ARE SELF-IMPOSED BOUNDARIES BECOMING INSURMOUNTABLE BARRIERS THAT PREVENT YOU FROM REALIZING YOUR POTENTIAL?

What forms a boundary for you – a wall or obstacle that keeps you from doing what might be possible for fear of leaving what is currently acceptable or probable? Are your boundaries formed from your life experiences – from the things you did (or did not do) as a child? Perhaps you limit yourself  out of respect for the past (the way things always were or have always been), relying upon the “tried and true” to rule the day rather than seeking a brave new world for which there is no “owner’s manual.” Some disregard historical limits out of their desire to run from the past – but do so without thought or consideration of what might be better (rather than simply different). Is our hesitancy to abandon the comfort we feel within a practiced, predictable, and pragmatic world nurtured by our reluctance to enter situations where we have no experience or exacerbated by our fear of failure should we try to step forward with no guarantee of success? Whatever the reasons, many individuals limit their potential by building boundaries that contain them within their present (which was formed by their past) keeping them from ever entering a future that could be different in so many ways. 

Perhaps the time has come to identify our limitations and cast off the ties that bind us to them. We need not mount a charge up a mountainside or completely and utterly destroy the walls we have so carefully constructed around us in order to initiate change. We must, however, identify our boundaries, understand why they exist and take intentional action to overcome the limitations they place upon our advancement and growth if we wish to make a difference – to make positive change – within this world. The critical components in initiating change are identifying what keeps us from doing what we know we should (or want to) do then acting to minimize (or eliminate) the barrier that prevents us from moving forward. We need not “open doors and blow roofs off” to initiate change…to completely leave our roots in order to identify new trails upon which we might wander…be we DO need to at least open a window of possibility if we wish to let something different into (or accomplish something not yet considered possible within) our lives. 

We are provided much by society without even trying to accomplish anything on our own…things that ensure a comfortable lifestyle built upon the accomplishments of those coming before us and the dreams of those living beside us. Many find so much comfort in what has been they refuse to seek what might be…to initiate a journey that might lead them to things not yet considered and places not yet travelled. Stability and consistency can be good and meaningful, yet they can inhibit our growth and throttle our progress if we allow the past to envelope our lives. We should cherish our experiences, build upon our abilities, and learn from our mistakes as we continually seek new and better ways to accomplish things…as we venture forward into the unknown looking for a place not realized. One may need to risk much in order to initiate minimal change but can mitigate the risk and likelihood of failure by planning, considering alternatives and anticipating what might happen (being ready to react to it) by equipping ourselves to act with the training, peer or outside support or the knowledge needed to transform “what is” into “what could be.”  If we recognize and acknowledge several “truths” about our past (which often serve as boundaries), we may be “released” to move forward in a new direction more freely. 

1. Who you are is often a result of where you came from and the experiences you were provided. This past should never become the destination you seek but rather a firm foundation from which you begin your journey. Far too many individuals mask their fear of advancing beyond their present reality – and some even to face the reality of their present situation – by hiding themselves within the richness of their traditions and the heritage of their past. Holding on to the past is not a bad thing. When holding on causes us to hold back, however – when retaining traditions and deep cultural heritage becomes a destination in which we find comfort rather than the historical foundation from which we find our strength and launch our endeavors – we discourage growth, encourage stagnation, and set ourselves up to MAINTAIN (rather than to change) the world in which we live.
2. When one thinks of who they are and where they come from, expecting more to be given them than they hope to contribute – asking for more than they are willing to share – they often find themselves settling for “what is” within their world of tradition and pride, potentially building a barrier that will keep them from changing focus from a world of entitlement to one offering an unlimited future that has yet to be realized within our world.  One must continually give of oneself in order to gain – knowing and expecting another to refill them through reciprocal sharing – in order to expand their sense of past into a hope for tomorrow. 
3. Should a society (an organization or an individual) find contentment in what is, seeking no more nor accepting less – refusing to acknowledge or recognize that growth and advancement comes only through change – innovation will be lost and mediocrity will thrive. A society (or individual) without dreams is but a hollow shell of what could potentially be. Unless (and until) we seek the tools that will enable us to initiate change effectively (Training, Coaching, Mentoring, Diversification of Experience), we may find pride and accomplishment in what we have been given but will rarely build a new hope for ourselves (or those who come after us). 

Traditions, experiences and our pasts – relationships and acquaintances, knowledge and how it is applied – are the “glue” that holds us together on the framework upon which we build our lives. They can also, however, serve as boundaries that keep us from new discoveries, different experiences, and unprecedented actions. Striking a balance between where we came from, who we are, and what we wish to become will help us move from what once was through what now is to what might possibly be. Remember and celebrate your past, your traditions and your heritage but DO NOT allow them to prevent you from looking ahead to what could be and moving forward to reach lofty goals – to fulfill high expectations. Learn from your experiences, seek life-long learning opportunities (formally or informally), and build upon what you have accomplished to make a difference BUT be careful that your boundaries do not become barriers that prevent growth, change and relationships.

 

RECOGNIZING AND REALIZING REALITY DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON

The Holiday Season at the end of each year is usually seen as a time to enjoy family, friends, all that the year provided and the new and not-yet experienced adventures that a new year will bring. It is not, however, a universally joyful time as many within our society are suffering financially, may be unsure of their future plans or have experienced a loss this past year that has put them at an emotional low from which they can see no possibility of recovery. People need and thrive on relationships of all kinds but we all have deep and personal connections to individuals – whether they be family or friends that have come to mean much to us – that would rock us to our souls should something happen to disrupt this portion of our lives. To some it may seem necessary to do things differently this year – not so much out of a need to try things not yet experienced but rather to simply avoid the things that were once a part of their lives but will no longer be due to a loss of someone close to them. To others there may be a need to lock themselves behind closed doors, using that isolation as an excuse to avoid others, to buffer their relationships and generally escape a painful reality. Therein lies the problem that can adversely impact one’s Holiday cheer – recognizing and realizing reality can be (and often are) two vastly different points upon the continuum of life.

Some (particularly those afraid or unwilling to acknowledge and/or accept changes in life) seek environments that will shelter them from ever feeling pain…that will provide security (no matter how false it may be) and predictability (no matter how mundane or mediocre that might become). They live life wandering aimlessly upon roads paved by the memories of their past – within the walls they have constructed around themselves (having no windows from which to see nor doors from which to enter or leave). They avoid unexpected detours or excursions while finding comfort and security in the things they know (and have seen) in the past. Living within the comfort of their isolation, they fear the pain of failure more than they could ever anticipate the rewards of success. These sheltered people may ultimately survive in life but will have difficulty ever experiencing the “thrill of victory” (as they are often resigned to live within the “agony of defeat”). In seeking refuge from the pain that life might present, they accomplish only what is expected and predictable but may never achieve their full potential…living to avoid the pain that reality might bring rather than celebrating the joy they may never have felt had it not been for the moments shared with someone no longer here. 

Far too often isolated individuals begin to canonize themselves – putting themselves first and everyone else a distant second. They de-energize relationships by focusing upon the shortcomings of others (often to make up for a lack of confidence or low self-esteem in themselves). When we pull others down – highlighting their deficiencies in an effort to elevate ourselves (surrounding ourselves with individuals who will not or cannot challenge us) – we may rise to the top of a pool of mediocrity but will rarely reach the pinnacle of individual success or accomplishment. How can we expect our efforts to be maximized if we focus upon what could go wrong or what must be avoided rather than identifying alternative paths or actively seeking a direction that might provide better results as we initiate activity that will pull others with us to a different place?  Rather than seeing failure or loss as a destination that should be avoided at all costs (or exploiting the shortcomings of others for personal gain), much could be gained by viewing unwanted or unanticipated situations as springboards to success – flexible bases that bring us back from the depths of loss to a previously unknown (and unexpected) reality. If we seek to thrive (and live OUTSIDE of isolation) we must recognize that “getting up” is more significant (and critical) than “falling down.”  Believing that the “light at the end of a tunnel” is an opportunity not yet realized rather than a train heading towards us on a collision course reflects the assimilation of dreams into daily reality – but unless we venture out from our isolated privacy we will never recognize NOR experience the full potential awaiting us…a reality that those we believe cause our pain due to their absence would have wanted us to experience had they been here to share it with us.

Accepting that our own (or another individual’s) weaknesses are insurmountable results in our believing failure is final. If, however, we acknowledge deficiencies, unexpected situations OR seemingly immeasurable loss as but bumps in the road as we relentlessly move forward seeking to bring to fruition the dreams that may be as hard to imagine as they are to realize…as we refuse to accept the disruption of our expectations as an “end game” to our efforts…we will find new ways to make things happen within a world that may look drastically different from any we had ever imagined. Destiny can only be obscured when we allow ourselves to be restrained by a lack of expectations and held back by a fear of failure, seeking and finding comfort within that emptiness and succumbing to the outward pressures of loss and isolation. We will lose in life only if we accept what we have and who we are as being all there is or ever could be RATHER THAN seeing our present as but a temporary resting point on our journey through today as we seek a different (and better) tomorrow. All individuals have a past built upon actions taken, relationships made, and things accomplished AS WELL AS a present comprised of the things we choose to hold dear and the relationships we wish to maintain (the loss of these expectations or relationships being what can cause turmoil within our minds, hearts, and souls). Holding on to losses too tightly can keep us from realizing our potential…from imagining what might be possible…but will never be seen as probable if we allow ourselves to be constrained by our losses or guided by things outside of our control. 

During this Holiday Season, allow yourself to celebrate the best of times rather than to suffer the loss caused by their ending. Find joy in what you have – and what you may have had in the past – rather than being controlled by what you know may not be present in the near future. Share and build upon the relationships you have rather than mourning those that may be lost. Take (or make) the time to look beyond the memories of what we once had because unless (and until) we accept how what has passed helped to build who we are growing to be we limit ourselves to things already experienced rather than immersing ourselves within the things yet to come. If we choose to bury ourselves within the comfort of what we have achieved, we limit ourselves to those things already accomplished. If, however, our future is defined by the dreams and expectations expressed within pages of a book not yet fully written, our possibilities will remain pathways to a reality limited only by our acceptance of those things we accept as unalterable or undeniable truths. 

Have a Happy Holiday…a Merry Christmas…a blessed and wonderful New Year during the coming weeks. Take time to enjoy your friends, your family and your many blessings but never forget to build upon the memories those who may have left us too early – that passed before we felt ready to let them go – poured into us while they were here (for we are who we have become ONLY BECAUSE they meant what they did to us).

WE CANNOT ACHIEVE IF WE DO NOT BELIEVE

There are many reasons we fail to live up to our full potential but the most common are often tied to inappropriate (or unexpressed) goals, inadequate (or unstated) expectations, a lack of responsibility (or possibly too much irresponsibility) or denied accountability (often to the point of deferring or transferring accountability). 

If you never set goals, you will not be able to fail (for anything you do can be construed a success) BUT nothing you do will ever produce anticipated objectives (though sometimes accidental meaningful results might be achieved). Anyone can shoot at an unidentified target and claim that they accomplished their intentions when something (anything) is hit. If we were to shoot an arrow towards an open field – hitting nothing but air – would we succeed because we hit the “nothing” we were aiming at, or would we “fail” because we did not intentionally hit anything (until our arrow landed somewhere we could not have imagined)? Shooting an arrow at a target establishes an expectation that the bulls-eye is our objective (which, if missed, would represent failure). Unless (and until) a goal or objective is established, no measure of success can be identified. Far too many people try to lead by projecting another’s current abilities forward without clearly establishing how their abilities contribute to success – any accomplishment coming as an unintended consequence rather than a planned outcome that resulted from deliberate actions.  

If you wander aimlessly about without having a destination in mind you may never be lost BUT you will not know when to abandon one path in favor of another. Effective leaders recognize the need to tell others how their individual efforts fit into the “big picture.”  Unless one knows where they are going they will not know when they arrive. Without knowing how their individual contribution completes the whole, one will focus more on the “means” than the “end.” Strong leaders encourage people to stretch their capabilities in an effort to bridge any gap that lie before them while ensuring they arrive at a pre-determined (and communicated) destination. Making sure that others know what is expected of them and what will result from their meeting expectations (OR what might befall them should they fail to meet their goals) – and following through on your promises – establishes both self-confidence and accountability. Say what you mean and do what you say WITHOUT EXCEPTION to establish the ends you need and the means you are willing to invest to get there.

If one is not held accountable for the results of their actions – if neither punishment nor reward result from a conscious action taken in response to a situation or set of circumstances – how can we expect an individual to perform effectively OR independently? When we allow someone to act in a given manner – whether it is appropriate and good or inappropriate and destructive – we effectively set the “bar” and cannot expect any more (or less) from the individual. We cannot change behavior without first drawing a line in the sand by saying what was once good enough will no longer be acceptable. Declaring the need for change, however, is not enough – we must set acceptable targets (for which to aim) and establish meaningful goals (that can be reached) THEN must then COMMUNICATE them to all impacted, holding them accountable for the actions necessary to implement the change.

Whether people are working, vacationing, in a relationship, trying to help others, OR looking to engage in any of these things, one can only achieve what they truly believe can be accomplished. Going into a project, beginning a trip or entering a relationship with an attitude of “if it does not work, I can always start over,” creates an instant escape path that will most likely be taken should “the going get tough.” In order to make a difference in this world – in the things we do and the people we touch – we must (to a degree) plan, anticipate, expect, act and take accountability for what we have done. We must plan what we want to achieve and “pre-identify” the outcomes we wish to accomplish or we will be content to accept whatever results come from the efforts we exhibit and settle for what we have (are and might ever hope to become) rather than realizing what COULD BE if only we had looked beyond our reality to make real our beliefs, hopes and dreams.  

A TIME TO BE THANKFUL FOR OUR UNIQUENESS

America was built upon the belief that individuals can realize unlimited opportunity through hard work and the effective utilization of resources. Thanksgiving recognizes the sacrifice made by so many AND the relationships developed within a new land in celebrating the sweat equity invested to make the harvest possible. Some farmed, some hunted, some cooked, some served – but all shared in the feast they helped prepare. Implied within this basic tenant is that while we ARE created equally, we possess different gifts, abilities, and competencies so we ARE NOT presumed to be equal in our ability to produce or achieve results.

Our “roots” establish within each of us a morale and ethical duty to PROVIDE for all – but that does not mean all are entitled to receive EQUAL treatment. While we all taste success, life is an environment of equitability rather than of equality. Our efforts do not create EQUAL results - they produce results that reflect EQUITABLY against the abilities we have developed, the intelligence we apply, and outcomes we achieve.

Our country has survived many challenges from outside our borders. We have overcome adversity, established ourselves as world leaders in almost any endeavor we choose to pursue, and shared our riches with many having less. If the greatness of our country is to survive, we must brace ourselves to overcome attacks from within – attacks on an individual’s ability to demonstrate excellence, the opportunity to reap the rewards of individual efforts, and the belief that one is limited ONLY by his or her own shortcomings – by embracing the freedoms and unlimited possibilities we currently share.

We will soon be given the opportunity to express our opinions – to endorse the current “state of affairs” or to exercise the rights we have in this country – thanks to the efforts and sacrifice of our forefathers – to vote for change. Tomorrow that window of opportunity is open for all to freely express their personal opinion (hopefully honed and developed through research, investigation and discovery rather than simply doing what someone in the media tells you to do). If you HAVE voted, thank you for helping to sustain our way of life. If you HAVE NOT voted, study tonight so that you can express yourself intelligently tomorrow. Voting is but one of our “unalienable rights” in this Country. Do not let your opportunity to help determine the future direction of this country slip through your hands “as but water through your fingers.”  

As you celebrate Thanksgiving this year, consider not only the harvest but also the work that went into preparing for it. Celebrate the effort as much as the rewards. Recognize the investor as much as you do the return on his or her investment. Enjoy your time with family and friends but hold dear the hard work that made the dreams of those who came before us reality – and pray our efforts can help them continue for those who will follow. 

GOOD DECISION MAKING IS A FULFILLING LIFE SKILL

Everyone makes decisions throughout their life. Whether meaningful or insignificant – personal or professional – the decisions we make and actions we take are the building blocks of the life we are able to live. Unfortunately, many people restrict their decision-making abilities by over-researching an issue or situation keeping them solidly planted “where they are” rather than allowing themselves to move towards “where they could be.” New leaders – individuals within a new relationship – often feel pressured to take action that results in change or set themselves apart as something (or someone) they might WISH to be so they can prove their value. Good leaders typically research their alternatives before choosing the path that will most likely lead to success…great leaders go one step farther by learning to anticipate unexpected results, always tempering their intentional actions with an understanding of potential risk, before making “judgment calls” that result in good decisions.

Great leaders involve others in the decision-making process by leading them to a solution rather than pushing them to a conclusion – by allowing them to see both the benefits and the potential pitfalls of any action taken rather than taking the only actionable option presented to them. Managers typically oversee and ensure RESULTS while Leaders allow others to make mistakes (from which they will ultimately grow) so they can independently initiate a successful resolution process (rather than continually being sheltered from harm’s way). Involving the individuals needed for implementation in the decision-making process allows people to make (better) judgments in the future.  Helping others make good decisions (and holding them accountable for results) will maximize the number of critical calls employees and those involved within a relationship can make themselves. When others are involved in the decision-making process – learning from both their successes and their failures – allows them to gain the confidence to lead and the courage to learn from failure. It is important that we enhance and add to the experiences of those working with and for us so that they might be able to contribute (and be ready to take over when we are ready to move up) rather than “doing it all ourselves” and finding that nobody is capable of taking our place.

The key to making great decisions is maintaining “mental flexibility.” It is OK to change your mind if the conditions or situations driving your initial decision change. It is never wrong to act UNLESS one consistently acts without first considering all the ramifications involved with the actions to be taken OR by acts inappropriately due to fear of the unknown. The only bad decision is one not made, and the only inexcusable action is one occurring unintentionally or without forethought as to potential consequences and/or ramifications.  Being unafraid to make a mistake from which you can ultimately learn is critical as our greatest rewards are often born through the painful experiences of our losses. Far too many people seek to enjoy the rewards offered by doing something differently without investing the effort needed to initiate change…wishing to initiate different results without taking appropriate transitional risks. Those able to make great decisions seek that which might be possible rather than settling for that which is probable. They tend to reach for what they dream rather than limiting themselves to what they can see – recognizing that dreams and imaginings are the precursors to great discoveries ONLY IF they are allowed to initiate action. They have learned that if consciously (and intentionally) doing nothing provides a better result, it is more advantageous to temporarily hold back (until the situation or condition changes) than to foolishly rush forward without apprehension. Before acting one should ask not only “what should be done” but also seek to determine “why” action should be taken and weighing the potential benefits of doing something against the repercussions of doing nothing.

Rarely will an exceptional leader step into a position of authority without having first performed many different jobs within an organization (demonstrating a wide array of responsibilities) without having experienced both success and failure…YET many individuals seek roles allowing them to make decisions that might lead to success having no prior knowledge or experience. Great decisions cannot be made unless one is provided the proper resources (training and/or experience) that would allow them to leave the “here and now” without fearing failure as they move towards what has yet to materialize. 

We often expect newly appointed supervisors and managers, however, to lead without receiving any transitional tools or training to help direct the work of others. We expect new parents to raise their children flawlessly without any previous experience or knowledge. We expect relationships to grow and blossom without experiencing the reality that another must come first (rather than last) in the relationship. Gaining life experience through watching, seeing and participating in a variety of different activities are critical parts within an effective decision-making process. Good decisions require experience-based judgment allowing us to “let go of what we have and who we are” so we can move from being “great doers” to being leaders who can accomplishes much through the intentional (guided, encouraged and independent) efforts of others…individuals who SHARE the benefits (and the challenges) of a good relationship with another rather than attempting to control it…maximizing the opportunities of life and the fullness it provides.

INSPIRING PURPOSE IN LIFE

“The Courage of Integrity” defines two pillars of success – benchmarks that any of us should leverage as we make life-changing decisions and chart the road upon which we might wish to travel. In all that we do we should recognize that “The highest courage (we can exhibit) is daring to be ourselves in the face of adversity.” How many times do we take the easy path rather than choosing the “road less traveled?” How often do we seek the path of least resistance rather than taking a stand for what is right – for what we know to be true – regardless of the personal cost? Being true to yourself by openly expressing your ideals and honestly revealing your beliefs to others – regardless of what they may think about you – is not always the easiest route to take BUT it almost always returns the greatest rewards.

Recognizing that “There is never a wrong time to do the right thing” is the foundation upon which ongoing and sustainable success should be built. Individuals attempting to portray perfection in whatever they do or say spend much more time avoiding what is wrong than they do striving to accomplish what is right. Trying to identify (then implement) all the things we feel are necessary to be an exemplary leader (partner or friend) often places artificial roadblocks along life’s path that are difficult to avoid as we may never meet our self-fabricated expectations nor maintain the standards that we feel should be displayed. Rather than simply leading (or living) by example and allowing people to see their true colors, far too many try to be someone they are not or do something they feel is expected rather than just doing what seems and feels right. True success is more a measure of who one is while nobody else is looking…of living consistently and transparently rather than concealing our true thoughts or lingering within the shadows…than it is a testament to the things that we do in public to receive accolades or recognition.

We need not look far to find other motivational messages that can help to provide purpose in life. Some would include: 

• “We cannot lower the mountain so we must elevate ourselves.” This is sage wisdom for an individual seeking to climb the ladder of success. We cannot expect mountains to become molehills on their own – we must rise to the top of every challenge, continuously moving forward even though we may fall temporarily back, as we aspire to reach the pinnacle if we are to succeed. Some seek recognition by actively diminishing those around them…by tearing others down rather than building themselves up…ultimately discovering that their own position has not changed as their floor was lowered but their ceiling (potential) did not move. 

• “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” Many people find satisfaction in bringing the hopes and dreams of others to fruition. Others find such satisfaction hollow – preferring to realize their own dreams. If one never attempts to accomplish their individual dreams, he or she will never fail or be disappointed. Rarely will a person having insignificant goals or setting low standards for their own performance ever be happy with their accomplishments If we do not establish a target – formalize a dream – we will never taste the success of individual accomplishments. 

• Some people say things and say “Why?”  Others dream things and say, “Why not?”  To life for what might be POSSIBLE rather than settling for what is PROBABLE, NEVER blindly accept things as they are (or appear to be) without question. Always seek what could be “if only” or what might not yet have been realized in life. Doing only what others request or seek defaults your boundaries to the limits that can be set for you. Asking “why” or “why not” expands your boundaries to the limits established within your own mind – stretching the probable into the possible as you travel new roads and experience unconsidered adventure. 

• Effort and courage are not enough without purpose and direction. Life is an ongoing series of events whose purpose is revealed only when we exhibit the courage to remain singularly strong in the face of adversity – when we make a conscious and intentional decision to do what is right rather than being concerned about avoiding what is wrong. We should always look ahead – take every step with purpose - as we keep our focus forward (towards where we are going) rather than back (finding satisfaction only in where we have been). Though one can never get lost if he or she has no idea where they are going, they will never know if they have reached their destination until it has been purposefully (and publicly) expressed after being intentionally determined. 

• 
  One can be invested without being committed but once committed it is difficult to uninvest. A chicken and a pig walked past a diner one morning and saw that it was offering eggs and bacon for breakfast. The chicken was proud of her investment in the meal as she spoke loudly of the eggs she provided. The pig was quiet until he finally said that “the chicken was invested in the meal” when eggs were gathered BUT that his contribution required him to be committed fully as there was no turning back on the provision of bacon. One can change investments easily, but it takes much more thought and consideration to change course once fully committed.

Much can be learned from our past…from building upon the blocks we were given in kindergarten as we move towards a future far more complicated and full of choices. More, however, can be gained if we identify our dreams and acknowledge their existence (and taking intentional action to bring them to fruition) than will ever be accomplished by taking the easy road or accepting the first option available. We must simply believe in ourselves (and in those we hold dear around us) to move forward through life. We must accept nothing but our best – and expect the best from those around us – to experience sustainable and long-lasting success. Life is what YOU make of it…what YOU do with the tools and resources you were given when born. Do not find yourself living the dreams of others…doing the bidding of someone else…doing only what has been tested and proven successful…if you wish to make a difference in this world. Finding purpose and living life as it was meant to be requires one to live life beyond what comes easy and do more than considered necessary by those around them.

LIFE'S RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

Life is full of opportunities, challenges, suggestions, and alternating directions – all working with (or against) us as we accomplish our daily activities. To help us along the way, previous generations have adopted “gems of wisdom” that are handed down through families, work relationships and friends to temper, validate or guide our actions. Devine Intervention from a “higher power” is also a driver leveraged by many when intentional actions must be taken in order to significantly change anticipated results. Unfortunately, the choices people make and the risks they take (or choose to avoid) often insulate them from reality rather than allowing them to face life head on.

In order to thrive (rather than merely survive) in life, we often identify and travel the road of least resistance to minimize our potential of loss over the years rather than seeking the “road less travelled” which might lead to greater rewards (with the potential risk of failure being proportionately greater as well). While it is unfortunate, nothing great has ever come from mediocre efforts or “take the easy way out” attitudes…life tends to reward well considered effort and those taking reasonable risks with outcomes that far exceed those achieved by individuals preferring not to “ruffle feathers,” “rock the boat,” or alter the status quo. All thoughts, actions or impacts on life, however, typically “happen” because of our experience, our abilities, or our values. Some of the guiding principles that seem to influence those thriving rather than to simply surviving in life would include: 

If given the option of doing something right or doing it quickly, choose doing it right. While there may never be enough time to do something as thoroughly or completely as you might wish, those who rush often find themselves taking more time to do things over.

Do not implement a decision until (and unless) you are willing to accept the consequences of your actions. While we typically expect positive “returns” from an investment of time and energy, SOMETIMES things go horribly wrong. If we are to succeed in life, we should celebrate the positive and learn from the negative as we move towards our final destination.

Newton had it right – every action results in an equal and opposite reaction. Do not act without considering what will change, who will be impacted, and whether more positive than negative will come from your actions. A pebble dropped in the ocean may cause a ripple effect that can help to “clean the slate” as waves wash gently upon the shore OR destroy the thoughts and good intentions of others if uncontrolled actions create unwanted consequences.

Life is not an isolated event having one beginning and one end. It is a series of starts and stops – of new beginnings arising from short-term plateaus rather than of abrupt endings without thoughts of continuation. If you do nothing else in life, enjoy what you do. If you seek nothing else from life, seek what you wish to accomplish. If you contribute little to those around you, contribute to those that mean much to you. Should you ever feel that “all has been said” and “all has been done,” run quickly from where you are – get back onto the circle of life where every end is but the beginning of something new and different.

Spending time to improve ourselves often provides an immediate return. We typically invest time and energy into the initiation of an identified action that will produce an anticipated result. Spending the same time to improve another (rather than focusing upon yourself) pays dividends in the future that are incalculable to us today.

It is better to live life without fearing death than to fear death so much that you fail to live life. Individuals can often be so risk-averse that they choose what is easy, tested, tried and true rather than risking much to gain more. Should one live in constant fear of being wrong, of failing, of making a mistake or of losing the race, far too much time is spent looking back (at the past) with too little spent looking ahead (to what might yet be accomplished). The reason someone should stay where they are in life should be that they are happy, successful, and content rather than that they fear moving forward because of the challenges the future might present.

 Life is full of activity and of rest – of visions and of voids. Refresh during times of rest so you can accomplish much during times of activity. More importantly, make sure no void (within yourself OR those you care for) ever goes unfilled.

When you say things without worrying about how they will affect others you build a ceiling that limits how far you may rise. Words spoken or actions exhibited without caring how they affect others can minimize them so that you might easily rise to the top without having to elevate yourself. Only when you rise with the help and assistance of others will the sky be your limit...only then will you be able to lift another up so that you can accomplish great things together.

Turning out the lights indicates closure on things we have accomplished. Reaching for the stars exposes new opportunities we have not yet seen. Those who have become comfortable with and accustomed to engaging in all that life has to offer would prefer spending time looking into the light than staring into the darkness.

When reaching out to help others, make sure you provide the tools they need to accomplish what is expected from them rather than only the things they might want. All your help and efforts become but a disservice if an individual receives “the world” without learning how to achieve (and maintain) greatness through their own efforts and abilities.

When we feel we “have arrived” and know it all – when we can stop learning and coast through life relying upon only the knowledge we have accumulated (without stretching or applying it beyond where it has been previously used), we stop living and begin to simply exist. There is a greater power in our lives – that provides us with the abilities to contribute and the opportunity to enjoy the world in which we live. It is not because of anything we do or have done that we exist – it is so that we can make a difference by being the individuals we were meant and created to be. Recognize that life is more than what we make it to be…it is truly what we contribute to others and how we use the gifts we have been given in this world. Live life so that others might be lifted up…you will rise to the top with them as you constantly strengthen and grow.

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

We all come to points in our life that we must consider whether it is “time to stay or time to go.” While most “Boomers” are working through this conundrum at work, if you talk (and listen) to others it becomes apparent that this critical decision is not limited to work but could be applied to all our relationships, our activities, our volunteer efforts, and any other way in which we interact with society. While there is no single answer the short but complicated question about leaving (a job, a project, a relationship, or any endeavor that seemed to be worth pursuing), there are some considerations that could help determine if “the time is right.” 

Finding purpose – without actively seeking it – is like finding perfection without first defining it. Our abilities flow freely, far too powerfully to be contained and life produces results far exceeding our expectations when we do what we like. Our labor becomes a path to be enjoyed – the destination but the logical (and often foregone) conclusion of the choices we gladly make and the actions we willingly take when we do what we want. It has been said that if one does what is enjoyed, he or she will never work a day in their life. Living becomes but a chapter within a never-ending story – having no clear-cut beginning nor definitive end, only the continuous flow of positive results and the transformation of opportunity into good fortune. Finding joy in what we do and with whom we choose to live – pursuing happiness by leveraging and building upon the gifts that were given to us by our Creator rather than accepting misery by choosing to wallow in a reality defined by what we feel we lack – allows us to live life as it is rather than wishing for what could have been “if only…” things had been dealt to us differently. When… 

·         …simply “being” far outweighs “dreaming,” and the contributions we make towards the betterment of “the whole” is sufficient to replace the accomplishment of making an individual difference

·         …we truly care more about the good that is being done than aspiring to the potential that could be achieved

·         …we can enjoy what we do and are allowed to do what we love in a way that lifts others without challenging the status quo as we fulfill expectation and/or make others complete without resentment, hesitation, or concern

·         …we feel we have all that we could ever need – through our work, our faith, our relationships, our values, and the realization of our dreams – and do not need or seek more than what we have been given

·         …we are comfortable with what we can contribute, where we can grow and how we are recognized 

…perhaps we should stay – for nothing could replace the sense of joy we receive by simply “being” nor could anything fill the void in our life should we walk away from the things we like, enjoy, that bring us fulfillment (regardless of the cost, sacrifice or complacency we may willingly endure), and/or the relationships that we have (upon which we have found fulfillment and a way to build upon for the future). 

If, on the other hand, should… 

·         …the promise of tomorrow becomes lost within the realities of today as they provide hollow satisfaction from the memories and accomplishments of yesterday while holding you back from building upon them as you move towards the future

·         …our dreams become a flame that has lost its brilliance as it slowly dies to but a flicker which is not hot enough to burn through the fog that blankets the path we wish to travel…the hope that seemed so real for a season fades to but a wish for what might have been as our contributions become shadows blocking the light out from others…no longer finding strength in their promise (for you have grown far too conscious of and resigned to the limitations of your reality)

·         …you are no longer able to bask in the warmth of doing what has always been done (unwilling to accept without question or resentment that today’s reality is all that will ever truly be accomplished)

·         …you know that what you are able to accomplish creates a barrier restricting the ability of others to exhibit their knowledge or minimizes their accomplishment and somehow do not really care

·         …all that keeps you going is the absence of choice, the fear of failure or the comfort of familiarity in what you do or who you are with rather than your ability to make a difference  

…perhaps it is time to go – to move on by letting go of what has been accomplished, to release “what is” as you seek “what could be” by moving beyond what has been attained while seeking to realize something not yet imagined. When we are no longer content with what we have as we dream about what might be possible…perhaps it is then that we know we should go. When all seems the same and that which has not been done seems impossible – when the reality we have becomes an ominous darkness casting a shadow over the potential that we could realize…perhaps then is the time we should choose to go. 

If you choose to stay…to build hopes and dreams within your present reality…to find peace and joy – growth and accomplishment – where you are, may you have the health and ambition to contribute to the growth of those around you while consistently demonstrating the ability to remove (or avoid) obstacles standing in the way. May you be blessed with relationships that exceed your expectations as you give more than you could ever hope to receive and receive in return (without expectation) more than you could ever give. May you be able to initiate intentional actions that allow you to actualize your dreams within your current reality. May you lead by example and find joy in the journey rather than seeing the end as your only point of reference upon the paths you choose to travel. May you enthusiastically seek the opportunities that each new day brings.as you fulfill your unlimited potential while growing and finding completion within the world in which you live…accomplishing much and leaving little on the table that must yet be accomplished. If you are so blessed, perhaps you may be fortunate enough to have all you need or want without ever having to go. 

Should you come to the realization, however, that it is time to go, know that it is not a negative or a character flaw…it is perhaps more typical than abnormal…and take comfort in the realization that… 

·         …few can lay claim to a fulfilling life by refusing to acknowledge its limitations as an acceptable reality OR addressing them as obstacles that must be resolved in order to grow

·         …few can define their dreams clearly within a work or personal setting and allow nothing to interfere with their sense of purpose if they live a life without challenge or opportunity

·         … few can realize their hopes, accomplish their goals, and give more to those around them than they could ever hope to receive from others without first reaching for all they might accomplish (rather than accomplishing what has been attained or is easily attainable)

·         …few find satisfaction in allowing destiny or circumstance to determine their path, choose their mate, guide their career, or determine the way in which they will contribute to those around them or control their reality

·         …few have the graciousness (and wisdom) to go before dragging others down…to go when and how they choose rather than waiting until they must leave 

In whatever we do, may we stay as long as we can contribute then walk away with our heads held high knowing (and acknowledging) all we accomplished. Whether we choose to stay or to go, may we live life as it should be by living life as fully it could be lived. When choosing to stay or to go, we must have the wisdom to know when we can make a difference, the desire to thrive (rather than simply survive) AND the recognition that someone else might be able to better do what must be done as we fulfill our ambitions, dreams, and desires elsewhere (or with another). 

When is it time to stay or to go?  Take stock of what you have (as well as what you have yet to accomplish), what you could gain (as well as what you might lose), where you find your joy (as well as where you feel frustration), and what you might do (and with whom you might wish to do it) if you were in a different place. Knowing when to stay or when to go is no easy task but the thoughtful consideration of current reality (and of potential alternatives), the initiation of intentional action (or of planned, designed and deliberate in-action), and the acceptance that “what is” has become impossible (rather than simply difficult) to endure should both guide the decision and help define our opportunities.

WHERE IS YOUR NEW HORIZON?

When you think about “new horizons,” where does your mind wander? Far too many individuals think about tomorrow as being their “distant future,” basing their decisions more upon “what is” than having faith in “what could be.” People tend to predict their next steps based upon those they just completed rather than seeking ways to reach destinations not yet considered upon roads not yet travelled. When we react and respond with measured predictability, we will rarely find ourselves surprised by where we have wandered nor unfamiliar with where we land. When we travel upon familiar roads, we rarely arrive at unexpected destinations, regardless of the good intentions that may have initiated our journey. When we continue to do things the way they have always been done, we cannot expect to reach a result which is different from what has already been achieved.

Individuals often take vacations to “refresh and recharge” so they can return to normal when the time away (which is far too often overly scheduled and busy), has concluded. Increasingly it seems that people’ lives are becoming so out of control that extended time away from work is but a dream, with long weekends and half-days being more the norm than the exception. When we do get away, many keep phones become a nearby extension of our hands so we can stay in touch with the world from which we sought a temporary respite. Those that travel alone often experience things they would have overlooked if travelling with others but may miss some of the minor details because their focus becomes one of having a list that must be accomplished. When we travel with those familiar to us, we tend to rely upon the comfort they provide – the sense of acceptance that comes from walking beside those we know and that know us – and we can get caught up in being content with what we have rather than seeking what we have not yet experienced. Whether we travel alone or with others, however, we must guard against losing sight of new horizons that could be discovered – must work hard to seek those things and activities that could provide new and different experiences rather than immersing ourselves in situations that could prevent us from fully letting go of what we wish to escape.

When our horizons are but projections of our experiences we tend to live where we are rather than where we would like to be. We watch intently over our shoulders to avoid returning to where we were BUT often fail to look ahead far enough to see where we are going. The more success we taste, the more we tend to find comfort in where we are – feeling we “have arrived” at a destination that should be considered “an end” or a reward for our efforts, allowing ourselves to become complacent and accepting of the “here and now” as a precursor to the “is and always will be.” Rather than viewing the discovery of a new horizon as an end…a conclusion…a goal which has been accomplished…we should see each end as a new beginning from which we might start our next new adventure.

Our perspective is the only thing limiting our individual horizons. We exceed our expectations only when we look beyond our present circumstances towards opportunities that may not yet have materialized…when we open our eyes to see what we might yet be accomplished rather than basking in our past glories. We should identify where we wish to be, then act intentionally to reach those levels. When we enter uncharted waters during the ebb and flow of life, rather than anchoring to remain safe in a harbor to outlast the storm we should embrace the opportunity to discover new horizons and sail cautiously forward…anticipating the pitfalls that might be ahead of us but seizing the opportunity to explore the treasure beyond the turmoil. We should think beyond the moment in whatever we say or do as today can be either one day removed from history or one day closer to an unimagined new beginning. Living within the comfort of your past – or the reality of your present – only shelters you from the successes your future could hold. 

RUNNING AWAY FROM A SITUATION ACCOMPLISHES LITTLE…RUNNING TOWARDS AN OPPORTUNITY CAN ACCOMPLISH MUCH

Many people think that moving away from a situation – that picking up and starting over – is all they need to do to begin a new life and experience different results given the same effort in a new environment. They feel that changing the people, places, and things around them will drastically alter their lives – will magically cause them (and others) to react differently and view their chosen course of action in a way that might somehow be more productive or beneficial. In reality, people rarely run away from themselves when they try to escape their problems so “picking up and starting over” accomplishes very little to generate lasting change.

Many maximize the impact others have on their failures while minimizing their own contribution to negative results. They tend to maximize their personal contributions towards any success while discounting the involvement of others and minimize their own part in failure while maximizing what others did to cause it. We can run from places, situations, relationships, and the ramifications of the choices we make but we cannot alter “who we are” or how we react by positioning ourselves in a different environment. When recognizing the need for change (and identifying the steps needed to initiate it, “the monster in the closet” that needs addressing is often “us” (and the things we do) rather than “them” (or the things done to us). If we are to overcome the obstacles standing between where we are and where we wish to be we must realistically identify the role we played in the success AND/OR of the failings of an endeavor (rather than claiming all the credit while shifting all the blame).

People tend to live in a world of “what is” rather than of “what if.” We like to make excuses for things that happen “to us” rather than identifying and implementing solutions that could change “where or what we are” so we might become “what we wish to be.” We create our own success by identifying the issue, considering the ramifications of each possible alternative solution, taking intentional action (rather than hoping something will change on its own), then measuring the impact our choice made in the world around us – never giving up or moving on until the result we sought has been realized. We cannot run away from “who” we are by transplanting ourselves into a different time and place…we must identify our strengths (and leverage them) as well as our weaknesses (and work to overcome them). We only shift “who and what we are” to a new location when we run from a situation (rather than moving intentionally towards a solution). We cannot become something other than what we have always been simply by moving to a new location, beginning a new relationship, or taking a new job UNLESS we change, alter, or modify ourselves in such a manner that new initiatives and different perspectives are welcomed probabilities rather than remote possibilities.

Change can be good (if it is intentional rather than accidental and planned rather than reactive). Before running where brave men refuse to walk, however, we should ask WHY we want to move, WHAT we will do differently, and HOW our actions (thoughts or attitudes) will be expressed in a more actionable way than they were in the place we wish to leave behind. We should determine if the rewards are more significant than the risks and whether we are as willing to learn from failure as we are to achieve success. Others cannot make us successful (though they might be able to provide us with opportunities to succeed). People cannot be “something different” by simply changing their environment – they must identify their own role in “who and what they are” (along with where they choose to exist) if a “fresh start” is to occur.

Words describe what one wishes to accomplish…actions define success. We cannot do doing things the same way they have always been done and expect different results. We must intentionally invest our knowledge, talents, and abilities to make ourselves successful AND to contribute to the success of those around us. Meaningful change does not come easily and unless we change who we are, all we can leave behind by running away is how others impact what we wish to become.

DEVELOP YOURSELF TO DEFINE YOUR FUTURE

We should never try to be someone we are not as there is only one you and we should try to make that the best possible alternative in our life as it is the only variable we can truly control. Many individuals feel they must do something (or be something) different to be successful because they are unhappy (discontented, ashamed, embarrassed by or frustrated) with themselves. Unless there is more to be gained by changing, however, than pain to be felt should we NOT change, such corrections rarely prove effective (lasting, foundational, or earth-shattering). People change very little once they have established their basic values, patterns and thought processes…discover what thoughts and actions provide maximum results that require minimal effort. Because people are creatures of habit, it is often easier to leverage accomplishments and proven abilities than it is to envision an emerging future by building upon hopes and dreams in an effort to create a new and different reality. A “well known philosopher” (Dr. Suess) once aptly proclaimed, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." We should seek to become all that we can because WE want that outcome, not because SOMEONE ELSE wants it, or we may have difficulty sustaining the energy level needed to initiate and grow from change.

People often sit back and think about what they have (or do not have), who they are (or who they might wish to be), and what they want to do (or to do differently) as they seek to alter the course of their lives. One must first, however, imagine something as being possible before it can become probable – yet dreams take time, patience, sustained effort, and an individual’s willingness to fail (then learn from it rather than succumbing to it) if we hope to achieve anything more than we have done in the past. Unless (and until) we dream of something different and invest more than passing thoughts in its realization, nothing will change.

While “failure” is not a desired (nor welcome) outcome of the change process, dreamers often recognize that there is a very real possibility they may not achieve immediate success. Robert F. Kennedy once said "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." Individuals who have truly made a difference in this world understand that failure is not the worst thing that might happen to them – failing to try (or refusing to learn from their failure) is far more impactful (and personally devastating). While much intentional thought and deliberate action is required to succeed, individuals making a difference in life recognize that nothing of significance is ever accomplished without having to overcome criticism, conflict and doubt as they move from the established road to a path less travelled. Further, if thoughts are to become reality, the word “impossible” must never be considered. While facts, information and well-considered alternatives are the building blocks of change, when our dreams become real to us – taking on a life of their own as we strive to fulfill the possibilities that they present – the facts do not really matter.  What we BELIEVE we tend to ACHIEVE – it is those things we only wish and hope for (without believing we could ever accomplish them) that often fall to the wayside.

Life is a series of starts and stops – of closed chapters and of new beginnings. If we are to realize change, it is important that we not only recognize the need for altered behavior as we plan for a different outcome but that we also intentionally ACT to make it happen. Knowing the facts and understanding how to make change happen does not ensure transformation. Even if we know what must be done AND recognize our role – realizing the path that must be taken should we choose to leave where we are in pursuit of what we wish to be – we will be run over and left behind if we just sit and consider what the next steps might be rather than moving forward, one tentative step at a time.

During times of change – of altered perspectives and intentional actions that create potential conflict and send us into unchartered waters – many seek to follow individuals more willing to take risks. They hope for the rewards earned by those willing to risk much by hitching their wagons to another’s star. They seek equality rather than equity in the world – often pulling down those who are successful, taking from them the fruits of their labor in an effort to narrow the gap between “those who have and those who have not.”  Think about how much could be accomplished (and achieved) if “those without” would be willing to accept the tools necessary to narrow the gap and learn how to use them to elevate themselves (rather than hoping to have what they feel they deserve handed to them by those who have worked and invested to make a difference). 

Mark Twain once said, "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." We are not “owed” success – we must identify what WE consider to be success before seeking ways that might move us from possibility to probability, then ACT INTENTIONALLY to make our hopes and dreams become reality if we are to experience change. What might be possible if everyone worked towards an elevated goal rather than accepting their current reality as an end?  Imagine the heights we could achieve if all attempted to reach the top of their mountain rather than being content to rest its shadows and the valleys. Think of the dreams that might be brought to fruition if all viewed their present position in life a starting point rather than a destination – a beginning rather than an end. Embrace (without fearing) failure and accept (without hesitation) each opportunity or challenge that enters your life if you seek to transform the dreams you may have into the reality that you can achieve.