Take Time to Enjoy Christmas by Doing Less and Living More

It seems that the Holiday Season takes on a life of its own as the year winds down. Far too often we find ourselves hurrying to finish shopping for a special gift (rather than simply being with the person for whom it is intended). We struggle to find the time to do everything we need done and to buy everything we want (not need) to buy. Unless we are careful we can find ourselves working twice as hard in what little time we have left before the year ends to accomplish the lofty goals we set at for ourselves last January (often carrying a load of guilt on our shoulders along with the fifteen pounds we planned to lose). Perhaps slowing down, taking a deep breath, and exhibiting a dose of “Holiday tolerance” would help us all make it through this busy time of year.

When we become so busy accomplishing and addressing the “duties” of the Holidays we lose out on the restful time we could be spending with family and friends. We tend to get so busy that we forget to take care of ourselves during the “downtime” from work - often thinking too much about what needs to be done that we have no time to enjoy people (places or things) that might add to the season. Perhaps life would be better for us (and those around us) if we did a few relatively simple things to keep our lives in order:

1)            Exercise regularly. Take the time for a regular period of physical activity – whether it is walking, running, or being involved with a sporting activity (as a participant rather than sitting on the couch and watching OTHERS play) – as often as possible. An hour a day for even 3 – 4 days per week will make you feel better about yourself – providing both the energy and confidence needed to take on the additional projects we typically assume this time of year AND the ones we promise ourselves will be accomplished during the coming year. 

2)            Take time to focus your thoughts regularly. Begin each day with a time of reflective organization, “escape” and recharge during the day as needed to make sure you are on track to accomplish what needs doing then end the day by summarizing and re-prioritizing. Bring purpose and “intentionality” to your actions by keeping your life in order to avoid wasting energy that could be better invested in meeting you own goals and expectations. 

3)             Learn to say “NO” when appropriate. Recognize your internal limitations and learn to delay, re-direct, or reassign activities as necessary in order to maintain your sanity. We should never simply ignore an issue or project to “make it go away.”  Accepting numerous assignments or tasks, however, when you know that they will not be accomplished establishes false expectations and can contribute to a sense of personal failure (as well as disappointment from those expecting results). Actively saying NO, however, is not an act of neglect. When one considers the alternatives, minimizes the risks, and accepts the ramifications, saying NO may be one of the healthiest things you can do. 

4)              Identify an “accountability partner” with whom to share your goals and aspirations. Too often we promise ourselves something only to find that we allow ourselves to become too busy to accomplish it. We make excuses to ourselves saying that what we are doing INSTEAD of what we had intended to do is more important and critical – but we often simply lose sight of where we want to be and have nobody we trust to validate our reality. Something else can ALWAYS be more important (if we allow it) but knowing what we want and knowing who will hold us to that path can minimize our excuses and maximize our successes. 

5)             Immerse yourself in moments that take your breath away rather than focusing on the breaths you take each moment. Take time to make time – for yourself, for others around you, for those that depend upon you and for those that may not yet know how much you could mean to them. The moments we spend HELPING others rather than ourselves should be cherished as it is those times that truly make a difference in the world around us. 

Celebrate the season by embracing the thoughts behind a Holiday wish rather than being offended by the way in which it was expressed. The words on a card become but whispers in a noisy room when one considers the message of warmth, friendship, or appreciation they are meant to convey. 

We should always worry less about the “little stuff” that might get under our skin. Particularly during this hectic time of year, however, many of the things that make us angry are insignificant in the big picture. How much difference does it really make if someone is driving 50 mph instead of 55 mph in front of us? How much extra time is the person having fifteen items in the twelve-item express checkout really stealing from your day? If you remember that “fast food” really means it does not take long to eat it rather than it does not take long to make it, life will be far less stressed. Make a resolution this coming year to invest your time in managing the big things in life rather than allowing yourself to be managed by the little things. Remember, though, when establishing your resolutions that every "finished" thought or project begins with an idea...each decorated tree had to start as but a bare set of branches.  Resolutions begin as seeds which germinate into reality if nurtured, monitored and cared for. You will be amazed how much of a difference simply focusing on those things that are significant in life can have in maintaining your sense of humanity throughout both the Holidays and the rest of the year.

SIX TENDANCIES OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE (INTROVERTED) LEADERS

Some would suggest that one must be an extrovert to be a good leader – that to be followed, one must be heard clearly (and frequently) and exhibit (as well as proclaiming) self-confidence, experience and expectations. We often think that highly effective leaders must be able to speak flawlessly and persuasively to crowds or mingle effortlessly at events to establish influence and credibility – demonstrating their accomplishments for all to see. Extroverts having knowledge, strong communications skills and the ability to influence others often step forward to “lead the charge” as they expect (and assume) others will follow without questioning intent, direction or anticipated outcomes. Introverts, however, often become excellent and highly respected leaders if they can overcome the tendency to hide or downplay their strengths and seek opportunities to demonstrate “through their actions” what extroverts often express with their words. While true in business, introverts can also be excellent leaders within relationships IF they are willing to express their sincere beliefs and desires without fear or threat of being overrun by more extroverted individuals that may or may not possess the same knowledge, experience or desires. In reality, while an overbearing extrovert is able to project his or her competence, success or accomplishments upon a situation or relationship, an introvert often imposes his or her will simply by demonstrating abilities through the results that are achieved.

I have met a number of leaders who are successful, universally admired and respected. Many of the best leaders (both within business and in relationships that I have seen or observed) have been more “introverted” than “extroverted” in their actions, communications and ways they influence those around them. Though extroverts can often motivate individuals with ease and inspire them to do things they might not have otherwise considered (often due to pressure, cajoling or intimidation), some extremely introverted individuals have become excellent leaders by exhibiting several basic characteristics not typically associated with their more flamboyant peers:

1.       Introverts are deliberate and measured in their response to situations. They are not slow nor overly focused on their thinking processes – many process things quickly – they typically consider the “pros and cons” of most decisions and formulate several alternative courses of action should their initial direction prove untenable BEFORE acting or making a decision.

2.       Introverts are not prone to bursts of temper or extreme reactions to personal attacks or potentially unwarranted criticism. They are thoughtful in how they sift through and process information, rarely acting until they have considered thoroughly what might happen should they act and what might have to be done to “undo” anything that might go wrong should they respond without thinking. Introverts often ask first what they may have done to cause a problem or what they might be able to do to resolve it BEFORE they shift blame or accuse others.

3.       Introverts respond strategically to most situations rather than emotionally. They establish trust and confidence from those that choose to follow their lead because they place far less importance upon what others think than they do upon their results and personal satisfaction. Introverts tend to share credit for the accomplishments of “the whole” rather than seeking credit for their contributions (OR proclaiming personal responsibility for their results).

4.       Introverts are typically highly analytical. Their “comfort in their own skin” helps them to become expert at finding their way through reams of data quickly and reaching the core of the matter. Seeking favorable results and outcomes, introverts tend to look into existing operations with a more open mind than do extroverts – willing to “keep” what works while modifying “what is broken” rather than having to break new ground and develop entirely new systems that attract attention and provide recognition.

5.       Introverts are good listeners. They let others do most of the talking then meld diverse suggestions into workable solutions. Introverts act on what they hear after filtering “what will work” from “what will not” so their recommendations are more likely to be accepted by “the team” rather than rejected as being “top-down” decisions. Within relationships, introverts tend to listen and observe – may find comfort and peace in silence – but are typically more sensitive to the needs of others as they chart a path that will provide appropriate satisfaction.

6.       Introverts are naturally risk averse – a critical characteristic in avoiding potentially disastrous decisions. When we do things as they have always been done, we cannot expect to produce results that are different from what they have always been. The ramifications of intentionally changing a product, process or service must be anticipated and planned for should “our worst nightmare” come to fruition. Being “risk averse” helps to minimize nightmares but measured change is necessary for growth. We must take risk wisely when others depend on the decisions we make. Remaining “as we are” will prevent us from ever becoming “what we could be.”

Practically speaking, introverted leaders often become the voice of reason within any situation or environment. While an introvert’s voice is not typically loudest or most convincing it often becomes most clearly heard and persuasive as it stands above the noise of a crowd due to its succinct messaging. Influenced more by rationality than charisma – by self-confidence than the need for external validation from others – an introverted leader is “heard” because people know something reasonable is being said in a rational and thoughtful way rather than being seen as a “clanging symbol” that never remains quiet.

Extroverts often become leaders through self-proclamation of their abilities and accomplishments – providing those unwilling to take personal risk a “point person” to follow as they “live and die” by the outcomes of another’s actions. They prefer expressing their thoughts, experiences and abilities loudly and convincingly...to be accepted as true without discussion or argument. They often hide behind the perceived protection of “it is not my fault” or “it was not my idea” should something fail (and remember only those things that “went right” rather than may have “gone wrong”). Those looking to follow extroverted leaders often seek to avoid personal trauma by following blindly on the paths defined and developed by others. The compliant actions and attitudes of these followers often helps extroverts elevate themselves into leadership positions as they lift themselves above the crowds around them. Great leaders, alternatively, tend to be lifted up on the shoulders of those able to understand their strong internal values and understated personal characteristics that benefit “the whole” rather than “the self.”

Though introverts COULD become great leaders, they must be willing and able to leave their “comfort zone,” entering the world of “what if?” while leaving that of “what is” behind. An introverted leader must be willing to make him- or herself stand up for their values and speak confidently in front of people – potentially facilitating large and contentious meetings while wading into the resolution of interpersonal conflict (when their natural inclination might be to go home and read a good book or be “an island” rather than a part of a larger society). Introverted leaders are typically “drafted” by others to show the way because of the exceptional results emanating from their understated methods. They rarely shine a light on their own accomplishments or seek recognition for what they do, preferring to bask in the glory their results produce. In relationships, introverts tend to listen, validate and influence rather than talk, act and control.

Listening before acting, analyzing before deciding and determining direction only after considering the magnitude and ramifications of risk (rather than only how to avoid it) are characteristics of great leaders. Perhaps more introverts (who tend to display these characteristics) should be encouraged (and given the opportunity) to lead – allowing their actions to speak louder than their words.

Life Goes Softly…

Life is a gift – but we often feel we should be able to hold it in our own hands, unwrap it whenever we want and play selfishly with it so that we might find gain even if others feel pain. It seems that far too many people leave this life more suddenly – more unexpectedly – than we might hope for, leaving behind them the seeds of doubt, the pain of loneliness and an unfathomable feeling of loss. We are told that God will not give us a challenge greater than what we are able to endure. During the Holiday season (for many) it often seems that He has more confidence in us than we do in ourselves. Anyone can steer a ship through calm seas but it takes a master – perhaps The Master being given control of the helm – to find safety within a storm.

No matter the season we must learn that while life provides us with a plethora of opportunities it also gives us a multitude of challenges. We must find peace in the reality there are some things we can control and others that will only frustrate us should we seek to fully understand them. Loss is one of these things – something that everyone experiences at some point in their life…something that will either help to build or destroy the very foundation of all that we are or hope to become.

When we compartmentalize and restrict ourselves by focusing upon how many breaths we (or those around us) are given in life (or how unfair it might be that one we care for was taken from us before their breath should have ceased…before their time was up…before we were ready to let them go) we tend to think more about what we lost than how much the presence of another helped us to grow – to become who and what we are..  When we hold too tightly onto could have been rather than reliving and celebrating all that was…when we see only loss rather than embracing the way another may have helped us become who we are…we minimize the reality and significance of those who have gone before us.

The Breath of the Night…

She came lightly upon the breath of the night…

            Dancing with reckless abandon through the meadows within other’s minds…

                        Flying carelessly through the shadows of their seeking souls…

            Wanting only to bring joy to those who would know her…

Sharing herself freely with any who might care.

 

He came lightly upon the breath of the night…

            Lighting but for a moment before moving on…

                        Touching down but long enough to hint of his presence…

            Leaving those who missed him searching for meaning…

And those he touched during his far too brief stay wanting for more.

 

She came lightly upon the breath of the night…

            Blending with the quiet whispers of the ocean…

                        Warming the cool, damp evening air…

            Making each morning a new beginning to an adventure not yet realized…

Opening the eyes of those too blind to otherwise see.

 

He came lightly upon the breath of the night…

            Dreams of his laughter filling the now silent air with music…

                        Thoughts of his smile making the brightest of stars seem pale…

            His brief reality lifting the veil from a world of sorrow…

Shining brightly within a troubled night trying to hide dread within its darkness.

 

She came lightly upon the breath of the night…

            Her brightness a contrast to the world’s muted shades of grey…

                        Her presence a vital part within the hearts of all who knew her…

            Forever changing a world into which she was able to but briefly reside…

Now looking down upon us held tightly within the arms of God.

 

For they left seemingly as suddenly as they came…

            Not given the time to accomplish all that had been intended…

                        Not fulfilling the promise of their physical presence…

            Not touching the lives that may have thrived in their presence…

Leaving as lightly upon the breath of the night as they came.

For all who have experienced loss, felt loneliness or sought answers to unanswered questions about life…let thoughts of those drifting lightly upon the breath of the night open you to a world of possibilities rather than narrowing you to a place of loneliness and loss. Perhaps if we could find purpose in each passing – find joy in each moment rather than holding on so tightly to our losses that we are stifled and destroyed - we might become stronger instead of being overcome by the burden of loss. Only when we cherish the moments that take our breath away – enjoy time within our thoughts and memories that should have been (but will never be) our reality – will we be able to embrace those that have come and gone softly upon the breath of the night, leaving us different (and perhaps someday better) than we could ever have been without them. 

NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST…NOR DO ALL WHO ARE LOST WANDER

“Not all who wander are lost” (Tolkien) is a truism as much today as when first penned. Unless, and until, we begin to wander off the beaten path – searching for things not generally thought of or methods not typically used – the things that make up our current reality will never change and the hopes for a different future will never materialize. While many that wander aimlessly through life are lost, those that wander with a sense of purpose, a thirst for knowledge and a desire to make a difference in their world, are far from lost. These intentional wanderers are leaders upon a road not yet discovered travelling towards a goal not yet identified. They seek what has not yet been found while discovering and improving all they can as they pass through unchartered territory on their way to destinations beyond their wildest dreams. Wanderers are the leaders of our world, and those willing to wander with them, beside them OR be led by them will be amazed at what wonders have yet to be discovered.

Conversely, not all who are lost wander. We cannot expect change unless we are willing to embrace it – until we consciously and intentionally move forward towards a destination or result not previously achieved. While some wander aimlessly because they are lost – sometimes even stumbling upon a great discovery or an uncharted trail – their travels are largely unplanned and their discoveries are more often than not unintentional. Many, however, who feel lost chose to lie low awaiting rescue. Rather than making a difficult situation any worse by acting in an unproven way they will find a safe harbor within which they can ride out the storm – a protected place in which to crawl during life’s storms – awaiting someone to lead them from their tribulations. Those who find comfort in the status quo – who are content to live as they have always lived so that they can have all (but no more) than they have ever had – comprise those unfortunate souls in this world content exist in their mediocrity. Individuals thriving upon the status quo may find success and function well BUT they often lose out on what could be by holding on so tightly to what is as they seek guidance from their past…looking behind them to find what has worked so that they can move forward on familiar trails that lead to known destinations. Those who do not wander will rarely find a path which has yet to be walked upon nor discover a concept that has yet to be imagined. They are but the worker bees within an ever-expanding hive – content to do as they are told in exchange for a planned and consistent universe regardless of the cost. Many seek “something for nothing” in their lives – wishing to enjoy the fruits of other’s labors or the harvest from other’s fields.

A few rare but fortunate individuals are seekers striving for change, validation or innovation. They are willing to walk away from the safety and security of “what is” in search of things that could be (awaiting discovery, consideration and implementation). Whether lost or enlightened, those that wander will find things along the way not yet discovered. The difference is that those who are lost see their discoveries as an end – a final destination or place to rest – while those that wander to seek innovation, freedom or un-heard of results see their discoveries as but the beginning of something entirely new and exciting. It has been said that the first step of any journey is the hardest but perhaps the second step – that one taken after initially stepping away from what is comfortable and secure towards that which is unknown…and those taken next once the realization of what is being left behind before an understanding of what may be gained has been established…are truly the most difficult (exhilarating and revealing) in life.  We should not expect (nor accept) life to be scripted and memorialized within a “short story” that provides no room for individuality or growth. It should be an epic novel that seemingly has no clear-cut beginning and no definitive end – an intertwined weaving of thoughts, dreams and reality that provide more we could ever imagine life holding for us as we leave what we have in search of what could be so much better.

As you walk through life, look back only long enough to know from where you have come. Stop only long enough to know where you belong or wish to be. Leverage your past to build upon your present as you seek to establish a future that could never be unveiled unless (and until) you begin to wander purposefully through life with a single-minded focus about where you wish to be rather than standing firmly within a well-documented history that can be seen clearly in life’s rearview mirror – accomplishments that tend to fade and grow smaller IF we move boldly and assertively forward in life.

YOU CANNOT MOVE FORWARD WHEN HOLDING ON TO WHERE YOU HAVE BEEN…

People tend to see things (and other individuals) as they are. We live “in the moment” during our daily lives. We deal with issues and situations as they come up. We resolve conflicts as they occur. We form our opinions and establish our perspectives based on what we see, hear or experience. A phrase originating during my misguided youth (“What you see is what you get!”) appropriately identifies the level of introspection many use to chart their path through life.

What if, rather than seeing “what is” we were to focus more upon “what could be?”  What if we stopped seeing individuals “as they are,” instead seeing them as “who might they become?”  If we assume that today’s reality is but a temporary bump in the road to an as yet undetermined future RATHER THAN a destination – that it is but an indicator of what is to become RATHER THAN a shelter in which we were meant to live – how much more could be accomplished in our lives? Every day that we are given can be either one more step along the path we have travelled or a new beginning to what might come next if only we opened our eyes, our minds and our hearts to accept the potential for change. When we see things only as they are…as they have always been…without want, reason or need for change, we diminish the possibility that they could ever be different. When we see opportunity and potential – a chance to begin anew each day rather than to maintain the status quo with our choices and our decisions – we allow ourselves to experience what we once might have only imagined (but never thought possible).

Whenever we focus upon fixing “what is” rather than reaching for “what could be” we tend to react rather than plan. We seek to make situations “go away” rather than trying to identify their root causes and changing the factors that combined to create what needs to be modified, worrying more about today (and the pain it might cause) than we do about tomorrow (and the potential it might hold). When we focus on the obvious reality of the moments in which we live we cannot think about what created the situation in which we find ourselves nor do we have the time (or the energy) to consider how our “present” could be changed to alter the path or direction of our future. When dealing with individuals we often see who a person is (because of what they did or the way they acted) but rarely focus on what they COULD BE (based on their experience, values and potential). When we shut someone out because of who they were in the past – removing from them an opportunity to change and grow – do they lose more (due to a loss of opportunity to individually change) or do we lose more (because we lost the opportunity to help make a difference in their life and the lives of all those they touch)?

Refuse to believe that “what you see is what you get.”  Today sets the stage for tomorrow – serving as a precursor of what could potentially become your new reality. What you have been and who you currently are may be influencing factors that help to determine who you might become BUT should never be viewed as excuses for keeping one from becoming all he or she was meant to be. Today identifies those things that have not yet been brought to fruition – the things that fade quickly into yesterday as we focus upon tomorrow. Live in “today” only long enough to move towards “tomorrow.”  You will be surprised how quickly “the moment” will pass if you live life seeking NOT “what is” but rather “what could be.”

CHOOSING WHICH PATH TO TAKE WHEN YOU REACH A FORK IN THE ROAD

Everyone comes to a fork in the road – a decision point that forever changes what they have done, redirecting all efforts and activities towards the accomplishment of what they have yet to become. Many attempt to “define” this moment through resolutions to change but find that shifting directions is a process rather than an event. We cannot “will” ourselves to eliminate years of unhealthy habits in one moment – it takes time to undo what we often do to ourselves. “If only…” will never define “what is…” or what could be should we truly wish to alter the course of our lives and the way we make decisions. When we trap ourselves within a world of excuses by defaulting to what might have happened “if only” we had acted differently (while doing nothing to change the way we look at, address or act in response to a situation), we will never experience anything different than we have already lived, felt and attained. Dwelling upon things NOT accomplished will never initiate change as it tends to reinforce your limitations by rationalizing what has happened (rather than celebrating your abilities and the way they could be applied to seek an alternative reality).

Some individuals act in accordance with established policy, practice or procedure whether or not that may be the best way to do something as it is easy, often the path of least resistance and proven to at least accomplish the bare minimum. Others constantly question what they are asked to do as a means to evaluate and temper the validity of an action prior to its being taken as they seek to advance “what is” to “what could be.”  We will never experience our full potential by seeking comfort within a world defined by other’s expectations – by doing what is required ONLY by doing it EXACTLY as we are told (without considering how it might be done better). Life is not a spectator sport – it requires careful consideration, intelligent planning and the intentional implementation of action. Most successful individuals establish basic tenants for their life – rules they use to hold themselves accountable for their own actions. Six “truths” that should be considered as one chooses which path to take when confronted with a fork in the road – the trail providing the “highest return on investment” while identifying and maintaining an acceptable level of risk – would include the following:

 ·       It is OK to make a mistake AS LONG AS we do not repeat the same mistake over and over again. It is OK to make a wrong decision – any well-thought-out decision is better than no decision – even if the decision might be to delay making one until further research allows us to make an informed choice – but it is NOT all right to avoid deciding just to minimize confrontation, discomfort or fear of the unknown. Learn from your errors, using them as a springboard to propel you forward. People will usually work with you and allow you to learn from your mistakes as long as you continue to show measurable progress or growth.

·       Focus on things you can control. Identify obstacles that are within your sphere of influence and actively seek to eliminate whatever hurdles you can by giving them to someone who has the ability to influence them. Likewise, seek to find the factors you cannot influence or control and either attempt to gain the experience, ability or authority to change them or find ways they can be overcome OR you will never move from where you are to where you wish to be.

·       Lying, cheating, or stealing is intolerable. If you are the best performer or individual who consistently produces the highest results – but those results came through dishonesty or at someone else’s expense – you will not be respected, credible NOR working (or participating in an ongoing relationship) for very long.

·       Results are recognized – effort is merely a means to the end. If one seeks praise for working hard or contributing, he/she will often be disappointed. Let recognition (and satisfaction) come your way through the results your effort achieved (whether or not anyone else speaks openly about them). In the end, we can find satisfaction, purpose and value ONLY in what we see, do, experience and accomplish – and how those things might impact or benefit others – when we fulfill our own expectations rather than seeking outward praise from others.

·         All individuals may speak, question, and have a voice in any decision but that does not mean all votes are equal. Life is not a democracy. Input is valued but individuals responsible for the ultimate success of any endeavor must – and will - make the final decision. Do not confuse “equal” with “equitable” as you seek to identify and establish new opportunities. All individuals have different gifts, attributes and experiences that, when applied proportionately to a decision, can have a significant impact. If all such attributes were treated equally, however, decisions may never be made and goals might never be accomplished.

·         There is nothing that “cannot be done” (and rarely anything that cannot be “undone”). While
some solutions may not be cost-effective, are simply impractical or beyond our ability to implement, “I cannot…” “It is not possible,” and “Nobody would do it that way” approaches and attitudes are not acceptable. Well thought-out solutions to issues you may encounter in life are not reasons for celebration, they are simply expectations of the way you should continually exhibit and utilize your abilities as you move forward through life…as you anticipate what the NEXT fork in your road might be rather than resting upon your laurels for choosing one correct path. Remember, too, that detours, roadblocks and other disruptions often interfere with our progress when we make an initial decision. NEVER give up, give in or give away your ability to make a difference through the things you do, think or say. A results-focused orientation is critical when choosing the right path to take and persistence is required to either follow through OR begin anew as one moves along the road less travelled.

As the sands of time begin to bury yet another year, expand upon the things you have experienced rather than dwelling upon the things that “COULD have been accomplished IF ONLY you had not run out of time.”  Somehow, building from a foundation of “what is” seems much more relevant to life than hiding behind “What could have been.”  Seeking “what has yet to happen” provides a much better base upon which to build in this life than “Why try?”

 

A TIME OF CHANGE IN EVERY SEASON

There is a time for every season and for every season there is time for us to stop and reflect – to cherish the good memories of our past seasons as we look forward to creating new memories within those times yet to come.  Spring ushers hope into the world – prying life from the icy fingers of winter.  Summer is a time to bask in the warmth and to grow – to reach deeply into the ground so we might be able to find nourishment within our foundation as we gain strength to weather coming storms.  Fall is a time of respite – of preparing for the long cold season ahead as we hold onto and bask in the warmth and less hectic times left behind.  Winter shrouds us under a cold white blanket – curtailing our growth as we seek shelter from the biting winds and blowing snow – providing a different kind of beauty (and restriction of our normal activities) that inevitably extends just beyond what most of us seem able to handle.

Harry Chapin sang of life being a circle.  He noted that the sun chases the moon from the sky during the daytime while, at night, the moon keeps us company until the daybreak rolls around.  We experience new beginnings each day as we move within the circle of life – with false starts and dead ends being either bumps in our road or terrible “ends” to our progress…potential smooth sailing moving forward until storms might inexplicably force us into retreat.  We can celebrate the opportunities that lie ahead of us as we walk through life’s concentric circles or we can suffer the pain that comes from holding on too tightly to good times that have passed, preventing us from feeling or experiencing that which has yet to be revealed – the path we take determining the opportunities we may be presented within a world of never-ending beginnings.  We can stand tall against the storms that pass through our lives OR we can seek shelter within the perceived safety of another’s shadow while confronting (or avoiding) turmoil, tragedy and truth.  Life rarely allows us to hide in the dark corners of its truly circular reality where nothing is impossible (other than that corners do not really exist).  All things are truly possible if we seek and accept the POTENTIAL for change (that might be different than what we hope for) rather than relying upon the EXPECTATION of change (the way we wish it to unfold) as we travel through the circle of life.

Embrace the opportunity to immerse yourself within whatever season you find yourself celebrating.  It may be a season of joy or of sorrow – of celebration or of mourning…of growth or of reflection – but never accept “what is” as all that could ever be.  Reach towards the heavens as you plant your feet firmly upon the ground, undeterred by temporary inconvenience nor derailed by unexpected concerns.  Every day that we live and breathe is truly a unique (and circular) opportunity having no clear-cut beginning and no definitive end – the chance to move forward towards new and unimagined possibilities as we move from the limitations of our known realities into the unknown potential awaiting us. Take the time to prepare for a long winter of reflection after passing through the autumn of rest – knowing that (EVENTUALLY) time and space will return you to a season of renewal and regeneration while passing through the circle of life.  Look forward to that which has yet to be fully defined rather than holding on to what has already been realized, moving relentlessly ahead to escape a stagnant sanctuary within the non-existent dark corners of a circular world.

AVOID “BUT” AND “IF ONLY” TO REALIZE “WHAT IF” OR “WHAT COULD BE”

Life holds limitless possibilities – often influenced by the choices we make or avoid making every day.  We have many opportunities to make a difference dependent upon how we react/respond to or perceive an issue, problem or situation, yet many choose to obfuscate their influence by neglectfully doing nothing rather than intentionally doing something.  Successful people decide to act when necessary (and INTENTIONALLY choose NOT to act should the best alternative be to KNOWINGLY allow a situation to run its course).  What many do not realize is that taking no action can often create as much significant and meaningful change as planning and implementing a drastic course correction AS LONG AS they are willing to accept the results of their inaction.  When we preface failure with validators such as “but,” “if only” or “it was not my fault,” we discount any learning that our efforts may have produced by excusing our shortcomings and minimizing the need to succeed by accepting less than our best and believing failure was unavoidable. 

Complacency is the strongest of emotions – possibly more powerful than love or hate - because it represents an acceptance of everything and a lack of conviction for anything.  Complacency cannot be argued or discussed – it is simply “existing” without living.  Complacency obscures any thoughts of change behind the mask of “But,” then buries it forever beneath the surface of “If only”.  People often justify their inaction by using these deferral words yet, if they are honest with themselves, will find that avoidance not only fosters failure, it also encourages unsuccessful endeavors by presenting a plausible excuse for why something DID NOT happen as planned.  When we impose the “I would have accomplished something if not for…” or “We would have succeeded but…” excuses, we are accepting failure as a reasonable expectation and removing any need to achieve – placing the “blame” on factors outside of our control rather than trying to control the factors that might positively influence an outcome.  

Awareness – and the taking of action based on that awareness – is the key to eliminating complacency as the path upon which one chooses to travel is charted.  Some examples would include: 

• “I would have loved to attended college but I could not afford it.  Now look at me…no work, no future…all because I did not have the money to go past high school.”  College is expensive – and perhaps “not for everyone,” but some form of trade or specialized training IS necessary (and affordable) in today’s world.  An individual can no longer enjoy a rich life by taking a life-long job within a huge manufacturing facility without having any special skills.  Today’s careers require both knowledge and demonstrated abilities – combined with the thought processes needed to apply them in such a way as to achieve practical solutions - along with a desire to grow and contribute.  College may help some to achieve their dreams, but others can do just as well by specializing and refining their abilities in other ways.  Blaming one’s self-imposed shortcomings as being the reason that success was not achieved is an unacceptable excuse.  We have control over our own lives to leverage the talents and abilities we were given – we must simply act to realize this power and the results that using our gifts might bring to fruition. 

• “I could have made a difference in that organization (or in life) but I was fired (or dumped) for no reason!”  While some people lose their job for “no apparent reason,” and others end relationships “through no fault of their own,” more often people DO (or do not do) the things that create (or lead to) their own situation.  If an individual COULD HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE, why was “the difference” not made when the opportunity was presented?  If a relationship “went bad,” what were you doing to nourish and maintain it when it was “good?”  To avoid blaming others for “things gone wrong” we must often take intentional action aimed at preventing things from going bad rather than waiting for the book to be written (and published) before wanting to rewrite the final chapter.  Far too often people look to assign blame rather than to assume it…they attack the integrity of others prior to first questioning their own role in whatever may have happened...they point their finger towards others assigning ownership for failure without realizing that such an action points three fingers towards themselves.  

• “I should have done things differently but I knew nobody would have listened anyway.”   How could you know nobody would have listened if you chose not to speak?  Most people using this excuse assume they will not be heard.  If, indeed, their words do seem to all upon deaf ears, did they truly have something worth saying when they had the opportunity or do they typically talk so much that nobody would know if what they had to say was significant or simply “suddenly important” should they have made a suggestion?  It has been said that the only bad question is one not asked.  Likewise, the only poor action is one not taken. 

Nearly as frustrating (and equally as hopeless) is the individual who hides behind “If only…” 

• 
  “I would be living on easy street if only I had been recognized for the contributions I personally made to my job (or my relationship) rather than allowing my boss (or partner) to take all the credit.”  Far too often people expect an immediate “return” for their efforts and are disappointed if they are not given one.  Most people cannot find reward (or satisfaction) in progress made towards the completion of a goal – they seek nothing less than the satisfaction found in reaping the harvest of a task’s completion rather than the being content to experience the internal satisfaction that PROGRESS (rather than finality) might provide.  Most people, it would seem, require verbal recognition or visible rewards coming from “outside” (compliments, awards, rewards, etc.) rather than “inside” (self-satisfaction, big-picture thinking, long, slow road rather than quick and vocal boisterous one) to be meaningful.  If every situation (or relationship) were blanketed by an attitude of “how much can I give” rather than “how much will I receive,” we might find ourselves so engaged in the glow coming from the PROGRESS WE MAKE towards accomplishing our objectives that we need not make excuses for our failures. 

• “I would be happy if only someone cared about me as much as I care about them.”  It is not possible for
  a person to make another feel good about him or herself. Caring about others is an admirable quality.  Doing it with the expectation that another will return the feeling is folly.  I have never seen a “conditionally caring” person happy – nor have I often seen the recipients of conditional caring return nearly as much as they receive.  Giving freely – with no expectation of anything being given back – often produces an exceptional return on your investment. 

Self-defeating (and action deferring) statements might make sense to someone looking to take the easy way in life, but not for someone passionately believing in maximizing their human potential.  Success will come ONLY when we replace “if only…” with “what if?”  It will touch our lives ONLY when we eliminate the concept that “I would have done this but for…” and replace it with “I am glad I did this because…”

THE LIMITATIONS OF WHY (AND THE POWER OF WHY NOT)…

Why are some people invigorated by a seemingly insurmountable task while others seem paralyzed by the same situation?   Some see the opportunity to make progress towards the completion of a project while others shut down unless they see an immediate conclusion well within their reach.   Other than the obvious propensity towards taking risks, I would venture that there is one underlying characteristic differentiating the two attitudes – the ability to question “why not?” before acting rather than needing to understand “why” before formulating a plan.

“If only…” will never define “what is…”  When we trap ourselves within the world of excuses by asking what might have happened “if only” we had acted differently, we lose sight of reality.  Dwelling upon things NOT accomplished will never initiate change – it only reinforces our limitations (rather than celebrating our abilities).  Worrying about what we could have done differently rather than focusing upon what we did – without considering how it could be modified or changed if necessary – will never create change, it will only serve to accentuate what did not happen rather than what might still come to fruition.

Some individuals act in accordance with established policy, practice or procedure whether or not that may be the best way to do something.  They seek the safe ground that leads to known objectives rather than treading upon potentially treacherous trails that could take them to places previously unknown or not yet discovered.  Others constantly question what they are asked to do to test and temper the validity of an action prior to its being taken – considering not only what has been done in the past but also what might be an alternative to the predictable as they seek to accomplish the improbable.   What good does it do to advance an idea unless it makes a difference when implemented – or to act without benefiting either yourself or another?  One will never experience their full potential by seeking comfort within a world defined by other’s expectations nor will he or she ever discover all that might be developed, nurtured or grown within themselves if their present reality is not stretched beyond its current boundaries. 

The sands of time fall relentlessly to the bottom of an hourglass, shifting their presence from one known sphere to another that has not yet been discovered, only to repeat their journey should the glass be turned over UNLESS the sphere is shattered and something comes from the nothing that was once present.  The sun brings a new day holding possibilities not yet realized.  The seasons change, coming and going in a predictable manner that is never on the same schedule from one year to the next - and never fully or explicitly duplicates the last year's seasons onto the canvas of the next year.  Why do so many people expect their lives to change…to evolve…to grow and develop into something that is different than they have when they choose to do things as they have always done them…as they focus upon actions that produce previously realized results and experiences rather than setting their sights on what COULD have been accomplished IF ONLY they had not run out of time (without making the time to create the altered reality)?  Building from a foundation of “what could be” seems much more relevant to living life the way it was meant to be than hiding behind “What is…,” “What could have been?” or “Why try?”

Will YOU Hide Behind a Mask of Mediocrity this Halloween?

People are sometimes “marginally competent” when their benchmark for success is duplicating the work and results of others rather than exceeding the goals they might establish for themselves.  People living a life of “good enough” or “better than another” usually meet minimum expectations but rarely excel in what they do – often disappointing themselves as much as they do those depending upon them for the “ceiling” they establish in trying to satisfy others is often the “floor” that people might set for themselves.  Unfortunately, many individuals hide behind a mask of mediocrity by trying to be better than others (or have more than someone else – or do something faster than another) rather than simply trying to be the best they might be.  Our society has come to reward effort rather than results – to praise “beginnings” rather than recognizing successful “ends.”  In order to realize our full potential we must discard the masks we wear to hide our insecurities, apprehensions and fears of being “different” so that others can accept us for who we are (rather than for what we think they might wish us to become). 

People are often identified as being capable of “growing into” something or someone they have not yet become.  They accept the recognition of potential as being the end of a journey rather than the beginning of a new adventure.  Unless individuals are given time to develop (and tools to help them succeed), they are often incapable of transforming their current reality into a potential future state – unable to move from what works to what might work much better.  Until we recognize what we wish to become (through our own individual efforts) we will be nothing more than an empty vessel hiding behind the mask of another’s expectations as we shift the responsibility for results onto the overburdened shoulders of achievers and accomplishers – competent individuals who WILL seek recognition elsewhere for their contributions if not fully and freely provided within their current world. 

Whenever we avoid competency issues rather than resolving them, we “mask” our problems without eliminating them.  We reward effort and intent but compromise our expectations for positive results each time we accept a “mask of good intentions” rather than looking behind it to see what talent (and desire) truly exists beneath the mask.  We easily accept children hiding behind masks and costumes knocking on our doors calling out “Trick or Treat” but should not allow ourselves to live within a world that encourages and rewards similar efforts from grown individuals unwilling to contribute to our accomplishments or results.  When we portray ourselves to be something we are not, we may be able to fool some but will not be able to transform our lives into what they could be until we learn our lessons from failure – until we leap up after falling – until we spring forward after slipping back.  When we accept ourselves at “face value” without investing any effort or consideration into what we COULD become we can expect to receive back only what we invested – nothing of value in return for a lack of significance. 

Children hide behind a variety of masks at Halloween while seeking treats in an effort to camouflage their identities from those around them.  Acceptable child-like behavior, however, should not set the course we find ourselves following.  If we consciously and intentionally seek to become something not yet realized or achieved – to become what we WISH to be rather than being what others might express as being acceptable – we will celebrate true success.  Unlimited possibilities abound when reality is set free.  Extraordinary investments ALWAYS provide an exceptional return. 

Do not allow yourself to accept mediocrity in life – expect “treats” rather than “tricks” by seeking the tools and supports necessary for dreams to become reality.  Acknowledge, accept and reveal yourself to those around you – refusing to accept anything less than your all or reaching lower than the sky.  You can achieve your full potential ONLY when you remove the mask of mediocrity (that is so tempting to hide behind) and quit pretending to be something or someone you are not.  Then, and only then, will you be able to bring to fruition all that you could be – to realize the dream of an unrestricted, uninhibited and unmasked future, as you move from “pretender” to “contender” within this race we call life. 

STARTING THE RACE IS NECESSARY IF WE SEEK CHANGE…FINISHING IT IS ESSENTIAL…

In order to grow and succeed – to contribute to the growth of those around us – one cannot do only what has been assigned (regardless of how well each individual assignment is performed) or get by doing the bare minimum.  One cannot fill the cup of others when he or she is busy trying to fill their own leaky sieve.  One cannot safely support or transport another when their boat is leaking so badly that it might sink before it safely reaches shore.  Looking back towards where we have been rather than ahead towards where we wish to be – remaining content with the present rather than building upon it as a springboard to the future by doing what works as opposed to seeking what might work better – are signs of a life in stagnation – signals that one accepts the status quo as being the best that could ever be or that mediocrity is good enough (negating the need or desire for exceptionalism).  If one wishes to achieve “the possible” rather than being content to accomplish only those things that have already been tried and achieved by others as their thoughts, ideas and abilities are acted out, they must be willing to try what has not yet been considered.  It is rare that individual dreams of the future can be identified and developed from “what is” into “what could be” without taking intentional action to finish the race rather than being content with good starts and consistent progress.  To ensure that such transformation can occur we must: 

1)            Understand the difference between efficiency with effectiveness.  An e-mail may be efficient, but a conversation might more effectively resolve an issue without extended “replies and clarifications.”  Effective individuals make sure that every investment of time and/or energy has a direct and measurable impact.  They accomplish things that need doing in order to move forward – and do them well – rarely wasting time or energy doing unnecessary things that “might be nice” but are not related to the accomplishment of their objectives.  Efficient individuals accomplish all things well whether or not they serve to advance their cause or move them towards a defined objective.  An immediate e-mail communication may efficiently promote conversation but might not effectively resolve an issue.

2)            Recognize that NOBODY is irreplaceable.   If an individual feels that nobody could EVER do what he or she does, that person has probably (unknowingly) limited what he or she can accomplish, how he or she is viewed and where he or she might be able to advance.  When we feel nobody could ever do the things we do as well as we do them, we become so enamored with our abilities that we fail to identify our possibilities.  If nobody else can do (or even wishes to try doing) what you can then you will never move beyond where you are – potentially competent and poised for greatness but unable to progress or move up the ladder to where you wish to be.

3)            Acknowledge that you MAY NOT know all the answers.  Though it may seem that whatever some do or say is right – that any direction they take turns out to be the path that is chosen – nobody has the experience or abilities to make all the right decisions regardless of the situation, environment or timeframe.  People knowing how to think through all the possibilities so they can ask the right questions are much more valuable than those who feel they are able to give all the right answers because they feel they already know all the questions that could ever be posed.  We can truly contribute to our success and profitability – or experience all that life might be able to offer – ONLY after identifying our limitations (real or perceived) and asking questions about how they might be overcome.  Nothing will change, however, until we decide to act – to move forward by implementing the answers received from the questions we ask (rather than doing things as we have always done them because we think we know all the answers).

4)            ALWAYS give credit to others.  People recognizing and acknowledging the ideas and actions of others tend to share a never-ending ride to success and satisfaction – enjoying a seemingly unlimited potential “upside” while tempering their individual “downside” risk.  Those that take credit for another’s ideas should like themselves a lot because they may not have supportive friends to prop them up in the future if credit or praise is given sparingly. 

5)            Add to existing abilities and upgrade outdated skills while refusing to accept “what is” as “what will always be.”  What was once necessary to maintain a life-long job or to enjoy a long-lasting relationship is no longer sufficient.  People who refuse to learn new skills or different ways of doing things typically fail to grow – those who refuse to retrain may not remain.  Unless an individual brings more into a relationship than he or she could ever expect it to return – is willing to give another more than is taken (unconditionally and without expectations) as they seek to gain more by sharing than by receiving – he or she will never realize the treasures awaiting them beyond their current reality. 

While we may be able to start a race on our own, we need the help, support and efforts of those around us to finish.  Life is not a sprint – it is a marathon.  To accomplish much, we must give much.  To receive support from those around us we must first encourage and support them.  To rise to the top – to finish the race – we must not only build the foundation upon which we stand (so that we are firmly rooted in our convictions) but must also accept the encouragement and support of those around us as we grow – recognizing both our ability AND our need to change.  Only then will we be able to finish the race as we seek to “travel where no one has previously gone” in order to achieve that which has not been previously accomplished.