THE KEY TO STRONG RELATIONSHIPS – GIVE MORE THAN EXPECTED (OR ANTICIPATED) TO RECEIVE IN RETURN

One cannot do ONLY what is anticipated or expected if one wishes to gain as much from a relationship (business, personal or professional) as one could possibly enjoy without first giving more than we might ever wish to receive in return. We can never hope to receive more than we personally contribute to any situation, relationship, or solution. Looking back (finding comfort in what once was rather than seeking it in what has not yet materialized), remaining content within the present (rather than using the present as a springboard to the future), giving what is expected (rather than what you might want if you were the other person) and doing only what works (as opposed to seeking what might work better) are all signs of relationship stagnation. In order to assure that life-changing relationships are being developed AND maintained, we should strive to: 

·     Seek what COULD be done rather than doing what MUST be done. No relationship ever grows to a meaningful or “state of oneness” without putting another’s wants, needs, and desires first. When we do all that the other expects…all that would be considered necessary…we are doing no more than anyone else would within the same situation. When seeking to build strong relationships we must go over and above – give more than we might ever anticipate receiving in return – without expectation of any “equal and opposite action” but accepting only the giving as reward enough without needing any gifts in return.

·     Avoid the misguided concept of being irreplaceable. No individual is irreplaceable BUT it should be our aspiration to become helpful, supportive, and available. If an individual feels that nobody could EVER do what he or she does – that they are “the best thing since sliced bread” and that nobody has better insight, information, or knowledge to support or “make another whole,” then that person has probably limited what he or she will ever be able to accomplish, contribute or share. Individuals who believe they are “critical” to another person OR an organization because of their limited and specialized role, ability or presence simply reinforce the stagnation of stifled growth and acceptance of the status quo as individuality is sacrificed at the altar of co-dependence.

·     Quit believing you know all the answers. People who think they know everything tend to talk more than they listen…feel that they are more important than others and (often unknowingly) make sure others know it as well by repeating the same stories of success, importance and “better than anyone else” until people choose not to listen. Knowing how to ask the right questions and bringing others along into conversations to highlight their abilities, successes and strengths are much more valuable (and desirable) than those who try to give all the right answers. One must always be open to new ideas, techniques, and ways of doing things. We can truly contribute to a meaningful relationship ONLY after identifying (and admitting to) our own limitations before focusing on existing processes, practices, systems, and apparent realities by asking questions that identify and isolate deficiencies – then by taking intentional action that defines a new direction and establishes a better destination.

·    ALWAYS give credit to others. Individuals who recognize and acknowledge the ideas and actions of others – rather than taking credit for thoughts that may not be their own – tend to rise more rapidly to the top and find more satisfaction in close relationships. Those taking credit for another’s ideas better like themselves a lot because they may find their once supportive friends will not be around to prop them up in the future when everything is “I knew (or was about to say) that” to every solution that is suggested. When credit is freely given (with accountability being accepted should mistakes occur), people learn from their mistakes (rather than being flogged for making them). Ultimately, the individual initiating the thoughts (with OR without credit), the person allowing their development (into actionable ideas) AND the person performing the action will jointly own the benefits of an idea being allowed to grow and prosper.

A continuous source of water – of ideas – must be available if we wish a pond to become a lake – and an even greater source must exist if we seek to expand a lake into an ocean. We must sometimes build a dam (to provide support or containment of rushing ideas) in order for them to slow down long enough to build and grow. For one to realize “what could be” rather than simply bringing to fruition “what is,” a variety of ideas and abilities must be channeled into a single catch basin rather than being diverted into unrelated tributaries that flow uncontrolled away from the goal. It is only by giving without expectation that we will ever receive without limitation – by helping another far more than they might ever be able to return the help – that one is able to build and maintain strong relationships. When we feel most important in a relationship we typically are – to ourselves – but not to others. It is only when we give without ceasing…when we share beyond all reasonable expectation…when we find joy in the glow within another’s eyes rather than needing to feel joy because of another’s actions…will we be able to become one with another for only when we give freely and fully of ourselves will there be room within to accept the giving of another.