avoid (rather than learn from) failure.  In order to focus on the ends (rather than being trapped in the means) – to accomplish and achieve (rather than simply to perform and comply) – one must continually and intentionally strive to:

 ·         Clarify the difference between efficiency with effectiveness.  Efficient individuals make sure that every investment of time and/or energy has a direct and measurable impact – either in their own life or in the life of another.  They rarely waste time or energy doing unnecessary things that “could be done or might be nice” but are not needed in order to accomplish their objectives.  Effective individuals are focused – accomplishing things that need doing in order to move forward – in the most efficient and impactful way imaginable.  Effective individuals accomplish all things well as they advance their cause or move them towards the accomplishment of defined objectives – often accomplishing ONLY their objective – often quickly but not always in the most streamlined or efficient way possible.  An efficient individual may tell others what to do then get out of the way – coordinating actions and monitoring ideas so that all involved can work in a complimentary fashion towards the accomplishment of goals and objectives with very little wasted effort or activity.  Effective individuals get things done.  Efficient individuals accomplish things with a minimum of wasted effort that results in maximum rewards.

 ·         Stop believing that they are irreplaceable.   If an individual feels that nobody could EVER do what he or she does, that person has probably limited what he or she can accomplish.  When we feel nobody could ever do the things we do as well as we do them ourselves – and accept that as an unwavering paradigm – we become so enamored with our ability to accomplish defined objectives that we fail to identify possible alternative outcomes...we believe that since nobody can do something as well as we do that we cannot abandon the path we are on to pursue other possibilities for fear that the “routine” will not be accomplished (which keeps us from achieving what has not yet been considered).  If nobody else can do (or even wishes to try) your job, then you will never advance beyond the rung of the ladder upon which you have firmly positioned yourself.  If you feel so important in the life of another that you quit trying to discover new adventures, activities or uncharted territory within your relationship you may find comfort and security but fall far short of your potential.

 ·         Quit believing we know all the answers.  People who know the right answers in life often find themselves thrust into management roles – positions that require quick responses and specific directions to individuals charged with accomplishing defined tasks using proven processes.  They often take charge within their relationships by providing others exactly what he or she feels is needed, wanted or desired to create happiness.  MANAGERS can assign tasks, oversee activities and provide security by defining what must be done and how it must be accomplished.  Those that ask the right questions, however, are much more valuable than those who can give all the right answers – often becoming well respected leaders rather than successful managers.  They develop strong relationships because they support others and help them to grow (as individuals) rather than expecting them to accept what they are told, given or provided as being sufficient.  In order to finish each race strongly we must ALWAYS be open to new ideas, techniques, and ways of doing things.  We can truly contribute to success and profitability – or experience all that life could offer – ONLY after identifying the limitations of current systems, policies, practices and procedures (or the weaknesses and “fatal flaws” within relationships) by asking questions as to how they might be improved then intentionally acting to implement acceptable change.  Nothing will change, however, until we decide to act – to move forward by implementing the answers received of the questions we asked (rather than doing things as we have always done them because we think we know all the answers ourselves).

 ·         ALWAYS give credit to others (when deserved) and accept responsibility for “learning experiences” (even when blame could be shared).  People recognizing and acknowledging the ideas and actions of others tend to share a never-ending ride to the top – enjoying a seemingly unlimited potential “upside” while minimizing (but not eliminating)  their individual risk.  When failure is truly viewed as a learning opportunity, those that achieve great things will never quit learning because unless we experience shortcomings, disappointment and “dead ends” in life we will probably never achieve much beyond what others have accomplished.  Unless we care more for others than we do ourselves we will never taste the fullness that a life-changing relationship can provide.  Those that take credit for the ideas of others (and assign blame for failure or shift focus to deflect accountability) may manage the accomplishment of defined objectives or live within the “comfort” of a relationship but may never experience the camaraderie found through supportive friends, strong relationships or peers that might prop them up in the future. 

 ·         Add to our existing abilities and upgrade outdated skills, refusing to accept “what is” as a destination and “what has always been” as an infallible truth.  What was once necessary to maintain a life-long job or to enjoy a long-lasting relationship is no longer sufficient in today’s ever-changing world.  Individuals who “fail to know” that a self-serving attitude or “do as I am told” perspective are not the standards of achievement (but could be standards of accomplishment) will also typically fail to grow...those who refuse to retrain (enhancing their skills, abilities and perspectives) typically will not remain (successful, accomplished or respected).  Unless an individual brings more into a relationship than he or she could ever expect it to return – is willing to give to another more than is taken (unconditionally and without expectations) and seeks to gain more by sharing than by receiving, he or she will never realize the treasures awaiting them just beyond their current reality.

Life is not a sprint run within a vacuum – it is a marathon that requires a team of runners relying upon each other for strength, encouragement and support.  Turning individual accomplishment into achievement that impacts many requires more than singular thoughts that initiate personal actions.  We must leverage the abilities of a team having diverse experiences, different perspectives and unique aptitudes to produce the best possible outcomes that will be supported, championed and carried out by all people or stakeholders involved (whether the team is many or few...a group or a relationship) if we wish to achieve great things within a good world.  We must build the foundation upon which we stand (so that we are firmly rooted and grounded in our convictions) as we intentionally choose the paths upon which we will travel (keeping our eyes wide open to avoid unwarranted or unwanted turbulence).  We must be approachable as we acknowledge the abilities of others, allowing (and encouraging) them to learn from their mistakes rather than making them fear and avoid failure.  We must embrace the encouragement of individuals around us to make personal contributions to the resolution of an issue or the enhancement of a relationship, recognizing the importance of their input by giving them appropriate credit (and rewards) when due, allowing them to fail as necessary and encouraging them to “get up” when they fall rather than remaining down. 

 Leaders able to mobilize the thoughts, abilities, capabilities and experiences of those around them accomplish much while achieving objectives not yet imagined while reaching heights not previously considered possible in their work, their relationships and their lives.  Those that choose to operate in ways defined by others, maintain what is already in place and find comfort and sufficiency within relationships that have become routine, stagnant and predictable may accomplish much but often achieve little in life.  When operating under the mantra of seeking to “make a difference” in the lives of others by doing things selflessly and without expectation of anything in return one might find out how much can truly be achieved in life.

SEEKING LEADERSHIP FROM UNEXPECTED PLACES – LOOK TOWARDS INTROVERTS

Some would suggest that great relationships involve extroverts seeking new adventures and adding spice to life in whatever they say and do – that to be fun one must be heard clearly and frequently. We often think that highly effective leaders speak flawlessly and persuasively to both crowds and individuals or mingle effortlessly at events bringing a sense of value to all they interact with and a perceived elevation to all that are engaged with them. Extroverts having KNOWLEDGE, EXPERIENCE AND ABILITY are able to mobilize individuals to follow them when they step into the spotlight but introverts are often excellent and highly respected leaders if they can overcome the tendency to hide or downplay their strengths – if they can recognize and accept the value that they hold for others rather than continuously dismissing it as being “nothing special.”

Many of the better leaders and those involved in the strongest relationships I have in my life have been more “introverted” than “extroverted” in their actions, communications and ways they influence those around them. Though extroverts can often motivate individuals or with ease and inspire them to do things they might not have otherwise considered or dominate relationships by attracting all the attention, glitz and glamour to themselves (and those around them), some extremely introverted individuals have become excellent leaders (AND deeply respected within the relationships that they build) by exhibiting basic characteristics not typically associated with their more flamboyant peers. An introvert’s natural tendencies and characteristics include:

·      They are deliberate and measured in their response to situations.  Introverts are not slow nor overly focused in their thinking processes – many process things quickly – rather they typically consider the “pros and cons” of most decisions and formulate several alternative courses of action should their initial direction prove untenable AND they typically find ways to work with and through others rather than seeking all the glory or basking in all the attention. 

·      They are not prone to bursts of temper or extreme reactions.  Introverts are thoughtful in how they sift through and process information, rarely acting until they have considered thoroughly what might happen should they act and what might have to be done to “undo” anything that might go wrong. They tend not to “shift blame” nor have unreasonable outbursts of emotion preferring to listen and consider before they speak or react.     

They are decisive once they have charted a course. Subdued in words and actions, introverts spend ample amounts of time “thinking” before “acting,” Perceived delays in action (seen as a negative by extroverts) are typically caused by the need to view issues from all sides rather than fear of failure or “losing face.”  In the story of the tortoise and the hare, one was probably an introvert and the other an introvert...one took time to make deliberate decisions that won the race while the other was boastfully confident and ended up losing (the race, respect and  credibility).

They are good listeners. Introverts let others do most of the talking then meld diverse suggestions into workable solutions. Introverts act on what they hear after filtering “what will work” from “what will not” so their recommendations are more likely to be accepted by “the team” rather than rejected as being “top-down” decisions.  They seek input from others that extroverts might ignore and value the ideas of others in the relationships they build.

        They are naturally risk averse – a critical characteristic in avoiding potentially disastrous decisions. When we do things as they have always been done we cannot expect to produce results that are different from what they have always been. The ramifications of intentionally changing a product (in business) or a relationship must be anticipated with alternative responses developed should “our worst nightmares” come to fruition – introverts tend to expect the best but plan for the worst as they approach their work or their relationships. Being “risk averse” helps introverts to minimize nightmares but measured change is necessary for growth so they must identify risk wisely and act accordingly when others depend on the decisions made or “the way we are” may prevent us from becoming “what we could be - together.”

·       They often become the voice of reason within any situation or environment. While an introvert’s voice is not typically loudest or most dominant it often becomes most clearly heard and persuasive as it stands above the noise of a crowd. Influenced more by rationality than charisma – by self-confidence than the need for external validation – an introvert is “heard” because people know something reasonable is being said in a rational and thoughtful way (while and extrovert is “heard” because nothing can detract from the importance they feel in themselves or the volume with which they speak).

Extroverts often become leaders in their careers (AND within the relationships they build) through self-proclamation of their abilities and accomplishments as they thrive on those preferring to avoid personal risk by following another’s suggestions or directions – to avert personal failure or disappointment by acting on thoughts expressed loudly and convincingly while hiding behind the perceived protection of “it is not my fault” or “it was not my idea” should something fail. Introverts align more with the “meek” than the “weak,” showing their strength rather than proclaiming it – earning the respect of those with whom they interact and acting for the good of the whole rather than for the advancement of themselves.  Introverts try to avoid personal mistakes (or learn from them should they occur).  The compliant actions and attitudes of others help extroverts elevate themselves into leadership positions or perceived dominant roles within relationships but great leaders (and “equal” partners) are elevated upon the shoulders of those able to see their strong internal values and understated their personal characteristics.

Introverts must be willing and able to leave their “comfort zone,” entering the world of “what if?” while leaving that of “what is” behind, if they are to contribute significantly to others.  An introverted leader must be willing to make him- or herself stand up and speak in front of people, facilitate large and contentious meetings, and wade into interpersonal conflict when their natural inclination might be to go home and read a good book or be “an island” rather than a part of a larger society. Introverted leaders are typically “drafted” by others to show the way because of the exceptional results their understated mannerisms achieve. They rarely shine a light on their own accomplishments or seek recognition for what they do, preferring to find satisfaction in their results or the strength of the relationships in which they become involved. Listening before acting, analyzing before deciding and determining direction only after considering the magnitude and ramifications of risk rather than only how to avoid it are characteristics of introverted leaders. If actions truly speak louder than words, think of the opportunities, possibilities and potential a quiet and introspective demeanor might provide – the strength and confidence that support instead of blustery proclamation might encourage – before choosing to follow the effervescent.  If introverts are able to look beneath the surface to discover their own strengths – then project themselves beyond the obvious extroverted tendencies of vocal individuals seeking to elevate themselves – they can become the emotional, physical and practical leaders that are needed during these unusual times. 

THOUGHTS ABOUT THE FUTURE

Times are changing (THANKFULLY) as 2020 has been a year that many would prefer to put behind them.  A global pandemic brought many to their knees early in the year.  Ongoing social unrest and perceptions of unfair treatment of people (real or not...perception becomes reality) boiled over to the point of extreme tension and violence.  The political climate became more clouded than ever with partisan ideals seemingly more important than doing something that might help those in need through specific and fundable actions.  When the reality of an election that was conducted but has not yet been fully concluded more than a month after the votes were collected was added in November, the year has been something that might be good to put behind us but we should not “forget” as much can be learned from history – particularly when we wish to avoid repeating the same mistakes and receiving the same outcomes.  Lost in the call for change (be it vaccines, political leadership, equity or a plethora of other issues or concerns that arose this past year) is the definition of reality.  We should perhaps spend our energy on trying to predict what is ahead for people this coming year RATHER THAN lamenting and carrying on about what has been left behind us.  We cannot change the past but we can anticipate and take intentional action to prepare for a potentially unpredictable future (as long as we remain flexible and keep our sights set on a realistic horizon rather than the “normal” long range plan).  Unless we intentionally move forward towards new opportunities we will be relegated to picking up the pieces of "life as we knew it" which, in this particular case, might not be life as we would prefer it to be.

A question that could be asked whenever there is uncertainty that requires intentional action to create change is whether the light at the end of the tunnel is one of Hope or one of impending Disaster.  Far too many people look into the tunnel and run from the light that is presumed to be a train coming headlong towards them rather than beyond the immediate to see that the light is actually an undiscovered reality just beyond the far entrance to the tunnel.  One can look at a tunnel as a portal that may be entered, not knowing where it may lead or one may look to the new horizons that are revealed when we look through the tunnel towards the horizon on the other side but it is difficult to see what might be ahead when we focus upon what else could be hiding in the darkness.  Personally, I prefer to look back just long enough to acknowledge shortcomings, analyze why an action may not have produced desirable results then move forward towards a brighter tomorrow.  Understanding yesterday’s mistakes – getting up and moving on from them rather than staying down to seek the sympathy or support of others – helps them become tomorrow’s distant memories rather than a harbinger of things that will necessarily come.

The only way we can thrive during unpredictable and unprecedented times is by learning to accept the previously unacceptable...to innovate rather than dwelling in the comfort of what always was (because it may never again be)... to seek alternatives to the “tried and true”...because life as we knew it may not be a part of our daily routine for years to come.  We once sought knowledge from schools, experience, learned professionals and mentors so we could apply our "learning" to situations that could usually be resolved by proven methodology and established courses of actions.  In today’s world we must learn to think (rather than simply thinking that we can "do as expected") and apply untested procedures and processes as we resolve situations that might be similar to things we have seen in the past but not issues that can be “fixed” with a “one size fits all” course of action. 

 

In order to thrive during times of crisis and uncertainty, we must transform ourselves from being “takers” to being “givers.”  Our educational institutions must reinvent themselves to make sure students grasp core concepts and how they are applied rather than memorizing answers to questions that may never be asked.  We must move away from rewarding effort towards recognizing accomplishment.  We must strengthen teams BUT ensure there is competent leadership within each group.  We must look at relationships differently – seeking ways to make a difference in the lives of those around us by sharing our gifts and talents rather than looking for how others might be able to add to our bounty by putting in us what might want (or perceive to need).  Everyone is not equal as we all have different gifts.  We should intentionally provide opportunities for all to embrace how our diverse individual perspectives can contribute to the accomplishments of the whole – how we can make a difference in the world around us rather than waiting for the world to make a difference in us.

 

Embracing the opportunities that an uncertain future offers is much more productive than worrying about things we cannot control or obsessing over change that will happen with or without us.  Knowledge is power and the application of that power translates into wisdom – but are knowledge and wisdom sufficient if viewed as lurking within the tunnel rather than seen as the horizon outside?  While knowing facts is important – and applying the information that we know towards the resolution of an issue is critical – what about our responsibility to share ideas, experiences, strengths and weaknesses with those around us to make everyone we associate with stronger?  Without wisdom, we will fall by the wayside, finding ourselves trapped hopelessly within a tunnel having no exit rather than seeing the vast potential that could become reality if only we look outside of ourselves – outside of our tunnel – as we share what we see with those around us.  We need not share personal secrets to the world (but it does not hurt to have someone close enough with whom you are comfortable doing that) nor redistribute personal gain (to all according to their ability rather than according to their need – but that would be another topic altogether), but until we shine our light as a beacon to those around us, preventing their crashing upon a rocky and treacherous shore, we cannot thrive within a world that truly needs the contribution from all to resolve issues that plague everyone. 

Comfort, wealth, happiness and prosperity are recognized by many as being destinations to which life should lead – measures of success that all should achieve – but the quantitative value of those terms is different based on an individual’s gifts, talents, experience and upbringing.  During times of drastic change it would be good to remember that what we see as opportunity outside of the tunnel might be seen as current reality to others depending upon perspective – on whether we are “looking in” to see a light rapidly approaching us or whether we are “looking out” to see what could be possible if only we could shed the darkness of “where we are” and exchange it for the light of “who we could be.”  Success is not a product that is created nor is it the same for everyone – it is the byproduct of innovation that has been leveraged into action by those who see the potential outside of the tunnel rather than the darkness within.  Remember the past but look to the future – for the future is where we all must live.  With each passing moment the past falls farther behind us so what is ahead must become our horizon as what is behind becomes but the foundation for our growth.

TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE WE MUST VIEW THINGS DIFFERENTLY

We often receive an unexpected boost from motivational quotes. Many inspirational thoughts originate within the world of sports BUT life is more than playing games, it is about dreaming what might be our reality if only that which is could become what we hope and wish it to be. It is about reaching beyond our wildest expectations to grasp a slice of reality from a pie not yet baked. It is about setting goals beyond what is achievable so we will be forced outside of the box in which we are comfortable while moving towards things yet to be considered. We all stumble and fall while travelling through life but the difference between success and failure is whether we stay down or we get back up. How great a success (or how serious a failure) is often measured by what we learned by falling.

Some people seek comfort from every storm, preferring to remain within the safe harbors of life without venturing outside the protected coastal waters.  They accept as their treasure the remnants and wreckage washed upon the shore. They accept what they have or what others might give them as all they may ever receive, allowing others to conquer unknown territories and discover treasures far beyond their ability to imagine. As a gull finds sustenance in things discovered that have been discarded by others, they make the most out of what is rather than reaching out for what could be. A gentle breeze may become a raging storm to one seeking tranquility in life – their security disrupted by even the smallest pebble tossed into the sea if calm is the only acceptable outcome.

Others seek adventure, preferring to march head on into the storms of life. They hear the howling of the wind and seek to identify where it came from (rather than seeking shelter from its power), watching the disruption left in its path as it races away.  They accept that the wind cannot be seen and recognize that it cannot be contained yet dreaming of riding upon it to overcome the gravity attempting to hold them back. They prefer to identify opportunities as they move boldly forward in life rather than seeking comfort in what they have accomplished. They would prefer to be a hawk hurtling down towards an elusive prey as they are unable to tolerate being a scavenger relying upon what has been left behind by others for sustenance. Their need for autonomy and independence is far too great to accept the paths forged by others as being the best (or only) ways to do things as they seek opportunity rather than safety...challenges rather than calm.

To move forward through life we must fill our emotional pantries with thoughts of grandeur rather than beliefs that doing as we have always done will produce different results. Stagnations occurs when one believes that “where they are” is “the best that could ever be.” In order to move beyond this false ceiling, take time for the “little things” to become big rather than expecting all things to become significant without thought, effort or consideration. Do not move so fast that you fail to enjoy the journey while seeking a destination. Make time to help others along the way for when the going gets tough, others may be the only lifeline available to keep you going. Find peace and joy in all you say and do, seeking comfort (and reward) from your ability to make discoveries rather than discovering comfort only from what has been done. In order to experience gain within our lives, we must realize change. We must keep our eyes on the prize as we move relentlessly towards it – taking two steps forward for every one that we might fall back – if we expect to grow. The “motivational and inspirational” quotes referenced earlier in this article can often encourage us to move forward rather than giving up along the way. Some thoughts of encouragement – particularly during these unpredictable times – might include:

·         Dreams take time, patience, sustained effort, and a willingness to fail if they are ever to become anything more than dreams. (Brian Linkoski)

·         We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from it. (William Osler)

·         The greater danger for most is not that our aim is too high and we miss, but that it is too low and we reach it. (Michelangelo)

·         We know what we are but know not what we may be. (William Shakespeare)

·         When the winds of change blow, some people build walls while others build windmills. (Chinese proverb)

·         If all you seek to become can be defined by what you have accomplished, accept comfort in who you are.  Those who truly know you, however, may mourn the death of what you could have become. (Dave Smith)

There is no limit to what we, as people, can accomplish when we seek results and conclusions rather than recognition and credit. We accomplish many things not yet imagined and bring to fruition countless things not previously realized when we seek and claim success during the journey – counting and acknowledging each step taken as we run the race – rather than waiting until our quest has ended to look back finding satisfaction in the results of our effort.

We cannot allow our eyes to drift from the prize if we seek to move from “good” to “great.” It takes commitment, determination and intentional action to move beyond the storms that darken our lives to the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. While there is nothing wrong with finding comfort within an accomplishment, one cannot move forward if they are so attached to their short-term success that they allow their long-term potential to pass them by. When we fail to seize opportunity it is often lost. When we chose not to act we have defined a course of action by omission and must accept the ramifications of our contentment rather than enjoying the rewards “of commission” not yet revealed. Make a difference in life by approaching things differently as you move forward. Perhaps your life can become a “motivational and inspirational tool” to those around you as they seek to change – a sail helping to leverage the power of the wind pushing them to new heights rather than an anchor holding them securely within their tranquil harbor.  It is well known that one cannot expect to experience different results by doing things the way they have always been done.  Perhaps it is time that we all focused on what MIGHT BE rather than WHAT IS as we fulfill the ultimate goal in our lives – to make a difference by being different.

UNINTENTIONAL (OR THE AVOIDANCE OF) ACTIONS OFTEN BRING UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES

Were we to live in an ideal world, everyone would focus more on new beginnings than on conclusions or endings.  “Drawing a line in the sand” would define more our intent to move forward than to keeping us from stepping (or falling) back – to establish that we are initiating a new path or direction rather than celebrating where we are or have been.  People far too often think that closing one chapter is more important than opening the next.  I prefer to think drawing a line in the sand should serve as a springboard launching us into the not-yet realized reality existing within our mind, heart and imagination – a destination that cannot begin to materialize unless and until we intentionally start the journey.  We must also recognize we will never experience the differences we seek unless (or until) we take intentional action to move from where we are to where we wish to be.

INTENDED actions usually result in planned and expected results BUT can also result in UNINTENTIONAL consequences if we do not monitor progress towards a goal and take steps to change our course should we become lost along the way.  Unintentional actions (or missed opportunities) almost always set wheels in motion that often stop rolling in places we had not considered, planned for or expected PARTICULARLY should we simply not act.  INTENTIONAL actions typically create INTENDED consequences but progress must be monitored to make sure that what we anticipated is coming to fruition. 

Should we wish to change the direction and/or course of our lives we must do more than think about what has to be done – we must put into action our thoughts and intentions.  When moving forward we should reflect upon the past (rather than holding tightly to it), embrace the present (while looking ahead to where we might wish to “land” as we are letting go), and seek to clearly differentiate our dreams and/or goals from the relatively easy extensions of our current circumstances as we act intentionally to bring them to fruition.  We should allow each day’s sunset to bring closure to life so the nighttime mist can nourish the dark before it gives way to the morning light offering a fresh new perspective on where we are and what must be done.  We should never be content to find shelter within what was nor seek sanctuary in a new beginning that does not lead to altered expectations or a uniquely different destination.  Far too many well-intentioned individuals stagnate just beyond their line in the sand because they were more concerned about moving from where they once were than they were with charting and planning a new path that might lead them in a different direction.

We have nobody but ourselves to blame when we intend to do something but “do not get around to it” should an outcome turn out to be different than we expected.  Intending to be early for a meeting does not guarantee an early arrival if we actually leave ten minutes late.  Intending to work hard around the house does not mow the lawn if we do not intentionally start the lawn mower.  Intending to get good grades in school does not assure us of a stellar grades unless we have intentionally decided to study.  Intending to visit a shut-in friend or relative does not constitute support until we intentionally and deliberately invest our time and efforts to do so.  Our best intentions are just that – intended thoughts not put into actions.  Whenever we think we SHOULD do something but we choose not to (for whatever reason), we initiate an unintended action.  When we choose not to act intentionally, however – examining the alternatives and acting (or NOT acting by design) we often change the course of our (or someone else’s) life.

Nelson Mandela once wrote that “another may forget what you say or what you do but they will never forget how you made them feel.”  When we choose to help another out of a jam (rather than wishing them well as we watch them flounder) we make a difference in their life.  Caution should be taken, however, that such help does not become enabling.  We should teach those around us how to manage their problems so they might be avoided rather than hiding from them while seeking outside intervention, help or assistance.  We will not change, however, until we choose to act no matter how noble and honorable our intentions.  Action might translate into finding a program or class, securing employment (or new employment), seeking guidance from a knowledgeable resource, initiating a new relationship or intentionally doing things that will move you from your “comfort zone” into unfamiliar territory.  Regardless of the action, a conscious decision to take intentional action must occur – even if intentionally and knowingly choosing not to act – in order for “change” to happen.  We cannot travel a new road until we first INTEND to move then put that intention into action by venturing forward.

We cannot change our (or another’s) future – contribute to anyone’s good – until we CHOOSE to act.  In order to either consciously change or intentionally maintain the status quo we must do things differently than they have been done before OR know why we are doing them the same until something different is warranted.  Simply failing to act can be an expression of good intentions – a hollow consideration that will not produce a desirable consequence.  Do not let yourself live a life of unintended consequences by either failing to act OR acting in a way that would ensure failure due to your lack of planning or intentionality.  Do what you say, say what you do – or what you intend to do – then ACT.  Do not let your lack of action define and/or invalidate your good intentions, rather bring your intentions to fruition by focusing your actions and moving deliberately forward towards the accomplishment of your yet to be fully defined or discovered dreams.

ACHIEVING YOUR TRUE POTENTIAL

Sometimes an individual is able to succeed, grow and prosper because of a unique perspective, appropriate timing (right place/right time), or plain good luck in spite of the things that are consciously done to create the success.  More often, however, much planning, analyzing, modeling, and “sweat equity” go into bringing dreams to fruition (the assumption being that dreams, hopes and/or goals are set so that a definition of accomplishment exists).  An individual must selflessly invest his or her time, money and effort to realize the returns that inevitably come when one mortgages short-term leisure time for long-term rewards.  While the creation of jobs and the return of wealth to a community may be offshoots of profitable business, they are simply the byproducts of an individual realizing his or her dreams and leveraging the abilities of many to bring to harvest the seeds planted and nurtured to maturity. 

One must closely monitor progress and constantly identify obstacles that could hinder the accomplishment of goals – either avoiding or minimizing their negative impact – to help guarantee success.  Changes to established plans should be considered carefully before acting, but actions should be intentional (rather than reactive or simply the avoidance of taking action) to deter any situation that left unaddressed could disrupt or encouraged could enhance a potential result.  A business will never reach its full potential should a leader focus too intently upon the path rather than the prize at its conclusion.  Similarly, an individual will never reach his or her full potential unless a destination has been established and a path considered before beginning the journey that would lead to success is initiated.

Business success can be directly linked to the ability of stakeholders contributing freely and creatively to growth.  In order to leverage the power of people an organization must foster and encourage personal development.  Though focused training (or even encouraging employees to use an organization’s educational reimbursement program) can help to develop individual strengths, abilities and self-confidence, encouraging employees to envision the future and where he or she may fit then empowering them to speak openly about their ideas are necessary for an individual to reach their goals BUT one must establish an objective before it can be successfully achieved.  When expected to think about what they WANT to be, WANT to accomplish or realistically EXPECT to achieve, people will take on a totally different perspective than if they are told to do something.  To taste success one must start with a conclusion - a goal or set of expectations – before embarking upon the path that would lead to accomplishment.  Without an end point, one will never know when they have arrived, how far along the trail they might be or how far they might yet need to travel.  Life without purpose can be eventful but is rarely satisfying – it may be full of new beginnings but may meander meaninglessly without “ends.”  In fact, doing what another says may move someone towards the accomplishment of another’s goals but rarely will it cause someone to act on their own so any harvest will be limited to the expectations expressed and expected by another.  Actions will become important to individuals only when they see and believe that something is important – when they see the potential gain is far greater than any possible loss.  Recognizing that failing and losing are a natural part of winning and gaining is essential – people must give themselves permission to fall as long as they internally establish an expectation to get back up and move forward.  Learning does not come from failing – it comes from recognizing what caused the shortcoming and avoiding making the same mistake twice.

Once a goal has been established an individual must determine how it could be accomplished.  What knowledge or ability must be attained to equip one with the experience and resources necessary to achieve the goal?  Who must be brought into the solution (and who might it be better to exclude from its execution)?  Training (or even planning) is far too often an afterthought to the accomplishment of a dream.  When we start “doing” without first thinking we may taste limited success but our accomplishments may be achieved in spite of ourselves rather than because of anything that was intentionally done.  Organizations can play an active role in this providing the environment in which individuals can experiment, the tools or training they may need to gain experience or knowledge, and the climate in which they can succeed – but “providing” is often not enough...expecting engagement and holding one accountable for results are both necessary to produce tangible results.  An accomplished and educated individual may or may not be able to leverage their past experiences to achieve great things.  To achieve greatness, people MUST steadfastly advance towards the realization of their dreams – something that is impossible to do unless and until one thinks about what they want to do and where they want to go – what they hope to become and how they wish to contribute – in life.  In order to continually move forward, systems must be put in place to identify obstacles that could hinder progress AND grant permission to individuals that they can act to make warranted changes.  An individual will never reach their full potential should he or she focus too intently upon the path rather than moving towards the prize at its conclusion.  Likewise, an organization will never leverage the power of its people if they are kept in the dark, expected to “do” rather than to question, and stifled by a fear of failure rather than being allowed to grow and learn from making mistakes.

Some may hold onto the memories of their past, reveling in thoughts of what has been accomplished while finding satisfaction in where they live within the moment.  They often find comfort in living a life of “good enough” as they validate their worth by being “better than those around them” (even if they have to bring others down to make themselves feel better).  They are content to live just within another’s shadow as long as they are free to bask in the warmth of their past glory. These individuals are like “good” employees – the may do nothing wrong but rarely do anything outstanding.  Others tend to look through the windshield rather than through the rear view mirror as they travel life’s highways.  They frame their lives by questioning “Why...?” or “What if...?” as they move forward, always seeking to expand their capabilities by developing their resources.  They rarely see “good enough” as being acceptable because they constantly “reach for the sky” rather than being content to stand upon the floor that the limitations of others has established.  Those that seek to live up to their full potential establish internal goals and expectations that build upon who and what they are.  While seeking to be better each day they compete against themselves by challenging their own ideas, expanding their abilities and seeking to be more than they are rather than pulling others down so they look better.  Success comes to those seeking it, NOT to those seeking to keep others from achieving it. 

One’s potential is not measured by what he or she has done but rather by what he or she is capable of doing.  The potential of an individual is not an accounting of where he or she has been nor a comparison against the accomplishments of others.  It is anticipating what the future could be IF NOT limited by past accomplishments or present comforts.  In order to reach your full potential you must build upon (rather than being content within) all you have done as you intentionally seek all that you might yet do.  Take the time to chart a path upon which you can travel and set your targets high in all that you do, say or wish to accomplish.  Unless (and until) one begins, he or she can never expect to finish their journey.  Unless he or she has an objective it is rare that one can “finish the race.” A line drawn in the sand is meaningless unless one moves forward intending never to fall backwards beyond the self-imposed boundary.  In order to ACHIEVE one’s potential one must first realize that he or she HAS potential then must do everything within his or her power to bring that potential to fruition.  Everyone has the ability to do more with what they have – to reach goals they once thought unreachable or to accomplish things once thought to impossible. Visualize your objective, reach beyond where you have ever stretched and you will find yourself accomplishing more than you ever considered possible.

INSPIRED LEADERSHIP - NOT JUST FOR BUSINESS

 

Most people have met inspirational leaders during their lives.  They tend to be understanding or even introverted – rarely seeking attention for what they do as they prefer to find their recognition in what has been accomplished.  They do not worry about who gets the credit for an idea or a job well done – they prefer to share in the positive results and selflessly distribute praise to others involved.  They are typically the first to accept responsibility for failure and most vocal in shielding those that may have been involved but were not accountable for whatever may have misfired. Inspirational leaders tend to go through life as the base of a pyramid, providing support for the whole – the cornerstone bearing most of the weight - rather than seeking to be the stone elevated to the top that everyone sees but truly serves little purpose. 

Inspirational leaders are not always the captains of industry.  They can often be the power behind the throne, making things happen through their subtle influence rather than their obvious demands.  They are typically great communicators – be it through the written or spoken word, a poignant pause, a raised eyebrow, a strengthening smile or an encouraging nod of the head.  To truly inspire others towards action – influencing their DESIRE to perform as required rather than DICTATING what must be done – we must first understand what motivates ourselves before we can begin to motivate others.

Different things motivate different individuals, but everyone is motivated by something.  Money?  Success?  Comfort?  Recognition?  When we manage people it is imperative that we identify what is important and meaningful to them as we ensure that our own motivations never supersede the needs and requirements of those being led (which can only occur if one truly takes an interest in those being managed).  Recognizing that “mature” workers prefer rules (and their consistent application) to an individualized approach of employee discipline, for example, helps us understand why they might react differently than a worker just out of college who would prefer “group-think” and “second chances” (and might think/respond/react differently should we apply rigid and absolute interpretations of rules or procedures).  Understanding that sales people often prefer public recognition, freedom from structure and broad parameters in which to operate while administrative professionals would like enforceable standards of conduct and measurable objectives helps to clarify the friction that often exists between more structured “anchors” and more free-spirited “sails.”  Values, experiences, socio-economic status, learning styles, and “stage-of-life” all strongly influence behavior at work and must be considered before attempting to lead. 

Beyond age, aptitude, experiences, and social status, there are subtle motivational influencers we must acknowledge when leading others.  These less obvious critical human factors would include:

• How one wishes to be recognized for their accomplishment
• When (and in what manner) credit is preferred for contributing a good idea (or correction is best and most productively heard)
• How much freedom an individual needs (wants or simply desires)
• When should a person be allowed to learn from failure without fear of reprisal (vs. being stopped and corrected before failure becomes reality), and
  
• How confidence can be instilled in others by their knowing someone is there to “support them and pull them along” rather than to “push them into unchartered waters expecting immediate results” 

As a parent would raise a child, a manager often finds him or herself in situations where both praise and punishment must be administered – and understanding an individual’s personality, upbringing and values becomes invaluable when leading them to seek success without inhibiting their growth.  Inspirational leaders treat those being lead with dignity, respect and EQUITY (rather than equality) as they know every person has been given different tools, abilities and resources that must be blended into the workings of the whole with each contributing in a manner that allows them to achieve both personal and organizational success.  Expecting (or implying the expectation) that everyone will contribute equally to the resolution of a problem or situation unfairly burdens those that would prefer (and are good at) “doing” while holding back those that are creative, innovative and willing to take well-considered risks.

A good leader demands respect – a great leader receives it without asking.  A good leader is able to accomplish change – a great leader initiates change exponentially greater than he or she could anticipate by leveraging the creative power of each individual working for him or her and channeling it towards the accomplishment of a common goal.  A good leader pushes his or her people to perform – a great leader creates a vision then gets out of the way so that his or her people can move forward together towards its accomplishment without fear of reprisal should they need to learn from failure along the way. 

Great leaders often minimize what someone cannot do or how he/she might be different than everyone else preferring to focus instead on individual strengths and the value of including diverse experiences, perspectives and ideas within the decision-making process – and how those unique characteristics can be leveraged to develop and implement creative solutions.  Recognizing and acknowledging our own motivators will help us to be better leaders – understanding them will help us become better individuals.  Providing an environment in which everyone can operate to their highest potential will help them to become good employees – creating an environment where they are able to work together towards a common goal without fearing resentment or failure as they contribute equitably to the implementation of potentially alternative solutions will help them to become better people.

Truly great and inspirational leaders put others ahead of themselves as they become the wind beneath the wings of those encouraged and allowed to soar to great heights.  They rise with those around them, being pushed upwards by the group’s accomplishments rather than stepping upon individuals beneath them as they climb the ladder to personal success.  Leadership is not innate as it takes much study, self-sacrifice and practice to transform a good manager into a great leader (and it is made easier if an individual is “wired” to lead and that strength is recognized through appropriate profiling before being given the opportunity to lead).  While management techniques can be learned and applied to create a specific outcome, leadership is an art that must be demonstrated by how we react and respond to others and in the way we live and act everyday – the consistency that allows others to count on you doing what you say you will do whether they like it or not.  While leaders and managers are both able to get things done, a strong manager demands obedience and compliance while a great leader instills confidence and trust. 

Individuals forming successful relationships within a non-supervisory or leadership capacity (whether inside or outside of work) share the same tendencies but they are rarely acknowledged.  Instead, terms like “kind, warm and understanding” rather than “tough, selfish and self-centered” are more often used outside of the workplace when, in reality, the same characteristics that make a leader great tend to make a person great within their personal relationships.  Putting another (rather than yourself) first, understanding the needs of others before prioritizing and communicating your personal needs, allowing another to learn from failure – even if it might hurt – are subtle characteristics that can create (or destroy) effective and meaningful relationships.  Inspirational leaders often work behind the scenes to accomplish what must be done.  The same is true within relationships – supporting another to encourage their success while finding joy in what others might think of as being mundane (though their work is often the “glue that holds things together” rather than the polish that everyone else sees) and caring more for another than you might care about yourself are behind the scenes strengths that are too infrequently praised.  Dominating, dictating or “winning at any cost” are attitudes that tend to poison relationships (much like they destroy mutual dignity and respect within a workplace setting).  While we all may want to “leave work behind” when we go home (or leave what happens at home outside the door when going to work), do not leave behind the positive characteristics that make us good at what we do because they are often the same strengths that make us good at being who we are.

THE GAMES WE LEARN TO PLAY AS CHILDREN IMPACT US WELL BEYOND OUR CHILDHOOD

We learn to play many games as children – unfortunately resulting in us learning as much how to follow as to lead. “Simon Says…” is a game played by many a child where creativity and originality are discouraged in favor of doing exactly what is asked, allowed or permitted.  I once played “Simon says…” with my grandchildren while on vacation – having them walk obediently into the water without thinking (AND teaching them a lesson that those with longer strides will get wet sooner doing the same thing).  Many lessons in life MAY be learned by doing what we are told but far more can be gained through trial, error and learning through experience.

“Follow the leader” is another childhood game that discourages individuality in favor of simply blending in with a crowd. There can be only one leader while, by necessity and design, there are many followers. If you are fortunate enough to “lead”, you can pretty much choose the path that will be followed (your road to success) by deciding where the group will go, how it will get there and how much time it will take to reach your destination.  If you are among the many followers, however, it is hard to have much say in where you are going because you become too busy watching those ahead of you (without really focusing on where they might be going) while trying to stay ahead of (or at least out of the way of) those behind you.  Sadly, many schools, businesses, families and communities feel driven to teach individuals how to function in teams BUT fail to recognize that every team needs a leader.  Worse than that, many of our institutions have begun to feel that ANYONE is (and should be) able to lead – that all should somehow be treated (and able to respond) EQUALLY rather than EQUITABLY.  An effective leader must recognize that the people he or she is leading will follow anywhere but they can do that only if they see someone “out front” that they can trust (one cannot lead from behind).  Someone must break the ice or part the waters in order to be followed.

Dodge-ball – a “staple” when I was growing up (but now considered too dangerous to play) was another great learning game.  Those strong and accurate enough to throw the ball at the feet of others often won the game…those agile and alert enough to catch whatever was thrown their way also became strong contenders.  As with many children’s games, however (and with life itself), there was ultimately only one winner (those playing hard did not receive rewards or recognition).  The “winner” often came from the ranks of “the strong and developed aggressors” or the “agile anticipators” rather the “common folk” (which reflects what often happens in business as well – those developing their skills and talents usually receive many of the benefits given to those that “win” while those willing to play without personal investment or sacrifice tend to follow).

In order to grow and develop we must take the principles of what “Simon says…” and building on and expanding the stated expectations beyond the original directive to find success not considered possible.  We must “follow the leader” long enough to learn what direction we are going so we do not become lost during our travels but should, at some point in time, break away from the pack if we truly wish to demonstrate our abilities and tread where others fear to wander.  We must be agile and anticipate what might be coming if we expect to catch whatever life throws at us (and successfully deal with it) OR we must hone and develop our skills so that we might become the individual able to “take the shots” and “avoid the repercussions.”  Some have said that one learns all there is to know in life by the end of the kindergarten.  While this may not be entirely true, paying attention to the principles taught by children’s games can help us to overcome many of the challenges and opportunities presented to us in life as we grow older – and bring success in the ventures we choose to pursue if we listen to what we are told (and filter out what might be detrimental), follow where we are led (until we are able to venture out on our own) and anticipate what might be coming towards us (or develop our skills to the point that we might be able to better control the game).

The games we learned as children can be both fun and developmental because they do not often cause irreparable harm.  Rather they often provide a strong foundation upon which we can build as we grow and will help to create who we have become OR what we might one day achieve.  The decisions we make and the directions we take as adults, however, can result in more serious consequences than sitting out and watching until the next game begins.  We learn to play games as children so that we might be able to build upon our experiences when we grow.  We must build upon the lessons of right and wrong – of win or lose – learned as children if we want to benefit from the things we choose to do and gain from the activities in which we participate. 

Children’s games may be fun to play and teach subliminal lessons but they are the foundation from which we all grow.  Ask any child “who won” during a soccer game (that no longer tracks the score so nobody “loses”) and you will find that he or she knows exactly what the final score was (and often who scored the goals and who let them go past).  Ask any child who truly cares for them – who spends time with them – and you will receive an immediate answer.  Ask any child if they would rather play (without caring who wins) or would rather win (and enjoy playing the game to its fullest) and you will find that PERHAPS “adult values” of winning, of succeeding and of giving your all (expecting to be rewarded based on the degree of investment made) are established at a very early age.  Learn from the games of your youth – incorporate their lessons and assimilate their rewards – and you will find that the successes you find throughout your life are often built upon the foundation of play we enjoyed as a child.  The next time you get a chance to engage a child in play DO NOT let the opportunity pass you by.  Perhaps they can learn as much from the game as you did – which will serve them well as they continue to grow.